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CDC Warns of Zombie Apocalypse
scotbuff writes "The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have written an article about preparing for a zombie apocalypse on their blog. The CDC knows that a zombie apocalypse is no joke. 'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.'"
... patient management and [...] infection control
So, that's the bit with the guns and the fire, right?
I, for one, welcome our quarantined overlords!
Grammar nazis are to this community what excrements are to gold.
When I understand various Hollywood products correctly this would only affect the US and maybe Transylvania.
"The likes of Facebook and WhatsApp are free to those whose privacy is of zero value."
If there's a zombie near me, I don't care what caused it. I don't care to find the source of the infection, or develop a cure. I just want it dead. Again.
Prioritize your work, CDC. Start with cancer and stuff.
What do you mean, the best treatment? It better be a discussion of what best severs the spinal cord from a distance or I'll be losing faith in the CDC's ability to handle a zombie apocalypse!
Surely now that the terminally unhip people at the CDC are using zombies it means that this meme is dead, and we can move on to another right?
I like how "...and how patients can be treated." falls at the very end.
Where's the baseball head-splat, and chainsaw training programs for citizens assist in the control of the spread of the disease? Ammo depots? Location to get two-for-one specials for Colt 45's? Bait tactics? how about shot-gun modifications? You know, where to saw off the butt and barrel? And of course, Axe control - how to swing an axe at the head to ensure accuracy? You know, maybe if they created one of those diagram cards like we see on airplanes...that would be good.
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. - Peter F. Drucker
Isn't this zombie-mania past its prime yet? It was funny for a while, but now it's just overplayed.
:wq
Monster Talk had the author of the Zombie Autopsies on for a fun chat about zombies. Monster Talk (podcast) is a skeptic's look at the science of cryptids and popular monsters. Their position is they love the monsters and the stories even if they don't believe in them and use the premise as a means of going into the science. Talk of the Loch Ness monster leads to plesiosaurs, their evolutionary history, and all the reasons there couldn't possibly be a breeding population surviving in the lake.
I didn't know about the Zombie Autopsies until I heard this show and I plan on checking it out. Hopefully it'll be the best bit of Zombie fiction since World War Z.
thezombieautopsies.com/
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
A tweet is one thing. An entire blog seems a bit over-the-top for dicking-off. Especially in these times.
boycott slashdot February 10th - 17th check out: altSlashdot.org
While the CDC doesn't think that there'll actually be a zombie apocalypse, they do recognize that some really bad scenerios involving contagious disease could happen, and the effect on society could come to resemble that of a zombie apocalypse.
Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.
And the CDC is arguably more important than the US Military, and neglected. Which is REALLY a bigger threat to us, the military power of any foreign adversary, or a highly contagious disease that knows no borders?
At this point I'd like to remind everyone that 44,000 of us die every year from antibiotic resistant germs. Exactly how many of us died in 9/11? 3000? And yet we spend trillions on our military, and... HOW MUCH, on new antibiotic development???
--PeterM
Won't someone think of the rabid zombie children?!?
- None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
When Jesus Christ returns this Saturday, the world's only confirmed zombie will be un-undead, solving the only known source of the problem.
So the CDC is a little late with its contribution, here.
If "patient 0" was was the result of DoD, DoE, CIA, or corporate experiments, they'd probably cover that up and blame it on "terrorists", 'specially if they could cover up human experimentation in some minor country, like, say, Costa Rica.
Well, I guess you've got to be prepared when the big Judgement Day is on Saturday: http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/ Remember only 2 days to the end of the world - so if you're a Christian, then send me your money - money after all is the root of all evil. Therefore by sending me cash or a wire transfer you'll be absolved of your sins on Saturday!
Insert signature here...
After RTFA, it seems not so much that they prepare and believe zombies to be a threat, but more like page on that you should prepare for emergencies. And, maybe a bit lame, they choose a popular theme to explain how you should prepare as well as what the CDC is for.
Ok, that was reality, let's get back at poking fun at CDC
---
I'm sure I saw this on a TV show not long ago ... and by the time the good guys got to the CDC, they realized that had been wiped out too. Can't remember the name of the show at the moment.
Now, my next question ... is WTF is the CDC doing talking about the zombie apocalypse? Or is this just a cleverly disguised way of giving real emergency preparedness instructions and using social networking?
That's just plain bizarre. Possibly quite clever, but definitely bizarre.
