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An Evidence-Based Approach To Online Dating
HughPickens.com writes Rachel Nuwer writes in the NYT that Dr. Sameer Chaudhry's online dating persona was garnering no response from the women he reached out to so he synthesized 86 literature studies on the subject of online dating in the fields of psychology, sociology, and computer, behavioral, and neurocognitive sciences.in hopes of improving his odds. As it turns out, success begins with picking a user name. While men are drawn to names linked to physical traits (e.g., Cutie), the researchers found, women prefer ones that indicate intelligence (e.g., Cultured). Both sexes respond well to playful names (e.g. Fun2bwith) and shy away from ones with negative connotations (e.g., Bugg). User names that begin with letters from the first half of the alphabet do better than those from the latter half. "As human beings, we have a tendency to give things at the top of a pile more value," says Khan. As for your profile photo, pick a photo with a genuine smile, one that crinkles the eyes, and with a slight head tilt (it's linked to attractiveness). And if you're looking for a male partner, go for that photo of you in siren red—a color that enhances men's attraction to women. "For those attracted to browse into the profile, a description of personal traits increased likeability when it: showed who the dater was and what they were looking for in a 70:30 ratio; stayed close to reality; and employed simple language with humor added. Invitations were most successful in obtaining a response from the potential date when they: were short personalized messages addressing a trait in their profile; rhymed with their screen name or headline message; and extended genuine compliments." And finally, don't wait too long before arranging a face to face meeting.
Do not spend your time synthesizing literature studies.
He should have just gone for an arranged marriage.
Thank you, Thank you.
I do not know how to thank you enough for this advice, I am going to make use of it from now on.
Everything I write is lies, read between the lines.
From the title, I thought someone would have tried to compile all of this info in a bot who would use machine learning to find the potential matches.
Don't you know it is now both immoral and criminal to think beyond the next quarterly report?
Anyone who follows this advice deserves what they get.
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
If someone wants you for who you're not, rather than who you are, you are better off just moving on. Here's what I posted on my blog years ago after marrying a wonderful woman I met on Plenty of Fish:
I was recently reading the front page of plentyoffish.com, a dating web site where my wife and I first met (we recreated a joint account to submit a testimonial), that provided a very long, detailed opinion piece to a young man about how to behave in order to win a girl that he was very attracted to. It was from a so-called dating expert, and contained some of the worst drivel that men cling to in hopes of landing a wife.
The given advice was to act distant, indifferent, and aloof; that showering her with affection made him look desperate and goofy. We men turn to this kind of garbage when we're not having much luck with women. We turn to this crap when we actually do become desperate.
It took me a long time to realize what should have been self-evident all along: the old advice of just being yourself is, by far, the best advice you could possibly get. Being yourself isn't intended to improve upon the quantity of women you attract. It is intended to improve upon the quality of women you attract. Not surprisingly, the exact same advice applies equally to women. Don't follow those stupid "rules" such as not making the first move. All those rules are complete and utter crap, and will just make you even more miserable than you already are.
All the little head games and misdirections that you have learned are intended to achieve one thing: a brief relationship. They are not the doorway to a lasting marriage, but rather just the path to multiple meaningless disappointments. You will not be able to maintain the charade you have built, and will always fail in the long run. She will always see through you eventually. You will eventually slip up and expose yourself for the fraud you are, and you will be back to square one.
If she is not interested in who you really are, then you do not want her (regardless of what your hormones may tell you). It doesn't matter how pretty, gorgeous, sexy, or otherwise desirable she may seem. If she is not attracted to who and what you are, then any meaningful relationship with her is doomed. She will eventually (but usually quickly) tire of you, and move on to the next guy.
I am a software developer, and spend most of my time in front of a computer. When I was dating, I tried hard to hide that from my dates. All the advice I had been given was that women were turned off by the kind of geeky guy who spent that much time with his computer. I tried to list other interests on the dating site (tenuous as those interests were), tried focusing on what I thought women wanted, and every other trick I could think of that was even remotely true (and some that were very much not true when I reached a certain point of disillusion). Maintaining the illusion was very difficult, as that isn't who I am.
