Slashdot Mirror
Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes?
Okian Warrior writes "Since the rapture is tomorrow (May 21) at 6:00 pm local time (everywhere), I was just wondering: what plans does everyone have? I've got no specific plans for what to do. What will you be doing around 6:00 pm tomorrow?" If you're on the IT staff, you might want to consult this checklist of things to do or not do in the interim.
I'll probably have to check the internet to see if it actually happened tomorrow night.
I'm planning on setting piles of clothes out on the sidewalk. Should be good for a laugh :)
My blog. Good stuff (when I remember to update it). Read it.
I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for it to be pitted against a slightly greater evil
I will be killing zombies. With fire. Just brushed up on my cardio and stocked up on twinkies so I think I'm legit.
You're just trying to get us to admit that we'll be gearing up to loot our local Frys, Best Buys, and other such electronic appliance stores.
There's a spot in User Info for World of Warcraft account names? Really?
RTFM. Matthew 24:36.
Even if the world does happen to end tomorrow, it's not because this kook knew it.
Take off every 'sig' for great justice.
The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky -- try to take over the world!
Learning HOW to think is more important than learning WHAT to think.
How can it be tied to local time zone? and not just 1 time for all of them?
You still have time to mail me a check. I promise not to bank it until the 23rd :)
You have nothing to lose!
I dream of a nation where a man is not judged by his skin color but by an number assigned by a credit rating agency.
The Zombie Apocalypse happens at the same time! PhilipOfOregon
I'm going to turn my virus scanner off and just enjoy the shit out of the extra speed.
Probably looting the houses of those who disappeared. After all they won't be needing the stuff.
This is the PSAT Rapture tomorrow. The SAT Rapture, according to the (Americas) Mayan Calendar is 2012. There may be some delays and syncronizing tomorrow, but be sure to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Gently reply
I can't handle the crazy porn you get tricked into already... Hell on earth versions will be horrifying!!
trust no one
Lol. See yall in december 2012, worried about the same babble.
I'm going short on holy water.
I think I'll be left behind. I certainly don't want to be 'raptured' with the kind of assholes that believe in that nonsense! So does this mean I shouldn't bother buying new shoes tomorrow?
http://www.acetonestudio.com
Toe to toe
Dancing very close
Barely breathing
Almost comatose
Wall to wall
People hypnotised
And they're stepping lightly
Hang each night in Rapture
Back to back
Sacrailiac
Spineless movement
And a wild attack
Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it's finger popping
Twenty-four hour shopping in Rapture
Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high
DJ's spinnin' are savin' my mind
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
Francois sez fas, Flashe' no do
And you don't stop, sure shot
Go out to the parking lot
And you get in your car and you drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he's got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you're in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin' cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercuries and Subarus
And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' cars
Then, when there's no more cars
You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet
Face to face, dance cheek to cheek
One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don't move too slow, 'cause the man from Mars
Is through with cars, he's eatin' bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
He's gonna eat 'em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
Don't strain your brain, paint a train
You'll be singin' in the rain
I said don't stop, do punk rock
Well now you see what you wanna be
Just have your party on TV
'Cause the man from Mars won't eat up bars when the TV's on
And now he's gone back up to space
Where he won't have a hassle with the human race
And you hip-hop, and you don't stop
Just blast off, sure shot
'Cause the man from Mars stopped eatin' cars and eatin' bars
And now he only eats guitars, get up!
My HR department vetoed my plan to survey the IT staff to see if they were expecting to be raptured. Some crap about religious discrimination or something.
Not that I'm worried, I think we're only going to lose one IT guy to Rapture, and no one wants to hang out with him anyway.
I live in Japan so that magical time is only 6 hours away. I'll be hitting it first, so be sure to follow me on twitter @SoThisIsRapture to find out what you're in store for!
...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
Great Intellect...
... and see if Animal Kingdom can pull off another win.
Silly atheist. Religion doesn't have to be true for people to buy into it. That's the beauty of it. Most Christians would probably shit themselves if it turned out to be true.
Great Intellect...
Visiting and/or updating rapturefail.org, and hoping that Harold Camping's followers take to heart the open letter on that site:
I am a follower of "that Jesus guy" and while I am very skeptical of the prediction, I made sure to ask an atheist friend of mine to feed my cat after I ascend. I mean, it would be pretty dickish of me to leave my cat to starve, wouldn't it? After all, it will only be for 6 months until the complete end of the world.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
You could create a lot of variants if you just randomly drop a word from each one.
It's the Rapture. I don't know, it just seems like we should do something out of the ordinary for once.
to shoot peas at any zombies that may approach.
No, just that some dude and his followers are whack-jobs.
Slow Down Cowboy! It's been 1 hour, 47 minutes since you last successfully posted a comment
Swallow those down, as many as you can, along with fries, and wash it down with icecream shakes.