Lost at C:>. Found at C.
Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?
Usually we call it religion.
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.
No, if you get bit by a zombie you'll end up un dead
Weapons are fine but make sure you have your handy dandy welder, it seems trivial, but once a scrake sneaks up on you it's all over but the cryin.
May is Zombie Awareness Month.
( Well, actually, there are many unofficial dates set, so I observer all of them! )
Zombie Awareness Day is a great time to check your friends and family for bite marks and other tell tale "infected" behavior, and to review & revise your Zombie Plan (Think Fire Escape Plan -- Except that you're prepared to keep running for months after you safely exit the premises).
Which brings me to my next point: It's time to make sure you have your Zombie Preparedness Kit in order -- It's basically a Hurricane or Earthquake preparedness kit, with more shotguns and shells.
Remember -- "Shoot it in the head, it stays dead.", and have a Happy Zombie Awareness Month!
I've read the ZSG twice and I think I'm pretty well prepared. With the FA the bureaucrats over at CDC just want to cover their asses, there is little useful advise in the FA, no discussion of stockpiling weapons and ammo, nothing about preparing a retreat. In reality when ZA happens all kinds of government will be the first to go. Better get yourself a copy of the ZSG and read it cover to cover, including "Living in the undead world" chapter.
US-UK-Israel: The real Axis of Evil
I am disappointed that the list of items to keep in your emergency kit doesn't include a shotgun and a box of 12 ga. zombie repellent. Clearly they are not taking this seriously.
More music, fewer hits
uhmm well: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html
First article i've actually read fully before posting...
Under emergency kit I was expecting to find at least a shotgun listed.
Right, because his modding you down is totally the equivalent of an 'attack', thereby proving your point with some kind of twisted internet atheist troll logic. If anything, you should have been modded Flamebait or Troll, as your response to your moderation gives a pretty good indication that was the intent of the post.
Did you ever see the miniseries The Stand (or read the book, but I haven't)? Trying to break protocol and breach quarantine to save yourself because you believe you're not infected is almost as bad as trying to eat someone's brains.
Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?
Greed.
Imagine what would happen if someone walking into a crowded mall, held up a lottery ticket and said "here is the $100,000,000 winning lottery ticket".
I am willing to bet that some else will walk away with said ticket.
Yup. And the whole thing matches perfectly. I mean, let's compare the symptoms of zombification and religiousness:
Aggressive behaviour towards people with brains? Yup.
Mindless repetition of the same utterances? Yup.
Congregation with other diseased? Yup.
My friend, I guess you're on the right track here.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
Because I really don't see the point to this.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
FTFA:
my personal favorite is Resident EvilExternal Web Site Icon
Huh, I guess that must be the name of the next RE movie. Sounds interesting though. I wonder if they're going to have a Slashdot zombie. Maybe it will shun the outside, and refuse to leave its mother's basement, and still cry for brains.
// file: mice.h
#include "frickin_lasers.h"
Maybe not the streets, but they are definitely roaming the governments of pretty much every nation.
Damn straight. If something remotely similar happens, the LAST place I want to be is where a lot of other humans are.
The desert looks very inviting in such moments.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
What do they know that we don't...?
I'd like the people who guard deadly shit to have a psychological profile that comports with being effective at their jobs and not prone to insane outbursts.
IANApsychologist, but I think humor-less and boring people might be prone to snap at some point.
For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares"?
I think they'd crawl away ;)
which is totally what she said
A person trying to kill you is infinitely more dangerous than a virus.
Really? Cause I'd wager you'd be a lot more freaked out by Ebola than a Slashdotter with a hammer.
I am not a crackpot.
Yes. Let's make their work a "for profit" exercise. Good idea.
It looks like they're trying to advert their emergency preparedness campaign, and this is a great creative way to do it.
open source modern art: laser taggi
I agree, and honestly, I was mostly kidding. Having a sense of humor doesn't necessarily detract from the seriousness of people doing their jobs (although it can), and I obviously doubt that the people writing their web content have a direct hand in level 4 bio-containment anyway.
That said, I would like seriousness to be maintained in whatever form most guarantees our safety.
I see it coming any minute -- some lawyer is going to say Zombies are a protected class and the government is showing prejudice. A lot of undead are going to get rich off this, if they file to be part of the claimant pool (a.k.a. undead pool). Of course, Zombies are notorious slackers when it comes to paperwork. So, lawyers will get most of the award yet again.