In the end, it was those very traits that my wife tells me were the most attractive to her. It turns out that her life had been full of too much stress, anxiety, and drama. An easy-going, caring, intelligent, homebody of a man is exactly what she had been looking for, and couldn't find, for a very long time (we were both in our late 30's). She would not have been at all interested in the man I had tried pretending to be, but was hopelessly in love with the man I actually am. Who we really are is what allows us to connect on a very deep, lasting level.
It took us both a very long time to find each other (strictly speaking, she found me), and we both suffered some horrible emotional scarring in our prior lives apart, but that scarring is what allowed us to appreciate what we have together.
So although it may hurt in the short term, it's better to be rejected by women for who you are than to be accepted by women for who you are not. You will eventually find that woman who will love you for who you are, even if you have to go through many painful rejections along the way. The women who accept you for who they want you to be will always desert you. No exceptions.
yep, women makes lists of features they want in a mate. 70%- 80% is about not only what they settle for but what they want since they want a lifelong project to change a man into their image. 100% perfect is too boring
If it's for a life partner, it's the result of a gross misconception. Your profile in dating sites is supposed to restrict your responses to those from people you might get along with, not to maximize responses. Of course you want to maximize responses from people suited to you, so you might want to refrain from posting pictures in unflattering lighting or of, say, your penis being inserted into a meat grinder (even if well lit). Unless it's really important to you that your would-be partner approves of that kind of thing, I suppose - in this case, it might be justifiable. At least you'll be getting messages to ask if the grinder was turned on. And you could respond with "no, but you'll be". You know what? Screw my hasty reproach, it sounds like the best idea I ever had.
Sounds like a match...
# touch universe # chmod +rwx universe #
...unless you spend too much time and resource, you know, choosing...
You are somehow similar to the potential partner. Looks like a good start.
Rule #2. Just don't do online dating. Even if you can improve your odds from 1 in 100 to 2 in 100...is that really worth the effort?
I perfunctorily looked at TFA, and it doesn't mention height at all. This is ridiculous, and any man with even the most basic experience with online dating knows that height is perhaps the most important number in your online profile. The higher that number is, the more likely one is to receive invitations from women. I actually made an experiment, once, where I created to fake profiles that were almost identical, except for height, and the profile that had a height 10 cm larger than the other, got about 40 TIMES more contact requests (175 cm vs. 190 cm).
"The agriculture ministry is not in charge of Gundam" - Japanese ministry official.
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
Certainly, but most people want to make a good first impression. And most people here are willing to study how to do that. Or are you suggesting that people here should not be true to themselves, that in this special case they should go with their gut instead of studying and learning from more knowledgeable people like they would any other issue?
Don't waste your vote! Vote for whoever you want, unless you live in a swing state it won't matter anyways
If you need an overnight relationship it does not really matter, as long as it fits the need. If you look for a long, probably lifelong one, you generally get to know a lot more for the other person, besides the tiny gender issues. And no, you did not come from the simpler time. You just had luck. These gender uncertainities are in no way new.
...you could just ask someone out that you meet in person, thus avoiding all of this investment of time and effort before you even know that there's going to be a basic mutual attraction. You're going to have to interact face-to-face eventually anyway.
Anyone who thinks this is a good idea should read: http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Ro... Possibly the funniest read I've ever had, especially as I saw elements of myself in his character... Oh and if you thinks it's a bad idea I still recommend the book.
I am diagnosed autistic, balding, stack shelves for a living, have a huge comics web site and my favorite topic is tax reform. But I am also 6 foot 6. So I was never short of dates on OKCupid.
(All of that is true BTW)
And I am currently engaged to the most wonderful woman in the world, thanks to the aforementioned site: She is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, capable, funny, incredibly kind, etc. and was only single because people found her own height intimidating (she is north of 6 foot). She replied to my initial contact specifically because of my height. Since then we found other things in common, but not until the 2nd or 3rd email.
So is height one of the top reasons for dating? HELL YES.
That's why I always start with penis pictures. I'm still single.
Mostly random stuff.
So *that's* why I'm still single!
wait what? Is that a thing people do?
So keen for online dating as well
I'm not sure it's possible with current machine earning algorithms, but attempting a match without a computer is disasterous. For instance, I married a beautiful 23 y/o with an education and a good job and now 10 years later she's a 48 y/o crack whore. IDENTITY FRAUD IS SERIOUS. Keep your systems patched.
