Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes?

I live in Vegas so by makubesu · 2011-05-20 15:10 · Score: 4, Funny

I'll probably have to check the internet to see if it actually happened tomorrow night.

Re:I live in Vegas so by DJRumpy · 2011-05-20 15:27 · Score: 5, Funny

Last Post!
Re:I live in Vegas so by morari · 2011-05-21 01:38 · Score: 3, Insightful

The Rapture? I'd celebrate finally be rid of all of those self-righteous assholes. If only I could wake up one day and hear "all of the religious nut jobs disappeared today", I'd be a happy person.

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"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing." --Paul Atreides, Dune

Set piles of clothes out by PitaBred · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

I'm planning on setting piles of clothes out on the sidewalk. Should be good for a laugh :)

--
My blog. Good stuff (when I remember to update it). Read it.

Re:Set piles of clothes out by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 15:15 · Score: 5, Funny

The nasty plan I saw was spare shoes with dry ice in them. Or inflatable... dolls filled with helium let to float into the sky.
Re:Set piles of clothes out by houghi · 2011-05-20 17:20 · Score: 4, Interesting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1F1OpRxY-k
That should scare the living hell out of people if you have enough.

--
Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.
Re:Set piles of clothes out by Chris+Mattern · 2011-05-21 02:18 · Score: 4, Informative

Actually, yes, most fundamentalists believe you will be naked in Heaven. However, there will be no lascivious thoughts because that sort of nastiness just doesn't happen in Heaven.

At work by Nidi62 · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.

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The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil

Re:At work by ColdWetDog · 2011-05-20 15:31 · Score: 5, Funny

I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.
I'll be at work and an apocalypse would be just Business As Usual.

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Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!

Killing zombies by saleenS281 · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 4, Funny

I will be killing zombies. With fire. Just brushed up on my cardio and stocked up on twinkies so I think I'm legit.

Loaded question! by DWMorse · 2011-05-20 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

You're just trying to get us to admit that we'll be gearing up to loot our local Frys, Best Buys, and other such electronic appliance stores.

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There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?

Going out on a limb here... by t33jster · 2011-05-20 15:12 · Score: 5, Funny

RTFM. Matthew 24:36.

Even if the world does happen to end tomorrow, it's not because this kook knew it.

--
Take off every 'sig' for great justice.

Re:Going out on a limb here... by ZaphDingbat · 2011-05-20 15:22 · Score: 5, Informative

Then perhaps you missed the one two verses before that: "I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."
Perhaps even a little of: "I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." Matthew 16:28.
Or: "After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever." I Thessalonians 4:17.
"Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour." I John 2:18
"This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none..." I Corinthians 7:29.
"They said to you, 'In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.' These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit." Jude 18-19.
I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by jamesh · 2011-05-20 16:07 · Score: 5, Funny

I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.
We can take some comfort in knowing that if he's right, he'll be the last kook.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by mellon · 2011-05-20 16:16 · Score: 3, Insightful

This "nobody knows the day and hour" stuff is about your own death. People make it be about armageddon and rapture because that's more abstract, less personal, and hence easier to face.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by gandhi_2 · 2011-05-20 16:23 · Score: 3, Informative

To be fair, most people who are sure that tomorrow ISN'T the rapture have exactly the same amount of evidence behind them as those who think it IS.

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THL phish sticks
Re:Going out on a limb here... by the_saint1138 · 2011-05-20 16:39 · Score: 5, Informative

Mod parent informative... Even Jesus didn't know when the rapture was to occur. This guy somehow knows better?

For those who don't want/care to look this up, Matthew 24:36 states (in reference to the rapture) "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." - NIV translation

Unrelated note: For some reason, I mis-read the slashdot headline as "What To Do When the Raptors Come?"

what do you do when the raptors come?
Re:Going out on a limb here... by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 16:39 · Score: 3, Interesting

You missed the original question(s).
They asked him what they thought was one question (with several parts.) They thought these things would happen at the same time.
He gave an answer with several parts - because these things (didn't/wouldn't) happen at the same time.
Ever since then, people have let themselves be confused by that.
The important thing isn't when the world will end for everybody.
The end of the world for the individual is more significant.
And more importantly, how did the individual live his/her life.
Was it a good life or selfish one?
There is an even more important question, but I see your mind is already made up.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by ceoyoyo · 2011-05-20 17:49 · Score: 3, Informative