Fuck systemd. Fuck Redhat. Fuck Soylent, too. Wait, scratch the last one.
6 pm local time is when we've scheduled to end our maintenance time at work tomorrow, replacing the core switch. Huh. I guess it's not going to go so well.
Sorry, everyone. If I'd have known that my work network was in actuality running a virtual instance of the known universe, I wouldn't have ignored all those Kerberos errors. Although in retrospect, a half-ass, thrown together Active Directory environment does explain a lot about the world we live in.
Not withstanding the lack of internal support for such a foolish thing as the rapture from within the insular and circular reasoning of biblical scriptures, nor the aburd levels of improbability that such a thing is even remotely possible--- coupled with the infinite capacity for human stupidity-- I have decided that tomorrow I will stay home, do laundry, and get my house ready for a friend of mine who intends to come visit me over Memorial Day week.
By evening time, If I havent been hoover vaccuum cleanered up into the celestial host against my will, I will be sitting back and drinking a nice glass of iced tea while I read about all the "Dissapointed" people who got all excited about this sillyness.
Afterwards I might play some good old Halflife 2, or watch a movie from netflix. I think Constantine might make a good choice, if it is available for streaming.
Get a life everyone.
I see what you did there....
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
At 6pm local Saturday, my wife and I will be hoisting a glass (or six [ or ten]) with many others in celebration of a friend and next-door neighbor who died in February. I doubt very much the Rapture will haul me off to an encounter with said departed (he was rather a rascal as well as an atheist, and as I understand it the Rapture is a tramway to Heaven, which is unlikely to be my friend's abode in the mythical afterlife...) but I'll play along until sunset, at which time I'll look about for evidence of the End of the World. If I don't see it, we'll party on for a few hours and then walk across the street to home for a good night's sleep. I'll check the Web Sunday morning to see what Mr. Camping is up to, but I'm not anticipating fire, brimstone, locusts, cats & dogs living together, or any other signs that it was a mistake to have bought green bananas at Whole Foods on Wednesday. Just another lazy Sunday in NoCal.
Not for another 22 minutes or so. See here: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/full.html?sort=2.
Slashdot is not a game, Slashdot is not a game. Crap, I just lost points.
Over and over, trying to get it on trends. That'd be good for a laugh.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
I live in New Zealand so it's only a bit over two hours away for me.
If it rhymes it must be true.
I am obviously going to build my jetpack. It should give me enough altitude incase you know i dont get caught up in the clouds myself (and looking at my pron collection its not likely). So I am going to jetpack up and grab on to one of those bible thumpers legs (hopefully it'll have a skirt on it which would be a great inflight movie) and totally get into like... heaven or whatever.
I didn't worry about switching drives for backups this weekend, and won't troubleshoot some SIP trunks. What's the point- the backups won't survive the disaster and no one will be able to come to work Monday.
"But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only."
So what creative interpretation allows a mere mortal access to this information ?
And when that time comes, will the Slashdot Preview be made to work faster ?
Absolute statements are never true
An overwhelming majority of Christians think Jesus is alive in heaven and his mom never had sex. They shouldn't talk about nuts.
Why wait? It should already be happening in Asia right now; I imagine it has already made the news.
Well, in Japan, they get the really BIG ones.
[rereads] Oh, rapture. Never mind, then.
The sad thing is some people *are* arranging their finances on such a decision...
http://www.npr.org/2011/05/07/136053462/is-the-end-nigh-well-know-soon-enough (Search for "Martinez", about 1/2 way down)
- Chuq
Unfortunately I live in my Moms basement... Sorry Dad
Not getting along is part of a normal life
"Give a woman two glasses of wine and some pad thai, and they'll agree to just about anything." the Sports Guy
I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.
Sorry. According to the prediction the earthquakes are scheduled for 6:00 AM, 12 hours before the Rapture. The already dead get to go first.
Bantam Dominique roosters crow a four-note song. Once you've heard it as "Happy BIRTHday" you can't NOT hear it that way
I am going to guarantee that at least one person will be in rapture tomorrow.
Pretty please stop giving crackpots publicity and attention. This guy has gotten way, way too much attenion from the mainstream media already. He's pulled this stunt before (and been wrong, obviously) but just has a big radio audience now. You should only get to predict the apocalypse or rapture or whatever once, then if you try again you should get kicked in the crotch until you stop talking. I can't wait for Sunday just so we can stop hearing about this shit.
This is a hacked account, for which the owner can not be held responsible.
In 2 minutes time it will be 6pm in Republic of Kiribati (UTC+14) so we'll know one way or the other...
If you're Orthodox, remember that the Rapture will be two weeks later at 6:00 pm local time (everywhere).
Imagine ascending, and being stuck for eternity with morons like this.
what should i wear?
