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The Empire Writes Back About the Failed Death Star Petition
It appears that it isn't just fans who took notice of the failed White House petition to build a Death Star. Star Wars Blog has an official response from the Galactic Empire which reads in part: "IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. 'It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,' said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. 'Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.'”
'Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”
What are the key differences between Bush, Obama and Palpatine?
This entry was posted on January 15, 2013 at 9:00 am and is filed under In Pop Culture.
Should be refiled under Imperial Politics, Interstellar News, Diplomacy, or something similar.
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
This is one of the stupidest stories I have read; not even worthy of slightly retarded 12 years olds.
the way letters are arranged
Then we can be done with it.
It's got Aircraft Carriers for Hands!
He just retired a couple of weeks ago...
“He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
Dumb nerd jokes about dumb nerd movies aren't funny.
Does anyone *genuinely* think this sort of thing is entertaining, or do people just get into referencing "nerdy" pop culture shit because "that's what us nerds do"? I've never understood it.
By executive order, I authorize that construction begin immediately on a Death Star!!
By executive order, all personal property and assets are now the property of the Empire, and these assets shall be used to build this Death Star.
Unfortunately Disney's article already used all the clever star wars references that could possibly be applied, leaving slashdot commenters with nothing to do but rehash them.
...he probably knew how to balance the budget.
While it's fun to pretend, most of us know that this really isn't an official response from the Empire, since the Empire is a fictional organization. What it is is a single post from a single blogger.
Why is Slashdot running an article which consists of "this one blogger posted a message on a blog about some geeky topic"?
Other than it was long ago and far away. A couple Star War stars have the same names as our stars.
The problem is not the power its the web of contracting associated with a project of such magnitude. See all the contractors know who its for and know the risk involved so they pass on bidding on the project.
There is something wearing an American flight suit in the Cantina scene. But you know how the sand people will buy any old junk the Ferengi pick up that fell through a wormhole backwards in time.
Recycle PCs and build a wireless community network www.hillsborough.org.nz
From: Eternal Emperor Forever Justin Bieber of Rigel IV
To: Serak the Preparer
Subject: PUNY HUMANS!
Preparer;
I laughed with much glee at the attempts of the the puny humans to calculate the cost of this death star "super weapon". It surely could never rival the power of our star system destructo ray! Make sure Kang and Kodos have prepared the invasion fleets!
Be a Bieleber!
Emperor Justin
Python: 'And then suddenly you have a language which says "we're all stuck with whatever the whiniest coder wants".'
The Earth will be destroyed tomorrow in order to make room for the interstellar bypass which has been in the planning stage for quite some time now. No sense complaining about it now, since you self-absorbed humans have not even bothered to attend any of the galactic meetings. Until then, would any of you be interested in hearing some of our poetry?
Signed, The Vogons
In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (published in 1979), the characters visit the legendary planet Magrathea, home to the now-collapsed planet-building industry, and meet Slartibartfast, a planetary coastline designer who was responsible for the fjords of Norway. Through archival recordings, he relates the story of a race of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who built a computer named Deep Thought to calculate the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. When the answer was revealed to be 42, Deep Thought explained that the answer was incomprehensible because the beings didn't know what they were asking. It went on to predict that another computer, more powerful than itself would be made and designed by it to calculate the question for the answer. (Later on, referencing this, Adams would create the 42 Puzzle, a puzzle which could be approached in multiple ways, all yielding the answer 42.) The computer, often mistaken for a planet (because of its size and use of biological components), was the Earth, and was destroyed by Vogons to make way for a hyperspatial express route, five minutes before the conclusion of its 10-million-year program. Two of a race of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who commissioned the Earth in the first place, disguise themselves as Trillian's mice, and want to dissect Arthur's brain to help reconstruct the question, since he was part of the Earth's matrix moments before it was destroyed, and so he is likely to have part of the question buried in his brain. Trillian is also human but had left Earth six months previously with Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy. The protagonists escape, setting course for "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". The mice, in Arthur's absence, create a phony question since it is too troublesome for them to wait 10 million years again just to cash in on a lucrative deal.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy#Plot
It wasn't our galaxy! The Galactic Empire fell long before they could have managed to reach here.
The Empire's Death Star qualifies under new Executive Orders issued today by the White House as an assult weapon. As such Grand Moff Tarkin is required to surrender possession within mandated timeframes and confirm registration on all other non-qualifying items in the Imperial armory. W. Tarkin and Anakin Skywalker aka D.Vader must also submit to a Universal Background Check.
We should have started on a few Star Destroyer's first! Conquer some neighboring planets and get them to build the Death Star for us.
"I find your lack of faith disturbing."
-Your Supreme Lord Holiness, Darth Vader
The G
This is not the President you are looking for...
This is the nerdy shit ever!
Well, there's that Star Wars/Indiana Jones crossover comic... it's officially non-canon, but several elements were referenced in later, canonical works.
since the President doesn't have that power to begin with.
Why?
Cause his birth certificate does not mention his midi-chlorian count?
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Here's a Death Star that the US government might actually be able to afford:
http://lego.cuusoo.com/ideas/view/16974
It's made of LEGO. If enough people sign the LEGO Cuusoo petition (like a Kickstarter for LEGO sets), maybe the LEGO company can succeed where the US govt is unwilling to go.
Congress hasn't been more hostile post civil war. They can't get much more hostile short of an impeachment over nothing... If he uses the constitution to pay off the debt they just might do that too.
Welcome to Obama's America.
This project can still make it just needs a few tweaks from the private sector. First of all change the name to "The Disney Freedom Star" and create some space on the outside for advertising - scrolling billboards and flashing lights. It will also need to have a substantial percentage of volume dedicated to retail. It should also contain a Star Fleet Academy themed restaurant for fans of space science fiction. All security and military operations will have to contracted to the plethora of private security firms. So if there is a war countries or multinational corporations can bid for time on the laser, imagine the profit!