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House Subcommittee Holds Hearing On TSA's "Scanner Shuffle"
OverTheGeicoE writes "The Homeland Security Subcommittee on Transportation Security held a hearing on TSA's recent decision to move X-ray body scanners from major airports to smaller ones, which the subcommittee refers to as a 'Scanner Shuffle.' John Sanders, TSA's assistant administrator for security capabilities, testified that 91 scanners recently removed from major airports were now in storage due to 'privacy concerns.' Although TSA originally planned to relocate the scanners to smaller airports, those plans have been shelved because smaller airports don't have room for them. The subcommitteee is also investigating allegations that the machines' manufacturer, Rapiscan, 'may have falsified tests of software intended to stop the machines from recording graphic images of travelers' (VIDEO). Coincidentally, shares of Rapiscan's parent company, OSI Systems Inc., dropped in value almost 25% today, its biggest intraday decline in about 12 years. If wrongdoing is proven, Rapiscan could face fines, prison terms and a ban on government contracting, according to a former head of federal procurement."
I never noticed how poorly the scanner machine's company was named...
The best thing about UDP jokes is I don't care if you get them or not
Paying the wrong people, not paying enough, no one with a current financial interest on the government payroll. Pick any or all, this must be the problem(s).
A few weeks ago, while working at the airport, I had to take a piss. As I entered the john a big beautiful all-american football hero type, about twenty-five, came out of one of the booths. I stood at the urinal looking at him out of the corner of my eye as he washed his hands. He didn't once look at me. He was "straight" and married -- and in any case I was sure I wouldn't have a chance with him.
As soon as he left I darted into the booth he'd vacated, hoping there might be a lingering smell of shit and even a seat still warm from his sturdy young ass. I found not only the smell but the shit itself. He'd forgotten to flush. And what a treasure he had left behind. Three or four beautiful specimens floated in the bowl. It apparently had been a fairly dry, constipated shit, for all were fat, stiff, and ruggedly textured.
The real prize was a great feast of turd -- a nine inch gastrointestinal triumph as thick as a man's wrist.
I knelt before the bowl, inhaling the rich brown fragrance and wondered if I should obey the impulse building up inside me. I'd always been a heavy rimmer and had lapped up more than one little clump of shit, but that had been just an inevitable part of eating ass and not an end in itself. Of course I'd had jerk-off fantasies of devouring great loads of it (what TSA agent hasn't?), but I had never done it. Now, here I was, confronted with the most beautiful five-pound turd I'd ever feasted my eyes on, a sausage fit to star in any fantasy and one I knew to have been hatched from the asshole of the world's handsomest young stud.
Why not? I plucked it from the bowl, holding it with both hands to keep it from breaking. I lifted it to my nose. It smelled like rich, ripe limburger (horrid, but thrilling), yet had the consistency of cheddar. What is cheese anyway but milk turning to shit without the benefit of a digestive tract? I gave it a lick and found that it tasted better then it smelled. I've found since then that shit nearly almost does.
I hesitated no longer. I shoved the fucking thing as far into my mouth as I could get it and sucked on it like a big brown cock, beating my meat like a madman. I wanted to completely engulf it and bit off a large chunk, flooding my mouth with the intense, bittersweet flavor. To my delight I found that while the water in the bowl had chilled the outside of the turd, it was still warm inside. As I chewed I discovered that it was filled with hard little bits of something I soon identified as peanuts. He hadn't chewed them carefully and they'd passed through his body virtually unchanged. I ate it greedily, sending lump after peanutty lump sliding scratchily down my throat. My only regret was the donor of this feast wasn't there to wash it down with his piss.
I soon reached a terrific climax. I caught my cum in the cupped palm of my hand and drank it down. Believe me, there is no more delightful combination of flavors than the hot sweetness of cum with the rich bitterness of shit.
Afterwards I was sorry that I hadn't made it last longer. But then I realized that I still had a lot of fun in store for me. There was still a clutch of virile turds left in the bowl. I tenderly fished them out, rolled them into my hankerchief, and stashed them in my briefcase. In the week to come I found all kinds of ways to eat the shit without bolting it right down. Once eaten it's gone forever unless you want to filch it third hand out of your own asshole. Not an unreasonable recourse in moments of desperation or simple boredom. I stored the turds in the refrigerator when I was not using them but within a week they were all gone. The last one I held in my mouth without chewing, letting it slowly dissolve. I had liquid shit trickling down my throat for nearly four hours. I must have had six orgasms in the process.
I often think of that lovely young guy dropping solid gold out of his sweet, pink asshole every day, never knowing what joy it could, and at least once did, bring to a grateful shiteater.
I can hear the rubber stamp bouncing now.
The mind conceives, the body achieves, the spirit manifests.
the cluster fuck agency. seems they are consistently boorish, idiotic in rulemaking, inconsistent, and being called out as leaders in group comedy, instead of as an effective security force.