Or we can assume that the CDC is already infected by zombies.
I'm not too scared of the zombies, but vampires: [30 days of night] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0389722/ that's something to be worried about.
Show me packet captures and log entires, or it never happened.
It's not hard to imagine an infectious disease scenario which really does resemble a zombie outbreak, up to and including biting as a means of infection -- imagine a rabies mutation, for example, which has an incubation period of a week but allows for the host to stay alive for 3-4 weeks. Presumably (like in 28 Days Later) they'd mostly die of starvation or dehydration, presuming that the symptoms of infection prevented most rational survival behavior like drinking and eating.
I'd generally worry more about the secondary effects of any widespread pandemic -- economic disruption, lack of health care resources for every other illness, and the general panic that would ensue (public trust is bad now, when you think death and illness are lurking, look out).
The CDC and other public health authorities create some of their own problems by casting political issues in public health terms (gun control, for example). My sense is they would have fewer problems if they focused on biological illness and didn't stray into gun control, seat belts, and other issues less directly connected to disease. I get the point they and others make on some of the issues related to food, but many others are tenuous at best and entirely political at worst.
To be fair to the Army, USAMRIID is a pretty big deal and probably has more civilian payback then you think.
"...and how patients can best be treated."
Romero gives the best advice, of course:
I keep telling my men to shoot those things in the head. Head... dead. Anyplace else, those things just twitch.
That green slime had it coming.
Wow, that's not true at all. In the worst case scenario of human deadliness, they're about equal. In any other case, I'd put my money on nature for mass destruction every time.
World War II killed over 60 million people. The 1918 flu epidemic killed between 50 and 100 million people. Bacterial infections can be equivalently (or more) deadly: The bubonic plague in Europe killed 75 million people. If you add up all of the dead from all of the military conflicts in history and compare it to "acts of God" , I'm pretty sure nature would come out on top (it would have had to, in order for us to evolve so quickly.)
I'd say we should be putting at least the same amount of money into pathogen defense as we do into military defense.
It's not completely implausible that something like the Zombie apocolpyse could occur. Rabbies, Syphillius, Toxoplasma Gondii are examples of pathogens known to affect behaviour. If one of these or something similar became much more easily tranmissable and had a rapid and dramatic effect on behaviour you'd have yourself your Zombie apocolypse. Walking undead is of course bollocks.
CDC have actually probably seriously considered this scenario.
After logging in slashdot still does not take you back to the page you were on. It's been that way for 20 years.
Don't forget that there are some Christians out there who take the transfiguration literally and actually believe they are eating flesh and drinking blood. Granted, it looks like bread (or Styrofoam) and watered-down wine respectively, but if you take them at their word...
Double Tap. That's most of what you need to know.
It helps to already have the cardio. (knowing that rule doesn't help so much unless you knew for a while and prepared.)
Rabies.
It often causes animals to attack each other. That is, in fact, how the virus spreads.
It does this by causing inflammation of the brain, resulting in hallucinations, violent actions, paranoia, agitation, often resulting in a period of mania where they can attack randomly. At least in people, and animals seem to suffer basically the same
With people, it's less likely, humans just generally act weird and eventually pass out, but it has been known to occasionally happen with untreated rabies. However, unluckily for the virus, human beings do not usually attack each other with their mouths.
So even if people get that far in the infection, and they're one of the few people who manage to attack someone before falling into a coma, they usually do not manage to spread the disease. Almost no one gets rabies from other people.
If corporations are people, aren't stockholders guilty of slavery?
OK. I think I know what you mean.
For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares"?
uhmm well: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html [cracked.com]
Eh.... I know it's obviously tongue-in-cheek, but that article doesn't really work on its own terms.
Problem is that they give scientifically-plausible reasons about how their bodies can't heal themselves due to damage, their lack of circulation means the cold would damage them, ditto heat (which would cause putrefaction or mummification), maggots would eat them etc.
Yet it relies on accepting the basic premise of the stereotypical zombie- that something that was already in a "dead" and decomposing state would still (somehow) be capable of supporting life, let alone actually moving about in an animated manner. Problem is that if you accept Cracked's analysis- even as an intellectual joke- you can't really then dismiss very similar reasons why zombies shouldn't exist in the first place!
