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"Do Not Eat iPod Shuffle": 30 Dumb Warning Labels
jfruhlinger writes "You'd think that people would know electronic equipment isn't for eating, but apparently you'd be wrong. Find out what dumb things companies felt compelled to warn their customers not to do in this list compiled by JR Raphael. Some of the best include: Don't throw your mouse at a co-worker, do not attempt to stop with hands or genitals, and do not put lit candles on phone."
That label works. I haven't eaten a single iPod Shuffle. At least, none that I've noticed.
Someone needs to get a sense of humor.
"Do Not Eat iPod Shuffle" was a joke, directly referencing Happy Fun Ball.
The next article: 30 Dumb Readers
hrmph- i remember those ads. They showed the shuffle next to a pack of gum. The "warning" was a joke.
whoosh.
Do not taunt super happy fun ball
This Raphael guy is a HORRIBLE comedian. Most of his "witty" responses to the warnings are just stupid. From TFA: " 'Seen on a TV manual: "Do not pour liquids into your television set.' Uh, hello? I'm pretty thirsty after eating that iPod, and it'd be rude not to share."
AppleGeeks 170: Do Not Eat
Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
some of these were obviously tongue-in-cheek, a statement against the very absurd warnings that this article purports to display.
some of them looked legitimate, those are the ones i'd like to see more of.
and while i'm at it, why do all car commercials say "professional driver, closed course" even if the car is doing nothing but driving down the street in a completely normal fashion?
wouldn't want people to try and imitate THAT.
With some of those LED tealights I've seen a warning that says you shouldn't light them with a match.
Apple compared the size original shuffle with a pack of gum (Trident) in the original page.
http://web.archive.org/web/20050112043302/http://www.apple.com/ipodshuffle/
Why either were considered edible is another question.
-AC
This is what we've been reduced to.
Seen on materials for a Pentium processing chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."
calculated on a P5 most likely
I've often marveled at the number of things which come with the warning "For External Use Only". I've seen it posted on things ranging from sunblock to various topical creams. Though I never have, I hope to see it on a box of ear plugs. That would quickly make it to the top of the list of dumb labels.
"If your phone rings and you discover it's in the back seat, do NOT crawl over the seat to answer it while driving."
Meldroc, Waster of Electrons
Yes, it's on idle.slashdot.org - but this isn't news in any sense of the word.
Just because it's from another computing website and the submitter has put other (dubious) articles through, it shouldn't mean that more drivel is allowed in as well.
See also: "Decoding the Inscrutable Logos On Your Electronics"
There are generally two categories of these: Jokes, and bad translations.
The question is, can IT World tell them apart? I bet "no."
These sorts of stories always blame our "litigious society" for these stupid labels, but the reality of the situation is none of them are necessary even in our "lawsuit prone" world. There is no duty to warn of open and obvious dangers (i.e. "Don't eat this iPod" or "Do not use electrical generator in the bath tub"). Companies slap them on there because it MAY make any eventual products liability cases easier to get dismissed more quickly, but honestly, most of the warnings are so dumb there's no reason for them, legal or otherwise. It is, at best, corporate paranoia imagining what sorts of things that seem "open and obvious" aren't. Except they are. And in putting them on their products they only succeed in making themselves look bad and perpetuate stupid lawyer jokes. And stories like this, which seem to presuppose that these warnings ARE necessary for some lawsuit based reason, only make it worse.
"Emergency Exit" - then the same thing in Braille right below it....
Everything you buy from Harbor Freight has the same boilerplate on it:
"Always wear ANSI approved safety goggles etc etc"
I found the warning on an apple slicer, and all kinds of other silly things.
Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - FDR
I've actually read a lot of these labels mentioned before and always laugh at how stupid every warning can be. The funniest ones to me are when the warning label is placed in such a way that you break the warning it says not to do. Such as when a product says "DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN" yet the warning is on the bottom. Supreme logic at work, or poor warning placement.
