The Most Dangerous Toys of 2011

Want! by ackthpt · 2011-12-15 12:57 · Score: 5, Funny

What sort of psychology are they playing at here?

When I was a wee lad we have to burn ourselves with Thing-makers, pinch fingers in gears of Erector sets and poison ourselves with Chemistry sets. Kids today have it much harder.

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A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar

Re:Want! by confused+one · 2011-12-15 13:10 · Score: 5, Insightful

I recall accidentally starting a fire in the kitchen with an old chemistry set. Pinched fingers. Injury due to hard objects striking the body. These were the norm. BB guns were considered toys (they are currently classified as firearms in the city I'm living in) I learned to operate lawn mowers, drive tractors, and handle chain saws by my early teen years. You learned to respect things. Kids today are taught to be scared of machines that are safer than "toys" we played with as kids.
Re:Want! by bill_mcgonigle · 2011-12-15 13:42 · Score: 4, Insightful

BB guns were considered toys (they are currently classified as firearms in the city I'm living in)
They don't quite get the 'fire' part, do they?
Frankly a dartboard set is far more dangerous.

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Re:Want! by mirix · 2011-12-15 13:46 · Score: 4, Insightful

Funny how that works. get rid of chemistry sets, and hobby chemistry becomes an endangered species.
It doesn't help that buying things as simple as labware probably get you thrown on some 'suspected meth cook' list, either.
If things were always like that, I imagine we'd still think there were only four elements.

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Sent from my PDP-11
Re:Want! by confused+one · 2011-12-15 14:07 · Score: 4, Insightful

No they don't; but, there was an unfortunate accident involving a child shooting another child in the head, with the result of the second child dying. It happened and the reaction of the city council was to lump airguns firing metal projectiles under the same grouping as traditional firearms. It was easier than creating a separate classification with its own enforcement rules, I guess.
Re:Want! by Forbman · 2011-12-15 14:28 · Score: 5, Insightful

'cept a .22 cal air-powered pellet gun that shoots pellets at 1100 fps might as well be a firearm.
Re:Want! by demonlapin · 2011-12-15 14:45 · Score: 3, Informative

FPS and pellet weight rules might be in order here. A .22 cal pellet gun that fires at 1100 fps also costs as much as a firearm.
Re:Want! by hairyfeet · 2011-12-15 14:45 · Score: 5, Insightful

Oh don't forget lawn darts, the "Hey lets throw sharp stakes at each other!" toy for the whole family, hell they even had a "Mr Atomic" chem set, I wonder if those kids glow in the dark now?
This reminds me of the old SNL bit, anybody remember Akroyd getting grief over his company's toys like "Johnny switchblade" or the "human torch" costume which was just some gas soaked rags and some matches?
But compared to the stuff we had when I was a kid the stuff on the list is a fricking joke! heck when I was a kid we all had minibikes starting as young as 5! Nobody wore helmets, everybody had ramps, the answer to every injury was "put a bandaid on it" and we all drove like maniacs! I can still remember buzzing around my small town at 8 with a giant 8 track duct taped to the handlebars so I could blast Kiss Alive II as I scared the neighbors dogs. We all had lawn darts and played with fireworks and yet we all managed to survive just fine!
I have to wonder if this isn't just "the march of the morons" at play here, as we at least had enough common sense not to do things REALLY stupid. Nowadays it seems like we are trying to babyproof the planet, are kids really THAT much stupider than when we were kids?

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ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
Re:Want! by Baloroth · 2011-12-15 14:53 · Score: 4, Insightful

are kids really THAT much stupider than when we were kids?
I don't think so, but the parents are that much dumber. Or less attentive (same thing, really.)

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"None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license." --John Milton
Re:Want! by Pulzar · 2011-12-15 14:58 · Score: 5, Funny

'cept a .22 cal air-powered pellet gun that shoots pellets at 1100 fps might as well be a firearm
Everybody knows that a human eye can't perceive anything more than 60 fps. You need a pellet gun doing 1100 fps only because you have a small.... oh, wait, wrong thread?

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Never underestimate the bandwidth of a 747 filled with CD-ROMs.
Re:Want! by Mashiki · 2011-12-15 15:15 · Score: 2

Pretty sure I've still got parts of my old childhood chemistry set floating around somewhere, including some old childhood microscope set from the 50's. I know there was some interesting stuff in both of those. Yep, long gone is the era of unique and neat stuff.