I just hope The Onion does a "Holy S***, Area Man Raptured!" issue.
Only the good people are gonna be taken to heaven tomorrow...
If you wake up tomorrow and you're still on earth, you know that you haven't been good. But then again, you knew that already..
See you tomorrow on earth.
I will print out a copy of the following and carry it around with me:
http://groups.google.com/group/net.religion/msg/30925fd2c9a20cbd?pli=1
A long read, but well worth it.
I will probably sign it with my own blood, just to be sure.
Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.
and i won't even have to light the grill
Can I have your stuff?
One thing that I will not be doing is playing Duke Nukem Forever! Maybe that explains why it got delayed by a month. Or maybe that it what caused the Rapture; it's God's final joke.
Rapture Rules:
Let us level the playing field.
If the rapture comes this Saturday (hopefully, not before Doctor Who airs), the non-believers are to burn in hell for eternity. We accept it, we stand by it.
If the rapture does not come, however, what will the believers do? What do they venture?
I suggest that if they are true believers ready to bet everything on their faith, they all gather in a certain place (desolate place to limit the unnecessary collateral damage would be best) and immolate themselves. For fairness sake.
Attention... all grammer nazi"s! Is they're anything; wrong with: my post,
Celebrating the departure of all the worlds christians by throwing toilet paper out of the window whilst shitting on the bible.
also there is the year 1 vs year 0 + calender start date lag + all the leap seconds / leap days.
In the Netherlands.... I guess it really is a local event for the US then
I was promised a flying car. Where is my flying car?
I will be investing a ton in Kool Aide stocks. Should be a killer Monday on the stock market.
yeah, when we are done, they can have at it.
As all of the good folks ascend tomorrow, I'll be looking forward to lower gas prices thanks to reduced demand.
This time, no size limits, and screw the limit.
The English word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary.
On the off chance that Christ does not take me home, I would like to have my lawn green up in a couple of weeks.
1.) Get a haircut
2.) Mow the lawn
3.) Go to the gym
After that, I'm free.
CUR ALLOC 20195.....5804M
I'm hosting a LotR extended edition Marathon. We will have a meal in between every disc change, breakfast, Second Breakfast, Elevensies... you get the picture. At 6PM we will be starting the Return of the King.
While I think it is fun to discuss end-of-times predictions as they come, I think this one should be an exception since this guy already had his fun in 1994. Every American has the God given right to propose rapture only once.
When the rapture comes, you will either be in Heaven or there will be plenty of job openings to choose from.
So, you are in heaven or the economy is improving. Either way, you are better off.
It's 2pm here, and it is starting! ;p
;p
We've got a small bushfire going on, about 1 block from where I sit as I type this.
I refuse to believe in its existence though. The Smoke is just a smokescreen.
Maybe if you took your hand out of your pants you'd have posted in time to actually get first.
No more traffic jams on the interstate or on the internets for that matter. Except here at /.
Watching the local news, and one of their local offices had a sign in their front window asking for UPS Saturday pickup. The reporters got a good chuckle out of that.
Let it come! I love a challenge! We are all going to wake up tomorrow morning to business as usual.
It's my 22nd anniversary. 'Bout time the world ended.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"
-- The Doctor, "Doctor
- Eat cookies ...Profit?
- Take a nap
- Check the time again
- Double check your math
- Triple check your math
- Check the time again
- Put on Nike shoes
- Repent
- Burn down a church*
- Buy stocks
- Buy a sports car
-
* Not an actual suggestion
I'll be getting ready for work, about 7:45 I'll be snacking some tasty burritos, then by 8 I'll be on the road, then the day after I'm chilling, maybe rearrange my pad. Same ol' same ol' you know.
Does this mean I should Hide my German Porn Collection??????
I will be watching nonstampcollector on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB3g6mXLEKk
google "32 trillion offshore needs IRS attention"
I just won the lottery. I guess I'll just tear up my ticket since there is no reason to redeem it. RRIIIIIIPPPPPPP!!!
The mind conceives, the body achieves, the spirit manifests.
I be watchin Pirates at 6:00, not the new one, but at Worlds End, during the whirl pool scene 6:00 will strike.
So, any one who gets crossed off the hit list becomes known as a "true believer" afterwards...
I wouldn't be surprised to find out years later that all the disappeared folk were the outspoken freedom advocates that had actually just been permanently silenced by a coordinated global conspiracy...Perfect opportunity for a cover up, just sayin'.
Hey, that's more believable than a Super Sky Zombie, coming back after thousands of years to take his followers to a magical utopia, where he'll finally marry them all, then subjugate them in service to his father for 1000 years of constant worship...
You know -- If the aliens arrive tomorrow and abscond with a shit load of gullible "volunteers" as their "chosen people", I'll be skipping the ride to eternal slavery camp, no matter how hellish they promise to make our world afterwards. -- Life Free or Die is what I believe in.