I saw only one quote from the Dremel manual, and it's probably the least ridiculous one.
"When information is power, privacy is freedom" - Jah-Wren Ryel
If you would like the full article and marginally funny commentary, feel free to click through to the article.
For just the 30 labels:
anon - because karma be damned, too.
Seen on chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
But I've got balls of steel.
See here. The page (the article only shows a bit of it in the screenshot) said "iPod shuffle: Smaller than a pack of gum and much more fun.* ". The "warning" was a joke.
* actually, it was a [2] footnote, but Slashdot doesn't allow <sup> tags.
Dear Slashdot: next time you want to mess with the site, add a rich-text editor for comments.
The author thinks they're the result of an overly litigious society, but a lot of these have to be firmly tongue-in-cheek. I mean, "Do not look into laser with remaining eye?" Someone threw that in as a joke, and kept on laughing after it got past editing.
I used to have a candle in a jar with a clear plastic lid emblazoned with a warning to "Remove lid before lighting".
Anything that is not warned about can be sued over a "failure to warn". Negligence also comes to play "knew or should have known."
You realize that there is probably a story behind each of the warning labels. And an expensive lawsuit.
Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.
Lots of these are jokes, and I'd like to see some evidence that they ever actually appeared in manuals. The "do not look at laser with remaining eye" thing is a standard laser safety joke that's been going around for years. This whole thing is pretty lame.
Some of the 'dumb' warning labels are because the writer's first language is not English. Others are because of prior law suits. Two examples: I once owned a Mercedes 450 SEL. The manual had this warning in the section on driving: "It is inadvisable to exceed 120 km/hour while driving on twisty, mountainous roads during rain storms." In five years, I never exactly duplicated those conditions. Or, in a past job, I wrote ad copy for the Sears (Big Book) catalog. A little girl had hear scalp torn off while riding a Sears riding lawnmower. The family sued Sears and won. The girl had 4-foot long braided hair at the time of the accident. The plaintiff's lawyer argued that Sears had not place labels on the mower warning against operation with long braided hair. We were required to add "Do not operate with long (length sufficient to reach from head area to engine area) braided hair" in the advertising copy. We were told that same line was added to the Operator's Manual as well.
Well somebody forgot "Do not taunt happy fun ball".
Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
"Warning! Disconnect telephone lines before opening!"
As someone who was once zapped when removing a PCI modem, I can understand this one. Phone lines carry a moderate DC voltage, plus a higher AC voltage when ringing. It is a good idea to disconnect those lines before handling the circuit boards they connect to. It wouldn't be lethal, but it's unpleasant and could cause you to yank your hand away suddenly (right into a pointy heat-sink or razor-sharp edge of sheet metal).
EN: Wash, Rinse, Repeat.
ES: Tu gato tiene una piruleta apestoso.
FR: Aprenda a leer las instrucciones de shampoo en Inglés!
I8-D
Number 18 is actually good advice. Telephone lines can produce 48v during ring down. If you have the computer open and your hand in there, you are going to feel it! Not to mention possibly damaging the components. As someone who works on PC's often this is good advice for the lay person.
I think I'll write an article with silly warnings and write, "Seen on product X! For real! No lie!"
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Comment removed based on user account deletion
We at T-Mobile would like to apologize for accidentally giving you the wrong phone. We sent you the "G2 smartass phone" instead of the "G2 smartphone".
I think somebody's missed the joke. 30 times.
One of the warnings that came with my MP3 player (early Sansa model) specified that the device was to only be used with CDs.....
Now if I could fit a CD in there...
Early on when we were becoming a litigious society (mid 80's) my dad purchased a new fan belt for his car. It didn't have a warning but instruction #1 was:
"Shut off engine before removing old belt"
Given the time it may have been an early C.Y.A. thing or maybe someone lost a few fingers.
