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The Glorious Return of the Twinkie
iggymanz writes "The geek food staple the Twinkie is coming back. The sturdy main component of the foundation to the geek four food groups of sugar, fat, caffeine and bacon — with rumored shelf life on the order of the time span to cool a white dwarf to room temperature — the Twinkie, along with Ding-Dongs, Ho-Ho's and Cupcakes, will be returning 15 July 2013 to the shelves under new management of Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulous & Co which paid over 400 mega dollars (U.S.) for the brands."
Are they like regular dollars with superpowers?
"Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot."
Mayor Bloomberg, is that you?
The USA public may have been sad at the thought of a Twinkies shortage, but the Secret Shadow Government engineered this re-booting of production for one reason. They know we need massive stores of Twinkies to sustain our brave zombie-killers in the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.
https://app.box.com/WitthoftResume Code: https://github.com/cellocgw
No, it's your lard ass.
PBR costs money correct?
That makes it over priced, they would have to pay me to drink it.
If you want bottled water, just drink that. If you must pickup a sixer of megabrewery product for a hot day you could get some blue moon.
And when you do I'm sure you are thanked profusely... oh wait you're talking about the snack cakes?
"Forty-five days - that's it," he said. "They don't last forever."
That's forty-five days after you take the Twinkie out of the cellophane wrapper, right?
I honestly have not noticed that until just right now.
Oh man I need a minute to digest this.
Factoid: Every banana you buy at the supermarket has already been "processed" and milked for Twinkie production. Those hard, brown tips at the ends of bananas? Those were the bananas' nipples before they got milked.
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
"Not that much of this will matter to the increasingly Randian crowd on Slashdot."
Oh, please. You know that if a worker just shows a little initiative, and works hard on the twinkie production line, they will be rewarded with wage increases and promotions until they are able to join elite non moocher society. /s
No, 45 days after you swallow it, you'll run to the nearest toilet (or wastebasket) and strain to remove the brick residing in your large bowel. You'll understand what women go through when they give birth. The rounded corners usually prevent anal bleeding. Usually.
Do you even lift?
These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.
Same great product! Without that heavy union after-taste.
At least they didn't say 390.625 Mebidollars.