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Smell Like An Orc
You may have no trouble smelling like an orc after 12 straight hours of raiding, but if you do, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab is here for you. The company has come out with a line of RPG inspired perfumes. Choose from: Dwarf, Elf, Half-elf, Hafling, Orc, Cleric, Fighter, or Mage and people will not only see that you're a geek, they'll smell it too.
Smell like Steve Ballmer? No thanks.
Cheetos and Mountain Dew. It's what Orcs smell like. It's what Elves smell like. It's the aroma eternal, the olfactory cloak that keeps watch over all gaming tables.
YUCK!
Dwarf: Smells strongly of BO, smoke, and earth
Elf: Smells of BO poorly covered with essential oils
Half-Elf: More BO, less essential oils.
Halfling: BO, but at half strength, with a hint of bacon and eggs.
Orc: 8 times the BO standard, plus the stench of rotten breath.
Cleric: BO covered with incense
Fighter: BO, double strength
Mage: Smells like Brylcreme. Mages can make BO disappear but are clearly at a loss as to what to do with their hair.
which is Mountain Dew.
Chances are they already do.
"Be nice, veer left, and never stop thinking" Iain Banks - Walking On Glass
You're probably thinking of Overgrown Monkey, although I think primates as a whole may be insulted by the very hint of association.
Why should douchey gym rats and coke fiends have all the fun when it comes to smelling different? I don't wanna buy a sports-inspired bottle with a Eurotrash name, but I see nothing wrong with alternative smells.
Wait till they discover fire... (see The Curse of Fatal Death)
Practically speaking, is there any other scent worth considering?
To wit, the scent of failure.
http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com/rpg.html
Link to the actual site rather than BoingBoing.
Countless stories have been written about these races, all of them slightly rehashed with a few small combinations changed but largely the races characteristics and their appearance have largely remained unchanged in all the media they have been portrayed in. Here at last is something new about these overused boiler plate races.
The smell of each of them is something new, will our mental image of them change after smelling them?
Is thois story related to the previous one "using the International Space Station as a testbed for a human mission to Mars?" Is that where they determined what anorc should smell like?
Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
I'm not a troll! Honest! It's just my new cologne!
When someone says, "Any fool can see
I always play humans in D&D. Why is there no human aroma available?
"Waste not one watt!" - CZ
Calm down, we can smell you just fine already.
Is there an RPG that has a soap and water class?
Pretend there is some witty statement here.
Hello ladies...
Take a look at your man, hunched over the computer monitor,
Now back at me.
Now back you man, who's been playing WoW for two days straight.
Sadly, he isn't me - and will likely never live my envious lifestyle or even own a horse,
But since he's already a hardcore gamer, he may as well smell the part too...
You know, you try to convince people you're just like everyone else, that the stereotypes about geeks aren't true, that you really do know how to talk to girls... Then a story like this one gets out.
#DeleteChrome
They're on to me!
I suffer from attention surplus disorder.
What about half-orcs? Wait, what about trolls? No, wait... what about gnomes?
Besides, classes are mixed with races. A half-elf can be a fighter, a cleric or a mage. That list doesn't make sense to me.
"The body may heal, but the mind is not always so resilient." -- Deus Ex: Human Revolution
$17.50 for 5 ml...You gotta be kiddin' me!!!!
I thought that the idea sounded fun. Hell, the odors themselves might or might not be good but I've got some money to spend and a lot of geek friends... I know those sound like good and fun presents, even if they end up being used only once. So, I went there to buy and... "This vendor ships to US addresses only" DAMMIT, USA customs laws! It's bad enough that I can't buy the caffeinated products (such as blood and potion energy drinks) from thinkgeek but this, too? (Mind you, I can order other products, so it's not a logistics problem)
What is it with your country? Why in hell can't you accept my money?
Ladies. Look at your Orc. Now back to me. Now back to your Orc. Now back to me.
I was sitting at some distance from the screen when I read that headline, and I genuinely thought it said "Smell Like an Oric".
:-)
I thought some enterprising British company had created some weird-ass fragrance that smelled like retro computer plastic or something. Not entirely unlike this or these guys (*)
Smell like an Orc? Not so much. I thought that (a) your stereotype geek was already pretty competent at that, and (b) it wasn't something that would normally be considered desirable.