Another personal favorite one I have seen a few times, most recently in the instruction manual for my Lawn Boy mower I bought last year:
"Do not use mower to trim hedges"
Time to offend someone
My iron has the warning "Do not iron clothes while wearing them." then adds "No, don't laugh. I've seen it done"
I like to think that the instruction writer who wrote these instructions fought for that addendum and insisted that if they have to treat some customers as idiots, at least assume some of them have a sense of humour.
...my favorite warning label is
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Shuttle_mounting_point.JPG
That's from the shuttle carrier aircraft NASA uses to haul the orbiters around.
Obviously a joke, but nevertheless amusing.
Discontinue use of Happy First Poster if any of the following occurs:
Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
Considering it had no buttons and was just a metal stick, I could see how someone might eat it. I wonder if that iPod Shuffle actually carried the warning for real. (I suspect it's small enough to actually be eaten without much difficulty.)
And yes, I know it referred to the first iPod Shuffle.
It was not on purpose, and it was really annoying, especially since the iPod Shuffle is a no-user-serviceable-parts design. Once it dried out and I got the switch unstuck, I found that the electronics were mostly ok, but the battery or its charging system was toast, so it only works when plugged into a USB power source. Since then I've mostly used it as a memory stick, but 1GB is becoming less useful than it used to be.
Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
If you get a chance to look at old Apple ads through the 80s and 90s they often put little jokes in the fine print. While the Shuffle's ads did compare its size to a pack of gum, I always thought the cautionary note was a nod to those past days, given the opportunity.
Okay, some of these are funny, just because they are so absurd.
Where I have trouble is in the realization that there are far too many of the pointless labels, which are generally ignored. So people get in the habit of ignoring ALL labels, even the important ones.
Thats when it gets dangerous.
Talk battery is nominally -48 VDC, on hook or off. It usually measures a bit lower in practice, due to line losses and the like. It really is a battery, for POTS: Telco COs run everything off batteries, and the phones are powered from them, more-or-less directly.
Ring voltage is AC, not DC. 90 VAC, 20 Hz.
At least, that's what the numbers are in the US. Prolly some other countries are different, I'm guessing.
dragonhawk@iname.microsoft.com
I do not like Microsoft. Remove them from my email address.
From my shaving machine's instruction booklet:
Do not use extremely hot water to clean your shaving machine. This may burn your hands.
There is exactly zero chance of that being an actual warning label.
OK, maybe .00003 chance.
The Humblest Mollusk on the Net
My favorite warnings were on the dust jacket of 5.25" floppy disks from Beagle Bros, as seen here http://stevenf.com/beagle/diskcare.html
Best Software Company Ever!
Plus ca change, plus c'est les memes choses.
Seen on a Samsung 3D TV disclaimer: "Pregnant women, the elderly, sufferers of serious medical conditions, those who are sleep deprived or under the influence of alcohol should avoid utilizing the unit's 3D functionality."
It seems legitimate to me. Did anyone think this one was funny?
Anybody want a peanut?
I wish I'd been able to see the lawsuit that drove THAT warning. Though really, it would be fitting for very nearly every device that I own...
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
LOL
http://store.sluggy.com/product.php?productid=26&cat=3&page=1
I say just let the cognitive deficient peons crash and burn without having dumb warning labels. Generations of having to actually use common sense may actually benefit future civilization by stupid people doing their civic duty and removing themselves from the gene pool. I don't know what effect this lack of ethics would have on future society, but it probably isn't much worse than what we have to look forward to within the next 100 years otherwise.
I haven't eaten a single iPod Shuffle
Have you ever peed on it?
The article is really fucking stupid.
Some of the "Warnings" were clearly jokes ("Be careful of bad language on this mobile phone, because a partner’s feeling is going to be bad."), others seemed silly but are something that people actually do, ALOT ("Do not use for drying pets."(Regarding microwaves)). Some were just lies or taken completely out of context, like "Seen on a Boeing 757 plane: "Fragile. Do not drop." and "Seen on a New Holland tractor: "Avoid death.""
