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TSA Log Shows Passengers Say the Darndest Things
coondoggie writes "There is no humor in an airport. It's a fact. And while most travelers business or otherwise know that, there are a few out there who haven't gotten the message or perhaps the choose to ignore it. Either way the 'People Say the Darndest Things' or 'What Not to Say at an Airport' section has become one of the more popular destinations on the TSA Blog site."
The collected wit and wisdom of airline passengers linked unfortunately does not distinguish between stupidity (claiming that you have a bomb to get through security faster) and seemingly sensible questions that get at the heart of the problems with the current and long-running engagement of Homeland Security Theater. (It's also hard to know whether some passengers might have innocently thought their tone, facial expression, body language or context would have served as notice that they weren't actually threatening murder.)
Repeats the same three anecdotes 11 times. Stupid people will say the word "bomb" sarcastically. Headline news.
The layout of this article was awful. Here's the print version so you can see them all on one page.
Taking guns away from the 99% gives the 1% 100% of the power.
Why? Are we supposed to show obeisance to the stormtroopers of our overlords?
Gamingmuseum.com: Give your 3D accelerator a rest.
Well, there's little room to interpret buying you a drink as anything threatening.
But the people who make jokes about having bombs or firearms? Well, that's just stupidity on their behalf, because it won't be taken well. You might as well go to a women's crisis center and make rape jokes -- they're just not going to work.
I've long since learned that at an airport, it's best to just play it cool, and be seen to be non-threatening or angry with them. Untie the shoes before you even get called, make sure you know what's in your pockets so you can remove it (a shocking amount of people don't seem to know what they're carrying), smile at them -- they may be idiots with no real training in some cases, but they respond to polite a whole lot better.
Some people seem to think it's a good time to make a political statement or otherwise act like an ass. It's your choice to do that, but certain kinds of jokes with these kinds of people are never going to be taken nicely. Hell, even "Airplane" in 1980 was making the "Hi, Jack!" jokes, and that was long before people got ramped up to the current state.
On the other hand, I once had a TSA agent become very interested in the my GPS for golf after he'd examined it. A friendly chat and a quick product endorsement, and I was on my way.
Lost at C:>. Found at C.
You really expected them to react to that line?
My last experience involved a pat-down with a TSA agent at MIA. He asked me, "May I ask what your objections are to the scanner?" I said, "No, you may not."
Didn't go over well. Got a 20 minute lecture on why I should just trust the scanner. I didn't really react which made him angry.
He was a Cuban guy and he was starting to make me angry. I caught myself about to make some potentially racist remark along the lines of "This may be acceptable where you came from, but it's not here." Instead I took a deep breath and asked him if I was free to go.
The guy was going full jerk by now and yelling at me to remove my items from the area. I had them in my hands and was stepping away before he could even finish the sentence.
Flying again in a week. Joy joy.
The first time I flew was in the 70's and I can remember seeing signs at the security checkpoints warning against joking about guns or bombs. It's not something distinctive to the TSA.
Proverbs 21:19
OK. Here's the deal. If they take it seriously and believe me when I say "I have a bomb," then why would they distrust me when I say "I don't have a bomb or gun or knife or anything dangerous" and let me skip the screening. Really, WTF? They're gonna search everyone, right? Then why the fuck do they care what they say? Because catching smartasses is easier than catching terrorists?
I am not a crackpot.
Yeah, yeah, it's really dumb to suggest you have a bomb at the airport. But, in reality, if a terrorist was trying to detonate a bomb at the airport or on a plane, they wouldn't tell anyone. The whole reason for the overreaction from the TSA is because they think if there really was a bomb they would look extra dumb if it turned out the terrorist told them about the bomb and they still didn't find it.
If some guy says he has a bomb, but he clearly doesn't, he's either an idiot or trying to create a distraction. By closing down the airport, you either allow his idiocy to cause real damage to the economy and inconvenience people. If he was trying to create a distraction, you allowed him to succeed.
Obviously if someone might actually be a real threat, you do what needs to be done to keep people safe. But in every single one of these cases, it seems that it could be ascertained fairly quickly that they pose no real threat even if they suggested they might. I don't mind questioning these idiots in the back for a few hours, but let everything else continue normally.
Sure. They will just call the bomb squad, who will blow up your laptop in a bomb proof container. You will get the bill of the operation, probably some jail time and lose a laptop...
Damn. And I almost contemplated telling them that I'm bringing Occam's razor on board in my head as well. *That* would have been really messy!
Ezekiel 23:20
Yes, though they prefer to be called "Our Benefactors". Now pick up that can.
We're a Police State Superpower.
There's a difference.
-- Tigger warning: This post may contain tiggers! --
A few years ago I made the mistake of grabbing something to eat outside the SeaTac security theater zone when I was in a hurry. There was no line (very late at night) but the flight was leaving soon, so I asked "Does my burrito constitute a 'tube of gel' or can I take it through to the boarding area?" Three luggage monkeys wearing aviator glasses at night and a harrumphing silverback later, they came to a conclusion.
They x-rayed my burrito.
How is it possible for me to take them seriously? I do risk management for a living, and -- while my jackass question and their retarded response was funny at the time -- there's no way to examine the situation that doesn't indicate heightened overall risk due to bewildered agents looking for irrelevant indicators. Sure, morons joking about a bomb and the forgetful gun-toter need to be weeded out, but neither is a material risk to the lives of anyone on a flight. A good revamp of the TSA would start from undesirable risk outcomes and work its way back to a determination of effective controls... nah. Not gonna happen.
I think not...(*poof*)
Never greet him at the airport.
You know you thought about this. http://xkcd.com/651/
That's odd, because for the last 10 years, when they're calling the flight and if you don't come to the desk, they say they'll pull your luggage. They're not supposed to let your luggage fly without you. If they're putting your luggage on and not you, I think they're in violation of FAA policy.
And, the people you need to be angry with are the agents of the airlines NOT the security folks. The customer dis-service reps deserve a little ire now and then. But getting into it with security is just asking for trouble.
I've been flying long enough that I allocate *lots* of time to make connecting flights -- like 1.5-2 hours minimum to absorb any delays, more if it's winter or an international flight. Mostly because I've learned you need to account for delays and other things which work against you.
Any time I see someone who allocated 20 minutes to catch a connecting flight, I just shake my head, because it was never realistic for you to make that connection in the first place. In some airports it can take more than that to get to your next gate if it's in a different concourse.
Lost at C:>. Found at C.
This is very likely true. Given my temperament, I try to be polite and get on my way in situations like this and I am rarely if ever hassled. Even so, we've a real problem if being a smart-ass is grounds for suspicion. Talk of bombs and weapons aside, if TSA agents are groping someone and he chooses to crack wise about being molested, that is no excuse for getting hassled by said agents. To be detained or delayed for such is an attempt on the part of the agent or the agency to chill free speech.
You might get aggravated by such smart-ass grandstanding--I probably would a bit myself were I waiting in line--but the real people responsible for the delay aren't the smart-asses but the policy-makers and those they choose to execute their policies. Nothing is so clear a sign of the loss of civil liberty and the rule of law as people in authority who can treat heckling as suspect.
"I'm no Bush fan, but I don't think he ever said that."
There's a wikipedia page about that sentence from him.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You're_either_with_us,_or_against_us
The policy makers aren't at fault because they policies aren't being followed. There is no policy that says to hassle passengers who aren't properly subservient, but the employees do that because they're given a position of power with no supervision or adequate training. You think you hate standing in line, they do that all day long and are bored enough that they'll make a scene just to have something to do.
I'm going to open a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide once the plane gets off the ground.