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CDC Warns of Zombie Apocalypse

Posted by Soulskill on from the your-tax-dollars-at-play dept.

scotbuff writes "The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have written an article about preparing for a zombie apocalypse on their blog. The CDC knows that a zombie apocalypse is no joke. 'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.'"

40 of 300 comments (clear)

  1. Damage Control by xMrFishx · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... patient management and [...] infection control

    So, that's the bit with the guns and the fire, right?

    1. Re:Damage Control by betterunixthanunix · · Score: 4, Interesting

      A while ago, I remember seeing an article that explained why a zombie apocalypse would never happen. The point that probably made the most sense is this: America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country. Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

      --
      Palm trees and 8
    2. Re:Damage Control by gman003 · · Score: 2

      The article was this Cracked article ("7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)"), specifically page 7 ("Weapons and the People Who Use Them").

    3. Re:Damage Control by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Informative

      Uh, I know the article you speak of and it was idiotic. BTW, we have 1000s of deer and various other animals starve to death every year in several states and a large amount of predator repopulation. Less than 5% of the nation hunt and it is becoming a serious problem for the animals getting diseased and our safety (as coyotes like the taste of cats, etc).. Half-dead sick animals are the zombies we need to worry about.

    4. Re:Damage Control by DavidTC · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Zombie apocalypses don't make much sense at all, unless zombieism (zombiism?) has a very long incubation period.

      Why? Because zombies are horribly bad carriers of disease.

      Think about what would actually happen. Let's assume some sort of worse case scenario, where zombies managed to overrun a small town or something. Let's say 100 people somehow get infected before people notice, which incidentally is incredibly high. Zombies are not subtle, and surely one of them would attack someone in sight of another person who could flee.

      The word will get out, and at that point it's trivial to stop them from spreading, because zombies are very easy to identify. We'd put up quarantines, and only let the non-undead through.

      Yes, some zombies would slip through, and, yes, they'd infect others, but once anyone actually knew what was happening, it would be common to start greeting people in the distance, 'I'm not a zombie!' 'Me neither!' 'Okay then, come over!'. I can even imagine people come up with some complicated hand waving that zombies don't do, depending on the rules. (Some have a rule that zombies remember stuff they did a lot in life, like open doors, so hand-waving may not work.)

      But seriously, think about it. Zombieism is a great metaphor for a very contagious disease. But it's a rather sucky actual disease within the rules laid out for it. Actual diseases spread because people do not know they are infected, and neither do other people, and go about their business.

      Zombies are obviously infected, and, what's more, don't drive from town to town or visit places by air or anything. Set up a fence already.

      This is why all zombie fiction either starts with the zombies inexplicably already deeply entrenched, or is limited to a small area and over a small span of time, in a place where people are somehow greatly outnumbered by zombies, or have a cause of zombieism that effects a lot of people at once.

      This is because it's nearly impossible to explain the actual spread of them across a large area in any reasonable way. I don't even mean 'the spread unchecked by man', although that would hinder them...but zombies are pretty shitty carriers of disease even when no one's against them.

      Humans have cars, and will quickly leave zombie infested areas, while the zombies go after them. (Even 'fast zombies' can't beat a car.)

      The only way a zombie apocalypse plausibly works is if something beside humans also carries it. Like birds or something.

      --
      If corporations are people, aren't stockholders guilty of slavery?
    5. Re:Damage Control by interkin3tic · · Score: 5, Funny

      Plus every zombie movie I've ever seen (except Shaun of the Dead) the living were fucked over by one fact: they didn't seem to know what zombies were.

      "Oh Jimmy! I thought you were dead! You got hurt though and kind of have an odd vacant expression, let me give you A BIG HUG... OW! Why are you biting me, drooling, and grunting?!? No! Stop! Jimmy, I don't understand! Are you hungry? Oh good, a big crowd of people just showed up to help me.... OH GOD WHY ARE THEY BITING ME TOO?!?! THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!"

      Maybe some people who are so sheltered they've never seen a zombie movie would make that rookie mistake, but the rest of us will be all

      "I'm sorry grandma... well sorry you're dead anyway, but no use crying over spilled milk and I've ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS WITH A CHAINSAW!!!"

    6. Re:Damage Control by Mindcontrolled · · Score: 2, Interesting

      That strongly depends on the parameters of the zombie outbreak. Check this for a full mathematical treatise of zombie epidemiology. Under certain boundary conditions, no hunting skill will save you. Besides, as someone else already stated, hunting does not particularly give you the close quarter skills you gonna need...

