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Police Probing Theft of Millions of Pounds of Maple Syrup From Strategic Reserve

Posted by Unknown on from the greatest-heist-of-our-time dept.

An anonymous reader writes with this bit from the Globe and Mail: "Quebec police are on the hunt for a sticky-fingered thief after millions of dollars of maple syrup vanished from a Quebec warehouse. The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check last week at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, where the syrup is being held temporarily. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which is responsible for the global strategic maple syrup reserve, initially kept the news quiet, hoping it would help police solve the crime quickly."

54 of 399 comments (clear)

  1. Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Sez+Zero · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Wait, what?!

    1. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Dyinobal · · Score: 4, Funny

      I know that was the strangest thing I've read in a while. But hey some people are serious about their maple syrup.

    2. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Hatta · · Score: 5, Informative

      They're just lucky it was a theft and the tank didn't burst.

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    3. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by characterZer0 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      It makes sense. If export demand spikes or production dips you want to have a reserve to use to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else, so your business model and power remain intact. It is for the exact same reason we have oil reserves.

      --
      Go green: turn off your refrigerator.
    4. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      It's the Canadian equivalent of the Federal Reserve.

    5. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Informative

      The "reserve" is in fact a way to keep maple syrup price higher by creating a rarity and allows to cash in when price goes higher. It's literaly a maple mafia going on here, all of it being driven under the UPA (union des producteurs agricoles - the farmer union), which is the solely recognized and legal farmer union in Quebec. There's a lot of complaint and some legal wrangling going on against this monopoly.

    6. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Farmer+Tim · · Score: 4, Funny

      Civilisation is only ever 48 hours away from dry pancakes.

      --
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    7. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by jeffasselin · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Production of maple syrup can vary highly from one year to the next, depending on weather conditions. The ideal conditions are rather strict, where the temperature is below freezing at night just above 4C during the day. If it's too warm or too cold, very little production can be done.

      Because of this, each year producers deliver some of their syrup to the strategic reserve, to ensure that every year a certain amount can be sold on the local and global markets. Before this initiative was taken, the were years when the price of syrup was really high, and even unavailable. That almost led to riots! Production these last few years has been much better, so the reserve isn't tapped much, but it's still a good idea, we don't know what might happen with GCC.

      --
      If he explores all forms and substances Straight homeward to their symbol-essences; He shall not die.
    8. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by anagama · · Score: 5, Funny

      With the exception that maple syrup is actually worth something.

      --
      What changed under Obama? Nothing Good
    9. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      *facepalm*

      Canada, buddy, look, seriously here. I've got numerous good friends of mine in various areas of Canada, from the coast of British Columbia to the fine metropolitan city of Toronto (sorry, I don't know any Newfies). So I spend a fair amount of time rolling my eyes at the usual Canadian stereotypes the less-cultured of my American brethren pump out on a regular basis whenever Canada is mentioned.

      But, man, seriously. Your Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve isn't going to make that any easier. Come on, now.

    10. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by nschubach · · Score: 4, Funny

      I just pictured a Austin Powers-esque or MST3K scene where a giant blob of molasses was "chasing" after these people.

      --
      Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
    11. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by guises · · Score: 4, Interesting

      Thank you for a moment of rationality in what will doubtless be an enlightened discussion.

    12. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by azadrozny · · Score: 5, Funny

      I have been cornering the market on Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice. One bad season and I will bring the world to its knees. Bwhaahaa!

    13. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by jhoegl · · Score: 5, Funny

      When you steal maple syrup from Canada, you see angry Canadians.
      We must record and study the Canadian in this rare form.

    14. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by zlives · · Score: 5, Funny

      soylent syrup is made from people

    15. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I don't like where this discussion is heading, it's a slippery slope to talk about a sticky situation like this...

    16. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by craigminah · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Sounds like a headline from The Onion.

    17. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Dear USA. The fact that you try to make fun of us... is in itself hilarious.

      If you're going to laugh at us, laugh at us for our godawful government currently trying as hard as possible to make Canada as much like the USA as possible.

    18. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by TubeSteak · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I wouldn't be so quick to call his comment rational.
      Or at least not the part about oil, unless global commerce is also fueled by maple syrup.

      Nobody keeps strategic oil reserves "to stabilize the price so people keep buying the stuff instead of switching to something else"
      They keep them so that the country doesn't grind to a halt the next time there's a significant supply disruption.

      --
      [Fuck Beta]
      o0t!
    19. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Sarten-X · · Score: 5, Funny

      Peak maple.

