At CIA Starbucks, Even the Baristas Are Covert

An anonymous reader writes with this interesting story about what it's like to work at “Store Number 1,” the CIA's Starbucks. The new supervisor thought his idea was innocent enough. He wanted the baristas to write the names of customers on their cups to speed up lines and ease confusion, just like other Starbucks do around the world. But these aren't just any customers. They are regulars at the CIA Starbucks. "They could use the alias 'Polly-O string cheese' for all I care," said a food services supervisor at the Central Intelligence Agency, asking that his identity remain unpublished for security reasons. "But giving any name at all was making people — you know, the undercover agents — feel very uncomfortable. It just didn't work for this location."

Comments

What's so hard about using the time-honored

[Chromium_One]

... tradition of ticket numbers?!

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[toejam13]

Came to say the same thing. How many different restaurants print your order number on your receipt, then call the number when ready? While more impersonal than calling names, it makes it easier since you can display a number on a screen. Also, numbers are more easily pronounceable than some names, and avoids the issue when two or more customers have the same name.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[pushing-robot]

They tried that, but the customers all fought for ticket number 7.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[mindwhip]

There is nothing more annoying than:
1) Fake friendliness (if you care so much about my name try and remember it for next time since I tell you it on almost a daily basis)
2) People who can't pronounce my name
3) People who can't spell my name
4) People who use alternate spellings of my name without confirming the correct one (my name has 3 alternate spellings)

After being annoyed at one or more of the above for the umpteenth time I started giving my name as Dave and don't care if they use Dave, Davie, David, Day or any other variant as it isn't actually my name.

PS: they could just have the loyalty/payment card show them my name and not have to ask but that would be too easy.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[mindwhip]

Oh forgot to add (even though it goes against 3 and 4 slightly):
5) Being asked to spell my name when all I want is a freaking coffee.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[Jstlook]

I think it would have been a great idea on the part of the supervisor to, rather than write their names on the cups, just give them each a name as they order. "Hi! Your name is Fred today, what can I get you?"

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[txoutback]

When they ask your name, Have a laugh and just say "call me mindwhip"... they'll get the message.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[philip.paradis]

First world problems.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[pipedwho]

I am not a number, I am a free man.

Oops, my bad, I forgot we're talking about somewhere in the USA.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[Anonymous Coward]

I see "cold fjord" in your handle. Does that refer to the /. kook of the same name?

Re: What's so hard about using the time-honored

[devilspgd]

Better yet, go with "Bueller" and then leave without your coffee, leaving them calling Bueller, Bueller, Bueller.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[arglebargle_xiv]

There is nothing more annoying than:

1) Fake friendliness (if you care so much about my name try and remember it for next time since I tell you it on almost a daily basis)

2) People who can't pronounce my name

3) People who can't spell my name

4) People who use alternate spellings of my name without confirming the correct one (my name has 3 alternate spellings)

I get that all the time because of my European surname, I mean how hard can it be to pronounce Echsteinlefahrtengruber? With my Serbian wife I can understand it, Grzplstcknfltmrzovic can be a bit of a mouthful the first time you see it, but anyone should be able to get my name right.

Re: What's so hard about using the time-honored

[sr180]

Some Comedians (The Chasers) in Australia booked and checked in online for a flight using the names Mr Terry Wrist and Mr Al Queda. When they didnt show for their flights, the calls across the terminal were pretty comical. www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FkYPV7Iwu4

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[tburkhol]

Here's the problem: the person who takes your order is not the person who delivers your order. There needs to be some way for server A to identify you to server B. Possible solutions:

Assign a number to customer, and expect customer to answer to that number. Problems: depersonalizing, customers forget their numbers, "thirteen" sounds like "thirty"

Let the customer assign an identifier for his order, providing some illusion of personal service. Problems: customer identifier may be confusing, customers may get annoyed if server A does not use the mystical spelling customer has in mind, servers may spend more time massaging the identifier than actually preparing product, server B may not pronounce the same identifier as server A recorded

Photograph customers for product delivery. Problems: privacy fanatics, bad pictures, servers turn incidental photodocumentation into DMV-like picture-taking ritual

In sum, there is no good way to make high-volume service look like personal service. People pretty quickly see through efforts to disguise it. While many people are willing to play along, occasional servers and customers will both manipulate these systems for their personal amusement. Misspelling your name is the barista equivalent of building paper-clip animals. Giving a fake name is the equivalent of painting your stapler purple. Try not to get bent out of shape when they call you "Susquehannah" instead of "Susquanna" or "Todd" instead of "Tom": they aren't trying to annoy you; they aren't trying to learn your name; They aren't likely to remember you next time; the content of your name is irrelevant to the process; and and effort to "get it right" only delays people around you.

Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored

[geekoid]

Doing better then an oppressed country does not mean we are doing well.
That's kind of a low bar.