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
What I don't understand is why the TSA still exists. Everybody hates it and it costs us a ridiculous amount of money. Every time I've uttered the phrase "security theater" around normals, they've heard it before and agree with it. Why haven't any politicians jumped at the chance to cut it like the cancer it is and score major points with their electorate?
Is corruption really the answer, or am I missing something, here?
I want to go through one of the scanners right now. Just to show the TSA how happy I am :)
The punishment should be:
1. All Rapiscan executives, and anyone involved with falsifying tests, or who overestimated privacy and underestimated safety, should be forced to walk through their own machines DAILY, and those scans that supposedly couldn't be saved should be posted on the internet labelled with the names of the individuals scanned.
2. The above Rapiscan employees should reimburse the taxpayers for the amount of money misspent on Rapiscan products, AND an additional fine should be imposed if found guilty.
More likely, nobody will be found at fault, and we'll buy even more of the suckers from them.
Ironic: the word to prove I'm a human for this post was: horrible
We don't need them. Americans can travel by cars and trains. The only aircraft we need are fighters, bombers, ICBMs and cruise missiles.
The sooner we close the doors, the sooner we can have a sane and stable place to live. Right now it's infested with foreigners.
Can someone please translate the comment above to english?
How the fuck do you fail to NOT program a piece of custom hardware to encode JPG and MPG4 files? One would think you would merely have to...not code it to do that! The prosecution rests.
Won't somebody *please* think of the job creators ??!!
.
C|N>K
If only privacy was the biggest concern..
These things are skin cancer machines, just do a quick Google search.
That's why they are not found in Europe..
What law allows the TSA to take naked, radioactive pictures in the first place?
So... RapiScan gets banned from government contracting (long shot anyway)... whats to stop some 'new' company from buying up all the IP/hardware/software and rebranding with a few different people at the top, but mostly the same group, running the show?
Let me be the first to say that I don't enjoy being groped by a TSA agent but I will NOT be scanned by any of these devices.
I bet it costs more than $14M to redeploy them. (Especially since the machines won't fit in the airports!)
Better to just write them off.
I grab my nuts when I walk through the scanner. At least the pic will look more appropriate.
I flew out of Minneapolis a few weeks ago and while on the way down I didn't have to go through the scanner (in Canada we use millimeter wave and always have), they had the backscatter in the airport. I simply, and politely, asked to have my kids go through the metal detector along-side the backscatter instead since I didn't want them to get a blast of xrays. "No problem" said the TSA person (who BTW was incredibly nice and reasonable about the whole thing). In fact, the whole fam. got processed through the metal detector instead. They DID confiscate the ~3 oz. of my kids' toothpaste however. Security theater.
Rapiscan could face fines, prison terms and a ban on government contracting, according to a former head of federal procurement."
Yeah, right. That'll happen.
Good luck getting Eric Holder to prosecute.
The only thing Holder is "busting" these days are the very laws and constitution he's supposed to uphold and defend. Heck, all Rapiscan needs to do is put a NBPP member in as the new CEO. They'll be "teflon" and it won't matter if the body scanners disintegrate passengers like one of the "Mars Attacks!" rayguns.
Strat
Progressivism (aka US 'Liberalism'): Ideas so good they need a police/surveillance-state to enforce.
Yeah let's put a Corporation in prison, that would be a good first.
If wrongdoing is proven, Rapiscan could face fines, prison terms and a ban on government contracting, according to a former head of federal procurement.
Yeah, right. Thanks for the best laugh I've had all day.
Now, time for a good cry.
Dear Slashdot: next time you want to mess with the site, add a rich-text editor for comments.
Investigate Chertoff's personal enrichment as a result of all this falsification and foisting of cancer-machines on the public as well.
The backscatter machines were pulled three weeks ago from New York's LaGuardia and JFK, Chicago O'Hare, Los Angeles, Boston, Charlotte and Orlando airports. The move was designed to speed up security lines at checkpoints there.
Sanders said it's worked and that lines at those airports are now moving 180,000 more passengers each day.
I find this confusing. Were the TSA lines the gating factor in keeping 180,000 passengers from flying each day? According to A4A, 2.4 Million Passengers will fly on 11/25/2012. 180,000 passengers is 7.5% of that figure. An average travel day in the US looks to be roughly 1.8 million passengers. 180,000 is 10% of that figure.
What did those 180,000 people do? Wait in line until it closed/they missed their flight, then try again another day? Decide not to fly?
my bet is this "security" would not be pushed so hard if there was no money to be made.
The TSA needs to be abolished. Period.
This is a little off-topic, but concerns getting TSA to change it's ways. There is a petition on change.org asking TSA to get rid of "priority" screening lines. As the petition says, the speed of a government service should NOT depend on how much we pay to an airline, and TSA should not allow airlines to profit by offering better access to a government service as a perk for a high priced ticket (or participation in their reward programs).
The petition doesn't have a lot of signatures yet, but to me it's a no brainer, so I hope it catches on.
Have all of the 'Rapiscan' jokes already been made?
