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English City Council "Not Ready" for Zombie Attack
Unlike the CDC, a freedom of information request submitted to the Leicester City Council has revealed that the council is not prepared for an unexpected zombie invasion. From the article: "'We've had a few wacky ones before but this one did make us laugh,' said Lynn Wyeth, head of information governance. The Freedom of Information Act allows a right of access to recorded information held by public authorities. Ms Wyeth said she was unaware of any specific reference to a zombie attack in the council's emergency plan, however some elements of it could be applied if the situation arose."
Will you be laughing when the apocalypse comes, and you look back and say, "We weren't prepared, oh god, we weren't prepared...."
No! You'll be wandering the streets of Leicester, all dripping blood and rotting flesh, hungering for brains. BE PREPARED!
I don't believe in time. It's a grand conspiracy designed to sell watches.
Uh. Love you too?
Relax yo, nobody's attacking you.
However you sound like you could benefit from a professional psychiatrist. Get some help, anger isn't good for you.
If you're prepared for it, it's not unexpected.
Even if the zombies never come, it's never really a bad idea to install steel storm shutters or stockpile AR50s and ammo. Just sayin'
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
is not prepared for an unexpected zombie invasion.
As opposed to all of those expected zombie attacks?
Isn't enough that I ruined a pony, making a gift for you?
It's not the zombies I'm worried about! It's the fucking emo vampires and the swooning tween girls!
God! I'd just fucking OFF MYSELF if that ever came to be!!!
It's happening! Get your cricket things and go smack some zombies!
...for any zombie invasion of the English countryside: Barricade yourself in the Winchester.
"Tell me doctor, with all of your defenses, are there any provisions for an attack by killer bees?"
Besides the fact that zombies... don't exist, this oatmeal should help ye prepare:http://theoatmeal.com/comics/zombie_how
"People don't want to learn linux" hasn't been a valid excuse since '03.
I reckon they've done their research and after watching a whole heap of zombie movies, realised that if there is an outbreak it will most likely start in America. This will give them plenty of time to formulate a plan before it spreads to England.
Ryans Tutorials - A collection of technology tutorials.
I have been on the tube... the zombies are already there
About FOIA... I thought it was American legislation, but this is definitely a UK city. Is it called the same thing across the pond?
There are large, compact settlements people-like organisms in all major cities, except that the bodies therein are completely alien, controlled by different social mechanisms, brainwashed with a different set of "values" and armed - at the least with the readiness to strike at the "infidels". While it is not yet openly acknowledged by the bleeding heart liberals in Europe often (although recently even a president of a European country did), it is a truth that is evident to anyone with a working brain and open eyes who lives here.
Therefore, the question is neither funny, nor whacky, and preparations must be made, or the invasion will be very, very successful for the zombie masters.
Look at Switzerland, where the preparations have been going on full force since long time ago. Have they suffered when invasions of alien, brainless or brainwashed races marched through Europe?
They've had 50 years to prepare for a triffid attack, but I bet they're not ready for that, either.
Contribute to civilization: ari.aynrand.org/donate
Blah blah blah Chuck Norris! Ha ha ha.
Blah blah blah bacon! Ha ha ha.
Blah blah blah I can has? Ha ha ha.
Blah blah blah Weiner! Ha ha ha.
Blah blah blah Zombies. Ha ha ha.
"I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)
Basically if the Zombiepocalpyse happens the UK is screwed due to poor planning where as the US is prepared? After getting blown off for all the help in WW II don't expect much from the US when the zombies come a callin'. In the US every house is armed to the teeth where as in the UK you'll be fighting them off with Cricket bats and blood sausages. Draconian gun laws won't be much comfort while your neighbors are eating your brains. Please do send us the rest of the current season of Doctor Who before the zombies take over the BBC. Then again replacing the staff of the BBC with flesh eating zombies may be an improvement. It certainly couldn't hurt Radio One. Zombie Stig may not be as quick as he was when he was alive but the rest of the Top Gear cast may be more entertaining as the other two hosts chase Richard Hammond around screaming "Brains!!!" as he tries to outrun them in a Morris Marina held together with Duck tape. Then again zombies running the BBC has got to be better than American "Idle" and Gossip Girl. Root Channel is better than those two shows.
... has revealed that the council is not prepared for an unexpected zombie invasion.
Does that mean the council is prepared for zombie invasions in general, but just doesn't know how to deal with unexpected ones?
The British have a perfectly cromulent plan to deal with zombie invasion, involving possibly activating the 'white elephants' of squadron 666, and definitely loading the SCORPION STARE software in all enabled CCTV surveillance systems in zombie plagued areas. Playing an electric violin arrangement of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' at them may also be needed in a few cases, but really we're saving that for the plague's masters.
Oh, you're not cleared CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN? Nevermind - I seem to have misspoken. The British have absolutely no plans to deal with zombie invasions.
Who is John Cabal?
I don't think the white elephants would be ideal for dealing with a zombie invasion SCORPION STARE sure, but not the white elephants.
This is not the funny you're looking for.
Sure, it is a fun and games until your slow shuffling, pasty-faced neighbor chomps down on your skull.
dull-eyed footstool-temporary octopus
Yay! Another Charlie Stross fan, thought it was just me :) Bob Howard will save the day
FOIA exists for a reason and that reason is not to make flippant and pointless enquiries.
There are already plenty of threats to rescind or curtail FOIA inthe UK and nonsense like this, which wastes time and money, will only lend credence to those calls.
In other words: wise up.
Not preparing for a Zombie attack is just brainless.... in which case you're probably safe.
Leicester can just use the plans they came up for the coming Olympics for dealing with visiting American Tea Party dignitaries.
