Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes?

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Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes?

Posted by timothy on Friday May 20, 2011 @03:09PM from the prone-beneath-a-desk-is-best dept.

Okian Warrior writes "Since the rapture is tomorrow (May 21) at 6:00 pm local time (everywhere), I was just wondering: what plans does everyone have? I've got no specific plans for what to do. What will you be doing around 6:00 pm tomorrow?" If you're on the IT staff, you might want to consult this checklist of things to do or not do in the interim.

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Set piles of clothes out by PitaBred · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

I'm planning on setting piles of clothes out on the sidewalk. Should be good for a laugh :)

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My blog. Good stuff (when I remember to update it). Read it.
1. Re:Set piles of clothes out by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 15:15 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  The nasty plan I saw was spare shoes with dry ice in them. Or inflatable... dolls filled with helium let to float into the sky.
At work by Nidi62 · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.

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The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
1. Re:At work by ColdWetDog · 2011-05-20 15:31 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.
  I'll be at work and an apocalypse would be just Business As Usual.
  
  --
  Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
Loaded question! by DWMorse · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

You're just trying to get us to admit that we'll be gearing up to loot our local Frys, Best Buys, and other such electronic appliance stores.

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There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?
Going out on a limb here... by t33jster · 2011-05-20 15:12 · Score: 5, Funny

RTFM. Matthew 24:36.

Even if the world does happen to end tomorrow, it's not because this kook knew it.

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Take off every 'sig' for great justice.
1. Re:Going out on a limb here... by ZaphDingbat · 2011-05-20 15:22 · Score: 5, Informative
  
  Then perhaps you missed the one two verses before that: "I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."
  Perhaps even a little of: "I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." Matthew 16:28.
  Or: "After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever." I Thessalonians 4:17.
  "Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour." I John 2:18
  "This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none..." I Corinthians 7:29.
  "They said to you, 'In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.' These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit." Jude 18-19.
  I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.
2. Re:Going out on a limb here... by jamesh · 2011-05-20 16:07 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.
  We can take some comfort in knowing that if he's right, he'll be the last kook.
3. Re:Going out on a limb here... by the_saint1138 · 2011-05-20 16:39 · Score: 5, Informative
  
  Mod parent informative... Even Jesus didn't know when the rapture was to occur. This guy somehow knows better?
  
  For those who don't want/care to look this up, Matthew 24:36 states (in reference to the rapture) "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." - NIV translation
  
  Unrelated note: For some reason, I mis-read the slashdot headline as "What To Do When the Raptors Come?"
  
  what do you do when the raptors come?
4. Re:Going out on a limb here... by nedlohs · 2011-05-20 19:23 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  I'm as sure that tomorrow isn't the rapture as I am that the Moon won't sponteneously turn into cheese tomorrow, and that my house won't become a monster and eat the local children tomorrow, and that the sun won't go supernova tomorrow, and that 1+1 will still equal 2 tomorrow.
  Yes I could be wrong on any of those, but if you are going to say I can't be "sure", then the word is meaningless since no one can be sure of anything.
5. Re:Going out on a limb here... by rgbatduke · 2011-05-21 06:27 · Score: 5, Informative
  
  Superb example of Bayesian reasoning and the application of maximum entropy! Bravo!
  
  The real problem isn't Harold Whacko. The problem is cognitive dissonance. Even though he will be proven wrong -- again -- in a little over three and a half hours (or less -- I would guess that the Bible doesn't account for EDT) will his followers, the ones who have showered him with money, go "Gee, were we dumb! We actually believed this crazy loon!"? No, instead they will find a way of making the non-event into the event, or they will start rumors of some people disappearing, and pretty soon all of them will "know" somebody that was taken up, and then there will be an after the last minute second chance or the good news that Jesus decided not to end the Universe after all because of the faith of Harold's followers.
  
  Leon Festinger observed all of this, documented it, and named it way back in the 60's, and it is what keeps religion alive in spite of the lack of evidence, in spite of the positive evidence that they are wrong, that their predictions are false, that their theistic scripture is a collection of lies and myths, that many of those that preach it are con artists who suck the blood of the gullible.
  
  rgb
  
  --
  Even when the experts all agree, they may well be mistaken. --- Bertrand Russell.
The Brain by chill · 2011-05-20 15:14 · Score: 5, Funny

The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky -- try to take over the world!