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Om, nomnomnom...
Re:Want! by sjames · 2011-12-15 15:47 · Score: 5, Insightful

Or even harder, recognizing that some accidents are really freak events. They couldn't have been foreseen, probably won't happen again, and suggest no particular preventive action.
Re:Want! by rev0lt · 2011-12-15 15:58 · Score: 5, Funny

You make me remember when I told my mum I was going to try some explosive recipes - and she replied very fast that if I want to do a mess and try explosives, to do it outside because she's not cleaning the kitchen.
Re:Want! by rev0lt · 2011-12-15 16:19 · Score: 4, Insightful

But compared to the stuff we had when I was a kid the stuff on the list is a fricking joke! heck when I was a kid we all had minibikes starting as young as 5!

Today kids have that too. My almost-three-year old daughter has a bike that rides like the devil himself is behind her, and sometimes get some nice bruises from falling. She wears a helmet (hey I'm not stupid) and more clothing than average, and we try to watch her all the time, but she's pretty independant. More than I was with her age - she uses the bathroom, can count to 20, can sing whole songs, recognize some numbers, can use the fridge and pick her food, can go to the cabinet and pick silverwear without picking the knives, can say many words, and - since I've been showing her some american Sesame Street videos, she can say some english words. And when she plays outside, she sometimes eats dirt.
In contrast, I have some fellow parent friends with children of the same age that don't eat solid food and live in constant fear of germs. Everything must be sanitized. Who do you think is the bigger kid? :D
The problem is that my parent's generation was too laxing (mercury? eat it, is good for something or it wouldn't be in your food), and the current parents are too misinformed (everything is a threat and will kill your child! with mercury!), and there's no middle ground. And parents are such an easy prey for marketing pitches...
Re:Want! by SeaFox · 2011-12-15 18:31 · Score: 2

What normal kid would do that and shoot it at another person? You can kill someone with all sorts of household items when they're used maliciously. The solution is to hold individuals to a standard of behavior.
Or do you suggest we tell kids they can't play baseball anymore because it's possible to use a bat as a weapon? Maybe we shouldn't allow them to butter their own bread, either.
Re:Want! by hairyfeet · 2011-12-15 20:25 · Score: 5, Interesting

I think you misunderstand dude, when I say "minibike" I mean with actual gasoline motors, goes about 50MPH. I actually didn't learn to ride a pedal bike until I was 11 because i always had a motorbike. my first bike was a Honda 50 minitrail at 5 years old! Everyone called it the mad bee for the sound that thing made, a high pitched 'meeeeeer' as i whiped through our little town (pop 350 on a good day). Lucky for mom we had a collie or she'd have never been able to get me home! She'd just stick her head out and tell the dog "Go fetch him for supper" and Ruffles would go flying after the sound and when he caught me he'd bark at me and head towards the house. Man I miss that dog, nothing like a really smart dog.
I agree though that parents go too damned far the other way. I had a little girl bump into me and the grocery store and when I said "excuse me little miss" I actually heard her momma say "stranger danger". Well needless to say I went off like an atom bomb on that mom and told her that if she and the other parents would be more worried about teaching their kids good manners instead of being afraid of invisible bogeymen the world would be a better place, all the people in the store cheered. Its sad things have gotten so stupid that when one of the children downstairs held the door open for me when I was loaded down and said "here you go sir" i actually went and knocked on his mom's door just to tell her what a polite and well mannered child she had.
Its just nuts, no wonder so many kids are fat and diabetic, their damned parents won't even let them go play anymore! We rode motorbikes, ran like wild injuns, did we get hurt? Hell yes, but what don't get you makes you stronger and gives you some killer stories to go with the scars, like the time I am sitting in an ER with a nice little puddle of blood in front of me where I did a faceplant at 60MPH thanks to a damned dog trying to bite my front wheel, and I'm sitting next to a kid that is holding the holes in his throat together where he popped over a field into a barb wire fence on a 3 wheeler, and we are both just laughing our asses off higher than kites because the ER doc took one look at the two of us and said "Look I know that has GOT to hurt but we had some kids flip a convertible and couple of them are missing limbs, so if I give you two a shot of morphine will you be alright?" We just looked at each other and stuck out our arms and were laughing like loons inside of 10 minutes, good stuff that morphine.
Kids today in their sterile little living spaces just don't know what fun is. My boys rode bikes (sadly their mother wouldn't let me get them the motor kind after my little face plant, I told her losing a few inches of skin builds character) and went swimming with the fishes in actual creeks, they had FUN dammit! It did them good too, as age may have finally got up with me and given me the family beer belly both boys are lean and trim and the oldest is constantly being asked out by the little campus cuties.