      --
      Ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
    7. Re:Damage Control by interkin3tic · · Score: 3, Funny

      A real-life zombie apocalypse would very likely look nothing like the movies.

      You mean they won't be shambling, mindless creatures bent on eating your brains? Wow, those would definitely be the most dangerous zombies of all. You can't tell them apart from normal people!

      Hmm... Better be safe.

      [Fires up chainsaw and starts driving to grandma's house]

    8. Re:Damage Control by rvw14 · · Score: 2

      "When i picture an "american hunter" i picture a middle aged overweight guy in flannel. Not exactly the most swift or agile type of human out there.

      Rule #1: Cardio

    9. Re:Damage Control by Tom · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Where else then? Canada?

      You must be from the US, nobody else on the planet thinks that simple-minded.

      There are large stretches of Africa that are so busy with civil war and other issues that it would be days before an outbreak is even noticed, and something like two or three weeks before it's internationally reported. With zombie numbers growing exponentially, by the time some kind of outside military arrives, you'd already have a local Resident Evil scenario.

      There are areas in Asia that are remote and close to inaccessible. Afghanistan mountains, jungles in Cambodia, northern India, western China, stuff like that. Similar scenario here, with the zombies potentially being able to overrun initial troop deployments because you simply can't airlift them in quickly enough.

      And in both these continents, there are massive cities not far from mountains or jungles.

      --
      Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
    10. Re:Damage Control by PsychoKiller · · Score: 2

      If you like zombie movies, you need to check out Fido.

    11. Re:Damage Control by Unkyjar · · Score: 3, Informative

      Just wanted to point out that Night of the Living Dead didn't need any carriers of disease. Any and every dead corpse on the planet started rising.

    12. Re:Damage Control by Macrat · · Score: 2

      Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

      There's also the fact that most hunters are just waiting for any excuse to shoot their neighbors anyway.

    13. Re:Damage Control by tophermeyer · · Score: 2

      There are large stretches of Africa that are so busy with civil war and other issues that it would be days before an outbreak is even noticed, and something like two or three weeks before it's internationally reported... There are areas in Asia that are remote and close to inaccessible. Afghanistan mountains, jungles in Cambodia, northern India, western China, stuff like that. Similar scenario here, with the zombies potentially being able to overrun initial troop deployments because you simply can't airlift them in quickly enough.

      My zombie thought experiments have always brought me to the opposite conclusion. Considering how remote and sparsely populated many of those regions are, I would think they should be in a good position to survive a zombie outbreak. If a region is as inaccessible as you describe, they shouldn't receive more than a slow trickle of the shambling undead.

      Especially Africa, considering the only thing they have more of than guns is a burning desire to kill outsiders, I think would handle such an outbreak really well. Much of the population is already surviving independently (though at subsistence levels). And most regions are so sparsely populated that unless the infection spread really rapidly (e.g. 28 Days Later) I think most villages would be able to organize to keep a constant watch and handle the small number of zombies they'll face at a time.

    14. Re:Damage Control by shutdown+-p+now · · Score: 2

      One suggestion to the same effect in "zombie apocalypse" themed books by Andrey Kruz is that the virus itself does not make people zombies. They need to get infected and then die (or rather be hurt to the point where brain is still intact, but organism cannot support it), at which point the virus takes over the dead body. Thus, in his scenario, the virus spreads unnoticed for a few days first, and then dead start rising and attacking, causing panic and more deaths - by which time it's already too late to contain anything.

    15. Re:Damage Control by shutdown+-p+now · · Score: 3

      A real-life zombie apocalypse would very likely look nothing like the movies.

      What do you mean, "would"?

  2. Cause of the illness? by CigarBuff · · Score: 2

    If there's a zombie near me, I don't care what caused it. I don't care to find the source of the infection, or develop a cure. I just want it dead. Again.

    Prioritize your work, CDC. Start with cancer and stuff.

    1. Re:Cause of the illness? by 0racle · · Score: 4, Informative

      Disaster planning pretty much always starts with 'a disaster has occurred, what do we do'. However people are very delicate things and would have their feelings hurt if you suggested a real disaster could happen and so to lighten things up a made up disaster is substituted.

      Basically this is the CDC's plan for dealing with a disastrous disease outbreak.