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Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
HR gets in the way of planning by hawguy · 2011-05-20 15:23 · Score: 5, Funny

My HR department vetoed my plan to survey the IT staff to see if they were expecting to be raptured. Some crap about religious discrimination or something.
Not that I'm worried, I think we're only going to lose one IT guy to Rapture, and no one wants to hang out with him anyway.
Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by LordRobin · 2011-05-20 15:26 · Score: 5, Insightful

This is by far and away the single most hilarious thing about this prediction. Time zones are established by man's laws, yet this heavenly event is supposed to follow them. So let me get this straight:
-- If I live on the border of the Eastern and Central time zones, and see my friends floating into the air, and I don't want to go yet (because I want to tweet to everybody about what I saw), I can run a few feet to the east, and God will grant me 60 more minutes on Earth?
-- Will God start the Rapture in Venezuela 30 minutes before the rest of South America?
-- What about the International Date Line? Will some islands have to wait a full day to be raptured?
-- And God respects Daylight Savings Time too?
That last one makes me think... Y'know, if God is bound to obey the local time set by the local laws of the local humans, what's to stop a government from passing a law turning the clocks ahead one hour precisely one minute after 5:59 PM? No rapture for you, comades!
------RM
Re:I live in Vegas so by DJRumpy · 2011-05-20 15:27 · Score: 5, Funny

Last Post!
Visiting rapturefail.org by g_adams27 · 2011-05-20 15:27 · Score: 5, Insightful

Visiting and/or updating rapturefail.org, and hoping that Harold Camping's followers take to heart the open letter on that site:

Many of you will be tempted to go back to the scriptures in search of new clues for a new date. Let me plead with you to consider instead the importance of solid, basic, principles of reading and interpreting the Bible and stop looking for hidden or secret “truths.” In particular, let me encourage you always to be suspect of any major emphases in any person’s teachings that are founded on allegorical teachings. In particular, be very careful around those who push numerological interpretations. Numerology has some basis in truth, but it is highly subjective and should be approached very humbly, very cautiously, and definitely with a “less-is-more” attitude. The Bible is not a puzzle to be unraveled or a set of hidden numerical clues. What God says He says openly. Live in the clear passages of the Bible and be very suspect of those who claim to have discovered major truths in some of the more obscure portions.
Its good to know an Atheist by hedgemage · 2011-05-20 15:28 · Score: 5, Funny

I am a follower of "that Jesus guy" and while I am very skeptical of the prediction, I made sure to ask an atheist friend of mine to feed my cat after I ascend. I mean, it would be pretty dickish of me to leave my cat to starve, wouldn't it? After all, it will only be for 6 months until the complete end of the world.
Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 15:58 · Score: 5, Funny

Time zones are established by man's laws, yet this heavenly event is supposed to follow them. So let me get this straight
Our product follows proper internationalization guidelines. We do also have full Unicode support.

-- If I live on the border of the Eastern and Central time zones, and see my friends floating into the air, and I don't want to go yet (because I want to tweet to everybody about what I saw), I can run a few feet to the east, and God will grant me 60 more minutes on Earth?
Yes. You can actually can get a full day if you're fast. Think of it like a consolation prize.

-- Will God start the Rapture in Venezuela 30 minutes before the rest of South America?
Yes, if there's a Christian Anglo Saxon expat there. Otherwise it'll be skipped like the rest.

-- What about the International Date Line? Will some islands have to wait a full day to be raptured?
Yes.

-- And God respects Daylight Savings Time too?
Unfortunately this feature is not supported on this version.

Y'know, if God is bound to obey the local time set by the local laws of the local humans, what's to stop a government from passing a law turning the clocks ahead one hour precisely one minute after 5:59 PM? No rapture for you, comades!
This will show up as a bug in our issue tracking system and the responsible will be sent to hell manually. Also, additional charges will be billed against your account.
Hope this helps,
Vijay
Heaven Customer Service Representative.
Goin' fishin' by chebucto · 2011-05-20 16:18 · Score: 5, Funny

This time, no size limits, and screw the limit.

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The English word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary.
Re:I live in New Zealand so... by black3d · 2011-05-20 16:42 · Score: 5, Funny

Ditto - I used the opportunity to rush out and buy packs of ciggies and condoms to stuff into my pockets. I'm guessing both are in short supply in heaven. ^^

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"The true measure of a person is how they act when they know they won't get caught." - DSRilk
Re:I live in Japan so... by telekon · 2011-05-20 16:52 · Score: 5, Funny

Pfft... Everyone knows God calculates the rapture as a 32-bit unsigned int representing seconds since beginning of epoch UTC. So, sometime before 2038, obviously, but 'local time'? Please.

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To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
Re:I live in New Zealand so... by nanospook · 2011-05-20 16:59 · Score: 5, Funny

It's only 10 minutes away for me! No WAIT! My clock is wro

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Have you fscked your local propeller head today?
Re:Finding people... by Black+Parrot · 2011-05-20 17:20 · Score: 5, Funny

Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.
Or even bester, ask them why they're still here and your Hindu friends aren't.

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Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
Re:I live in New Zealand so... by black3d · 2011-05-20 18:10 · Score: 5, Funny

UPDATE: I didn't get raptured, but on the plus side - I now have party supplies. Ladies?

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"The true measure of a person is how they act when they know they won't get caught." - DSRilk