Your Hands Were Made For Punching According To New Study

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Your Hands Were Made For Punching According To New Study

Posted by samzenpus on Thursday December 20, 2012 @03:42PM from the here's-something-for-your-eye dept.

They are capable of delicate surgery, creating beautiful works of art, and comforting someone feeling down, but according to a new study your hands evolved to smash someone in the face. From the article: "Human hands evolved so that men could make fists and fight, and not just for manual dexterity, new research finds. The study, published in the Journal of Experimental Biology, adds to a growing body of evidence that humans are among the most aggressive and violent animals on the planet. 'With the notable exception of bonobos, great apes are a relatively aggressive group of mammals,' lead author David Carrier told Discovery News. 'Although some primatologists may argue that chimpanzees are the most aggressive apes, I think the evidence suggests that humans are substantially more violent.''"

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Not for jacking off? by colinrichardday · 2012-12-20 15:43 · Score: 5, Funny

Not for jacking off?
1. Re:Not for jacking off? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-12-20 15:56 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  If God didn't want us to masturbate, he wouldn't have given us such long arms.
2. Re:Not for jacking off? by colinrichardday · 2012-12-20 16:09 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  But God was mad at T-Rex?
  http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1637#comic
3. Re:Not for jacking off? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-12-20 16:30 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  don't forget the red dot.
4. Re:Not for jacking off? by DarwinSurvivor · 2012-12-20 20:45 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  The red dot DOES STUFF?!? Guess I need add another whitelist entry to noscript :(
5. Re:Not for jacking off? by dintech · 2012-12-20 21:35 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Your Hands Were Made For Punching According To New Study
  Fascinating! I did a quick scientific survey of my colleagues and it seems that some peoples faces are evolved for punching too!
6. Re:Not for jacking off? by Anonymous Coward · 2012-12-21 01:09 · Score: 5, Interesting
  
  As a guy that has suffered from various bacterial infections of the prostate and other reproductive parts, masturbation was one of the keys toward clearing out infections.
  See, the ejaculate is designed to be a nutrient bath for sperm cells. And it's good at keeping OTHER cells alive too.
  But it acts like mucus (snot) to clear things out if you are ready to dump lots of it.
  Masturbation (twice a day if possible) is one of the key things to do if you've got prostatitis. So yeah, it's not good to hold your load too long. Why do you think wet dreams occur? Why bother doing that while asleep, couldn't it be completely confined to dreaming?
  If you want to successfully reproduce, you need to be wanking it often, especially if there isn't modern medical care available.
  Ps, I am better now.
Explains a lot by Jetra · 2012-12-20 15:46 · Score: 4, Funny

Now I know why I have the urge to punch stupid people in the face.
Fist walking by tepples · 2012-12-20 15:47 · Score: 5, Interesting

Was it for punching foes, or was it for punching the ground before bipedalism became the norm? Orangutans, for example, walk on their fists.
1. Re:Fist walking by Anonymous Coward · 2012-12-20 16:15 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  The point of walking was to free up the hands to punch more people. Just like the point of jumping was to do scissors kicks to the neck. Cause that's just awesome.
2. Re:Fist walking by Fned · 2012-12-20 18:33 · Score: 4, Interesting
  
  Orangutans are the only great ape that walks like that, though, and they're primarily brachiators. Chimps and gorillas walk on the second knuckle rather than the first.
3. Re:Fist walking by Half-pint+HAL · 2012-12-20 21:02 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  There isn't anything to suggest that reproductive fitness (the thing that drives evolution) has anything to do with punching out competitors.
  You've never watched stags or bulls in mating season then....
  
  --
  Got them moderator blues I blieve I walk out the do', With these mod-points I been gettin', I 'most never post no mo'
4. Re:Fist walking by Knuckles · 2012-12-20 22:58 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  Absolutely. Also, study author should watch less movies and punch someone for real. He will realize that human hands are really bad for punching, you get open bleeding knuckles in no time, and injuries if your fists and arms are misaligned. It's not an accident that martial arts that use punches spend a lot of practice to getting it right, and many don't use closed-fist punches with exposed first phalanges at all.
  
  --
  "When I first heard Daydream Nation it quite frankly scared the living shit out of me." -- Matthew Stearns
It's all about masturbation, Mr. Carrier by hduff · 2012-12-20 15:48 · Score: 4, Informative

Then arms were made for masturbation. Otherwise why would they not be that length? If they were made for punching, they would be very much longer to minimize the risk to oneself from an attacker. Hands were then made for masturbation as well, otherwise why put them at the end of the perfect length of arm?