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Re:Want! by m50d · 2011-12-15 21:27 · Score: 3, Insightful

There's a selection bias here; the kids who died aren't here posting about how all that stuff never hurt them.
As life gets better it becomes more valuable, and smaller and smaller dangers become unacceptable. That's progress for you.

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I am trolling
Re:Want! by rikkards · 2011-12-16 00:14 · Score: 2

My dad picked up a BB gun last year and I will say the thing is heavier than his 60 year old .22. When most people think air rifle they think of the old red riders where you would have to pump it 10 times and you would be lucky to get it to go 20 feet. The air rifles today are wickedly more dangerous and really need to be respected
Re:Want! by shadowrat · 2011-12-16 01:32 · Score: 2

You were modded funny, but i think your post is actually insightful. The article is an attempt to poke fun at these "dangerous" toys. However, compared to the toys i remember these seem about as dangerous as a sponge. I can only assume it's written by someone who's much younger than I (40). Rather than a collection of amusingly poorly thought out toys, the article illustrates how generations following mine are big sissies.

I too had a thingmaker so i assume you are a child of the early 70s. We had to contend with lawn darts, near supersonic mazinga missiles, wrist rockets (they still have those, but it was common to give them to young children then), the irresistibly chewy but probably toxicly colored light sabers of obi wan kenobi and luke skywalker, micronauts (a toy that must have been an attempt to put as many choking hazards on one figure as possible, etc. Almost every toy from my childhood was a trial by fire, gas powered tethered airplanes designed to wrap a steel cable around your neck, japanese robots made from stainless steele with razor sharp edges, etc. Either you figured out how to use it, or you were maimed or killed.
Re:Want! by tomboalogo · 2011-12-16 02:07 · Score: 2

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/King-Co-requires-life-vests-for-swimmers-1432255.php
Re:Want! by tompaulco · 2011-12-16 03:23 · Score: 2

There's the really hard part. It is natural that people just want to do something in response to a bad situation; and, even with the best of intentions, they sometimes make things worse.
In my town, a portable electric heater started a fire (as they are occasionally known to do), and killed three children. The mother received third degree burns trying to save her children. Now, in addition to the unthinkable loss of all her children, she must also deal with the fact that she and her husband, who was at work at the time, are both rotting away in jail. After all, it was a freak accident so you gotta send SOMEBODY to jail.

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It that time of year. . by Master+Moose · 2011-12-15 12:59 · Score: 4, Funny

You'll lose an eye

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. . .gone when the morning comes

Re:It that time of year. . by arthurpaliden · 2011-12-15 14:32 · Score: 4, Funny

I did. Luckily I had a spare.

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Re:It that time of year. . by voidphoenix · 2011-12-15 19:53 · Score: 2

Save that one for the laser.

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Excuse me, wtf r u doin?

The most dangerous toys by wiggles · 2011-12-15 13:00 · Score: 2

...were covered 30 years ago here.

It's an arms race.. by PopeAlien · 2011-12-15 13:02 · Score: 5, Funny

They keep making safer toys we keep making more dangerous children.

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air and light and time and space

Re:It's an arms race.. by davester666 · 2011-12-15 14:52 · Score: 4, Funny

To think, not so long ago, my siblings and I were all lobbing lawn darts at each other, yet we all lived and didn't even lose an eye.

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Re:It's an arms race.. by mjwx · 2011-12-15 18:17 · Score: 4, Funny

To think, not so long ago, my siblings and I were all lobbing lawn darts at each other, yet we all lived and didn't even lose an eye.
I used to be an adventurous kid until I caught a lawn dart in the knee.