In other words, don't be yourself, try to be something you are not in order to attract someone who then hopefully will be willing to settle when they find out who you really are. Brilliant! Just start the whole relationship on the basis of deception.
This works great in business. You get somebody hooked on your product with a bunch of promises and by the time they find out they are too deep in to back out. Not sure how well it works in relationships. Oh, wait, the divorce rate continues to rise even though there is a huge jump in the number of couples living together and not getting married at all. Huh, I guess founding your relationship on a lie is a bad idea after all.
If you are not allowed to question your government then the government has answered your question.
or simulating with pr0n and a hand
Good question about the study, but I'd suppose that the larger the sample you get to meet, the more likely you'd find either.
So you should check off bi-sexual? The logic being that we suppose (for the sake of argument) the female response rate might drop off a bit as a result, but you'll more then make up for it with the additional male responses increasing the gross total, thereby improving your odds of finding that special someone!
Hmmm....
Gee, you've made me realize my 18 year old marriage will go up in smoke any minute now, I'm so scared. Shoulda stayed single. Should never have had those children.
Marriage can work if both people want it to work.
Women lie about what they want. They even lie to themselves what they want. When they think they have found what they want, they change the lie to themselves so it is completely different.
You will never win. Never bet half your lives earnings on a woman. She will end up taking it every time. It is just too tempting of a quick get rich scheme for them not to do it.
Oh, did I mention that women lie about what they want?
Captcha: congress
Who makes this $#!T up.
Unless the "female" you've been talking to is actually a male and has themselves convinced that you'll accept them anyways once you get to know them.
I've seen this happen on more than one occasion, and oddly enough the gender changer wonders why they get a violent reaction because they have themselves convinced that the whole world thinks your actual gender is just whatever you decide it is.
When I met my wife online some 12 years ago my profile photo was me in my renaissance festival garb, complete with a Cyrano mask, so she couldn't see what I looked like. We'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary in a couple of months.
Looks change over time. If you are that fixated on appearance, I would doubt that you're going to have a happy marriage as you get older.
When you sympathize with stupidity, you start thinking like an idiot.
I met my wife online some 12 years ago, our 10th anniversary is in June. Prior to her I had mixed results with online dating, I followed the 'to thine own self be true' model and had a very honest profile. I think that my takeaway from my experience was that it takes time and doesn't give instant results. My wife found me: I lived 500 miles away from her at the time and wasn't searching that broad a radius, she was running in to little but ignorant rednecks and broadened her search radius, finding me. It looks to me like you can keep your profile honest by following the FA's advice, you're just optimizing a bit to try to improve results. If I were looking, I'd definitely give it some serious consideration.
I'm definitely forwarding this to a friend who lost his wife a bit over a year ago and hasn't been having much luck with online dating.
When you sympathize with stupidity, you start thinking like an idiot.
Gender is irrelevant, use 'sex'.
That's their 'sex'.
One doesn't need to know. It's irrelevant.
Change is certain; progress is not obligatory.
Anyone who follows this advice deserves what they get.
The age old advice still stands: be yourself.
There is nothing in this article recommending what to lie about or how to trick someone into dating you. It is about how to put your best foot forward online. It is no different than telling someone to dress nice when you first meet someone or don't talk about yourself too much on a first date.
It has advice like "ask open questions", "respond promptly", "introduce humor", "do smile", "pay genuine compliments", etc. Oh how manipulative these recommendations are!
-- All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. -- Edmund Burke
There's more to looks than the face. Maybe it was the codpiece?
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Women lie about what they want. They even lie to themselves what they want.
Some women. And from the discussion here, some men are equally likely to lie.
When they think they have found what they want, they change the lie to themselves so it is completely different. You will never win.
You've been dating the wrong sort of women. Try finding those with whom you have some common feeling. If none exist, the problem is with you.
Never bet half your lives earnings on a woman. She will end up taking it every time. It is just too tempting of a quick get rich scheme for them not to do it.
I "bet half my life's earnings" more than 20 years ago. We're still going strong, with teenagers at school and university.