"Seen on a washing machine: "DO NOT put any person in this washer."
PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO THAT!
"Seen on the packaging for a Rowenta-brand iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”"
PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO THAT!
"Seen on an electric thermometer's instruction sheet: "Do not use orally after using rectally."
Some people fucking do that...
This article is even more shitty than the bitcoin ones slashdot has been spamming recently...
without knowing the original context, many of these seem dumb, but some foam packaging was made of potato and so some people tried to eat it, not knowing that it had other chemicals added. Sun and Apple are always good for a laugh, you never see MS trying to be funny. As for people and animals in driers, washing machines and microwaves, well it happens, as does the idiot who tries to get that small crease out of the shirt that they are wearing, with a hot iron. In the USA with it's insane legal system, these warnings are there to 'cover yer ass'. The article should be 'Warnings for dumb people and journalists'. :-)
The manufacturer of a popular motorscooter placed a graphic on the inside of the compartment under the seat (where riders typically store their helmets) which depicted a cat with the universal "no" symbol. Henceforth this compartment has come to be known among scooterists as "the pet carrier".
http://alternatives.rzero.com/
they are all the result of product liability claims. Somebody has actually done each one of those things and successfully sued the manufacturer. Now you know why Jay Leno never ran out of material for Jay Walking.
In defence of the iPod part, that was marketing article, not the included manual, an advertisement where the original iPod was compared to a packet of chewing gum which it resembles. Having owned one of those I can tell you that "looks like a packet of gum" was the first comment most people said about it (then you had to explain what an iPod was and what an MP3 was, and then sometimes, who Apple were, and no that they hadn't gone bankrupt or been bought out by Sun, ah such innocent days)
The washing machine one. The author dude was obviously never a drunk student. Of course such a warning could only encourage such behaviour.
Disconnecting telephone warning?, my guess in the author is aged below 16 and has no memory of the modems his father/older siblings used to use to connect to AOL or what ever passed as an ISP.
Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.
welcome outside
Wonko the Sane
Good luck sometimes arrives disguised as bad
What's REALLY scary, is that each one of these usually indicated that there was some litigation somewhere along the line regarding incidents such as these...
Stone
...and the manual does say something like that. I looked up a Rowenta iron manual on the Rowenta site, and it has the phrase:
"Warning! Never iron clothes while they are being worn."
My suspicion is this list contains more than a few that were jokes put in by pranksters.
But, whether consciously or not, some may be examples of Universal Design as applied to instructions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_design
The definition according to wikipedia: "Universal design refers to broad-spectrum ideas meant to produce buildings, products and environments that are inherently accessible to both people without disabilities and people with disabilities."
Realizing that there are some people out there with low intelligence who may use your product, and aiming your manual or instructions or warnings to those people seems like a good idea.
More from wikipedia: The term "Universal design" was coined by the architect Ronald L. Mace to describe the concept of designing all products and the built environment to be aesthetic and usable to the greatest extent possible by everyone, regardless of their age, ability, or status in life."
Anonymous coward, yes, but mostly too lazy to register, and even more paranoid that I will end up on some government lists...
I have to say that this is a total epic win, for us, the smart ones. So, if I wanna eat my iPod, I should simply place it inside the fridge to keep it fresh and healthy. That just made my day!
Seen on a New Holland tractor: "Avoid death."
Pretty sure a tractor is one of the best ways to kill death if you don't have a potion.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
A little printed label, looking like a strip of paper, came with a cordless phone and had the following warning: "Excessive chewing of the antenna may cause permanent damage."
Now, when you think about it, this really doesn't say much. How much chewing is excessive? Will the the damage be to the phone, or to the chewer, or both? And even then, there is the weasel word "may". That word ensures that the statement doesn't offering any guarantee that damage will be occurring at all.
Yet despite all these limitations, somebody decided to pay to both print that label and have it be included in the packaging.