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
I would think they would enlist the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps. Not many people know it, but the US does have a Uniformed Service stuffed full of docotrs and vets. And they do work closely with CDC all the time. Because you know the Surgeon General is a real General. [And yes, I say this a bit tongue in cheek.]
zombie snipers
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Agreed. If Zombism is only a disease, then zombies have rights. It only naturally follows that unless one is about to take a spoon to your brain it would be "murder" to kill one on sight, or possibly criminal to not offer help.
For an interesting take on questions like this check out High School of the Dead.
If thou see a fair woman pay court to her, for thus thou wilt obtain love
yeah, well, but the last one (reason #1) still nails the coffin.
Not the first time I've seen something like this actually. I've heard of a few cases where emergency agencies have run training scenarios based on a zombie apocalypse, not for the likelihood of the event but to get their command personnel thinking outside the conventional scenarios. Pretty valuable IMO given that effective response is not so much dependant on having pre planned scenarios for predictable events as in being able to respond to unexpected ones.
if we are going to consider the cdc's case and talking points, we should also consider what the zombie nation offers us, their motivations and their point of view:
http://zombo.com/
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
Barring that, kill the original infected person.
"'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak."
Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other? We're not dealing with very cooperative patients here.
Greed, envy, wrath...
2nd floor of my office is filled with zombies. But strangely enough, they all kind of disappear around 5PM.
Exception in thread "main" java.lang.NullPointerException at Sig.setCleverSig(Sig.java:42)
How many people were killed in the last year by other people?
How many people died from contagious diseases?
I'm putting my money on that second one being larger.
I am much more likely to die from an inectious disease than from someone intentionally killing me.
Note: I'm not contesting the benefits the US military brings or that without one those chances might reverse. I'm just contesting that "infinitely more dangerous" claim.
Quarantine chillingly recounts an incident in which the CDC is called in to quarantine a zombie outbreak. (Not to be confused with the cDc, which may in fact be responsible for zombie outbreaks.)
Which is REALLY a bigger threat to us, the military power of any foreign adversary, or a highly contagious disease that knows no borders?
The military of an adversary using (or losing control of) highly contagious diseases within our borders. Lets just hope the rogue militant wing of Blackwater doesn't develop the zombiepox.
They already took over. They're planning to defend against an apocalypse of free thinkers, but this is mostly laughed at by the mainstream and believed to be in the realm of fiction and hyperbole. -W
I think the technical term you are looking for is "transmutation" or "transubstantiation" rather than "transfiguration." In the Christian context, "transfiguration" refers to an event where Jesus ascended a mountain with his disciples, shone with a bright light, conversed with (famous, deceased) prophets Moses and Elijah, and was declared to be God's son by a voice from the heavens.
While I do not believe in transubstantiation, and consider it to be a silly idea, it is not silly for the reason that you (and many ill-informed Christian-bashers) appear to believe. The language and understanding of transubstantiation is based on the technical language of Aristotle's philosophy and metaphysics. The "substance" that is purportedly changed when bread and wine are "converted" to the body and blood of Christ does not refer to the outward material form of the foodstuffs, but rather to inner "true" properties (a technical distinction in Aristotle's terminology that does not make sense in the context of other, more common modern metaphysical views). The outward form remains bread-y and wine-y; the Christian receiving the sacraments does not expect the bread to taste any more meaty or the wine any more bloody than regular. The reason that transubstantiation was rejected by Luther in the Protestant Reformation was precisely because of this reliance on finicky Aristotelian metaphysics (which was not biblically supported, nor self-evidently sensible), rather than due to the ridiculousness of bread materially transforming into human flesh, which no Christians (Roman Catholic or Protestant) actually believed in.
... you'll be facing zombie hunters with guns.
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes" - Winston Churchill
http://www.theonion.com/articles/cdc-officials-announce-free-ice-cream-for-everyone,17611/
If Marvel Zombies taught me nothing else: in case of Zombie Apocalypse, eat Galactus.
Don't forget that there are some Christians out there who take the transfiguration literally and actually believe they are eating flesh and drinking blood. Granted, it looks like bread (or Styrofoam) and watered-down wine respectively, but if you take them at their word...
The Romans did. Cannibalism was at the top of the list of crimes of the early church, along with atheism (not worshiping the gods of Rome) and orgies (love feasts).
Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.
So what you're saying is that I should just shoot people who look sick, in case they end up coughing on me.