(*) Disclaimer; the idea is interesting, but I should warn you that the company's own online shop had some absolutely stinking (ahem) reviews for its poor service according to a website I read a few years back. Might have changed since, I don't know.
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
You're a slashdotter. Girls can smell it on you already.
Gamers, take a lesson from the French, who cannot be conquered because they have two ultimate weapons. Their armpits, and garlic.
...and after my mode points expired, too.
Is there a +1 Funny in the house?
Why, without your clothes, you're naked, Miss Dudley!
Lemme guess...fill the bottle with butyric acid, top of with some random aromatic oil...profit!
Why no Ogre scent?
Are you saying you are not actually human IRL?
"Sadly, he isn't me - and will likely never live my envious lifestyle or even own a horse..."
Moo.
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
Unfortunately the Orc scent is just all of the Axe colognes mixed together.
You can do this yourself! You don't need a perfume factory! Smell like a...
Tauren: Worchestershire sauce
Forsaken: "biology experiment" in the 8-month-old milk carton
Gnome: Fukashina (BOO! BOO! TOO SOON!)
Blood Elf: Hairspray. More hairspray. More hairspray than that. Gnarly.
Murloc: Yesterday's sushi
Night Elf: lavender and rose buds, such a horrible scent they be
Worgen: wet dog
Draenei: wet goat
Goblin: newly-minted roll of quarters
Dwarf: sacramental whisky, splashed behind the ears
Troll: ganja! I mean, oregano
Human: plain nonfat unflavored watered down yogurt
Blizz GM: capacitor electrolyte
Everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Or you could just use Axe instead. Much cheaper and easier to get.
It smells like goblins. Eat it?
AccountKiller
In Hungary the gipsy (roma) minority are commonly called orcs, because they are primitive, violent, murderous, too lazy to work and destroy all remnants of culture around them. They smell like spoiled lard and their homes are like pig pens. They shit in the garden or the street, because they are too lazy to dig a pit for an outhouse.
Gipsy are extremely degenerated descendants of the ancient sanskrit aryan warrior tribes, but they were forcibly expelled from northern India circa 1000AD, when the area came under muslim rule. (Gipsy kept stealing even when their hands got severed under sharia law, so muslim merchants could not have peace of mind for the mandatory daily 5 prayers.) Ousted gipsy then travelled into eastern and central Europe by way of decepion and fraud, areas where they are traditionally called tzigane (german shorthand for the phrase "wandering thief").
Hungary has about 800k-1mio gipsies and Romania has above 2.2 million. They are a menace, have minimum 6 children per mother, with huge prevalence of in-breeding so their average IQ is 70-. Italy is expelling illegally immigrated eastern european roma thiefs and fake beggars by the thousands. Large areas of northern Hungary and south-eastern Slovakia are now under gipsy gang rule, who make a sport of murdering elderly white people in robberies and polices dares not to approach them. The pre-WW2 gendarmee that kept gipsy at bay with bayonet rifles and summary shot law no longer exists and jewish-financed libertine parties explicitly encourage a gipsy lifestyle of living off social benefits fraud and criminality.
Gipsy women often beat their belly while pregnant with a wooden block so the baby will be born mentally handicapped and they get extra social benefits from the state. These kids grow up to be beggar pickpockets or violent criminals because their minds are little more than zombie. Slovaks are now forcibly castrating the multiple times convicted gipsy criminals with chemical injection, to prevent the fast-multiplicating orc ethnic from thaking over their country.
In the USA there was a wave of gipsy criminality at the end of 1980s: gipsy posed as political refugees from communist Romania and Hungary, gained entry and specialized in extremely simplistic fraud/theft methods, targeting the most senile elderly people. The FBI then up-rooted them and shipped them back to democratic Romania after 1990. Israel has only 500 gipsy orcs now, even though they accepted over 10k of them from concentration camps after WWII. Gipsy kept stealing and murdering, so the zionists sent them to jail so much, the gipsy eventually left for lands where violent crime and petty theft is better tolerated, like the Arabs.
All in all, you don't need MMORGS to meet a true-to-life orc in real life!
I was sniffing for free samples of bacon cologne, after the Gaelic word"orc". :-(
These people probably have all the Dwarves, Elves, Haflings, Orcs, etc locked up so their smells can be captured. We should save them.
cat