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Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
Re:It's an arms race.. by egnx · 2011-12-15 20:32 · Score: 2

My friends had no lawn darts so they came up with a game that involved a piece of foam rubber on each shoulder and an old open face crash helmet. Throw a dartboard dart high in the air and try and 'catch' it by letting it stick in your crash helmet as it comes back down. What could possibly go wrong!
Re:It's an arms race.. by ah.clem · 2011-12-16 03:40 · Score: 2

My brother and I had a similar game; one of us would toss regular darts into the air and the other would run around holding a dart board on his head, trying to catch it. Good fun. We also used to toss Boy Scout(tm) hatchets and "official, balanced" throwing knives purchased from Boy's Life ads at an old tree stump in the yard until one day my brother missed and hit the neighbor's LTD. We also used to empty the powder out of shotgun shells and put it into drinking straws with paper fins and fire them off that same stump. We were generally unsupervised and managed to survive all kinds of great stuff, like building mini-bikes, giant stilts, tree houses, stuff like that. When I see how my grandkids are being raised I feel sad. They don't get to do shit.

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"Life is not magic." Dr. Ron Weiss - "If we don't play God, who will?" Dr. James Watson

toys with molten metal by Anonymous Coward · 2011-12-15 13:15 · Score: 5, Interesting

When I was a lad (50's/60's) we had a toy where you'd melt some metal (lead? or something with a low melting point anyway) in a little crucible over a burner and pour the result into a mold. It would cool and form a little metal soldier figure, whereupon you'd take the two sides of the mold apart and out it would fall.

I'm sure a few trips to the ER were caused somewhere or another due to this toy, but you know, I'd rather not lived in the kind of dumbed down idiot-proof world that comes from trying to save people from themselves. That's a surefire way to breed more idiots.

Re:toys with molten metal by simcop2387 · 2011-12-15 13:37 · Score: 4, Informative

It was probably wood's alloy. It's got a nice low melting temperature around 80C-90C and would probably have been perfect for those kinds of toys.
Re:toys with molten metal by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · 2011-12-15 13:37 · Score: 4, Funny

It also has delicious cadmium!
Re:toys with molten metal by Rob+the+Bold · 2011-12-15 13:44 · Score: 4, Funny

It was probably wood's alloy. It's got a nice low melting temperature around 80C-90C and would probably have been perfect for those kinds of toys.
Wikipedia: "It is a eutectic alloy of 50% bismuth, 26.7% lead, 13.3% tin, and 10% cadmium by weight."
What could possibly go wrong?

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I am not a crackpot.
Re:toys with molten metal by bill_mcgonigle · 2011-12-15 13:49 · Score: 5, Interesting

I'm sure a few trips to the ER were caused somewhere or another due to this toy,
I totally burned the shit out of my thumb when I was a kid, by melting some glass with my dad's propane torch and generally being an idiot.
I did it again (to my palm) when I first bought a house and installed a boiler and had my hand directly under a solder joint (yeah, I way over-flowed that joint).
Hot molten shit hurts. A lot. I now have good plumbing gloves (never swung for the third strike after that). Besides learning to buy gloves, I'm now very aware of the dangers of being between the dangerous thing and the Earth's core. It would be great if we could give kids a big list of "don't do that" but humans seem to learn better from experience.
but you know, I'd rather not lived in the kind of dumbed down idiot-proof world that comes from trying to save people from themselves. That's a surefire way to breed more idiots.
Well, that is the point. Idiots are easy to control. When people are farmed as livestock for 'their' tax money, having rambunctious ones just decreases the profit per head. Best to keep them calm, dumb, and in front of reality TV.

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Re:toys with molten metal by elsuperjefe · 2011-12-15 14:39 · Score: 2

i have to believe that it isn't really the toy that induces creative brain-building play in children. in their toddler years my kids were usually more interested in creating forts out of Christmas boxes and wrapping paper than in playing with the actual toys that came in them. i doubt we are creating idiocy by tagging absurd toys as unsafe at any speed.
Re:toys with molten metal by FSWKU · 2011-12-15 16:00 · Score: 4, Insightful

You don't need "tools" or "toys" - when I was 5, I tested what this "it's HOT! you'll BURN YOURSELF!" stuff was all about with my index finger on an iron. Lost the fingerprint on the tip of that finger - and yet, I lived.
And sadly enough, it would be a completely different story for a kid today. The mother would scream her lungs out and floor it to the ER in her SUV (endangering tons of people along the way). Once there, she would scream at the charge nurse for having to wait behind a multiple-GSW patient who is bleeding into his lungs. After finally seeing a PA, she would get the same advice most people used to take for granted - put some ointment on it, keep it cool and dry, and make an appointment with the family doctor if it doesn't get better in a couple of days.

