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Charles Carreon Finally Surrenders To the Oatmeal

First time accepted submitter Guy From V writes "Charles Carreon, zany lawyer and poster-child for the Streisand Effect (sorry Babs) for his lawsuit against The Oatmeal creator Mattew Innman last year in his original role as legal counsel for Funnyjunk, as reported by ArsTechnica, seems to have finally called it quits. In other news, the River Styx has reportedly dropped below 32 degrees Fahrenheit."

45 of 173 comments (clear)

  1. Warning! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I will sue anyone who mocks me in this thread! - CC

    1. Re:Warning! by K.+S.+Kyosuke · · Score: 4, Funny

      I will sue anyone who mocks me in this thread! - CC

      Don't worry, you're not the guy with the funny junk. (Or are you?)

      --
      Ezekiel 23:20
  2. Can't wait to read the Oatmeal's take on this by Xaedalus · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hopefully it involves Sriracha, bears, and blasphemous sexual positions.

    --
    Here's to hot beer, cold women, and Glaswegian kisses for all.
    1. Re:Can't wait to read the Oatmeal's take on this by CCarrot · · Score: 2

      Hopefully it involves Sriracha, bears, and blasphemous sexual positions.

      Not to mention yo' mamma...well, Carreon's mamma, at any rate :)

      --
      "I love animals! Some are cute, others are tasty, what's not to like?" - Betsy Schroeder, Jeopardy contestant
    2. Re:Can't wait to read the Oatmeal's take on this by gstoddart · · Score: 2

      Hopefully it involves Sriracha, bears, and blasphemous sexual positions.

      LOL ... pics, or it didn't happen.

      --
      Lost at C:>. Found at C.
    3. Re:Can't wait to read the Oatmeal's take on this by Hognoxious · · Score: 2

      Carreon's mamma, at any rate

      Now now, there's no need to crow...

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
    4. Re:Can't wait to read the Oatmeal's take on this by Guy+From+V · · Score: 2

      Hawk that pun somewhere else, pal...I'm reporting you for attempted murder.

  3. Too bad by SoupGuru · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's too bad. It was very entertaining to watch Mr. Carreon find new and innovative ways to dig his hole deeper and deeper.

    --
    What doesn't kill you only delays the inevitable
    1. Re:Too bad by khasim · · Score: 3, Informative

      It's still going on. From TFA:

      I never thought that people would say things about me that they did.

      Mean people say mean things about him.

      If you'd like to see a picture of Carreon's criticsâ"including an Ars Technica writerâ"spewing fecal matter out of their mouths, that too can be accommodated.

      But that's okay because ... because ...

      My goal is to help people to realize that youâ(TM)re not the only person who gets rapeutated.

      ... because I'm the victim.

      Rapeutated. Heh heh heh. Get it?

      I bet that he'll be digging that hole for years to come. Just not as expensively as before. Yet.

    2. Re:Too bad by PopeRatzo · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Rapeutated

      I just registered "rapeutated.com".

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
  4. Impressive... by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 5, Informative

    Despite being the one who got the ball rolling with the vexatious litigation and absurd threats in the first place, he appears to have learned absolutely nothing from the experience, blaming his failure on the fact that he doesn't have sufficient 'legal remedy' against people calling his idiocy idiotic online, and even manages to drop in a self-pitying line about how lawsuits are just occupying too much of his time.

    Guy is so dense and immutable that he could probably be sliced into thin layers and used as armor plate.

    (And, since he is a master of good taste and his wife is even crazier, they've given the world http://rapeutation.com/ complete with caricatures (and the guy complains that there aren't enough laws against saying mean things on the internet?) of their enemies. Class act guys, class act.)

    1. Re:Impressive... by Vanderhoth · · Score: 5, Funny

      Guy is so dense and immutable that he could probably be sliced into thin layers and used as armor plate.

      I don't think there's a laser, or any other tool, powerful enough to slice material that dense. Your best bet would be to tie him to the front of a tank and use him to ram things.

    2. Re:Impressive... by gstoddart · · Score: 5, Funny

      Your best bet would be to tie him to the front of a tank and use him to ram things.