Not enough difference between zombies to tea baggers to bother with the extra expense. Close enough for government work, anyway.
In the UK you'll need a shotgun licence to own a shotgun. Not so easy to get. You'll have to persuade the police (they do a home visit for each application) that you have a good reason for needing one, and "being prepared for the zombie invasion" probably won't be the winning answer....
Right, I mean what's the probability that two countries that speak more or less the same language would name similar laws the same way?
.. you ought to admire the typically British sense of humour shining through here. I mean, poking a bit of fun at officials is not actually a bad thing in a world that is becoming increasingly obsessed with boring rules and regulations.
Yes, I know this takes "valuable" time, but let's face it - to BUY entertainment and job enjoyment like that would cost more - after such a stunt the rest of the day goes so much easier.
It's not always about money..
Insert
I can't believe I wasted 30 seconds reading this! Whats worse than that is I can't believe the number of idiots that waste even more time commenting on it. Oh crap, I just commented on it! Oh well, I will just have to add myself to the idiot list. :o()
You are prepared! When I first-post they're all over me, tearing at my brain lining and giving such perfect proof of my infantophagia that I mod them up before I've even realised it's me they're talking about!
Here are my thoughts on weaponry:
Guns are ok but you need the right one. Shotguns have high recoil and the ammo is bulky and slow on reloads. Semi-autos can also have a reload problem since you can burn through ammo fast, and you also have to deal with muzzle rise as well. Large caliber pistols take a bit of practice to get good at, the large ones such as the .357 mag. or .45 have a bit of recoil to deal with. Pistols are really only good in the 7 m range. It takes a lot practice to get accurate at longer ranges.
So for longer ranges I would use a decent varmit gun like a .270 or a .243. Light on the recoil with a flat trajectory, good for sniping, and the ammo is lighter. Don't discount a .22 long rifle for closer in. The .22 has no real recoil and easy to carry so you can run fast if needed. If all you need is a head shot a .22 LR can penetrate then bounce around the skull scrambling the brains like eggs. Like wise with a good .22 shooting range pistol for closer in, or a .32 pistol. If all it is is a head shot all you have to do is penetrate the bone, leave the macho pocket cannons for the Rambo wannabes and the movies.
Guns have the disadvantage of a report wine fired. A crossbow or hunting bow might be useful for stealth operations. At close range both can penetrate well and don't forget the eye sockets.
Same with "wrist rockets" :
http://www.google.com/search?q=wrist+rockets&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a#q=wrist+rockets&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=6ik&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&prmd=ivns&source=univ&tbm=shop&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=FHvzTartCsnegQfx4unCCw&ved=0CDoQrQQ&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=607e1640359d683b&biw=1202&bih=559
You can punch through plywood and hence bone with them, they are silent, and you can use rocks or metal bolts as ammo if needed.
Are you prepared?
putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
Just issue SIGSTOP to the parent processes that don't ignore SIGCHLD, and once child processes exit, you have zombies!
Contrary to the popular belief, there indeed is no God.
Anybody want to meet me at Zombie-paloozo 2012 in Leicester next year?
If their smart the town council will organize that, they just had a gift dropped on their lap. :)
putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
Ok, I think we can all see now that zombies have jumped the shark. Way too much exposure, it's oversaturated every medium. Now when I see zombies, I run the other way. Because they're boring.
How many times do I have to say it- Dammit, watch your OPSEC!
You are in violation of Section Three of the Official Secrets Act. Slashdot does not have GAME ANDES REDSHIFT clearance. You'll be answering to the auditors for this one...
Much Madness is divinest Sense --
To a discerning Eye --
Much Sense -- the starkest Madness
This is confusing to me. I was told you ate babies, that you *are* female, and that you do in fact ingest your own fecal matter.
If what the world says about Frosty Piss isn't entirely true, then... well I just don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe flammable water *IS* safe, maybe Elvis *is* alive.
This is all too much to handle, so instead I'll go back to thinking of Frosty Piss and a pissed off female baby eating shit eater. And with a name like that it won't be hard to remember. /you nailed me on the SICK part though...
It's not funny anymore. Every time someone says they're worried about the 'zombie apocalypse', all I hear is 'I know I'm worthless in a survival setting, so I'm going to make nervous jokes about it.'
I think you can replace zombie invasion with virus contamination, or swarm infestation, etc....
the idea is that something is able to spread at an abnormal rate, will you be able to contain it.....someone coughs and spreads a virus, the next one gets it, and so on, whether a zombie bites you, and then you bite someone else, or someone coughs on you, it is the same, disease containment is the point of the story, and the fact they actually could not see the real issue, is pretty sad. Zombie movies just add a laughable factor into it, or entertainment without feeling bad for all those dying, but those people are dying as well from those zombie bites, yet we don't feel bad, we instead laugh....
the world we live in, ....!
OPSEC? clearance? PAX terminal? You sound like Military Intel.
Most zombies seem to require quite a few shots. If you're comparing Assault-weapon sized ammo and the spare clips, you're not that far behind in bulk yet you can get away with a single shot from the shotgun, so chamber one round and you're good.
Of course, a big-ass broadsword is much better, since it doesn't need ammo. Leave the shotgun for clearing a roomful and then use the sword to take out the singletons/pairs.
Bows are pointless with zombies because the flesh isn't all that solid and the bolt goes through and is really hard to find. If you want to go old-school, a few javelins or spears thrown will work better.
::sigh::
http://www.goldengryphon.com/Stross-Concrete.html
indeed. claiming fighting zombie invasions as your reason for wanting one might get you into the "batshit insane" category pretty quickly though....