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Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating
sciencehabit writes "Millions of people first met their spouses through online dating. But how have those marriages fared compared with those of people who met in more traditional venues such as bars or parties? Pretty well, according to a new study. A survey of nearly 20,000 Americans reveals that marriages between people who met online are at least as stable and satisfying as those who first met in the real world—possibly more so."
Good thing I did it the traditional / free way. I would have felt ripped off it was no better ;P
(Note: I love my wife very much. I just have a twisted sense of humor.)
I am the penguin that codes in the night.
Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating: NOT AT ALL.
morcego
My Wife and I got married on OKcupid. I have to say that it worked out okay, despite the difficulty of long distance for a year, travelling across the country every 2 months.
However I think that online provides a different veil from what you get IRL, Because your able to filter out what you want to say to a person, though its easier to narrow down interests.
On one side I married a beautiful geek woman who is motivated to change the world, on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect.
YMMV
Caveat: I meet my Significant Other online, although not on a dating site. :/
The benefit of meeting online is that you're pretty much forced to talk, and talk, and talk. It's not like you can take them to a movie and then then make out in the back of the car - instead you'll have to show them that you're a likeable person they would like to spend more time with. Goes double when you're on different continents and all that... before either party gets on a plane both parties needs to be sure that they are comfertable with seeing this person they have talked to for a while. On the other hand, the guy you ran into in the coffee-shop who ask you out to see a movie may be the biggest creep in modern history - and if you let him drive you home he knows where you live
TL:DR; Online dating works because you must talk and reveal yourself to the other before meeting.
Everything in the world is controlled by a small, evil group to which, unfortunately, no one you know belongs.
This is like saying that raspberry pies baked with raspberries you go to the store to buy taste the same as raspberry pies baked with raspberries your spouse buys from the store. Same raspberries, same cook, just a different way of getting the starting ingredients.
"on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect." Don't worry, her parents weren't going to let that slip to any IRL Suitors either.
How many people prior to the 90s had to settle for whoever they met in a 50 mile radius of their place of birth?
online dating has as much chance of long term success as picking up a drunk chick in a bar?
I "dated" a woman online, and found out about her depression and suicidal thoughts after a couple of weeks, so I wouldn't assume that online is always a better way to hide stuff. In some cases the distance gives you an objectivity missing from real life. It all depends.
I can agree to that.
I met my missus online while farting around online. We spent the first few hours together in a chat at an online forum, tossing sarcasm at a TV documentary on love while it was being broadcast. Found out she lived across town... long story short, we wound up married a little over a year later.
It is amazing how you can not only assess her intelligence, but it's easier to be yourself when you're not distracted by deep green eyes and a gravity-defying bustline.
Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
All joking aside, I should add a PS: It's been 7 years since we met.
It's like any other marriage, really... you still have to work at it. You still have to wake up next to her. You still have to debate, argue, compromise, and most importantly? In spite of my peking on a laptop and her messing about on an iPad 3 feet away, you still have to get along in real life.
Online is just one of many ways to meet someone initially... it still takes a shitload of work to make it work.
IMHO? I spite of the rather adventurous life we've led together since (both for good and ill), it's still worth it. :)
Quo usque tandem abutere, Nimbus, patientia nostra?
I usually don't respond to Anonymous Cowards but this time it's just too good to pass..
I live in Mexico, where the official divorce rate is 15% (per the article linked) versus 53% in the U.S. (Disclosure: I am a Mexican national, married twice to Mexicans.)
Funny thing, off the top of my head I can mention two close friends, both married 30+ years: one couple has spelt is separate rooms for years, the other one officially is still married, but they live in separate houses.
Why won't they divorce? Social pressure: family ties, what would the neighbors think?, I couldn't go to church being divorced...
You are mistaken lower divorce rates do not mean happier marriages... Just enduring hell.
Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out. - Cardinal Wolsey
There are 56 posts and nobody asked about arranged marriages? Or other forms of pair bonding. I am disappointed in you nerds.
My ultra-orthodox Jewish grandparents lived in a society where fixed marriage was pretty much the norm, and that's what they did as well. Anecdotaly, it never seemed to me like that generation had worse marriage. More rigorous methods are unavailable: there probably aren't reliable questionaires in fixed-marriage societies, and other posters have pointed out that divorce rates can be misleading. I wonder if the key to a happy marriage is just managing your expectations.