P.S. Didn't they make a movie about this already? IIRC: the aliens finally arrived at their destination, Earth. Their purpose: To retrieve the long lost secrets of the most flavorful food in the universe. All the Hispanics were abducted, mind-reamed to discover their collective recipes for Authentic Mexican Cuisine, then returned, unharmed. The world wept without knowing why -- There was a great disturbance in the force due to the psionic-emotive resonances of the aliens, who all joyously celebrated after finally having achieved their holy quest.
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I'll be watchhttp://ask.slashdot.org/story/11/05/21/0114235/Ask-Slashdot-What-To-Do-When-the-Rapture-Comes#ing Pulp Fiction, thanks for asking.
Find the biggest damned party I can around here and then raise hell.
Cheers,
Dave
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty.
Ben
If the annual improvement in traffic when the illegal alien actvists shun work on May 1st is anything to go by, we'll have a better weekend to go to the beach (in improving weather) here in So-Cal.
Should have scheduled a shuttle launch for Saturday, so that the astronauts could race everyone else into space...
In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris raptures you.
Getting ready to roast some souls! Misery, Satan
Here in New Zealand, it's nearly twelve hours AFTER zero hour and somehow most of us managed to survive. In fact I must admit I slept through the apocalypse at 6am - is that very bad of me?
Very few people seem to have disappeared skyward either, but perhaps we're a particularly godless nation.
Do as you would be done to.
"Well, I'm not sure what I'll be doing at 6:00, but I do have plans for 6:01. "
Whatever you do, don't dress up as a zombie when you go to that party.
I was hoping to get my friends together at 5:30 for an End Of The World party... but they're all busy early, so we're have a Post Apocalypse Party at 6:30. What a difference an hour makes.
This sig is false.
That's not sad. Idiots shouldn't have money. They might hurt themselves or someone else.
I guess orthodox christians were not included in this.
Read radical news here
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
Prepare accordingly
I'm not feeling it...
because its from a bad fantasy novel?
There is a giant atheist conference and party in Oakland, CA, this Saturday and Sunday. (Oakland is where the doomday prophet, Harold Camping, broadcasts from.)
http://www.atheists.org/events/Rapture_RAMS
Also, if you want to support the freethought movement and a summer camp for children in atheist families, you can click here and donate a little:
http://west.camp-quest.org/scripts/fundraising.pl?id=24
-David
Make certain you have good backups before starting
From the beginning, we is partitioned into four rooms on the south the brickwork, and is the homeowners old Louise miss daily living space for refurbished. I with benevolence is, of course, many military adviser friends agree: to cast down into four space between two of the three wall type, withheld only wall wall and a gate, so that we have a long greatly, the sitting room of with kitchen.unique Jewelry
it is now well past 6:00pm local time in new zealand.
the news is reporting that new zealand has sunk into the sea. it's really happening. the world is ending.
jkjk nothing happened. huge surprise.
http://www.accountkiller.com/removal-requested
Annoy a religious whack-job (it's not hard!) buy a Rapture T-shirt today!
Maybe I'll donate some of the proceeds to a charity for deluded religous morons.
http://www.cafepress.com/wellattired
sustainable living
As an atheist I have had this conversation with many kind of christian. The things is, some of them simply see the bible as bunk, or as allegorical, or as innerant. Some want to take it fully, some only part of it.
So basically you cannot take one part of the bible to contradict them, they can simply say that that part was not inenrant/allegorical/was wrong.
I'm going to read that book (again .. for the Nth time). And if anything they say is true, there probably won't be a rapture since the forces of Heaven and Hell will be too busy trying to slay eachother.
I don't want to know what is on his other hand.
Stripped the plug threads on my motorcycle. After I'm done, I'll be looking for good news shows to DVR about people who trashed their lives in anticipation of the end of the world.
I swear to God...I swear to God! That is NOT how you treat your human!
Rapture sell-off frenzy revives economy...
Oh crap, that means I have personal responsibility and freedom? It's just so much easier to not have to think of the consequences of my actions.
A bell just tolled outside my hotel here in Japan (it's 4 PM) and I nearly crapped myself until I realized I have 2 hours to go.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is usually crucified.
I have to take the Mrs shopping for shoes.
What are the odds that propagation of S waves (okay, or P waves) is equivalent to the rotation of the Earth relative to the Sun? Quite unlikely (I'm too lazy to look it up for particular geological formations). But, time zones are discrete, propagation of S and/or P waves is most definitely continuous - what, they stop and wait for an hour at (politically determined) time zone boundaries and then propagate at infinite speed across the next time zone? Sorry, my IQ 80 scientific mind is baffled by how this could work -- too many transitions between infinite speed and zero speed once every hour.