Typical Government Hypocracy

[pubwvj]

Yet the government (FBI) objects to our desires for privacy (Apple & Google on-phone encryption).

Re:Typical Government Hypocracy

[VanGarrett]

Ah, but they know why they want their privacy, and are concerned that you might want yours for the same sorts of purposes.

Re:Typical Government Hypocracy

[Deadstick]

Hypocracy? That's awful. I'd hate to be ruled by hypos.

Re:Typical Government Hypocracy

[Anonymous Coward]

Operational security is a concern for you on a daily basis?

Talk about hyperbole. No, operational security isn't a concern for even those at CIA Starbucks on a daily basis. The reason they don't like names or number tickers or anything else that could directly or indirectly produce a pattern that can track their actions because they're so very aware of how everyone else not part of their system is or can be directly or indirectly tracked through a pattern of their actions. Although I guess if the Chinese and Russians are doing the same thing as part of their systems, it's not wholly unwarranted to think they may end up being tracked.

Foreign states might try to coerce, corrupt, or disappear you?

It's not rampant paranoia because everyone really is trying to get them? No, it's still really rampant paranoia. The thought they they might (1) engage in some top secret op under a variety of aliases, (2) use another series of aliases with their Starbucks coffee, and (3) it's (2) that's the linchpin on how they were secretly poisoned or whatever is absurd. Why? Because (a) it's unlikely they'll be adequately tracked through operation (1), (b) even if they were it's unlikely they'd choose CIA Starbucks as the source of their plan to kill you, (c) even if they did, they don't need to rely upon an alias on a cup to determine it's your drink when your drink may well be unique enough, the person to poison you will likely verify it's actually you before adding the mix to the drink, and there's literally hundreds of ways to kill you that are less obvious (a name on a cup of a prominent dead person looks suspicious as would a tracking number if it's loudly spoken at any point) if you're trying to quietly assassinate a person.

No, this is all about some pretend thing in their heads that they're special enough to kill and yet smart enough to be hidden. The truth is most people are aware of how unimportant they are as a target and don't even attempt to hide themselves. But even those who try don't generally blend in very long--and by standards of the CIA, very long would be the rest of your natural life. The CIA/NSA/FBI all take advantage of this, have a certain level of loathing of the "sheep", and don't want to be placed into the same category because it fundamentally goes against their feelings of superiority of not being so "stupid".

Honestly, "operational security", "ongoing investigation", and "national security" are the words of cowards more often than a real and meaningful thing used to actual protect the populace at large. And I should know as an Anonymous Coward, right?

*Captcha: botulism

Re:Typical Government Hypocracy

[PolygamousRanchKid]

Foreign states might try to coerce, corrupt, or disappear you?

No, as an American citizen, my own government might try . . .

Re: Why do they even have a Starbucks?

[digitig]

My defence against Americans criticising British coffee always used to be that the worst coffee I ever had was in a cafe in St. Petes, FLA. Then I had a coffee in a Starbucks at London Heathrow, and I was forced to concede to Americans that the worst coffee I ever had was indeed in Britain. :(

loyalty programs...

[ArieKremen]

but they all use their loyalty program cards tied to their personal credit cards....

Re:Yeah So?

[russotto]

I can picture it now; they got a whole queue of people called "Bond, James Bond", "Jason Bourne" and "Jack Ryan". Hilarity ensues...

Yeah, just watch out for the one who asks for Kim Philby.

Capacity planning

[ebonum]

"Because the campus is a highly secured island, few people leave for coffee, and the lines, both in the morning and mid-afternoon, can stretch down the hallway."

What a waste of time and resources!

For a group of people who likes to give the impression they are all super geniuses (and by extension deserve X 100 billion a year in funding), I would expect at least one person could have done some capacity planning and figured out how big the Starbucks need to be for that location. How about some accountability? Fire the person who planned this coffee shop. His/her mistakes cost the country the hourly rate of each person in line * the time they waste standing around.

Re:Treasonous CIA gets more taxpayer money

[hey!]

Not to interfere with your nascent flame-war or anything but "self-funding" is not inconsistent with "getting more taxpayer money". First, they may get larger appropriations while at the same time running side businesses. Second, even if their appropriation were cut to zero, any money they make on the side becomes "taxpayer money."

One of the most fundamental principles of our form of government is that no executive branch agency can spend money without Congressional approval, no matter where that money came from. The reasons for this go back to the English Civil War. Charles I attempted to rule without calling Parliament, but since the Magna Carta English kings did not have the power of taxation; the House of Commons did. So Charles attempted an end-run by exploiting a fee that had been traditionally levied on coastal towns to pay for maritime protection in time of war. Charles's attempt to use "Ship Money" as a revenue source independent of Parliament was one of the key events leading to the Civil War, and was familiar history to the framers of the US Constitution.