--
"I believe in Karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and I assume they deserve it." : Dogbert
1. Re:It's all about masturbation, Mr. Carrier by Johann+Lau · 2012-12-20 19:03 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  And the "purpose" of not having blue balls, or kids with the first woman you saw the day you reached puberty, is to increase our fitness *vastly* beyond what humping everything would... at least I assume that's the reason we came up with it. We as a species invest a lot in our kids, we don't just lay 20 eggs and let them fight amongst themselves. I mean, our kids are extremely helpless for a very long time, compared to most animals we're hilarious in that sense. This implies the need for society and a bond between the parents that goes beyond mere hornyness. After all, the same person will never make you repeatedly as horny as a person of equal hotness you haven't slept with, if there is nothing else.
  Also, these days we mostly procreate by information and power. When you think you're procreating you're really mostly just making vessels filled by others, how's that for a cheerful thought? Sure, your kids might have your genes, but they mostly do what a handful (in comparison to all the people who are "just parents") of inventors and leaders/owners came up with. They don't run around with cell phones because it was your idea, do they, or fight random shitty wars for with random shitty justifications because you recommended it. The concepts they use to interact with the world they won't get from you for the most part either, nor the movies or the songs or the hygiene products they will associate with their childhood just as much as they will associate it with you. I don't say this to be mean, at least not only; I really have to say "PFFFFFF!!" to the whole gene thing, that's like 10000 years past - a number I completely pulled out of my ass.
  I say we humans don't live in our genes, we live in that tiny percentage of them that makes us have these brains, in which we have ideas, knowledge, language, personality and ownership constructs. The hardware is really not the point of us. Sure, our genes may be selfish and our higher level things just a result of that blind selfishness ultimately, but now that these higher level things have arisen, they do influence and select genes as well, not just the other way around. And I'd say what is going on in our wetware, the current state, is way more important than our genes. There even was a slashdot story about this a while ago I think, about how we haven't really changed a lot biology wise. Our progress is mostly in culture "lately". Not that I'd need a scientist to know that, I looked it up in my gut; but it's always neat to have that gut feeling confirmed.
2. Re:It's all about masturbation, Mr. Carrier by FatLittleMonkey · 2012-12-20 19:26 · Score: 4, Interesting
  
  But convincing women to have sex with you requires not being a pathetic drooling moron, which means having a way of bleeding off the excess horniness during sexless courtship. Low horniness means you don't try and drop out of the gene pool, high unrelieved horniness means you don't succeed and drop out of the gene pool. Horniness + ability to masturbate means you can select your level of horniness to fit the situation. Win.
  But there was a side effect: When women breast-feed, it lowers their sex drive on average. A normal horny animal would just go off and find another mate. This limits the resources available for the child, so the species evolves young that are independent early, which limits intelligence. However, because masturbating human males could relieve their horniness, it reduced their need to constantly find other mates. This increased the resources for children, allowing the minor evolutionary pressure for greater intelligence to finally overcome the greater evolutionary pressure to reduce resource use. Thus modern humans evolved.
  
  --
  Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
3. Re:It's all about masturbation, Mr. Carrier by WGFCrafty · 2012-12-20 20:38 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  Also, these days we mostly procreate by information and power. When you think you're procreating you're really mostly just making vessels filled by others, how's that for a cheerful thought? Sure, your kids might have your genes, but they mostly do what a handful (in comparison to all the people who are "just parents") of inventors and leaders/owners came up with. They don't run around with cell phones because it was your idea, do they, or fight random shitty wars for with random shitty justifications because you recommended it. The concepts they use to interact with the world they won't get from you for the most part either, nor the movies or the songs or the hygiene products they will associate with their childhood just as much as they will associate it with you. I don't say this to be mean, at least not only; I really have to say "PFFFFFF!!" to the whole gene thing, that's like 10000 years past - a number I completely pulled out of my ass.
  I think you are profoundly underestimating the influence a parent who is nurturing and has a positive relationship with their kid, has on that child's personality. That child may be influenced greatly through non-parental channels, but they will most likely hold similair beliefs and values, which may match societal norms as well, but be closer to their family.
  
  My point is that, their parents values may overlap with societal values but their parent's influence is greater. I'm specifically talking about people who would rate their relationship as very close.
  
  If what you say is true I would think everyone would be grey and generic.
4. Re:It's all about masturbation, Mr. Carrier by Johann+Lau · 2012-12-20 23:20 · Score: 4, Interesting
  