Oh yeah, and you better believe she would call for a MASSIVE lawsuit against the manufacturer of the iron because it was "too hot" and her precious little snowflake is now "permanently disfigured."

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"So after all this, you make my case for me. To end this stalemate, you must die..."
Re:toys with molten metal by westlake · 2011-12-15 16:54 · Score: 2

When I was a lad (50's/60's) we had a toy where you'd melt some metal (lead? or something with a low melting point anyway) in a little crucible over a burner and pour the result into a mold. It would cool and form a little metal soldier figure, whereupon you'd take the two sides of the mold apart and out it would fall.
The cast metal hobby ("tin soldiers") is still very much alive.
The starter kit will cost about $25-$50. The Dunken Company
The difference is that - like many thiings - it has become an adult hobby. The molds will set you back about $20 each for a 54mm WWII soldier. These are substantial high-quality miniatures meant for hand painting.
"Model Metal" about 300 F. "Tin" 485 F.

I'd rather not lived in the kind of dumbed down idiot-proof world that comes from trying to save people from themselves. That's a surefire way to breed more idiots.
Lamarckism, I see, is alive and well in the geek.
Re:toys with molten metal by ceoyoyo · 2011-12-15 17:14 · Score: 4, Insightful

I remember when my dad first saw me walk into the house a bloody mess and clean myself up, no crying, no help. He was so proud. I think I was six.

I used to shoot metal pellets... by Anonymous Coward · 2011-12-15 13:19 · Score: 3, Insightful

Now they're worried about foam darts. Not to mention the velocity difference.

One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. by NoisySplatter · 2011-12-15 13:20 · Score: 5, Insightful

Many of the toys on this list aren't very dangerous. I'd go as far as saying that a pencil is more dangerous than every single one of them. I can't fathom why this article appeared on this website.

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In Soviet Russia meme tires of you!

Re:One of the worst articles I've ever seen on /. by Master+Moose · 2011-12-15 13:27 · Score: 2

Agreed, It is a sad reflection of our cotton-wrapped world that this list constitutes even one persons idea of dangerous toys.

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. . .gone when the morning comes

Lame by oldmac31310 · 2011-12-15 13:26 · Score: 5, Insightful

I RTFA just to make sure it would be as lame as I expected. It is. The Gawker sites are just a horrible waste of space. Less of this crap please!

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Re:Lame by guruevi · 2011-12-15 14:30 · Score: 5, Informative

I agree, I RTFA, most of the stuff isn't even dangerous (as far as I consider dangerous) and some of the other stuff should (or is) recalled for being either badly constructed or using certain (what should be illegal) chemicals.
Trampoline - who never used a trampoline? Just because the lingo is lawyer-proof doesn't make it a bad toy.
Foam-shooting Bow - As with any shooting toys (Nerf comes to mind) kids should be thought how to use it well. I made freaking real bows by soaking hard wood tree branches in water, some rope and a couple of my mother's plant-straightening bamboo sticks as arrows. Yeah, I bruised and cut my fingers and hands several times either making the bow or shooting the arrow with it's sharp edges and it was inaccurate as shit but I didn't aim to kill anyone. Are kids really that stupid these days?
Plastic sword - Same as the bow or a baseball bat. You learn real quickly that these things hurt if you get hit yourself. Several wooden sword fights with my brother and other kids made that clear to me.
Very low stilts - How is that dangerous? You can fall and hit your head or twist your ankle but that's how kids learn. You want to tie them down to a chair so they'll die of boredom?
Shrinky dinks - What's dangerous about a heating chamber? Those things zapping anyone how exactly? Unless there's some really shoddy engineering and the wires are exposed inside I don't understand. A halogen light bulb is hot. I touched one before. A stove exhaust pipe is hot, found out when standing too close to it trying to heat up in winter.
Playmobil - Make it illegal with huge fines to make products with such chemicals intended for kids. Not slap-of-the-wrist pay this $500k settlement so everyone gets a $1 coupon on their next purchase but "the families affected will own 30% of your company if you fuck up".
Swiss army weapon - You're a moron. Couldn't find anything dangerous after 4?

