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The Empire Writes Back About the Failed Death Star Petition

It appears that it isn't just fans who took notice of the failed White House petition to build a Death Star. Star Wars Blog has an official response from the Galactic Empire which reads in part: "IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. 'It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,' said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. 'Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.'”

51 of 90 comments (clear)

  1. D'uh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    'Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

    What are the key differences between Bush, Obama and Palpatine?

    1. Re:D'uh by DaWhilly · · Score: 5, Funny

      The Emperor doesn't have a Term Limit.

    2. Re:D'uh by NettiWelho · · Score: 2

      What are the key differences between Bush, Obama and Palpatine?

      Space-time coordinates.

    3. Re:D'uh by Grishnakh · · Score: 3, Funny

      Palpatine wields the power of the Force. The others are just sociopathic assholes with normal human abilities.

    4. Re:D'uh by Synerg1y · · Score: 1

      The Death Star would provide ample justification... because we would've had a death star, that's why.

    5. Re:D'uh by mapsjanhere · · Score: 1

      Sure does, one term - for life. Very untypical for emperors to have multiple terms, unless your name is Napoleon.

      --
      I'm aging rapidly, I bought a new game and had no idea if my machine was good for it.
    6. Re:D'uh by amicusNYCL · · Score: 1

      What are the key differences between Bush, Obama and Palpatine?

      One of them is fictional.

      --
      "Our two-party system is like a bowl of shit looking at itself in a mirror." - Lewis Black
    7. Re:D'uh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Clones.

    8. Re:D'uh by Charliemopps · · Score: 3, Funny

      Palpatine was involved in fewer wars?

    9. Re:D'uh by morethanapapercert · · Score: 1

      Or Richard Kea AKA the Eternal Emperor of the Sten Chronicles, who was not a clone in the usual sense, since the mind was transcribed into each new body as well, so it was arguably the same man.

      --
      I need a wheelchair van for my son. Help me get the word out. https://www.gofundme.com/wheelchair-van-for-jj
    10. Re:D'uh by Hamsterdan · · Score: 1

      You sir, owe me a new keyboard...

      --
      I've got better things to do tonight than die.
  2. Misfiled by davidwr · · Score: 5, Funny

    This entry was posted on January 15, 2013 at 9:00 am and is filed under In Pop Culture.

    Should be refiled under Imperial Politics, Interstellar News, Diplomacy, or something similar.

    --
    Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
  3. Re:Why? by sribe · · Score: 2, Insightful

    This is one of the stupidest stories I have read; not even worthy of slightly retarded 12 years olds.

    Goddammit. My mod points expired a few minutes ago ;-)

  4. Re:Why? by Thorodin · · Score: 1

    Perhaps but it is filed under Entertainment. And what's the matter with a little silliness now and then?

  5. Emperor Palpatine? by fustakrakich · · Score: 1

    He just retired a couple of weeks ago...

    --
    “He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
    1. Re:Emperor Palpatine? by Cinder6 · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Actually, it was a long time ago.

      --
      If you can't convince them, convict them.
    2. Re:Emperor Palpatine? by fustakrakich · · Score: 1

      Nope, 3rd of January, this year

      --
      “He’s not deformed, he’s just drunk!”
  6. Executive Order by us7892 · · Score: 2

    By executive order, I authorize that construction begin immediately on a Death Star!!

    By executive order, all personal property and assets are now the property of the Empire, and these assets shall be used to build this Death Star.

  7. Re:Why? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    not even worthy of slightly retarded 12 years olds

    So, too sophisticated for about 50% of the Slashdot audience then.

  8. Why is this an article? by Jiro · · Score: 2, Insightful

    While it's fun to pretend, most of us know that this really isn't an official response from the Empire, since the Empire is a fictional organization. What it is is a single post from a single blogger.

    Why is Slashdot running an article which consists of "this one blogger posted a message on a blog about some geeky topic"?

    1. Re:Why is this an article? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      " since the Empire is a fictional organization."

      That's what they want you to think.

    2. Re:Why is this an article? by Cro+Magnon · · Score: 5, Funny

      I find your lack of faith disturbing.

      --
      Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
    3. Re:Why is this an article? by frank_adrian314159 · · Score: 1

      Uhhh... Because that's what Slashdot does?

      And good thing, too. Have you actually seen the (thankfully small amount of) Slashdot-generated content posted here?

      --
      That is all.
    4. Re:Why is this an article? by JustOK · · Score: 2

      They want you to think that that's what they want you to think.

      --
      rewriting history since 2109
    5. Re:Why is this an article? by tehcyder · · Score: 1

      most of us know that this really isn't an official response from the Empire, since the Empire is a fictional organization

      That's like posting on a Moshi Monsters site that Santa Claus isn't real.

      --
      To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
  9. Re:Why? by lnunes · · Score: 3, Funny

    Don't worry, I got this!

  10. is there a reference to Earth at all in Star Wars? by peter303 · · Score: 2

    Other than it was long ago and far away. A couple Star War stars have the same names as our stars.

  11. Contracting by Fosterocalypse · · Score: 2

    The problem is not the power its the web of contracting associated with a project of such magnitude. See all the contractors know who its for and know the risk involved so they pass on bidding on the project.

  12. Re:Palpatine was better... by NettiWelho · · Score: 2

    Oh look, another dumbass who doesn't know that congress is responsible for the "budget".

    Oh look, another dumbass who doesn't know that Palpatine dissolved the congress so he is infact responsible for the "budget".

    "The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away."