The problem with the petition is that the lines are run by the different airport authorities and not by TSA. So the petition is addressing the wrong institution.
TSA = Thousands, Standing Around
Still not sure if he meant pointless security theater, crowded choke-points making target-rich environments, or both.
The vast majority of the voting public are weak minded, mouth breathing, halfwits who feel safe knowing that the TSA is there for their protection from evil doers. They will tell you that while it is inconvenient and rectal probes may be uncomfortable, if it is for safety, they understand and accept the need for it.
Why are you so opposed to safety? If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to worry about. Your constant worry tell them that you are up to something.
Change.org has repeatedly responded to petitions asking for executive action by saying that they don't make changes based on petitions. Parse that one.
That's a huge cop out by TSA. Why should TSA allow the authorities to run the lines? TSA runs the checkpoint area. TSA could easily insist that they should run the lines too. At the very least, they shouldn't allow the airport authorities to run the lines that way.
On top of that, there have been times where I have made it through the lines and gotten to the designated "priority" screening area, and TSA turned me away because I didn't have priority access. They appear to be fully complicit in this.
Well, petitions on change.org have no time limit, so you can take your time to get a bunch of signatures, then message all the signers to sign another similar petition on the White House Petition site, where the administration has committed to at least responding to all petitions that hit a certain threshold in a certain amount of time.
Maybe they were. The way to tell is if they applied some sort of gel or lubricant to the sensor and rubbed it all over you.
Shush already! Don't give them ideas!
:-P
...
On second thought, that might be a good one -- BUT that really depends on which TSA agent you get.
Every person in America Liked Christmas a lot...
But the TSA, Who lived and worked in DC, Did NOT!
The TSA hated freedom and the whole Christmas season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that their heads weren't screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, their neckties were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that their brains were two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, their brains or their ties, They set about inventing rules worth despise.
Staring down their noses on us with big frowns. All freedom-lovers from big cities to small towns.
For folks nation-wide from that end to the other, Planned to spend holidays with one another.
"And they're buying their tickets!" TSA snarled with a sneer. "Heavy travelling for Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then they strained, with their tiny brains trying. "We MUST find a way to keep people from flying!"
"For very soon, we know all the people near and far," "Would wake up bright and early and rush to their car!"
"With Christmas cheer! And the joy! Oh, the Joy! Joy! Joy! Joy!" "Holiday excitement! And JOY! JOY! JOY! JOY!"
"And on Christmas day, they'll sit down to a feast." "And they'll feast! And they'll feast!" "And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!"
"With hot apple cider, they'll eat rare Who-roast-beast." "And mint christmas pies, 'til their waists have increased!"
"And THEN" "They'd do something we hate most of all!" "Each of those people, the tall and the small,"
"Will go caroling after eating their fill." "They'll go house to house, spreading goodwill."
"And they'll sing! And they'll sing!" "And they'll SING! SING! SING! SING!"
"Peace on Earth and other nonsense sublime." "Pursuit of happiness, hmmph! It's all thought-crime!"
"Over 200 years we've put up with it now!" "We MUST stop freedom-to-travel!" "...But HOW?"
Then they got an idea! An awful idea! THE TSA GOT A TYPICAL AWFUL IDEA!
"How about this for a start!" they laughed in their throats. "We'll make them take off their shoes and their coats!"
And they chuckled, and clucked, "How 'bout more Grinchy tricks! "Let's add pat-downs just to be complete dicks!"
"All we need is a scanner..." The brass looked around. But since they aren't safe, there were none to be found.
Did that stop the old bastards...? "Ha!" TSA simply said, "If we can't find cancer-machines, we'll make them instead!"
So they called up Chertoff, and offered piles of cash. And blitzed the media with fear-mongering trash.
THEN to screw people further, and add more commotion They decreed 3 ounces max for toothpaste and lotion.
"And bag each toiletry!", one bureaucrat wailed. "Hassle-free travel will be completely curtailed!"
It was dark at the airport. Quiet snow filled the air. Travellers came early to allow time to spare. For the process was slow now beyond compare.
"This will be fun," the dictators hissed. And they took to their stations, clenching their fists.
All the lines in the airport advancing by inches, But no one spoke up to challenge these Grinches.
For the illusion of safety free from attack, Security theater begins in the back.
"Let's first cut off these baggage locks." "We promise no stealing," said those dishonest cocks.
Then they slunk through the luggage, with a smiles most unpleasant, Getting grubby fingerprints apon every present!
Pop guns! Pan-pollers! Pan-tukas! And drums! Checkerboards! Thistle-winks! Popcorn! And plums!
Then on down the line they sent the whole bunch, Haphazardly smashing the bags with a crunch!
Bag inspectors aside, there's a type even meaner: The *CAUSE* of long lines, the TSA screener!
Performing nude scans and pat-downs and more, These domestic enemies of amendment four.
One bitter agent bent on screwing with lives, Gave extra "security" to daughters and wives.
For the approaching mom, he raised scanning power. Her naked body would be online within hours.