      --
      "I use a Mac because I'm just better than you are."
    2. Re:Cause of the illness? by yahwotqa · · Score: 2

      This is exactly the point of the article. They're using the "cool" zombie apocalypse scenario to push through a message about disaster preparedness. Notice the "this would also help during hurricane, flood or earthquake" addons in nearly every paragraph.

      It's a shrewd idea, actually - more impressionable young americans will read such article with interest than if it was written as a dry "how to prepare for a generic disaster"-type writeup.

    3. Re:Cause of the illness? by mjwx · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Prioritize your work, CDC. Start with cancer and stuff.

      What the CDC is trying to do here, is show Americans how to react in an emergency situation. The Zombie invasion is just there to pique the readers interest.

      A lot of the stuff is not Zombie or even disease specific such as a water requirement. I grew up in the cyclone zone of Australia, a lot of what I read I already knew,
      - stock up on fresh water (fill the bath, every available container)
      - same with tinned food and other non perishables
      - fill up gerry cans
      - have a short wave radio (two way if you've got one) and enough spare batteries
      - know where the evac points are (set by the authorities)
      - Plan a regroup point inside and outside the house with your families.

      A lot of it is common sense which just doesn't get followed. That's what the CDC want to get through to people, in case another natural disaster like Hurricane Katrina happened again because in a disaster zone you may be out of reach of help for several days.

      --
      Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
  3. Best Treatment? by lunchlady55 · · Score: 2

    What do you mean, the best treatment? It better be a discussion of what best severs the spinal cord from a distance or I'll be losing faith in the CDC's ability to handle a zombie apocalypse!

  4. what? no training program? by Mr.Fork · · Score: 2

    Where's the baseball head-splat, and chainsaw training programs for citizens assist in the control of the spread of the disease? Ammo depots? Location to get two-for-one specials for Colt 45's? Bait tactics? how about shot-gun modifications? You know, where to saw off the butt and barrel? And of course, Axe control - how to swing an axe at the head to ensure accuracy? You know, maybe if they created one of those diagram cards like we see on airplanes...that would be good.

    --
    Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. - Peter F. Drucker
  5. Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appeal by PeterM+from+Berkeley · · Score: 5, Insightful

    While the CDC doesn't think that there'll actually be a zombie apocalypse, they do recognize that some really bad scenerios involving contagious disease could happen, and the effect on society could come to resemble that of a zombie apocalypse.

    Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.

    And the CDC is arguably more important than the US Military, and neglected. Which is REALLY a bigger threat to us, the military power of any foreign adversary, or a highly contagious disease that knows no borders?

    At this point I'd like to remind everyone that 44,000 of us die every year from antibiotic resistant germs. Exactly how many of us died in 9/11? 3000? And yet we spend trillions on our military, and... HOW MUCH, on new antibiotic development???

    --PeterM

  6. The end is nigh... by RdeCourtney · · Score: 2

    Well, I guess you've got to be prepared when the big Judgement Day is on Saturday: http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/ Remember only 2 days to the end of the world - so if you're a Christian, then send me your money - money after all is the root of all evil. Therefore by sending me cash or a wire transfer you'll be absolved of your sins on Saturday!

    --
    Insert signature here...
  7. Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this? by bmo · · Score: 4, Insightful

    You obviously didn't read the article.

    It has some sensible disaster preparedness stuff in it. Just because it references popular culture doesn't mean it's a waste of money.

    Government documents are boring enough as they are.

    --
    BMO

  8. Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this? by Swanktastic · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Personally, I think it's brilliant. Someone out there was assigned the job of getting as many people as possible to read some really boring emergency preparedness webpage, and they succeeded a million times over. It's on the front page of the WSJ.

  9. Re:Much like any other outbreak? by jollyreaper · · Score: 5, Funny

    Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?

    Usually we call it religion.

    --
    Kwisatz Haderach
    Sell the spice to CHOAM
    This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
  10. Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this? by LordStormes · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The reason for this should be clear - has ANYONE here read a disaster preparedness article in the last 3-4 years? Probably not. This got the post on the front page of Google News, /., CNN, and countless other news sites. The page was "Slashdotted" all afternoon. How many people got educated about what to do in a disaster because they thought, "Oh, zombies, lulz!" I know I did. This stunt got them more exposure than $25 million in advertising could. I'd MUCH prefer that our government do cheap and more effective things whenever possible (especially when I get a laugh as a bonus), as opposed to tossing money everywhere for no effect.