I actually went one step further and had an online wedding. It went surprisingly well until it became obvious that my future wife couldn't hold a positive K/D and was called a n00b faggot by the pastor. Worst day of my life, I even spent like five bucks on a custom suit character skin.
I got a Division by Zero error
Your story rings similar to mine. We haven't gotten married yet (known her for several years and been together for almost as long) and I didn't meet her on a dating website but a regular forum that I co-ran. Same kind of girl as mine. The whole depression angle seems to be a common one when you get into relationships online.
People don't advertise their mental illnesses in bars either. You usually find out that stuff by meeting them in person and getting to know them. And you're going to do that anyway, no matter how you met them, as that's the entire point, isn't it?
More importantly, you get to focus on interests and personality before you even meet. In bars, you're more likely to focus on looks, on "I'd like to tap that ass", and that's not a great basis for a stable long-term relationship.
My wife of 5.5 years and I originally noticed each other because of our shared interest in sailing, foreign countries and religion (and indeed basic literacy), but it's when we started mailing, and then calling, and then meeting in person, that we discovered how well we matched in other, more subtle and intangible ways. The physical match is important, but so is the mental/psychological match, and that's so easily forgotten when you start with the physical match right away.
I met a girl recently at a bar where she approached and asked me to dance under electric candlelight. Her voice was dark brown like sweet molasses, like a guy actually. I'm not the most physical guy, but whenever she hugs me, it almost breaks my spine. She said that she'll make me a man soon... I hope it works out.
The G
Can someone please mod parent all the way up?
There's no silver bullet to make relationships work. Online can be an excellent way to meet the right person, but every relationship takes work, commitment and compromise.
Because you're a sad and cynical basement dweller who tries to make himself feel better by putting others down? Funny thing, it turns out that thinking that way only makes you feel worse.
Don't even tell me about long distance relationships, my wife and I are from two different countries (I'm Italian, she's Polish), and had to fly to each other for 3 years... $deity bless low-cost flights!
Actually I accidentally stumbled on her on ICQ while I was looking for another girl, figures. We were teens back then and we were just good online friends for years, while both of us had other relations IRL.
Then the year I started working I was left home alone for summer while my parents were on vacation, so I decided to invite her to stay at my home. I really didn't have plans, I just wanted to meet an interesting person I've been interacting with for years. One year later we were engaged, but had to wait another two years before getting married as she was finishing her studies.
We're now happily married for 4 years, I know it's not long enough for drawing anything conclusive, but it feels good and I'm not regretting anything.
On a side note, we're pretty different people, she's not really the geeky kind, even though she has a great interest in literature and language (she's got an MA in English Philology), but I find having someone with such different points of view to debate with actually stimulating.
Online is just one of many ways to meet someone initially... it still takes a shitload of work to make it work.
Bit of a digression, but during the UKs recent Gay Marriage debate, an awful lot of conservative/religious commentators were spouting endlessly about how 'natural' marriage is.
If that's so, why do married people always go on about what hard work it is. Surly 'natural'='easy'.
That's one thing about NOT getting married younger, once you get past a certain age, what's left out there is largely damaged goods, lots of crazy chicks out there. Not all, but a LOT of them. After a few years, you start catching the good ones coming out of bad marriages, many of those are damaged too, BUT, if you find one coming of marriage that didn't go off the deep end, you have a pretty good, strong minded woman which is kinda nice.
Trouble is with the latter one, you have to possibly put up with kids....ugh. However, meet them a few years after that, often the kids will be old enough to be out of, or just about out of the house, then, you don't really have that much interaction with them, or dependence issues.
But yeah, you gotta watch out, lots of crazies out there...crazies are often fun in the sack, but be careful not to get too close or attached to them, they can really spin your world badly.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
I don't think that the way in which you meet a person matter nearly as much as how the two people choose to behave towards each other. It's a long series of compromises on one side or the other or ideally on both sides.
A lot of people hunger to meet that "perfect" mate, but that mindset is a little silly, how could anyone personify such a fantasy? The "perfect" mate is a caricature, not a person, because real people have flaws. Good relationships can work on problems or work around problems, but if the people involved are holding out for perfection they don't work as hard at it.
I completely agree that differences aren't necessarily a bad thing, differences between people can add additional perspective to the relationship. If they learn to appreciate each other's differences, the couple can gain as a whole.