      Hmmm ... I like your ideas, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

      We could use lawyers for car bumpers, that would save them having to chase the ambulances.

      You may be onto something here.

      --
      Lost at C:>. Found at C.
    3. Re:Impressive... by 91degrees · · Score: 2

      Bear in mind, he's a lawyer. His job involves selling an argument and he's rarely concerned with who's actually in the right. This is just rhetoric.

    4. Re:Impressive... by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Bear in mind, he's a lawyer. His job involves selling an argument and he's rarely concerned with who's actually in the right. This is just rhetoric.

      I'm hesitant to dismiss him as insincere just because of the sheer, utter, insanity (from the perspective of, say, a value-rational human being who wants to make money by being a lawyer) of his behavior in pretty much all aspects of the case beyond the first opening shot or two (where he might actually have been writing demand letters for a client, just a day on the job).

      A good con-man knows when to skip town(which was a hell of a long time ago in this case, there were plenty of situations where he could have just backed down and let the internet's almost-nonexistent attention span solve the problem for him; but instead he doubled down on the crazy). It's possible that Carreon is just a bad con-man; but that level of not knowing when to skip town reeks of a true believer.

    5. Re:Impressive... by imidan · · Score: 2

      Yeah, the poor guy. He dedicates considerable text to repeatedly pointing out his "Buddhism" and how enlightened he is. But over the course of the whole year-long experience, he never gives any indication of actually learning anything about either himself or the world around him. He tells an anecdote about getting into a physical fight with some road-rager, and he seems to completely miss the fact that the altercation was utterly pointless, and that his enlightened self should have been able to eventually figure that out.

      He seems to spend all of this time trying to come up with justifications for attacking a guy for making a stupid comic featuring his "mom", without it ever occurring to him that this fight is completely pointless--that if he just ignores the thing, it will all go away, and nobody will care about it anymore.

      He also bloviates profoundly about Sun Tzu and how his whole revenge-litigation personality is actually based on wise and ancient strategies of war, and how the lyrics to some songs are just like his life, man.

      There's nothing wrong with being a lawyer, but if you're going to be an aggressively nasty, sleazy one, just own up to it. This ugly episode was not a poetic trial sent by ancient gods. It was just him being a jerk.

    6. Re:Impressive... by hazah · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Yes, by morons for morons that don't know what it is.

    7. Re:Impressive... by dyingtolive · · Score: 3, Insightful

      I don't think he's Buddhist like Siddhartha Gautama. I think he's Buddhist like Whole Foods.

      --
      Support the EFF and Creative Commons. The war is coming, and they're supporting you...
  5. Forbes by Hognoxious · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The Forbes site linked to in TFS is quite funny. There's a hilarious article on why insider trading is a good thing. In some ways it out-onions the onion.

    --
    Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
  6. Re:Come on Slashdot by NoNonAlphaCharsHere · · Score: 2

    OK, that's 273.15 Kelvin. Feel better?

  7. Re:A word to the wise by h4rr4r · · Score: 2

    And just because you are a lawyer does not mean you are not also a complete and total moron.

  8. I agree that he's stupid, but he's also horrible. by mosb1000 · · Score: 4, Informative

    “So when you take a situation in which the legal rules don’t impose any effective sanctions on people for that kind of behavior, mob behavior on the Internet, then a legal analyst like myself should look at that situation and say: ‘You can’t fix everything that’s broken,’” he said. “There is not a proper legal remedy for it. I attempted to do something and I made it worse.”

    So the problem is not that he was attempting to bring a lawsuit that was clearly without merit in order to harass an innocent comedian, but that the internet mob can't be reasoned with or controlled?

    I agree it can't be controlled, and he's a pretty stupid guy for not realizing that going in. But maybe he should also admit (at least to himself) that he's a horrible piece of shit that hates free speech.

  9. Worst Summary Ever by Virtucon · · Score: 2

    Shit, talk about a run-on, convoluted sentence..

    Charles Carreon, zany lawyer and poster-child for the Streisand Effect (sorry Babs) for his lawsuit against The Oatmeal creator Mattew Innman last year in his original role as legal counsel for Funnyjunk, as reported by ArsTechnica, seems to have finally called it quits.