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Re:Lame by Pentium100 · 2011-12-15 16:43 · Score: 3

Not slap-of-the-wrist pay this $500k settlement so everyone gets a $1 coupon on their next purchase but "the families affected will own 30% of your company if you fuck up".
In my opinion a huge fine (for example, combined income of the product sold in the country + some fixed amount) that goes to the government is better. The families affected should only receive compensation for the actual damage (treatment costs etc), so that nobody gets the idea of deliberately exposing their child to those toys with those chemicals (hmm, this toy has lead and cadmium, probably the company will get fined soon) just so they could profit from it.
There would probably be less microwaved dogs if the owner of the dog only got the money for a new dog (or however you determine the financial loss of a dog dying) and not $100k because the user manual of the microwave does not state that you shouldn't put a live dog in it, unless you intend to kill it.
Re:Lame by broken_chaos · 2011-12-15 18:34 · Score: 2

I'm still not convinced the article wasn't a sarcastic commentary on how stupidly safe toys have become.
Re:Lame by thegarbz · 2011-12-15 20:59 · Score: 2

No these are the biggest risks that our children face today. Seriously all the other toys on the market are not remotely as dangerous as these. I will know now to keep my kids away from these to further ensure their safety.
Mind you I don't have time to go christmas shopping because I need to supervise my kid at all times so he can't attempt to stand up. I haven't received my critical child protective equipment yet and I'll be damned if I let him do something as dangerous as try and stand up without it!
- A concerned parent (who's kids will probably rebel and do drugs at the age of 8).

So let me get this straight... by edxwelch · 2011-12-15 13:40 · Score: 3, Interesting

trampolines, plastic bow and arrows, etc. are deadly, but rifles and shotguns are okay for children?
http://www.crickett.com/

Only in America

Re:So let me get this straight... by demonlapin · 2011-12-15 14:56 · Score: 4, Insightful

I got my first BB gun at six, my first rifle (still have it, a nice little straight-shooting .22) at ten, and my first shotgun at eleven. Hell, I'm still using the 20-gauge shotgun I got at thirteen - Winchester ran a pretty neat deal, you bought the gun with a short "youth" stock and you sent in a coupon for an adult-sized stock a couple of years later. It's an absolute pleasure to use on the sporting clays range.

Guns are lots of fun, you just have to respect that they're inherently dangerous objects. Kids who grew up with guns are, in my experience, a lot less likely to do stupid stuff with them, because their dad took them out when they were six and blew a watermelon into a fine mist with one and said "that's what it will do to your head". Those who meet guns for the first time at 19-20 are a lot more cavalier.
Re:So let me get this straight... by evilviper · 2011-12-15 22:49 · Score: 4, Insightful

trampolines, plastic bow and arrows, etc. are deadly, but rifles and shotguns are okay for children?
To tell you the truth... yes. Go look up some casualty statistics for yourself. It's not unusual to see rather young kids walking around carrying their own rifles when up in hunting country. And yet accidents are exceptionally rare.
Now, if rifles shot candy 90% of the time, and live ammo 10% of the time, you'd have a real point... There's a big difference when you're talking about a dangerous tool, versus a toy that is supposed to be safe, but which sometimes does maim (or kill) when used (at least mostly...) as instructed.
If this is falling on deaf ears, and "gun" is just a scary word to you, many parents also give their kids knives, matches/lighters, hatchets, axes, etc., etc. at fairly early ages. If you're still aghast at the very idea, all I can say is that life in rural areas just doesn't resemble life in the city, and kids learning how to be responsible and take care of themselves at an early age is actually a good thing. You're worried about the kid innocently walking around carrying his hunting rifle, I'd be more worried about the kid without one, walking through bear and cougar territory.
With the majority of people living in cities, and the ratio only rising, I can't help but wonder what's being lost. On the other hand, absolutely everybody moving out to the country would be devastating, so it's actually a good thing for the rest of it.

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Conkers by sqldr · 2011-12-15 13:42 · Score: 5, Interesting

Probably not so popular on the other side of the atlantic, but here in Britain, every october is conker season, where we attach horse chessnuts (invariably hardened by baking, soaking in vinegar, hand cream, galvanisation, you name it) to string, then smash them into an opponent's conker (or your own elbow if you miss) until one shatters into many pieces. If you drop it, you have to try to pick it up while your opponent repeatedly stamps on it. Joy and safety goggles all round!