If it's for a life partner, it's the result of a gross misconception. Your profile in dating sites is supposed to restrict your responses to those from people you might get along with
No, this is a gross misconception. A profile tells you almost nothing about whether you will get along with that person. You just want to meet as many people as possible that meet your basic qualifications. I am happily married, and have two kids with a woman I met through match.com. There was nothing about her profile that said "this is the one". I didn't know that until we met, and a coffee at Starbucks was extended into a dinner and a long walk in the park. At that point, I had been using match.com for about a year, I had sent hundreds of invitations, and met more than 30 women face-to-face. Many of them were nothing like what their profile described. A few of them were a bit out of my league, and didn't respond to my followups. Three of them led to relationships that lasted at least a few weeks, and one of those led to a family.
As a successful user of on-line-dating, here are my suggestions:
1. Be honest, but highlight your good points.
2. Avoid anything that could be perceived as "creepy".
3. Mention that you like dogs or horses (unless you don't).
4. Put up multiple pictures of yourself, doing active stuff, especially if it involves dogs or horses.
5. When you send an invitation, mention some things from her profile, and compliment her on something specific.
6. Move as quickly as possible to a face-to-face meeting, usually within a few days.
7. Keep the first meeting short and simple. A coffee at Starbucks is good.
8. Go to the gym right before your date.
9. Have realistic expectations
When I would send initial invitations, I got about a 30% response rate, which I have heard is very good. Early in the week, I would send about 10 or 12. I would get 3 or 4 responses. We would send a few messages back and forth, and then I would suggest we talk on the phone, and send my number. If she called, and sounded like a nice person, I would try to set up a face-to-face. I would usually meet one or two women for coffee dates over the weekend. If we hit it off, I would sometimes ask to extend the date into dinner, and I would followup with an email or phone call later that night. But for every invitation I sent, I had only about a 10% chance of meeting her, and only a 1% chance of anything beyond a single meeting. You need to cast a big net.
You've been dating the wrong sort of women. Try finding those with whom you have some common feeling. If none exist, the problem is with you.
I don't know about the OP, but I'm an engineer, and women interested in dating engineers don't seem to exist. Maybe I'm the problem, but I don't know how to not be an engineer, and how to change myself into a salesguy or a marketer or a CEO, nor do I think it's realistic to think I could completely change my personality that way.
The main problem I have in dating, truthfully, is actually meeting women to date. I've always had this problem. As an engineer, I just don't come into personal contact with women very often in life: women don't go into engineering majors in college, or into engineering jobs afterwards. So I'm limited to meeting women in just a few ways: 1) hope to meet them at work somehow, among the few non-engineers I run into (which doesn't happen much), 2) run into them IRL somehow, like when standing in line (how often does this happen???), 3) meet them at some kind of singles function, or 4) meet them on a dating site online. None of these are particularly great ways to meet compatible people; #4 is theoretically the best, but in practice doesn't work out well because so few women actually use such sites, as they have no trouble getting picked up IRL somewhere, so the women who do use such sites are usually the leftovers who can't get a date any other way. Now throw in that I'm not so young any more, and women in my target age range (30s) are mostly married with kids (or divorced with kids and nearly unable to date because they have no time away from their kids), and the situation is very bleak.
My advice is to find a really good partner when you're in college, and don't graduate until you do. Go for a Master's or a second degree or something if you haven't found someone. After you leave college, it's all downhill.
To claim that there's a significant number of transgender people out there like this is simply ridiculous. They are out there, but they're a tiny, tiny minority. Most of them state quite clearly in their profile what their situation is.
Also, if you're having trouble telling a born-female person from a MtF transgender, you might want to get your eyes checked. There aren't very many who actually "pass" that well. Tip: look for an Adam's Apple.
yep, women makes lists of features they want in a mate.
Technically 100% true, because so do men. If someone claims not to, they are almost certainly deluding themselves. However, your choice of ascribing a universal human trait only to women makes me susspicious that you have a strong "us versus them" attitude, and almost certainly a lot of misplaced ideas based on what all of womankind wants. That is of course doomed to failure since to a very good approximation there are no universal truthes about "all of women".
70%- 80% is about not only what they settle for but what they want since they want a lifelong project to change a man into their image.
Well, that's bullshit, in that it's not universally true. Unless of course you consider any compromise at all to fall under that.