Why is there an "insightful" mod and why isn't it "-1"? If I wanted insight, I wouldn't be reading
gonna be one HELL of an afterparty... know what I mean?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110518/od_afp/usreligionanimalsoffbeat_2011051
if it has happened yet as from where I am, it must be past 6pm local time there already...
Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.
Nothing special planned, just a nice bbq over at a friend's place with the family. I don' think any of us is going to ascend unexpectedly, but if someone does, we'll most likely wish him / her godspeed and raise our malts in their absence ;-)
Love the "dry ice shoes / helium dolls" idea though... I lol'ed ;-)
Uwe
Ever wondered whats wrong with the world? http://www.ishmael.org/
Actually, I'll be kind of annoyed as I'm holding a virtual movie night from 5-7PM US Eastern time, but a couple of people from Britain are planning to attend. Since they're 5 hours ahead, I'm going to end up with dead attendees. We're watching the 1978 version of "Dawn of the Dead," so I'm going to be Rapturized just when the film is cranking up. :( Neat coincidence, eh?
Favorite line of the day-
"It's possible that someone who doesn't appear to be Christian, and doesn't even think he is one, could be at risk for Rapturing. "
Does this count for pets, too?
This ties into the CDC's "Zombie Preparedness" article nicely!
Vote monkeys into Congress. They are cheaper and more trustworthy.
Put your head between your legs and kiss your @$$ goodbye.
8)
(stolen from DaBum) I am dyslexia of borg - your ass will be laminated.
Instead of the solar time he created (which varies continuously with longitude)?
And why wouldn't it happen at the same absolute time everywhere?
Cthulhu for President! Why settle for the lesser evil?
If the raptor comes, I don't think those he takes will simply disappear cleanly, probably very messy instead. How do you think the raptor actually gets to your soul?
As I understand it, all this raptor mythology arose among evangelic protestants who believe most people are too sinful to be taken. Even a divinely hungry raptor driving around on Santa's sleigh just doesn't take all that many people. In Catholicism, there are many more people who've been resolved of their sins by confession, meaning catholics believe that God will take far more people.
The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world. -- Bertrand Russell
does that mean religion is proved to be bullshit? Cause I really hope it does.
Does the smear campaign against Al Gore disprove the evidence for global climate change? No. One bad representative does not change the truth of what they are saying
Though... it would be really useful if it did. "Sorry Al, it's a little too hot. Gotta photoshop some pictures of you kicking a puppy." Or "Gee, Mr. Dentist, you say I need an expensive and painful root canal, but you're parked in a handicap space. Wow, my tooth suddenly feels better!"
I'm pretty sure he just said this guy is nutty as a granola bar, and denied that Obama was the Antichrist. What part of his statement was moronic? Are you suggesting that he really is the Antichrist? It would explain a few things...
Humans are terrible replicators of Godly things.
I plan to do the same sorts of things I did the dozen or so times the Rapture occurred.
In case you were curious.
Now that I have seen the reasoning, I am fully convinced and eagerly await the time when these people jet off into the sky and humanity's average intelligence doubles.
Isn't "Rapture" what Google is doing with their Chromebooks? Moving all the user data into the clouds?
I have to ... umm ... wash my hair.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
I'm going to step away from the keyboard and lcd, get out of my mom's basement and breathe the fresh, clean air!
..but I can't because I'm already gone. I got the rapture on preorder.
DOOM, Spawn Camping, Saturday (The Word) — The Lord God, the Creator of the Universe, offered His commiserations to every soul in His Creation that they had failed to reach the standard of faith required for Rapturing today.
Thousands of dedicated Christians were not uplifted bodily to Heaven, in a wave of Rapture circling the globe at six o'clock in the evening local time.
"The manual is extremely clear on these points," He said through his Voice, Metatron ("I keep telling you, I'm an angel, not a Transformer"). "You mix fibres, you eat shellfish, you defecate closer than a mile from the city, you sit on a chair that your wife has ever sat on when she was on her period. And you have completely ignored the detailed instructions in the first chapter of Leviticus on how the Lord likes his barbecue." It shook Its head in exasperation. "You've had the book right there, for years!"
Atheists, originally revelling in snide and superior schadenfreude, were more than a little chagrined by the actual Voice of God quite unambiguously revealing its existence and telling the world what it had got wrong by direct communication into the soul of every human on Earth. Millions have now signed up for the Church of Reluctantly Admitting, All Right, I Have the Verifiable Proof I was Asking For, Just Don't Get Cocky About It, Okay.
"Never mind," sighed Metatron. "We'll give it another go next December, all right? Just please read the blessed Manual by then. It's not like it's hard to get a copy."
http://rocknerd.co.uk
According to The Origins of our Modern Calendar", in 1582 10 days were dropped from the calendar to account for a centuries-long accumulation of a rounding error in calculating the length of a year (Caesar calculated a year to be 365.25 days long, but it's actually 365.2422 days.) Ever since then, we've been adjusting one day every 4 years, but that has it's own rounding problems too, resulting in 1 day of error every 3,000 years.