Yes, books that tell you how to live your life should always be written in such a way that they are unclear and require lots of interpretation, preferably by highly trained specialists. Because there's no way THAT system could be abused. God is so wise!
Re:Going out on a limb here... by astrodoom · 2011-05-20 19:22 · Score: 4, Informative

"I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."
You should probably read the section before that. At the beginning of the chapter, Jesus said in reference to the temple that not one stone would be left on another. The disciples then asked him when these things would happen, and he proceeded into a rather lengthy explanation with one "rabbit trail" into the end times to address/correct the idea that Jews thought the end of the world would come when the temple was destroyed. He then wrapped it up by answering their initial question of when the prophecy about the temple would come to pass. The structure of the passage makes a lot of sense when you think of the flow of a conversation. People tend to not really look at the surrounding text when talking about this verse and instead take it out of the context of the conversation, a dangerous practice albeit a common one on both sides.
FYI, destruction of the temple was around 70 A.D. Within the timing of the current generation prophecy.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by nedlohs · 2011-05-20 19:23 · Score: 5, Insightful

I'm as sure that tomorrow isn't the rapture as I am that the Moon won't sponteneously turn into cheese tomorrow, and that my house won't become a monster and eat the local children tomorrow, and that the sun won't go supernova tomorrow, and that 1+1 will still equal 2 tomorrow.
Yes I could be wrong on any of those, but if you are going to say I can't be "sure", then the word is meaningless since no one can be sure of anything.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by DRMShill · 2011-05-21 01:02 · Score: 4, Insightful

I remember this verse quite well from Christian school. And the following verses: And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. All these [are] the beginning of sorrows. These are often quoted as signs of the Apocalypse. The thing is these events have occurred on a regular basis since the dawn of time so they really aren't very good signs. I don't think Jesus and his apostles were that stupid so I can only conclude that this section really should have been written in Sarcastica. I kind of imagine it going like this: Apostle: When will you return. Jesus: None of your God Damn Business. That's when. Apostole: Come on tell us. Please!! Jesus: (rolls eyes and groans, then says in his best Dr. House mocking tone) Okay I'll give you the signs. There will be wars! Men will do anything for sex and money! People in power will screw over their subjects!! Apostole: OK Jesus, I was just asking. You don't need to be an ass about it.
Re:Going out on a limb here... by rgbatduke · 2011-05-21 06:27 · Score: 5, Informative

Superb example of Bayesian reasoning and the application of maximum entropy! Bravo!

The real problem isn't Harold Whacko. The problem is cognitive dissonance. Even though he will be proven wrong -- again -- in a little over three and a half hours (or less -- I would guess that the Bible doesn't account for EDT) will his followers, the ones who have showered him with money, go "Gee, were we dumb! We actually believed this crazy loon!"? No, instead they will find a way of making the non-event into the event, or they will start rumors of some people disappearing, and pretty soon all of them will "know" somebody that was taken up, and then there will be an after the last minute second chance or the good news that Jesus decided not to end the Universe after all because of the faith of Harold's followers.

Leon Festinger observed all of this, documented it, and named it way back in the 60's, and it is what keeps religion alive in spite of the lack of evidence, in spite of the positive evidence that they are wrong, that their predictions are false, that their theistic scripture is a collection of lies and myths, that many of those that preach it are con artists who suck the blood of the gullible.

rgb

--
Even when the experts all agree, they may well be mistaken. --- Bertrand Russell.

The Brain by chill · 2011-05-20 15:14 · Score: 5, Funny

The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky -- try to take over the world!

--
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.

Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by saleenS281 · 2011-05-20 15:17 · Score: 3, Funny

Because God created timezones, duh!

HR gets in the way of planning by hawguy · 2011-05-20 15:23 · Score: 5, Funny

My HR department vetoed my plan to survey the IT staff to see if they were expecting to be raptured. Some crap about religious discrimination or something.

Not that I'm worried, I think we're only going to lose one IT guy to Rapture, and no one wants to hang out with him anyway.

Finding people... by bky1701 · 2011-05-20 15:24 · Score: 4, Funny

...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"

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Great Intellect...

Re:Finding people... by jamesh · 2011-05-20 16:32 · Score: 3, Funny

Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.
Re:Finding people... by Black+Parrot · 2011-05-20 17:20 · Score: 5, Funny

Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.
Or even bester, ask them why they're still here and your Hindu friends aren't.