100% perfect is too boring
No one's 100% perfect. If you try to wait for someone 100% perfect you will never find them.
SJW n. One who posts facts.
To me it doesn't sound like you are quite the catch yourself at this point, so perhaps those "leftovers" women might just be up your alley. Perhaps going for a divorced with kids, but above average is also an option.
Not trying to be an asshole, but it sounds like you are being picky, and that is why you don't have much to choose from.....
.yep, women makes lists of features they want in a mate.
Yes, but few people have the self-awareness to list what they actually find attractive rather than what they think they ought to find attractive. And it's further complicated because the traits that would be attractive for a short-term relationship aren't the same as the ones for a long-term relationship. This is exactly the sort of situation where you want to use science to find the truth.
Don't waste your vote! Vote for whoever you want, unless you live in a swing state it won't matter anyways
No, I'm not being *that* picky, I just don't want to date someone who's 250lbs and who's idea of fun is watching NASCAR.
Divorced with kids isn't a deal-breaker, but I did try to date one woman like that not long ago and it fell apart quickly; she just didn't have any time to meet. It's workable with a woman with teenage kids maybe, but if the kid(s) are under 10, forget it. She'll never have any time to put into the relationship, and will never be able to get away with you alone.
I think this is changing at least in civilized countries it does - for years now German couples that split have to support the financially weaker side independently of gender thereof. There are also limits for how much a side that takes kids can ask for help - courts tend to believe that if a kid is healthy and kid caring parent too then if there are no other obstacles this side can go to work thus reducing financial strain on the other. This of course does not mean you go off the relationship scot-free. If she did trick you in producing offspring you are out of luck - you have to pay. Having offspring is a risky business. If you did not produce one then it is easy. Especially if you had a premarital agreement. If things are that uncomplicated you can even save on a lawyer and take one the last one time together.
I am/am not logged in and can/cannot disable ads, and can/cannot access pages. This is fun. I just realized -- run by Dice, controlled by dice.
I actually tried. What I found out is this: time and money spent do not justify the results.At the end if a hooker does not do a blow job well I just wasted a good hour and 50E. Most of traditional dating sides require a fee from males (and lesbians). You also invest time into finding and negotiating a date then you go on one. There are different people of course - some will score every time they want and they want every time - I would not turn to dating site if that were my case. Thus after some time I concluded that instead of frustration and rejection I can go for hookers. If one pays well one goes above the level of misery - that is of course if hookers are legal in your country. For me they offer the best deal. Again for me the dating BS is for people that have too much time on their hands and interest in fellow humans that justifies the risks and costs. OC this approach does not suite some. I tried all the other options except abstinence and this seems the best. ymmv of course.
That's what bi-sexual people actually do. At least those knowing that they are bi-sexual.
Yup! Internet dating... where the odds are good, but the goods are odd :-)
I'm a minority race. Save your vitriol for white people.
Yeah, probably.... :-(
Honestly, when I think about it, and considering the 50+% divorce rate and the huge number of children raised in broken homes and by single parents, it seems like our society's model for creating and building relationships is utterly broken.
Delete the browser cache and/or the cookies.
But you are right, the site is quite buggy.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
Perhaps try a 'better' or different dating site? ... or simply do something exotic. There are plenty of sports where women train together with men. And like in everything: the amount of divorced or otherwise solo girls is in such an area just the same as everywhere else. Benefit: even if a women is slightly overweight, if they do sport they usually are attractive nevertheless (better muscles, more charisma, more self confidence).
I recommend http://www.okcupid.com/ plenty of women there who like engineers.
Regarding dating women with kids, there is that invention of a baby sitter. You could help her organize one. Sure, you might be asked or feel obliged to pay for the sitter.
Also you might find it possible to 'date' her including the kid, like going into a zoo or a circus (cinema only works if you have time before or after the movie).
Another way to meet women in RL is to make sports. Go dancing. Best sport ofc is martial arts, some where groups are mixed gender. Karate, Aikido etc. even Judo is usually mixed gender. Or Caipoera, Escrima, Silat
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
Perhaps try a 'better' or different dating site?
I recommend http://www.okcupid.com/ [okcupid.com] plenty of women there who like engineers.