"We receive as friendly that which agrees with, we resist with dislike that which opposes us" - Faraday
If that son of a bitch returns, you do what you would do with any zombie: wooden pike through the hart.
"It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful." - Anton LaVey
Well, its 7pm local time here in Western Australia now on May 21. I'm thinking "dinner". Same as yesterday. And the day before, Probably be the same tomorrow...
Pull up outside your local evangelical church with the song from Portal blasting out of your car stereo.
i'm doing Science and I'm still alive...
In a survey of 100 programmers, 111111 thought that duck-typing was a good idea.
And looking at The Sydney Morning Herald (warning site loves advertisements with sound) I'm not seeing any reports of massive scores of people disappearing in the rapture. The news seems to continue on there just like any other Saturday.
On a side note, it appears that the "10 things you need to know list" is primarily telling me there will be advertising after the rapture, since I saw more ads than content on that site.
Damn_registrars has no butt-hole. Damn_registrars has no use for a butt-hole.
As a Christian, I say mod parent up.
The problem with these people is that they won't stop believing, because this really won't prove the Bible untrue. Which would mean that this isn't unambiguously predicted by the Bible. So then, what's this all about... fame? Money?
My beliefs have nothing to do with attempting to gain fame or money by (ab)using my faith or my position. My evangelism starts and ends with my telling you my beliefs, and my hope that you'll at least entertain the ideas... but there is no expectation that you must listen or change your mind on the spot. For these people, though, they need more... they need to convince the world of their views using scare tactics.
All my liberal friends think I'm a conservative, all my conservative friends think I'm a liberal.
If the rapture will not happen today, don't worry, we have another date for you already. It will hapen June 14th in the US and June 10th everywhere else*.
* except countries with no Internets, PCs or games released 666 years after worldwide release.
It's just too funny. All the idiots that believe this.
But I always though "Rapture" was just a misinterpretation of "Capture". Meaning, some alien is coming to capture the "faithful" and use them as live stock to feed on. They'll drop a couple (three) asteroids on us to prevent retaliation ( I figure we can tell "no worries, we won't come after you").
In any event, I'm playing Blondie's Rapture song because it makes me laugh and it will make me laugh even more to play it tonight at 1800 EDT. LOL
"Rapture"
Toe to toe
Dancing very close
Barely breathing
Almost comatose
Wall to wall
People hypnotised
And they're stepping lightly
Hang each night in Rapture
Back to back
Sacrailiac
Spineless movement
And a wild attack
Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it's finger popping
Twenty-four hour shopping in Rapture
Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high
DJ's spinnin' are savin' my mind
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
Francois sez fas, Flashe' no do
And you don't stop, sure shot
Go out to the parking lot
And you get in your car and you drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he's got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you're in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin' cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercuries and Subarus
And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' cars
Then, when there's no more cars
You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet
Face to face, dance cheek to cheek
One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don't move too slow, 'cause the man from Mars
Is through with cars, he's eatin' bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
He's gonna eat 'em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
Don't strain your brain, paint a train
You'll be singin' in the rain
I said don't stop, do punk rock
Well now you see what you wanna be
Just have your party on TV
'Cause the man from Mars won't eat up bars when the TV's on
And now he's gone back up to space
Where he won't have a hassle with the human race
And you hip-hop, and you don't stop
Just blast off, sure shot
'Cause the man from Mars stopped eatin' cars and eatin' bars
And now he only eats guitars, get up!
You can always beat the meat...
I'll be bent over laughing at a man or a congregation that can't read their own Bibles enough to know that the Lord has promised to come as a thief in the night with no man knowing the time of His coming.
We need a special congregation for these types of Christians. We could name them the Duh? Christians.
If there all these people who fanatically believe they are going to be taken away in the Rapture, and they believe those behind are going to be tortured and are evil (andthus doing evil things) - are we going to see a spike in violence due to these "faithful" who learn they are "sinners".
So, on the 22nd, I'll start spreading vicious rumors that God found no one worthy of being spared and all humanity is doomed - and seeing how many people fall for it. Oh yeah, I'll probably be rolling my eyes as they also say "no, no, no - there was a miscalculation and we didn't use divine years in our calculations, and one year in heaven is actually 1.1731592 years on Earth, so...."
This is called Pascal's Wager... which could only work if FSM was incredibly naive.
It's 10:30pm in Tokyo as I post this. Nothing happened 4 hours and 30 minutes ago. Fail (as we all knew it would).
So are there any interesting space objects overhead at 6pm tonight? One of them could be Heaven. If the angels are coming from there and pulling people back, then of course it will be tied to the timezone; or, more accurately, to the up direction.
