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Pay the TSA $100 and Bypass Airport Security
An anonymous reader writes "Catching a flight in the U.S. isn't a great experience anymore due to the security checks involved. You have to remove your shoes, your belt, get your laptop out, be scanned and subjected to radiation in the process. Hundreds of other people are doing the same thing, meaning it takes 40 minutes instead of four. Now, the TSA has come up with a clever, money-making alternative. Instead of scaling back security or speeding it up, you can instead pay $100 and bypass it completely!"
When I was returning from the middle east from a year deployment, I sat down in my cramped up ass seat next to some square, who promptly complained about my slightly large bag not fitting completely under the seat. (Like a quarter of it was sticking out tops.) He was bitching because he would have to step over it to get out of his seat, like it was such a big deal for a grown ass man to have to inconvenience himself slightly for someone's much greater comfort. I basically told him to deal with it.
So then the cowardly, all too typical and common excuse for a "man" calls the flight attendant over and complains to her .Of course she takes his side and now I have to stow it somewhere. Unfortunately there is NO room anywhere in any overhead compartments, so I had to take the goddamn bag all the way to the front of the aircraft and put it in first class, where I would not have access to it or any of the stuff I brought along to keep me occupied ...... for the entire 19 hour flight.
The stupidest thing was, once we got in the air and I took my laptop and stuff out, the bag would have been smaller and probably easily fit under the seat. But the way I was being rushed like this was a big deal caught me off guard and I didn't think of it.
The piece of shit next to me only had to get up twice. I think he probably held it to avoid having to ask. I never spoke a word or looked at him the entire trip. In the end he was inconvenienced a hell of a lot more by my hostile attitude and slow movements than he ever would have been by my bag. What a miserable flight for everybody.
Tell you what, I'll pay triple to just skip the whole airplane thing altogether. Just load me up in the damn cannon, Jules Verne style, and shoot me directly there.