Um, yeah, that's the one I'm on. (I did briefly try Match.com, but I quickly concluded that it's a total scam and most of the women's profiles are fake. I get emails from Match.com every single day telling me I've gotten so many emails from women, when all I did was hastily put up a profile and never followed up when it became apparent they just wanted me to subscribe for $$$.)
The problem I currently have is the area I'm in, which is a rather conservative east-coast metro area with a large military presence. All the women here seem to love: country music, big dogs, Jesus, horses, "muddin'", and guns. My theory is that all the educated women from this area moved out when they went to college, and never came back.
My current plan is to move to a better metro area as soon as feasible given what's going on in my life. I'll spare you the story of how I came here; it was never intended to be a long-term move.
I'll keep in mind your idea about martial arts; that's a pretty good idea. I did that years ago when I had a girlfriend and did have some really cute girl hit on me; too bad I wasn't available.
AntDude is a turn off? :(
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
Wrong, wrong, wrong! This may have worked in the past
Well, to be fair, I went to college in the mid-90s and graduated in 1997, so that's where my mind is. I haven't really been on a campus much after that. It was kinda bad back then too, but I'll also admit that, at the time, I didn't make that much of an attempt to get out and meet non-engineering majors after I moved out of the dorms.
The moment you step out of the STEM cultural ghetto into any part of campus where women are to be found, your every dating attempt will be interpreted as rape and you will constantly be pestered to 'check your privilege', whatever that means.
You sure you aren't completely overblowing this? I don't really know, as I said I haven't set foot on a campus for quite a while, but it sounds hysterical to me. I'm sure there's a few man-haters, but that's true anywhere.
Be that guy who helps the women at work with their computers.
I'm an embedded software engineer with an electrical engineering background, not a Windows IT worker. I really don't know any more about dealing with Windows PCs than the next guy. This is kinda like expecting a neurologist (or a podiatrist for that matter) to be able to help a single mother with her kid's ailment. Or expecting a jet engine mechanic to help a woman with her Chevy that isn't running right.
It doesn't even have to be "life-partner" - it could just be a partner or companionship. It's a big fork in the road - Is one looking just for sex, or is one looking for companionship in addition to sex.
What you do isn't likely to be a draw unless it is exotic, either by virtue of rarity, or by virtue of publicly visible achievement (CEO of a major company, etc.)
Who you are, on the other hand, is something you demonstrate with everything you do. Worthwhile women (as opposed to self-destructive barflies and NASCAR fans) are most often looking for several things, usually in the following order.
First, looks and character. You don't have to be a beautiful man, but you will do best if you carry yourself with confidence, and no matter what you should be clean and smell good or at least not smell bad, you need to groom your hair, keep your fingernails and sweaty parts extremely clean without telegraphing obsession, and you should dress like someone who can afford to dress well, because...
Second, security. You should project the sense that being with you is a better state than being without you. A nice car, a nice ring or watch, clean clothes in excellent shape, these send two messages: that you will spend for comfort and that you can spend. Most women of breeding age (even if you're not interested in having kids, I assume you're still interested in going through the motions) are looking for a fellow who is able and willing to make that nest. That's true even if they say, and if they really mean, they don't want kids themselves. Security is a very good thing, and they've been seriously tuned up by evolution to seek it out. Also, as a life goal, a great nest is an excellent thing to aim for, to achieve, and to share.
On the subject of security, kill any debt you have if humanly possible. You'll have more money in the end. A debt-free person is a lot more attractive than one who brings such things to a relationship. This isn't always achievable, but if you can get out of debt and/or avoid it entirely, you definitely should. Financial rule #1: You don't want to pay interest. You want to charge interest.
Once you are interacting, STFU and listen. You can initiate conversations, and steer them, and you should, but you need to be a good listener more than anything else. Let her speak and encourage her to speak more, and visibly enjoy the experience (don't fake it -- build a mindset where you are interested. It's entirely a good thing.) The time for you to speak at any length is when you are asked a question. Which you answer carefully and in the most interesting way you can. Otherwise, short and sweet is the rule. This aids in making you intriguing and in projecting interest in her.