  11. Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this? by skids · · Score: 2

    Hey what's your TMI score?

    Seriously, for reasons adequately described by the other replies to your post, seek treatment.

    --
    Someone had to do it.
  12. No Shotgun?!? by Tim12s · · Score: 2

    First article i've actually read fully before posting...

    Under emergency kit I was expecting to find at least a shotgun listed.

  13. Re:Just die already by Sinthet · · Score: 2

    You could say its become a somewhat zombified!

  14. Re:probably just cover it up by Wyatt+Earp · · Score: 2

    If Patient Zero was the result of DoD or CIA experiments they'd shoot Patient Zero in the head and incinerate Patient Zero.

  15. Re:Much like any other outbreak? by Opportunist · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yup. And the whole thing matches perfectly. I mean, let's compare the symptoms of zombification and religiousness:

    Aggressive behaviour towards people with brains? Yup.
    Mindless repetition of the same utterances? Yup.
    Congregation with other diseased? Yup.

    My friend, I guess you're on the right track here.

    --
    We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
  16. Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe by pudding7 · · Score: 2

    Yes. Let's make their work a "for profit" exercise. Good idea.

  17. Re:Just die already by somersault · · Score: 4, Funny

    Tbh I thought it had already died, but somehow it's come back.

    --
    which is totally what she said
  18. Discrimination Lawsuit by NicknamesAreStupid · · Score: 2

    I see it coming any minute -- some lawyer is going to say Zombies are a protected class and the government is showing prejudice. A lot of undead are going to get rich off this, if they file to be part of the claimant pool (a.k.a. undead pool). Of course, Zombies are notorious slackers when it comes to paperwork. So, lawyers will get most of the award yet again.

  19. Re:CDC is not the best source of ... information. by snikulin · · Score: 2

    Or we can assume that the CDC is already infected by zombies.

  20. Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe by monoqlith · · Score: 2

    Wow, that's not true at all. In the worst case scenario of human deadliness, they're about equal. In any other case, I'd put my money on nature for mass destruction every time.

    World War II killed over 60 million people. The 1918 flu epidemic killed between 50 and 100 million people. Bacterial infections can be equivalently (or more) deadly: The bubonic plague in Europe killed 75 million people. If you add up all of the dead from all of the military conflicts in history and compare it to "acts of God" , I'm pretty sure nature would come out on top (it would have had to, in order for us to evolve so quickly.)

    I'd say we should be putting at least the same amount of money into pathogen defense as we do into military defense.

  21. Re:Much like any other outbreak? by femtobyte · · Score: 5, Informative

    I think the technical term you are looking for is "transmutation" or "transubstantiation" rather than "transfiguration." In the Christian context, "transfiguration" refers to an event where Jesus ascended a mountain with his disciples, shone with a bright light, conversed with (famous, deceased) prophets Moses and Elijah, and was declared to be God's son by a voice from the heavens.

    While I do not believe in transubstantiation, and consider it to be a silly idea, it is not silly for the reason that you (and many ill-informed Christian-bashers) appear to believe. The language and understanding of transubstantiation is based on the technical language of Aristotle's philosophy and metaphysics. The "substance" that is purportedly changed when bread and wine are "converted" to the body and blood of Christ does not refer to the outward material form of the foodstuffs, but rather to inner "true" properties (a technical distinction in Aristotle's terminology that does not make sense in the context of other, more common modern metaphysical views). The outward form remains bread-y and wine-y; the Christian receiving the sacraments does not expect the bread to taste any more meaty or the wine any more bloody than regular. The reason that transubstantiation was rejected by Luther in the Protestant Reformation was precisely because of this reliance on finicky Aristotelian metaphysics (which was not biblically supported, nor self-evidently sensible), rather than due to the ridiculousness of bread materially transforming into human flesh, which no Christians (Roman Catholic or Protestant) actually believed in.

  22. Re:Much like any other outbreak? by Culture20 · · Score: 2

    Don't forget that there are some Christians out there who take the transfiguration literally and actually believe they are eating flesh and drinking blood. Granted, it looks like bread (or Styrofoam) and watered-down wine respectively, but if you take them at their word...

    The Romans did. Cannibalism was at the top of the list of crimes of the early church, along with atheism (not worshiping the gods of Rome) and orgies (love feasts).