  Values, yes. For example, there surely were many of loving parents in Nazi Germany, and the sense of duty and honor they instilled in their kids -- with the best and most loving of intentions --made those perfect fodder for the Nazis. Of course, there was also the resistance. You know, the ones who died a lot, too. While Nazi scientists kind of went on to continue their career in the US. Gotta lurv me some values!
  Values can be routed around and used for whatever if you couple it with deception, and even then there is the whole external forces stuff... You can instill values that would make your kid rather starve than become a murderer, but wether they will have to make such a choice is not up to you or them, ultimately. You can keep your kid from participating in war or slavery, but not from catching a bullet or being enslaved.
  It's kind of ironic: unless we care for all people, our own children (and their children, and theirs..) don't really stand much of a chance, and will not have much of a say. They will pick from choices others engineered and think they are their own. That's even worse than being in prison, where you even know you are.
  We are embedded in society, we breathe it, and the question is, who drives it. Special interest groups, or all? Whom does it serve for the most part? We are being driven, probed, manipulated, divided and conquered, and you tell me your parenting is going to win out? I mean, I get your point, and I agree with it in the scope it applies, but do you hear me, too?
  Even when you say "your beliefs" I have to ask, how many of those are yours, how many have you adopted without looking too closely? And never mind you, how about most people?
  
  If what you say is true I would think everyone would be grey and generic.
  Likewise, if what you said was true, that either means a lot of parents raise their kids to be tools for robbery, murder, and being experimented on.
  And yes, I am exaggerrating. To make a point, because this cute little "my family tree" stuff is boring me to death. I appreciate the love, but I hate the naivity. Put bluntly, even the most successful kid is still just a slave and cannonfodder with mostly lies, toys and non-sequiturs in the brain, with so few exceptions they're not worth mentioning. It's not worth mentioning until it's at least two thirds, if you ask me :P I know we can't all be super duper grownups all the time, but this is abysmal bullshit. The whole last 100 years have been, at least.
  And yes, once you see through a bunch of patterns you'll find the world, in some ways, IS very grey and generic. Well, the human world, anyway. It's like the emperor has ten thousand outfits, and they all consist of his wrinkly dick swinging in the wind. And pretending otherwise doesn't make it actually colorful, it kinda dooms us... so let's kick the emperor in the nuts. He'll thank us when he snapped out of it, I bet you.
5. Re:It's all about masturbation, Mr. Carrier by daem0n1x · 2012-12-20 23:26 · Score: 5, Insightful
  
  We as a species invest a lot in our kids, we don't just lay 20 eggs and let them fight amongst themselves.
  That's how Libertarians breed, you insensitive clod!
As a boxer... by ihatewinXP · 2012-12-20 15:54 · Score: 5, Insightful

From years of boxing this couldnt be more obvious.
Your hands will fracture, break, bend, and sometimes emulsify... Especially the forefinger middle knuckle and the top pinky knuckle = 'the boxer break.' Over and over.
But each time calcifying over and becoming stronger. After a while you literally have 'hands of stone.'
Now of course my dexterity isnt what it used to be. Typing and fumbling for computer screws reminds me of my favorite pastime often.

--
---- The real Slashdot is still here. You just have to browse at -1 to read the comments.
According to my vegan, feminist ex... by Anonymous Coward · 2012-12-20 15:55 · Score: 5, Funny

We were living in a peaceful vegetarian world, munching on salad until the bronze age. Of course, all evidence for this was wiped out by the evil patriarchy.
I call BS by Kargan · 2012-12-20 15:56 · Score: 5, Informative

Your hands are full of very small bones. It's very easy to break your hand by punching something hard and dense (such as a skull or face for instance).
If you want to strike someone in the face, it's smarter to use other parts of the body such as your knee, elbow or to use an open hand strike (such as a palm strike). That way you have the edge of a very long bone delivering the blow.

--
Palaces, barricades, threats, meet promises
1. Re:I call BS by FatLittleMonkey · 2012-12-20 19:37 · Score: 4, Insightful
  
  But then he'll get a bigger stronger branch. And you'll respond by attaching sharpened flint to your branch. Then he invents a system where he can make others fight you while he is protected. So you invent a system where you personify the sun or a volcano and convince others that it's the personification that wants them to fight his defenders...
  Where does it all end?
  
  --
  Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
Oh yeah? by TWX · 2012-12-20 16:09 · Score: 5, Funny

David Carrier said, "...I think the evidence suggests that humans are substantially more violent."
Oh yeah? I bet he wouldn't say that to my face!

--
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Re:Level the playing field. by UltraZelda64 · 2012-12-20 16:55 · Score: 5, Funny

I predict that they will start throwing chairs.
Re:As a boxer... Ewwwwww by yndrd1984 · 2012-12-20 17:10 · Score: 4, Funny

mishandling relatively short, small diameter, objects reminds you of your favourite pastime ............ just ewwww
If you haven't played with a clit, you're missing out.
Re:You, sir. by Weaselmancer · 2012-12-20 19:25 · Score: 5, Funny

Just don't shake his hand.

--
Weaselmancer
rediculous.
Re:As a boxer... Ewwwwww by wierd_w · 2012-12-20 22:31 · Score: 5, Funny

It says:
"User Horndog is not a member of the super users group", and that "my access violation will be reported"!
I think I hear sirens....