Despite being employees of West Coast companies, your Cisco or Microsoft reps might be among the missing (possibly less likely with Apple). Afterward, you might be able to push for a Rapture Discount on new software and hardware.
Emphasis mine.
'The tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.' - Aesop's Fables
Jocks do not get enraptured. They are happy to be Left Behind, beat up the antichrist and shit on his face.
Geeks are so full of shit that "beating the crap out of them" takes a whole new meaning.
18:08 here... Death comes when you least expect it, indeed :-)
And I'm not waiting for 6PM. I've already stormed my neighbors house and picked up some nice power tools.
I work for the government and have been deemed to be in an "emergency essential" position, therefore I will not be raptured. I have to stay behind and continue to provide government services to our damned citizens. Funny thing is that's how we always refer to our customers...
Actually it's a pity most of the folks seem to be of the opinion that 21st of May, 6pm is the time when the world ends. Instead, Rapture is the event where the chosen are taken to the sky and meet Christ. In other words, they may already have and we've not seen it. 6 months later - October 2011 - comes however the time when the world (Earth and the rest of the universe according to Camping) ends indeed.
Prior to 6PM, I will be asking everyone who believes in the rapture if I can HAVE THEIR STUFF. If they will be leaving this world, they can't take their worldly possessions with them so, they might as well give me their stuff. Of course, all transactions will be final. In other words, if May 21st, 2011 comes and goes just like any other day, I won't be returning any possessions to their former suckers....er, I mean owners :D
Now must be a great time to start looking for foreclosure homes!
Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
I have lots of evidence that the rapture is not tomorrow. It is called Physics. The parent's is a very common argument among fundies that seems logical at first, but is actually just not true. It goes like this: "Either A or B is true. We cannot rule out A. Therefore A and B are equally likely."
This is, of course, utter poppycock, and I would have thought that the self-proclaimed scientific thinkers on Slashdot would have kept such garbage from getting to +5. Take this counter-example*: One cannot rule out the possibility that a teapot is circling the sun in exactly the same orbit as the Earth, but opposite from it. Therefore there is a 50/50 chance that there is a teapot orbiting the sun.
That is, of course, absurd. In the case at hand, there is no observable evidence that the end of the world is imminent; on the contrary the overwhelming majority of evidence indicates that the world as we know it will continue tomorrow much as it has in the past. The parity of probabilities that the parent suggests is simply not true.
* thanks to Dr. Dawkins.
Jesus moped has broken down, so he's a little behind schedule.
Why do you need to tell about it? Please don't.
Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one. It's fine to be proud of it. But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it. (No need to quote the rest)
Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.
But in the meantime you should wear a hemet, with full face protection...and shoulder pads, because they have really sharp claws. Good old fashioned pikes come in handy to fend them of as they swoop down at you. Nasty business damn raptors.
Probably having dinner and a couple of beers.
A bunch of us are going out for an early dinner at one of our most expensive restaurants. If we time it right, we'll finish dessert and get taken before the check arrives.
Have gnu, will travel.
It's 6:30 here and my plans were to go buying food for the week, like all sundays. nobody suddenly flew up into the sky, but that must be because I live in godless communist hellhole France.
Yankees vs Mets. Hopefully any world endings wait until the end of the 5th inning so the game counts...
I am sure I will not be one of the chosen ones to be raptured.
So I may as well watch some Star Trek on the PVR.
Once all the puritan, fundamentalist, stiffs are gone, I will crack open some beer and party non stop throughout the tribulation.
And then I will dodge the draft. You know, for the big war in Megiddo Israel aka Armageddon.
After the war I will most likely join Star Fleet.
Hey, the odds of me ending up in Star Fleet are around the same as the odds of the Rapture, so why not.
The purpose of all arguments, is to change reality.
They don't observe DST; do they get a 1 hour reprieve? Or does "local time" mean Standard Time across the board?
Forget worrying about what to DO... the really important question is whatever do I WEAR for the occasion?
Oh bugger! Looks like I missed it :(
Well I guess Canonical won't have the time to fix the mess they call Natty Narwhal!!
Katya (Linux Mint 11) rules !!
Clive DaSilva Email: clive.dasilva@gmail.com Ubuntu 18.10 Kernel 4.18
I am going to put some dry ice in my shoes and leave them outside my door hoping to grab my neighbor's attention. Once he realizes that an atheist has been taken while he has been left behind, it is going to tick him off even further.
I know at a100% when the rapture takes place
If N = Now
The the Rapture take place between [N and N+infinity]
The rest are just guessing
Well, we can all pool together and petition to get it postponed. It seems to have worked in the past, since all other predicted dates have come and gone:
http://www.petitiononline.com/dotr2011/
-dZ.
Carol vs. Ghost
EVERYBODY knows that God is on Atlanta time.