I speak from a lifetime of experience, and a great deal of success in courting the women I went after, ultimately, finding and keeping someone of such profound worth and compatibility that to this day, after decades, I am still deeply in love with her, and she with me. I'm almost 60, BTW. And yes, I am an engineer and a geek, and I am not a beautiful man. However I am confident and I am extroverted but can listen well without having to interrupt with my own take or story (one of the most obnoxious conversational failures ever, IMHO, is to interrupt, or answer, a story of someone else's with a recitation of something similar or related that happened to you. Instead, ask questions about the story and as it is told, respond to it within its own context. You can take that one right to the relationship bank. No matter how strong the urge, don't tell stories about yourself except when explicitly asked to do so. Mystery trumps bragging every time.)
When the day comes when you're trying to seriously figure out if a particular lady is "the one", watch out for serious areas of conflict that the rush of romance has (temporarily, I assure you) pushed aside: religion, politics, impingement of extended family fuckarosis, drinking or drugging habits and seriously divergent philosophical outloo
I've fallen off your lawn, and I can't get up.
Marriage was ancient man's idea of being able to buy and own women like property - so then women in response, decided to increase the prices for access to her womb..
In other words, it's reprehensible all around.
Still, marriages can work as long as the man keeps the funds coming in, does whatever the wife tells him to, and sacrifices his sex life.
That's what it takes to "make it work" men!
The problem is that many men entering marriage usually are blissfully unaware of what it involves, and what the wife hopes to get out of it, and then are disappointed when what they find doesn't match expectations.
The real problem is (of course), that if you have to "buy" a woman, then it's prostitution anyway, and she doesn't really love you. :(
So why bother with marriage at all?
Face it, if she really loved you, she'd stick with you without needing your money, or needing to be married. However, we all know how that works out
READY.
PRINT ""+-0
So. Er. Be pleasant, polite, engaged and confident? Perhaps that's what attracts a potential partner rather than pseudo-manipulative mind tricks?
I had a dream, bright and carefree, but now there's doubt and gravity
Care to explain for what to look?
I for my part don't see a difference in a female adams apple or a male one. Both have it, no idea why people prefer to call the male larynges an adams apple and the female not.
Sure, the male one is often a bit bigger, but often not at all. Mine one you wont really see, and trust me, I'm not female or have any feminine looks (nor am I fat, I have like 140 pounds).
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
Of course it is not irrelevant.
Call me what ever you want, but I find the idea to have sex with a 'woman' that was a man before so disgusting I likely would vomit on her bed if she told me.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
The problem I currently have is the area I'm in, which is a rather conservative east-coast metro area with a large military presence. All the women here seem to love: country music, big dogs, Jesus, horses, "muddin'", and guns. My theory is that all the educated women from this area moved out when they went to college, and never came back.
Oki, I understand you.
If you don't know where to move too yet, or lets phrase it the other way, if you have no strong preferences, I know a few extremely high qualified american Aikido teachers (that includes obviously Asian immigrants). Considering if you would give it a try ofc.
Problem with Aikido is, some dojos attract mainly hippie like girls and guys, that might not be the right thing for you (not only girl wise but also martial arts wise).
Unfortunately I have no connection to Karate or other Dojos in the US.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
...or ask for a date too early. ;)
And different women have different dating time requirements. Good luck!
It's not one single feature, it's a bunch of them. Men usually have more pronounced Adam's Apples with bony ridges, women do not (men with a lot of neck fat won't show it as much though, and not all men have a really pronounced one). Men have bigger hands and feet. Men have a squarer jaw line and a heavier brow (which evolved for taking punches to the face). Men have wider shoulders and a bigger torso, while women have wider hips and narrow shoulders. Obviously, none of these factors are 100% for either sex; some men have smaller feet, etc.
Yes, many trannies have rather feminine bodies for men, but they usually still have too many male features to totally pass as female, even if they're on hormones or have breast implants (or have gotten their Adam's Apple surgically modified). Usually, one look at their face alone is enough to tell; something just looks "wrong", because our brains are hard-wired to look for certain features in men and women's faces.
That's why I gave up dating and started hunting unicorns. It is a thousand times easier to catch a unicorn than to find a woman who is not fat, has no kids, and isn't bat shit burn - your - house - down insane. Maybe it's just kansas women but I doubt it.
To claim that there's a significant number of transgender people out there like this is simply ridiculous.