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I wrote my first program at the age of six, and I still can't work out how this website works.

Re:Conkers by Elky+Elk · 2011-12-15 20:25 · Score: 4, Funny

A tradition first brought over in 1066 by William the Conker.
Re:Conkers by sqldr · 2011-12-15 22:03 · Score: 2

there should be a way to temporarily ban people from posting due to poor jokes :-)

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I wrote my first program at the age of six, and I still can't work out how this website works.

Re:but is it a joke? by wierd_w · 2011-12-15 14:07 · Score: 2

The idea of these toys being dangerous is rediculous.

Want a dangerous toy?

Here's one. Sort of a cross between child of chucky and disney fantasy, to create a truly diabolical toy:

the cabbage patch 'snacktime kid' doll!

This toy, in its original incarnation, had a one way only electric motor which turned a textured cylender inside the doll's mouth, which would activate if something (anything) was inside it. Fingers? OM NOM NOM! Hair? OM NOM NOM! Bits of earlobe and other bits of tender skin? OM NOM NOM!

Essentially, a doll with an insatiable hunger for human flesh.

All the while, its voice circuit would coo about it being yummy.

Now there was a dangerous toy.

Little Clara Cadmium by istartedi · 2011-12-15 14:13 · Score: 5, Funny

New! From China, it's little Clara Cadmium. Lick her tummy and hear her giggle. Feed her led pellets and watch her gain weight. Realistic BPA-based skin is soft to the touch. Just $9.99. Turn the price upside down and learn little Clara's secret.

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For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares"?

Re:but is it a joke? by Anonymous Coward · 2011-12-15 14:26 · Score: 2, Funny

No, the idea that you think "ridiculous" is spelled with an "e" is dangerous.

Dangerous toys by Nonillion · 2011-12-15 14:29 · Score: 2

I used to have a set of Clackers in the mid 70's, nailed myself in the head once, smashed a finger or two but it wasn't long before the novelty wore off. Even had a set of steel tipped Yard Darts, never had an accident. Perhaps the coolest toy I ever had were the electrified versions of Hot Wheels called Sizzlers. You plugged them into a charging station that held four "D" cell batteries, was shaped like a gas pump and held the top button down for 60 seconds (I always held it down for two or three minutes), unplugged them, turned the power switch on the bottom of the car and raced them on a track...

Ahhh, memories..

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"I bow to no man" - Riddick

The classics are still the best by cvtan · 2011-12-15 14:37 · Score: 2

Who could forget the "Bag o' Glass" from SNL?

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Sorry, but gray text on gray background is making my eyes bleed.

For those about to shop by PopeRatzo · 2011-12-15 14:54 · Score: 4, Funny

For the record, "Dangerous Toys" was the name of my '80s hair band. We disbanded in 1991 after our second album, titled Jarts in my Heart. We reunited in 2000 for a world tour, but we had to abandon it when my hernia started acting up and the bass player's hair plugs got infected. I told him it was gonna happen if he didn't wash his bandanna a little bit more often, but you know how bass players are. We used to know which way the stage was slanted by which side of his mouth had the drool coming out. You know what you do if your bass players drowning? Throw him his amp. How do you tell if the bass player's out of tune? You don't.

Anyway, I'd still be playing with them if they just made spandex tights in a relaxed fit. These days, I need a skosh more room in the seat and waist if I'm going to do the jumping in the air splits while windmilling chords on my Dimebag Darrell Signature three-pickup 7 string guitar, which I could totally still do. But not in these tights. That ship has sailed. Nowadays, I just take them out on the odd night when the classic rock station is playing a Get the Led Out commercial-free album set of Houses of the Holy.

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You are welcome on my lawn.

Surviving lawn darts by perpenso · 2011-12-15 15:11 · Score: 5, Funny

To think, not so long ago, my siblings and I were all lobbing lawn darts at each other, yet we all lived and didn't even lose an eye.