Important safety tip. Thanks.
Sir,
Do you REALLY think someone is going to invade us and risk nuclear retaliation? I mean, REALLY?
Flip side, with our large military, do you REALLY think we're going to invade Russia? China? Or even India or Pakistan or North Korea? They're all nuclear armed, we're not going to touch them.
The reason for the large military is to project force elsewhere, not self defense.
--PeterM
Folks, it is no coincidence that this information is released the day after The US decides to keep smallpox virus samples "just in case" it is needed. The signs tell that there is a strain of smallpox that produces zombies, and the US government is releasing the necessary information without inciting panic while working on an antidote. People will read this, laugh, but it puts them on alert. Now they notice that a coworker is acting a little strangely and trying to hug them while drooling. And does that look like a head wound?
Be prepared.
the CDC knows full well some vial of this or that they have lying about will cause the first Zombie Apocalypse, and it is they who will come boiling out of their buildings frothing at the mouths for braaaaaaaaaiiiiinz. Don't be mislead! Be part of the truly prepared and ready your scoped crossbows with exploding bolts, drummed semi-auto 12 gauges with BRI sabot slugs, and 42" chainsaws! I saw 28 Days Later and I know what I'm talking about.
Yea, soes we dont think its them that caused it... But we know.... we know...
This sig is not paradoxical or ironic.
the only child of Mr and Mrs U. Luddite. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant before he and my poor mother were infected with the ZomLypse Virus. Due to the special nature of this virus the coroner is unable to provide a death certificate as Mum and Dad are still mobile and have been scene eating out in public quite often. As I witnessed the virus infecting and rapidly taking control of my father he managed to make me aware (through the tics, convulsions, and gnashing of teeth) of a large quantity of gold and gemstones hidden on a local and nearby island. This island is effectively under quarantine and unapproachable through normal channels. I have managed to contact a group known as the A-team and upon prepayment of the agreed sum of $200,000USD they are willing to undertake this very dangerous mission. Your share if you should choose to partake of this once in a lifetime opportunity would be in the region of $10,000,000USD. As a person of honour and integrity I believe that you would happily invest this necessary sum helping to liberate this wealth and to snatch it away from the the heartless, grasping hands of Mammon.
Yours in love,
Uninformed Luddite
The new right fascists are bilingual. They speak English and Bullshit.
Not really the source of choice. When has ever anyone who wanted to show someone in a bad light refrained from deliberately understanding something wrong?
It is, though, not only a matter of the enemies of the Christians. I don't remember if it's dogma or heresy now to think the transformation actually takes place, but some devotees took it literally, too.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
Umbrella Corp. pushing out some PR, as usual.
The authorities have good reason to keep the zombie meme in people's minds. It was originally created to help keep Americans suspicious of collective action and revolutionary ideas. And it still seems to be doing its job 40 years later.
Great so our tax dollars are going to research we don't need. Comon everyone knows, shoot zombies in head don't get bitten and there is no cure. But in all reality zombies are impossible. When it comes down to it the human body is a machine, it requires fuel and lubrication and it's own support systems. When you kill a person they die because the mechanisms of their body can no longer keep going. Hence Zombies being impossible. Without blood carrying oxygen to muscles the muscles won't move etc.
How much is "enough"? For the scale of destruction for which the zombie thing is a metaphor, help isn't going to arrive in for months, if at all. You'd need a big box full of NiMH batteries and a big PVA, a solar thermal water heater and a solar still, since the "zombies" would continue to threaten and you'd prefer to sit tight on your roof rather than go foraging. The solar still is because you will have to recycle your own urine. You still won't have enough food, so eventually you will have to go foraging. You'll need a party of armed men. Has to be men, women argue and have microscopic bladders, and after a while they cause division among men just by being female, which might not be intentional but it still happens. And the men will argue too unless they are fast friends and have trained together with firearms. A group of hunters would probably work. Soldiers would be better. In an armoured vehicle. Two armoured vehicles. With flamethrowers. This is starting to sound like fun.
You make a very good point. I was already working on independent water and power. No I think I had better improve my fencing and get bigger dogs, plus geese and possibly peacocks (peacocks are just slow enough that you keep thinking you can catch one, it should occupy the luckless "zombies" until exhaustion kills them). Luckily guns are banned here in Australia but there is an exemption for landholders.