      --
      You do not have a moral or legal right to do absolutely anything you want.
    20. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by dyingtolive · · Score: 4, Funny

      It varies from person to person.

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    21. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anubis+IV · · Score: 5, Funny

      There are conflicting reports that riots have broken out all across Canada. Or that everyone seems to be fine with it and is going about their day as normal. Hard to say, since they look the same.

    22. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Adriax · · Score: 5, Funny

      Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops.
      In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.

      --
      I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
    23. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by AdamWill · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Well, that's easy enough - just attend absolutely any hockey game.

    24. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Thorodin · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Aw, c'mon. We're just teasing you just a bit. ("Homer Simpson on why he won't take a vacation in Canada: 'Why do I want to visit America Junior?'") Actually, I have a few connections to Canada: 1. I live in Michigan so you're like next door neighbors; 2. At work, we use a software product whose company is in Canada; 3. One of my best friends step-father is Canadian; and 4. I'm part Canadian as my great-grandmother on my Dad's side was Canadian. So, it's all in fun and I consider Canadians to be my brothers and sisters. And we in the US, really did appreciate the bravery shown by Canadian diplomats when they helped to smuggle a few Americans out of Iran way back when.

    25. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by gestalt_n_pepper · · Score: 4, Funny

      Ha! You've been taken in by the conspiracy between the Canadian government and "Big Maple." Maple syrup is actually formed abiotically from "sweet spots" deep within the earth. We can never run out of maple syrup. Canadian civilization can continue forever!

      --
      Please do not read this sig. Thank you.
    26. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by jd2112 · · Score: 5, Funny

      News Alert! The Strategic Waffle Reserve in Belgium has been robbed. Police believe the crimes may be related.

      --
      Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
    27. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by SilverJets · · Score: 3, Funny

      I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup.

      If you said you didn't like it, I could accept that. But not so much as seen it? Where does one live to avoid all contact whatsoever with maple syrup?

      cheesybagel obviously lives in another dimension.

    28. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...

      It is a strategic product. Have you ever read Dune? Where do you think Frank Herbert got the idea of spice?

      I mean how else can you explain how most Canadians knew the Iraq war was going to end in pain but most Americans thought it would be a fun desert expedition? It is the precognitive effects of maple syrup (spice)!

      To put it bluntly: if you eat food with maple syrup occasionally, nothing will happen. But if you become dependent on it then withdrawal will kill you. A strategic maple syrup reserve is critical for the survival of Canada. The biggest question, though, is how a country with so many precogs couldn't figure out that someone was trying to steal from the maple syrup reserve. I think there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye. Perhaps Canada is only trying to make us think that there was a theft so that we will feel that they are weak.

    29. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by clarkn0va · · Score: 3, Funny

      They keep them so that the country doesn't grind to a halt the next time there's a significant supply disruption.

      He was wrong about the maple syrup too, since that is exactly our reason for keeping reserves in Canada (although perhaps not on the global scale of oil).

      --
      I am literally 3000 tokens away from the chaotic crossbow --Stephen
    30. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by guises · · Score: 3, Insightful

      That is not correct, at least not for the US strategic oil reserve: it is explicitly there in order to help stabilize the price, created in response to the spike in price in the 70s. It isn't nearly large enough to keep the country running in case of a supply disruption of any significant length.

    31. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by MobileTatsu-NJG · · Score: 5, Funny

      I love to make fun of Candians every chance I get. But I do have to admit.. I envy their stereotypes. The rest of the world thinks I'm a lazy overworking fatass who prioritizes things like which gym to go to over geography.

      --

      "I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)

    32. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Loki_1929 · · Score: 4, Insightful

      It's large enough to keep our military moving long enough to beat the shit out of whoever's disrupting supply.

      --
      -- "Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else."
    33. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      A reward of 2L of pure Canadian maple syrup will be given to anyone who captures the author of the above comment.

    34. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Yvan256 · · Score: 4, Funny

      Who modded the comment above as flamebait? Did you get approval from the modding committee?

    35. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by Sulphur · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yeah it was bloody surreal. Only in Canada I guess. I mean I never have even seen, smelled, or eaten anything with maple syrup. Its food so it is pretty important but calling a syrup a strategic product? Errr...

      They use it to jam enemy radars.

    36. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by QuebecNerd · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I do mainly 2 things in my life:

      1- I'm an IT consultant 9 months/year
      2- I produce maple syrup on my maple farm 3 month/year

      I've been doing that for years and let me tell you that it is true that is a monopoly benefiting mainly the big producers and the small one are kinda left behind. But then again, It is similar to most farming in most countries.