DG
Want to learn about race cars? Read my Book
Then I hope you're not on the freeway during rush hour or on a suddenly pilotless commercial airplane. I might find it difficult to remain calm in such circumstances.
So, it comes to pass that it is "about" 6PM in the timezone where Harold Camping is, and nothing happens to him. What will Harold Camping do?
Things he's likely to do:
(a) Figure he got his calculations wrong and start over on his math.
(b) Worry a little that perhaps he wasn't as Christian as he thought he was supposed to be, but then dismiss the idea immediately.
(c) More steadfastly ignore all naysayers, insisting that his beliefs are sound and that there WILL be a rapture.
(d) Shove his head further into the sand.
Rational things he ought to do but won't:
(a) Take seriously the idea that he wasn't as Christian as he was supposed to be.
(b) Take seriously the idea that the Rapture was a mythological idea to begin with and isn't going to happen.
Things he's probably not smart enough to do, right or wrong:
(a) Reinterpret the Rapture in a more philosophical light, suggesting that the rapture did indeed happen; it just doesn't LOOK like it did to the untrained eye. In fact, all raptured people have been transformed in some way and are now "in heaven", which happens to be a parallel dimension to Earth, and raptured people are straddling that dimensional boundary.
(b) Reinterpret his entire belief system and consider that perhaps he was taking certain Christian scriptures or traditions too seriously.
(c) Take seriously the works of scholars that have suggested that Revelations describes events that already happened before the book was written.
What else will Harold Camping do?
This is unfair. At least this dude made a testable prediction. For that, I applaud him. I wish more religious people were like him.
Satan's been working on this for years. The transporters of Star Trek were just the first round. The Wraith beaming technology is the latest. Claiming space aliens did it also helps get one world government off the ground and establish the Antichrist's rule.
We should declare that Raptor Jesus Day, or equivalent VelociRapture Day, shall henceforth be the day & month of the last rapture prediction that obtained significant lulz. In other words, we celebrate Raptor Jesus again next 21 May unless another bigish rapture prediction occurs between then & now.
The Christian religion has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world. -- Bertrand Russell
I'll be making sure that my uplink is solid, that the UPS is giving power to it no matter what happens, and that God will not be downloading me unto his servers via UUCode. yEnc is right out. BinHex is acceptable.
What else did you expect? ;^)
Well, obviously, I install the hurd then reboot - mankind's work is done.
Note to ACs: I won't mod you up, even if you are being funny or insightful. So take a chance! It's not real life!
Most people who are sure that yesterday HAS NOT BEEN the rapture have exactly the same amount of evidence behind them as those who think it HAS BEEN. After all, God might well have been more picky than anticipated ...
People need to mod this up and keep trying to mod it up until /. crashes. This is probably one of the most intelligent posts on /. in a long time.
StarTrekPhase2 - The Five Year Mission Continues!
It's just been replaced by one exactly the same as the previous.
After logging in slashdot still does not take you back to the page you were on. It's been that way for 20 years.
Yeah, but with our luck God would just take all the nice good Christians, and leave the self-righteous assholes here with us. Hmm, I think I understand what hell is now.
Did I miss something?
Or hopefully, lots and lots of you have crawled out of your basements and spent the Rapture partying too hard to type.
On a downside though, with the 17:30 UTC/Saturday eruption of the Grimsvotn volcano in Iceland, the Raptards have been handed an excuse for not being dead.
Mighty Thor! I like your sense of humour. Oh, I get it - you thought this up at a pre-Rapture party with Loki. Nice one, God-Dudes!
Birds are not dinosaur descendants;birds are dinosaurs, for all useful meanings of "birds", "are" and "dinosaurs"
Shoot... it's 9:00 and i missed it.. my ex is still here too, standing at the well.. (actually the bar.. but)
I missed it, what happened ?
;-)
How do you know there was no rapture?Maybe there was. Slashdot has been down for hours. I think it's the kind of glitch that occurs when the universe is doing a hot reboot.
Anyone had deja vu ?
Know people depressed and upset because the Rapture did not happen? Give them a big hug and say, "what the heck, it's OK, it's not the end of the world."
I figured it must have happened and worked out just fine because none of the usual riff-raff showed up at my door Saturday and Sunday morning asking me to convert to their faith. Sayonara!
No, it's not the same as a penis. I'm not showing that I'm proud of the size of my religion. I don't whip it out and wave it around.
I live in Tuscaloosa. When power went out before the tornado, but the wi-fi was on battery backup, I kept watching the weather stream. I saw the size of the tornado. I called/texted my friends who may have been in danger.
My faith is the same... I see danger, I want to warn you for your sake. If you would rather ignore me and risk your life, that's your decision. But I refuse to stop warning the people I know just because a few people like yourself would rather not be bothered.
All my liberal friends think I'm a conservative, all my conservative friends think I'm a liberal.