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Pay the TSA $100 and Bypass Airport Security
An anonymous reader writes "Catching a flight in the U.S. isn't a great experience anymore due to the security checks involved. You have to remove your shoes, your belt, get your laptop out, be scanned and subjected to radiation in the process. Hundreds of other people are doing the same thing, meaning it takes 40 minutes instead of four. Now, the TSA has come up with a clever, money-making alternative. Instead of scaling back security or speeding it up, you can instead pay $100 and bypass it completely!"
But I'd pay double to just be shot out of a cannon at the target landing zone or something - anything instead of having to spend the rest of the 6 hour journey with the same people I had to stand in line with.
...but I didn't expect it to be just cash money, and I certainly didn't expect it to be so low.
"Sorry, citizen, now that it's in the Free Market, it's no longer our concern. We trust that you understand, and remind you that you may worship at the Wal-Mart of your choice."
I don't think I want to request Global Entry from people who take naked pictures of me, or who wear rubber globes and feel me up.
I just need to not have a history of not being a suicide bomber?
Global Entry *and* Precheck? This is a fantastic 2-for-1 deal! Now, when I'm flying into the US to bomb a domestic flight, I don't have to wait in line at customs, I can just hail a cab and I'm off to Home Depot for box cutters and fertilizer. America sure is the land of convenience!
Yeah- you have be able to order pizza (and read the ad on the box) or pump gas (and read the ad on the pump).
Yes- the TSA hires from ads on Pizza boxes and gas pumps.
http://www.federalnewsradio.com/?nid=97&sid=2000678
The TSA will be checking at the aisles there soon too. The agents will double as customer service.
"Welcome to Wal-Mart! Would you like a shakedown, staredown, or gropedown?"
"Nah, I just want a flatscree--"
"GUARDS! Terrorist with a bomb and a Quran on aisle 5!"
"I can barely read the New York Post let alo--" *gets tackled to floor with a thud*
You can hold down the "B" button for continuous firing.
So the choice is rigorous background check or rigorous backside check. Great!
Silence is a state of mime.
so... you enjoy the probing...
"it still beats dealing with the airlines"
That just shows the Patriot Act and the TSA are working! If you ignore the fact that correlation doesn't equal causation, that we've improved cockpit security, and that citizens are now more aware of the dangers of hijackings, of course.
Yeah- you have be able to order pizza (and read the ad on the box) or pump gas (and read the ad on the pump).
I think I've seen those ads on matchbook covers too - "Can you draw this clown? You might qualify to become a TSA Agent!"
#DeleteChrome
well, that's not true among my older friends and relatives, they routinely get in the face of authority like TSA, cops, politicians on our police-street direction at the drop of a hat. hard to intimidate someone in the 70s or more, e.g. "what are going to do, sonny-boy-with-a-badge, jail me for life? give me the chair? hah, I'll probably flop over dead tomorrow anyway! screw you!"
It's a real free market when you get to buy (or bid for) your preferred government regulations and laws.
I usually describe the Democrats as being useless and the Republicans as being evil.
This is the sig that says NI (again)
As long as the choice is groping or irradiation, they are on my no-fly list.
I feel fantastic, and I'm still alive.
so.. what's the rigorous background check? that you haven't been convicted of terrorism before?
They check whether you've ever been a suicide bomber before.
"Little does he know, but there is no 'I' in 'Idiot'!"