    --
    Harrison's Postulate - "For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism"
    1. Re:Worst Summary Ever by Rob+the+Bold · · Score: 4, Funny

      It's called journalistic prose numbnuts, this isn't an academic paper, nobody gives a shit about run-on sentences in the real world.

      Because they either get bored or irritated trying to make sense of them and eventually -- but not before getting a headache and taking some aspirin and having a bit of a lie-down in order to give the aspirin time to work and to soothe the aforementioned head -- quit trying to mentally diagram it and just skip it and plow on in the hopes that the rest of the document, unlikely as it sounds, will be more readable, and perhaps the prosaic period will be understood in learning the larger context in which it appeared, or, alternatively, just stop reading entirely based on the assumption that the whole piece will be just like it, resulting in even greater frustration that can only be relieved by tying an onion to one's belt and taking the ferry to Morgantown?

      --
      I am not a crackpot.
  10. Re:I agree that he's stupid, but he's also horribl by khasim · · Score: 2

    But maybe he should also admit (at least to himself) that he's a horrible piece of shit that hates free speech.

    Read a bit of his website. That is not going to happen. Here's a chunk of it.

    I decide to include a screencap of the pterodactyl in the source code of Inmanâ(TM)s webpage and its weird, coded-in threat to "ptero you a new asshole." That sort of defines weird, hidden aggression, and has overtones of conjuration and magic that are rather sinister.

    Pay particular attention to that last sentence. And he put that up on his own web page. He thinks that that is reasonable.

  11. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by HornWumpus · · Score: 2

    You can't bring someone else's soul to enlightenment. Sounds like 'Every man for himself' to me.

    --
    John McAfee 'It was like that time I hired that Bangkok prostitute; to do my taxes, while I fucked my accountant'
  12. Unanswered questions in your post. by mosb1000 · · Score: 2

    Some people seem to think it is ok to join the mob because this guy is a jerk.

    And they're wrong to think that? Care to explain why?

    The guy running the oatmeal probably is feeling pretty good. However, what he did was wrong too.

    Really? Are you serious?

  13. Charles Carreon by wiredlogic · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Charles Carreon. You're a fucking asshole.

    --
    I am becoming gerund, destroyer of verbs.
  14. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by jeffmflanagan · · Score: 3, Insightful

    You know that's not true, and is just another Republican malfunction. It's actually really good that the Republicans live in a fantasy world made of straw-men though, it means they'll be on the scrap-heap of history very soon outside of the deep south.

    We need a second party to counter the Democrats, but the Republicans are too far gone for that role.

  15. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by gstoddart · · Score: 4, Informative

    You can't bring someone else's soul to enlightenment. Sounds like 'Every man for himself' to me.

    Well, we're getting pretty far off topic, but two things:

    1) Buddhism doesn't have a concept of the 'soul' in the same way as Western religions. The thing which would get reincarnated/lasts after you die isn't "you", but you're a subset of "it" and much more transient. The concept of self and what survives human life is a little different.

    2) There's two major schools of Buddhism (and this is a very huge over-simplification): Therevada and Mahayana Buddism; with Theravada being more focused on your own enlightenment (for the reasons you cite), and Mahayana (literally 'the greater oxcart') which has an emphasis on enlightenment of everyone and helping them get there.

    So, talking about bringing someone's 'soul' to enlightenment doesn't quite match up with the concepts in Buddhism.

    Working to bring other people to enlightenment and benefit all, however, is a feature of all the Mahayana schools (Chan Buddhism in China, Zen in Japan, and all of the Tibetan schools). The Theravada stuff tends to be in and around Thailand/Vietnam.

    But it is important to remember Buddhism isn't monolithic, and while they'll agree on some core stuff, there's probably some esoteric places where they differ by quite a bit.

    --
    Lost at C:>. Found at C.
  16. And death is not an option by regular_gonzalez · · Score: 4, Funny

    You need legal representation. You can not represent yourself. Your two options are Charles Carreon and Jack Thompson. Who do you choose?

    --
    Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am master of my fate and captain of my soul.
    1. Re:And death is not an option by Richy_T · · Score: 2

      Wait, the cops already took my belt and shoe laces, right?

  17. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by HornWumpus · · Score: 2

    Fair enough.