    37. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by grcumb · · Score: 5, Funny

      Syrup refineries have been cutting the pure maple with corn-based additives for years. Peak maple is just a myth perpetuated by Big Maple to elevate prices so they keep their income level while demand for the pure stuff drops. In reality Canada is sitting on centuries of maple just waiting to be tapped.

      Meh, that's nothing but long-discredited trickle-down economics.

      --
      Crumb's Corollary: Never bring a knife to a bun fight.
    38. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by MobileTatsu-NJG · · Score: 3, Funny

      So ... you're a ginger?

      --

      "I like to lick butts!" by MobileTatsu-NJG (#32700246) (Score:5, Informative)

    39. Re:Maple Syrup Strategic Reserve? by LeperPuppet · · Score: 4, Informative

      Do New Zealanders or Aussies have riots? I've never heard of any.

      Unfortunately, yes for Australia. Not sure about New Zealand though.

  2. Police have called out the Royal Syrup Police by crazyjj · · Score: 4, Funny

    As is the tradition.

    --
    What political party do you join when you don't like Bible-thumpers *or* hippies?
  3. Unrelated Note by AioKits · · Score: 5, Funny

    Issuing invitation to all of /. for world's largest pancake and waffle breakfast! Bring your family, we have so much syrup to unload...

    --
    "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
  4. Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? by Peter+Simpson · · Score: 4, Funny

    I had no idea there was a "global strategic maple syrup reserve". Other possible Global Strategic Reserves we don't know about: Bacon? Poutine? BEER???

    1. Re:Surely I'm not the only one surprised by this? by K.+S.+Kyosuke · · Score: 5, Funny

      There's a global strategic whiskey reserve in Ireland and a global strategic beer reserve in Czech Republic. I believe that there's also a global strategic hamburger reserve somewhere in the USA.

      --
      Ezekiel 23:20
  5. Guard your hockey sticks by erikwestlund · · Score: 3, Funny

    The Canadian economy cannot afford a shortage of both maple syrup and hockey sticks.

  6. Only two men can solve this crime. by MarkvW · · Score: 4, Funny

    Canada needs the McKenzie brothers.
    NOW!

  7. In other news... by macraig · · Score: 4, Funny

    International House of Pancakes has announced that for all of the American Labour Day Weekend they will be offering free pancakes with all-you-can-slurp maple syrup, and every customer will get a free bottle of (unlabeled) genuine maple syrup to take home.

    1. Re:In other news... by AvitarX · · Score: 5, Insightful

      The odds that IHOP would use actual Maple Syrup approach 0, even if it were free.

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  8. Current Dramatization of Only Known Lead by eldavojohn · · Score: 4, Funny

    President Obama: *sits down to breakfast and starts to cut into his waffle but notices it's dry* Michelle, would you please pass the syrup.
    First Lady: Get it yourself.
    Secret Service Agent: *leans down and whispers into the President's ear* Um, sir, we're out of syrup, would you like me to dispatch an agent to pick you up from some the store?
    President Obama: No, Allen, that won't be necessary. *pauses dramatically and announces loudly* Get me Seal Team mother fuckin' Six on the horn!
    First Lady: Barry! Do NOT swear around our children! And for the love of god, you cannot use Seal Team Six to solve all of your problems! Remember when you told them to "take care of my mother" for an afternoon and she ended up floating face down in the Potomac!?
    President Obama: Clearly an unintended -- VERY UNINTENDED -- miscommunication and we're not having that fight again! Now, I want all the intelligence we have on Canada stat ... some very syrupy shit is about to go down.

    --
    My work here is dung.
  9. Something isn't right by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Millions of pounds means hundreds of thousands of gallons, means 1000 or so tanker trucks worth of the stuff. We're either dealing with an accounting error or a theft over an extremely long time frame.

    1. Re:Something isn't right by deains · · Score: 5, Funny

      Or both. Gotta watch those sticky-fingered accountants.

  10. No worries by PNutts · · Score: 3, Funny

    It was salted and probably used on hash.

  11. Chris Christie by tekrat · · Score: 3, Funny

    So *that* explains how it looks like he put on 100 pounds just before the RNC!

    --
    If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.
  12. Re:Damn by deains · · Score: 5, Funny

    I guess this could be a sticking point for the Canadian authorities. They sure made those looking after the product look like saps. But they'll catch the thief eventually, and he'll get his just desserts.

    You're welcome.