--
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade

Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by LordRobin · 2011-05-20 15:26 · Score: 5, Insightful

This is by far and away the single most hilarious thing about this prediction. Time zones are established by man's laws, yet this heavenly event is supposed to follow them. So let me get this straight:

-- If I live on the border of the Eastern and Central time zones, and see my friends floating into the air, and I don't want to go yet (because I want to tweet to everybody about what I saw), I can run a few feet to the east, and God will grant me 60 more minutes on Earth?
-- Will God start the Rapture in Venezuela 30 minutes before the rest of South America?
-- What about the International Date Line? Will some islands have to wait a full day to be raptured?
-- And God respects Daylight Savings Time too?

That last one makes me think... Y'know, if God is bound to obey the local time set by the local laws of the local humans, what's to stop a government from passing a law turning the clocks ahead one hour precisely one minute after 5:59 PM? No rapture for you, comades!

------RM

Visiting rapturefail.org by g_adams27 · 2011-05-20 15:27 · Score: 5, Insightful

Visiting and/or updating rapturefail.org, and hoping that Harold Camping's followers take to heart the open letter on that site:

Many of you will be tempted to go back to the scriptures in search of new clues for a new date. Let me plead with you to consider instead the importance of solid, basic, principles of reading and interpreting the Bible and stop looking for hidden or secret “truths.” In particular, let me encourage you always to be suspect of any major emphases in any person’s teachings that are founded on allegorical teachings. In particular, be very careful around those who push numerological interpretations. Numerology has some basis in truth, but it is highly subjective and should be approached very humbly, very cautiously, and definitely with a “less-is-more” attitude. The Bible is not a puzzle to be unraveled or a set of hidden numerical clues. What God says He says openly. Live in the clear passages of the Bible and be very suspect of those who claim to have discovered major truths in some of the more obscure portions.

Its good to know an Atheist by hedgemage · 2011-05-20 15:28 · Score: 5, Funny

I am a follower of "that Jesus guy" and while I am very skeptical of the prediction, I made sure to ask an atheist friend of mine to feed my cat after I ascend. I mean, it would be pretty dickish of me to leave my cat to starve, wouldn't it? After all, it will only be for 6 months until the complete end of the world.

Re:Im going to be jerking off by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 15:30 · Score: 3, Funny

It's the Rapture. I don't know, it just seems like we should do something out of the ordinary for once.

I have bellsprouts planted outside my house by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 15:31 · Score: 3, Funny

to shoot peas at any zombies that may approach.

Re:So if this doesn't happen... by captjc · 2011-05-20 15:31 · Score: 3, Insightful

No, just that some dude and his followers are whack-jobs.

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Slow Down Cowboy! It's been 1 hour, 47 minutes since you last successfully posted a comment

Googling "Pre-Rapture Suicide Methods" by Greyfox · 2011-05-20 15:41 · Score: 4, Funny

Over and over, trying to get it on trends. That'd be good for a laugh.

--

I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?

Re:Make the story end by Chuq · 2011-05-20 15:48 · Score: 3, Informative

The sad thing is some people *are* arranging their finances on such a decision...

http://www.npr.org/2011/05/07/136053462/is-the-end-nigh-well-know-soon-enough (Search for "Martinez", about 1/2 way down)

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- Chuq

Getting Laid by NicknamesAreStupid · 2011-05-20 15:54 · Score: 3, Funny

I am going to guarantee that at least one person will be in rapture tomorrow.

Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 15:58 · Score: 5, Funny

Time zones are established by man's laws, yet this heavenly event is supposed to follow them. So let me get this straight

Our product follows proper internationalization guidelines. We do also have full Unicode support.

-- If I live on the border of the Eastern and Central time zones, and see my friends floating into the air, and I don't want to go yet (because I want to tweet to everybody about what I saw), I can run a few feet to the east, and God will grant me 60 more minutes on Earth?

Yes. You can actually can get a full day if you're fast. Think of it like a consolation prize.

-- Will God start the Rapture in Venezuela 30 minutes before the rest of South America?

Yes, if there's a Christian Anglo Saxon expat there. Otherwise it'll be skipped like the rest.

-- What about the International Date Line? Will some islands have to wait a full day to be raptured?

Yes.

-- And God respects Daylight Savings Time too?

Unfortunately this feature is not supported on this version.

Y'know, if God is bound to obey the local time set by the local laws of the local humans, what's to stop a government from passing a law turning the clocks ahead one hour precisely one minute after 5:59 PM? No rapture for you, comades!

This will show up as a bug in our issue tracking system and the responsible will be sent to hell manually. Also, additional charges will be billed against your account.

Hope this helps,
Vijay
Heaven Customer Service Representative.

Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by hawguy · 2011-05-20 16:02 · Score: 4, Interesting

But Camping's prediction is that the earthquakes will follow the sun... just as man's timezones do:

Harold Camping: Beginning at about 6:00p May 21st in New Zealand there will be a great earthquake. This earthquake will actually follow the Sun and as each timezone reaches 6:00p it too will experience this earthquake.

The timezone is just a convenience to describe when the earthquake will start -- as he says, it will be about 6:00pm, so someone on East side of the timezone will feel it before someone on the West side. Since the earthquakes will follow the sun, then man's definition of "timezone" doesn't matter - whether there are 24 timezones or 36 timezones, the earthquake would still appear to follow the timezones.

There may be many reasons to discredit his prediction, but timezones aren't one of them.

Kool Aide by Anonymous Coward · 2011-05-20 16:17 · Score: 3, Funny

I will be investing a ton in Kool Aide stocks. Should be a killer Monday on the stock market.

Goin' fishin' by chebucto · 2011-05-20 16:18 · Score: 5, Funny

This time, no size limits, and screw the limit.

--
The English word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary.

Re:I live in New Zealand so... by black3d · 2011-05-20 16:42 · Score: 5, Funny

Ditto - I used the opportunity to rush out and buy packs of ciggies and condoms to stuff into my pockets. I'm guessing both are in short supply in heaven. ^^

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"The true measure of a person is how they act when they know they won't get caught." - DSRilk

Re:jacking off by Brucelet · 2011-05-20 16:43 · Score: 3, Funny

Maybe if you took your hand out of your pants you'd have posted in time to actually get first.

Re:I live in Japan so... by telekon · 2011-05-20 16:52 · Score: 5, Funny

Pfft... Everyone knows God calculates the rapture as a 32-bit unsigned int representing seconds since beginning of epoch UTC. So, sometime before 2038, obviously, but 'local time'? Please.

--

To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

Re:I live in New Zealand so... by nanospook · 2011-05-20 16:59 · Score: 5, Funny

It's only 10 minutes away for me! No WAIT! My clock is wro

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Have you fscked your local propeller head today?

Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? by Black+Parrot · 2011-05-20 17:17 · Score: 4, Interesting

The problem I have with this Mayan and other silly calendar based EOD prophecies. Since I was indoctrinated by Roman Catholic values (thanks mom and dad!) one thing I know is that the Caesar occupation of Rome lead to the butchering of our 10month calendar ... October is the 10th month of the year FFS and July and August was introduced out of some need to satisfy a bunch of ancient egotistical usurpers.

Actually January and February were the late additions. The early Roman agricultural year started in March (named after the God of war, of course - this is Rome we're talking about). The Sept- Oct- Nov- Dec- are off because we start our year at (approximately) the solstice rather than the beginning of spring.

July and August were merely renamed.

--
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade

It's really the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! by PixieDust · 2011-05-20 18:01 · Score: 3, Funny

1st Thessalonians 4:16

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

Prepare accordingly

Re:I live in New Zealand so... by black3d · 2011-05-20 18:10 · Score: 5, Funny

UPDATE: I didn't get raptured, but on the plus side - I now have party supplies. Ladies?

--
"The true measure of a person is how they act when they know they won't get caught." - DSRilk

Re:I live in New Zealand so... by hairyfeet · 2011-05-20 21:11 · Score: 3, Insightful

As a non believer all I have to say is.....can I have your stuff? After all you won't be needing it, right? Oh and as a common courtesy please clear all nasty porn from your PCs, although feel free to leave the lesbian gangbangs and be sure to label the folder as "Tools and Utilities" so my GF won't find it. Thanks!

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ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.

Re:prediction by bondsbw · 2011-05-21 00:00 · Score: 4, Interesting

As a Christian, I say mod parent up.

The problem with these people is that they won't stop believing, because this really won't prove the Bible untrue. Which would mean that this isn't unambiguously predicted by the Bible. So then, what's this all about... fame? Money?

My beliefs have nothing to do with attempting to gain fame or money by (ab)using my faith or my position. My evangelism starts and ends with my telling you my beliefs, and my hope that you'll at least entertain the ideas... but there is no expectation that you must listen or change your mind on the spot. For these people, though, they need more... they need to convince the world of their views using scare tactics.

--
All my liberal friends think I'm a conservative, all my conservative friends think I'm a liberal.

Re:I live in New Zealand so... by karnal · 2011-05-21 00:14 · Score: 3, Funny

Tools and Utilities sounds like a folder for the male gangbangs... just saying.

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Karnal

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