    'Every man for himself' is the central message of Therevada Buddhism!

    --
    John McAfee 'It was like that time I hired that Bangkok prostitute; to do my taxes, while I fucked my accountant'
  18. translation by sjames · · Score: 3, Funny

    I believe I can translate and make for a shorter read at the same time:

    Haw HEhawwwwwwwwww, He HAWWWwwwwwwww.

  19. Re:Odd words by TitusGroan8856 · · Score: 2

    it is not unwonted for a nabob such as he to attempt to appear erudite and loquacious by using obnubilative and superannuated terminology. That darned popinjay!.

  20. Re:Come on Slashdot by sexconker · · Score: 5, Funny

    OK, that's 273.15 Kelvin. Feel better?

    My home town nearly went to zero Kevins back in 1978.

    It was a particularly cold winter, and we were already down to 3 Kevins (due to their low popularity at the time).

    Kevin Thomas had flown out to be with his son's family for a wedding and got stuck in Boston for a whole week due to the weather. 2 Kevins left.

    Kevin Lemmer was rushed to the hospital during my shift. I still remember the call from the EMTs as the ambulance was rushing toward us. "It's Lemmer. He's in bad shape. Drove right into the fucking ditch." We called the time of death at 6:15 PM.

    At 6:16, all eyes turned to room 2217. Kevin Spencer was 82 and on his death bed with leukemia. His family being Catholic, he had already been given his last rites. If he couldn't hold out until Kevin Thomas returned, we would be at zero Kevins. Sure, we had 4 perfectly healthy Calvins, but they're just not the same.

    It was 7:15 when Carla Brooks and her husband James burst through the main entrance. "She's not due for 2 weeks!", James exclaimed. As the staff bustled around getting the Brookses settled, they exchanged darting glances with each other. This was their first child, and they wanted to keep the baby's sex a secret. Of course, in a small town, secrets don't get kept. Nearly all of the hospital staff new that the child about to rip open Mrs. Brooks was indeed a boy.

    The delivery was routine, and Kevin Brooks was born healthy, if a tad underweight, at 10:52 PM. Kevin Spencer was pronounced dead at 10:54.

    It was, as they say, a close one. Kevin Thomas arrived two days later, the weather having finally cleared up. To this day, we still rib him about it.

    Cedar Falls is currently at 5 Kevins.

  21. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by DMiax · · Score: 2

    In the unlikely case this happens, may I respectfully suggest that you get a left party for a change?

  22. Surrenders to the oatmeal by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 3, Funny

    Wilford Brimley is pleased, and hopes he won't get diabeetus.

  23. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by narcc · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Sorry for the horrible analogy:

    Oxygen and the air pressure are always being monitored. In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you. To start the flow of oxygen, pull the mask towards you. Place it firmly over your nose and mouth, secure the elastic band behind your head, and breathe normally. Although the bag does not inflate, oxygen is flowing to the mask.If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your own mask first, and then assist the other person. Keep your mask on until a uniformed crew member advises you to remove it.

  24. This isn't mom justice, what are you thinking? by mosb1000 · · Score: 2

    This isn't mob justice, this is just the equivalent of getting a bunch of bad reviews on yelp. What a bunch of hyperbolic nonsense!

    What this man did wasn't just stupid, it was also immoral. He's apologized for being stupid, and promised to learn from his mistakes, but he makes no apology for is immoral actions. That being the case, the bad reviews should stand.

    It's not mob justice, it's just the truth coming out about this asshole. I have no sympathy for him, since he has not seen the error of his ways, nor should anyone else defend his antisocial behavior or claim that the treatment he has received as a result of it has been inappropriate or unfair.

  25. Re:Quite the Buddhist there... by Mr.+Slippery · · Score: 2

    We have left parties. Nobody votes for them. We study history in the USA.

    If we studied history in the USA, we'd have left parties. Instead we study Indoctrination Into American Exceptionalism.

    --
    Tom Swiss | the infamous tms | my blog
    You cannot wash away blood with blood
  26. Carreon's reputation and misogyny by billstewart · · Score: 2

    Of course he had to make a rape joke when talking about this, because he's that kind of loser, but it's not even correct. Anything that happened to him here was self-inflicted.