    -Wilhuff Tarkin

  13. Re:is there a reference to Earth at all in Star Wa by waynemcdougall · · Score: 1

    There is something wearing an American flight suit in the Cantina scene. But you know how the sand people will buy any old junk the Ferengi pick up that fell through a wormhole backwards in time.

    --
    Recycle PCs and build a wireless community network www.hillsborough.org.nz
  14. Re:Palpatine was better... by SilentStaid · · Score: 2

    Did you just say that a Sith Lord knew how to balance?

    First of all, the man hasn't strayed from a solid black ensemble in 40 years. Then there's the whole argument for physical balance - if I had a nickle for every time I saw a Sith (minus Maul, his balance was impeccable) wobble, fall or hell - fail to decide to attack anddefend in a fight... Then there's that whole thing where they lean completely to one side of the force which I don't think I have to tell you...

    You know what? I need to balance myself. Before I get nerd-uppity on the internet about the finer points of galactic budgets, saber fighting techniques and personal dispositions of fictional characters I'm going to go kiss my girlfriend.

  15. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away by russotto · · Score: 1

    It wasn't our galaxy! The Galactic Empire fell long before they could have managed to reach here.

  16. Re:Palpatine was better... by Cro+Magnon · · Score: 3, Insightful

    ...he probably knew how to balance the budget.

    Doubtful. Not only was the Death Star a huge budgetary drain, but he blew away a whole planet of taxpayers, causing a further drain on the Galactic Economy.

    --
    Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
  17. Death Star must be registered... by Picass0 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The Empire's Death Star qualifies under new Executive Orders issued today by the White House as an assult weapon. As such Grand Moff Tarkin is required to surrender possession within mandated timeframes and confirm registration on all other non-qualifying items in the Imperial armory. W. Tarkin and Anakin Skywalker aka D.Vader must also submit to a Universal Background Check.

    1. Re:Death Star must be registered... by Binestar · · Score: 1

      Nothing in the executive orders changes definitions of assault weapons. That portion is going to go through an increasingly hostile congress.

      --
      Do you Gentoo!?
    2. Re:Death Star must be registered... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      "Nothing in the executive orders changes definitions of assault weapons."

      So, they are still defined as what ignorant people think look scary?

    3. Re:Death Star must be registered... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Yep. And in New York City, the definition includes *HANDGUNS* with a magazine capacity above 7 rounds. :DOH!:

  18. Building a Death Star is Rediculous by qzzpjs · · Score: 2

    We should have started on a few Star Destroyer's first! Conquer some neighboring planets and get them to build the Death Star for us.

  19. Rebuttal by RedHackTea · · Score: 1

    "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
    -Your Supreme Lord Holiness, Darth Vader

    --
    The G
  20. Wave of the Hand by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    This is not the President you are looking for...

  21. Re:Yawn. by interval1066 · · Score: 2

    I've never understood it.

    Now you kids get the hell off of his lawn!

    --
    Python: 'And then suddenly you have a language which says "we're all stuck with whatever the whiniest coder wants".'
  22. Re:Why? by halcyon1234 · · Score: 1

    Good going. Now I'm going to have to mod it.

  23. Re:is there a reference to Earth at all in Star Wa by gman003 · · Score: 1

    Well, there's that Star Wars/Indiana Jones crossover comic... it's officially non-canon, but several elements were referenced in later, canonical works.

  24. Re:Why? by sribe · · Score: 1

    Don't worry, I got this!

    HEY! It's going the wrong way! That was insightful, not a troll. Well, OK, it was a little trollish, but very insightful.

  25. I find your lack of faith disturbing by denzacar · · Score: 3, Funny

    since the President doesn't have that power to begin with.

    Why?
    Cause his birth certificate does not mention his midi-chlorian count?

    --
    Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  26. Re:Yawn. by denzacar · · Score: 4, Informative

    That's a terrible age to be a grumpy old man.

    --
    Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
  27. Re:Palpatine was better... by VirtualWizard · · Score: 1

    Not to mention Gungans.

  28. Re:Yawn. by JustOK · · Score: 1

    Dumb nerd jokes about dumb nerd movies aren't funny.

    Does anyone *genuinely* think this sort of thing is entertaining, or do people just get into referencing "nerdy" pop culture shit because "that's what us nerds do"? I've never understood it.

    Wait, I've heard that in some movie...

    --
    rewriting history since 2109
  29. Re:Yawn. by DuckDodgers · · Score: 1

    If it doesn't suit your sense of humor, then don't pay any attention.

    I'll never understand people who post to a topic on Slashdot complaining that the topic bores them. The internet is a big thing, if you aren't interested in what you read here, then go somewhere else.

  30. Re:Yawn. by tehcyder · · Score: 1

    If it doesn't suit your sense of humor, then don't pay any attention. I'll never understand people who post to a topic on Slashdot complaining that the topic bores them. The internet is a big thing, if you aren't interested in what you read here, then go somewhere else.

    Oh, come on. If slashdot started posting loads of anti-Linux stories, or daily posts about the NFL or Kim Kardashian, everyone would (quite rightly) be in an uproar.

    People come to slashdot, or any other website, in large part because of what it doesn't post.

    If I want poetry criticism or local traffic news, I go to the relevant websites.

    Having said that, there are bound to be some stories you're not interested in on any site. Unfortunately, anything to do with Star Wars seems to be (a) acceptable as slashdot-fodder and (b) beyond criticism.

    --
    To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
  31. Re:Palpatine was better... by RivenAleem · · Score: 1

    Naboo surely?