Of course only those of us nimble enough to dodge are here to make and read these lawn dart posts. :-)

Re:Surviving lawn darts by QuantumLeaper · 2011-12-15 15:47 · Score: 2

Someone will have to pry my Jarts out of my cold dead hands. I am really glad, my family kept them, I found them a couple of years ago in a box.
Re:Surviving lawn darts by hey! · 2011-12-15 16:21 · Score: 5, Funny

Someone will have to pry my Jarts out of my cold dead hands.

HAHAHA! Oh, wait. That was intended to ironic, wasn't it?

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Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
Re:Surviving lawn darts by davester666 · 2011-12-15 16:31 · Score: 2

Really, if you're too slow and unable to avoid a large, brightly colored, hand-thrown dart lobbed in the air, you probably should be driven to school and back and not allowed to play any sport involving more than one person at a time.

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Sleep your way to a whiter smile...date a dentist!
Re:Surviving lawn darts by tlhIngan · 2011-12-15 18:23 · Score: 3, Informative

Really, if you're too slow and unable to avoid a large, brightly colored, hand-thrown dart lobbed in the air, you probably should be driven to school and back and not allowed to play any sport involving more than one person at a time.
If you're playing with it actively, not a big deal. But then again, the sun does have a nasty habit of getting in your eye, so during the glare of day can make it quite difficult to see.
And given children may toss it and have it go off in a random direction because they released it wrongly could mean hitting someone who doesn't expect it. Like someone walking down the sidewalk, your neighbour, etc. Nevermind that people seem to be constantly distracted by their cellphones whilst walking down the street to even notice that there might be an object heading their way (this includes street furniture, cars, and lamp posts, too).
Re:Surviving lawn darts by Anonymous Coward · 2011-12-15 23:32 · Score: 4, Funny

I remember lawn darts! Damn those were fun. I got hit with one once, right above my left eye. Big fiasco. I don't remember much about it. I've had trouble remembering things since. But I remember that the lawn darts were fun
Re:Surviving lawn darts by StikyPad · 2011-12-16 05:05 · Score: 2

Yeah, thank God, otherwise where would you find a Jarts in this day and age?!? (Jarts are to lawn darts what Nerf guns are to real guns).

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https://www.eff.org/https-everywhere
Re:Surviving lawn darts by cayenne8 · 2011-12-16 05:55 · Score: 2

I'm amazed they still allow skateboards to be made today...they do still have those, don't they?
Or..do kids even play outside anymore these days...without it being some schedule, regimented, planned parent monitored activity?

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........

Mine by the+eric+conspiracy · 2011-12-15 15:55 · Score: 3, Funny

Dangerous Toy? My new BMW M3.

Re:It doesn't take labware... by artor3 · 2011-12-15 15:58 · Score: 2

Don't feel too bad about Canada. We have the exact same restrictions on buying pseudoephedrine in the states, for the exact same reason.

only three known deaths due to Jarts in the USA by rubycodez · 2011-12-15 16:25 · Score: 4, Insightful

and they ban the things? what a bunch of psychological marshmallows we've become. The body count for hot dog chokings goes into the thousands, bicycle made corpses would stack to the stratosphere....

Re:It doesn't take labware... by Bob+the+Super+Hamste · 2011-12-15 20:07 · Score: 2

Yet the requirements to buy pseudoephedrine are about the same as buying a long gun in my state and take the same amount of time. In both cases you go and show you ID to the sales person, the go and enter some data, you sign and walk out after paying for your item. The biggest difference is that when buying a long gun you can actually hold it and check it out before you purchase it.

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Time to offend someone

I Remember by thegarbz · 2011-12-15 20:41 · Score: 4, Insightful

I remember lawn darts. We lost a lot of stupid kids with that one.

Re:It doesn't take labware... by Bowdie · 2011-12-15 21:43 · Score: 2

incompletely illegal?

I can confirm that pseudoephedrine is legal here in the UK. I have some on my desk right now. You do have to ask for the correct sudafed as the good stuff is always behind the counter, but that's just modern life. ;)

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yes, www.dotcomforwardslash.com is my real URL.

Re:It doesn't take labware... by arth1 · 2011-12-15 23:17 · Score: 2

Whenever I buy cough remedies requiring registration, I make sure to combine the purchase with something else, just to amuse the poor DHS/DEA clerks.

Ok, so this guy bought NyQuil and ... french ticklers?

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The Most Dangerous Toys of 2011

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