    --

    Bill Stewart
    New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
    1. Re:Carreon's reputation and misogyny by Pikoro · · Score: 2

      reputasphyxiatated.com here I come...

      --
      "Freedom in the USA is not the ability to do what you want. It is the ability to stop others from doing what THEY want"
  27. Con-men and the poker rule by billstewart · · Score: 2

    The poker rule says that when you sit down at the table, you look for the sucker. If you can't find them, it's probably you.*

    If Carreon's a con man, he's spectacularly bad at it, failed the poker rule from the beginning, and deserves any education he's gotten, which unfortunately seems to be "not much".

    (* The Questionable Content version of the sucker rule is to look for the drunkest person at the party, and if you can't tell, it's you, and you should stop for now.)

    --

    Bill Stewart
    New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
  28. Actually seems reasonable from his point of view by Laxori666 · · Score: 2
    Take a read at his write-up of events from his point of view. It's actually scary if you consider what happened - essentially the online equivalent of a huge vigilante mob crying for his blood. If this were real life he would have been lynched or quartered & drawn or at least run out of town. About the effects of being on the receiving end of this:

    I have at least two tweeters claiming to be me, slinging shit at people, offending people in my name. Twitter took altogether too long to get rid of them — a day or so. I send demands to preserve evidence to Twitter. This provokes speculation about whether I’ll sue Tweeters, as I’ve reserved spaces for them as “Doe defendants” in the Inman lawsuit, in my claim for the new tort of the era, the DIRA. If the courts recognized this tort, it would give grounds for a civil claim against those who make active netwar against other Netizens.
    [...]
    Contemplating today the IRL (in real life) effects of a DIRA [Distributed Internet Reputation Attack]. As I am a pretty quiet person working out of a home office, I have few people who see me on a regular basis. But I shop at Trader Joe’s where I am a well-known face, and you really get to know the people. I even have one actual friend on staff there. I was lined up with my online image and instantly indicted as an asshole by this one Trader Joe’s employee, who until then, had been quite nice to me. Now, he was literally giving me the hairy eyeball. Well eventually my friend got him straightened out with better information and now we are friends again, but for a while there it was touch and go. So that was weird, actually, very weird.

    Then there was the unbelievable slam at me in the print and online editions of the Tucson Weekly, taken by some bonehead named Dan Gibson who hadn’t even bothered to call me up. I called him up and said we should get together for a drink and talk so he could know the person he was writing about. He agreed to, then bowed out last-minute saying he had a job interview because he was being paid terribly at Tucson Weekly.
    [...]
    Being the object of hatred in a DIRA is going to put your family members in an unfriendly spotlight, especially if they have active social media profiles. ust as celebrity/VIP status has a halo effect that suffuses those in the entourage with cachet drawn from the main celebrity, so your kids will be negatively viewed by many social media zombies. They will be forced to defend themselves in supernasty online exchanges with people who hate “YOUR NAME HERE”– that guy who does so many bad things. They essentially reply, “Who are you to talk, and why do you care? You don’t even know my Dad. He’s the coolest fuckin’ Dad that ever fuckin’ walked the earth, you piece of shit. You would be lucky to beg a dollar from him, and he would give you a twenty, you idiot. If you were in trouble, he’s probably the only lawyer who would even care about a fool like you.” [...]
    [...]
    Maria, the elder daughter, is a very smart woman, and for a while did a lot of whip-smart tweeting. When the DIRA record blew in, one zombie tweeter in particular went absolutely psycho on her, and Maria responded effectively, which of course just caused the zombie to go into hyperdrive with her invective. When Maria sees that the psycho-tweeter is deleting her own most-inflammatory tweets, she screencaps all that remain. Indeed, it’s the beginning of IRL effects for Maria. The psycho-tweeter is threatening to contact Maria’s boss and accuse her of unprofessional use of Twitter. Daddy didn’t raise no fools, so Maria moves first, visiting the HR office with printouts in hand, to get her story in ahead of the zombie attack.

    Maria’s HR manager asks a few questions, looks at the psycho-tweeter’s off-the-wall tweets, and says to Maria, as if she’d have nothing to fear from a complaint by su