I've only encountered 3 in my life, and two were from people I know who had the exact situation I described happen. I think for both it was just kind of a date that didn't last longer than a few minutes.
Tip: look for an Adam's Apple.
That's just cartilage, isn't prominent in all men (and is even prominent in some women) and even failing that it's not terribly expensive to have trimmed. Considerably less expensive than a boob job and even less expensive than bottom surgery.
In my actual experience, hand size is the biggest giveaway, followed by voice, and occasionally you see that their breasts look too far away from their shoulders (because their shoulders are too broad.)
I remember going to this bar and this tranny with really big tits walked by, but then he spoke as I watched him grab his drink and my first thought was "no."
Neither hand size nor shoulder width are terribly apparent in pictures though. I guess it's like buying a used car that looks good in the picture, but when you get up close to look at it, it has a shitty paint job.
I have some experience in Aikido; I attended a dojo about 12 years ago for a while, got up to yellow-belt. That dojo definitely didn't have any hippies; that's funny. I might have to check this out again now that I'm back on the market.
My only worry is that any dojo here (Aikido or otherwise) would be heavily dominated by (ex-)military types. My prior dojo was run by a couple of them. I'm not a big fan of anything military these days (which really doesn't help me, living in an area where it's a big part of the economy).
That's just cartilage
No, it's not, it's a bone called the Hyoid bone. It's a unique bone in that it it isn't rigidly connected to other bones: from the article: "Unlike other bones, the hyoid is only distantly articulated to other bones by muscles or ligaments." It does start out as mostly cartilage, but turns into bone with adulthood. But you're right, it isn't prominent in all men, and can be trimmed surgically.
I agree about the other factors though: hand size, voice, and shoulder breadth.
Neither hand size nor shoulder width are terribly apparent in pictures though. I guess it's like buying a used car that looks good in the picture, but when you get up close to look at it, it has a shitty paint job.
Unfortunately, this is true for everyone, not just trannies. Most people try to find photos of themselves that look best, and avoid posting photos that don't look so great. Back before I got married and was meeting women from online for dating, this happened to me a few times: a woman looked good in a single photo she posted, and then in person she was not attractive at all.
Well that's my impression too now that I'm on the market again, but the place I'm living in probably isn't too different culturally than Kansas, and that, I think, is the #1 source of my dating problems.
Do you have any plans to move out of Kansas? I'm already working on planning my exodus from this place.
It's hard to understand an American who's unhappy where they live on account of it being too American.
This shit isn't "American culture", it's Southern culture. The South is not representative of America as a whole, thankfully.
Perhaps because I'm a fan of androgyny looking girls I have a hard time to find such marks.
While you are right in your generalizations, it is just generalizations. I live in germany, and while the girls have female hips here, they usually have broader shoulders than hips. Just like males. And actually a girl with broad shoulders looks really attractive to me, at least from behind.
So bottom line I doubt you could figure a Thai or Brazilian trans gender from a true female.
Does not really make clear what is up with the adams apple. So you mean the male one is just bigger in average?
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
Simply because:
1) They all have ON/OFF buttons. That comes in handy every once in a while.
2) If they get an attitude problem RESET fixes it.
3) Made in USA is good, Made in China is better.
4) They play some of the best music, videos (Especially Lord of the Rings) and you know, they love it!
5) They provide excellent feed back on my code. If it sucks they let me know.
6) Excellent life partner and teacher. It seems she knows everything.
7) Even when she gets old I can upgrade.
Yeah, Asian women. Love'em.
Got Geometrodynamics? Awe, too hard to figure out? Too bad.
On average, yes, the male one is larger and more prominent and bony. Mine for instance has a very sharp, protruding ridge on it, which probably wouldn't look out of place on a Klingon. I can't shave it because the razor would just cut it open.
Well, as I said, I know a few nice dojos. :) But Saotome Sensei once had a Dojo there.
Washinton DC, some Saotome Dojos, New York, Yamada and Donovan Waite, somewhere in Collorado, Dave Duran, in Portland, Oregon is a Dojo where the (former?) husband of Yoko Okamoto is teaching. I can dig a few more out, but that was what I have on my mind. Hiroshi Ikeda is mainly traveling right now and giving seminars. No idea if he still has a 'home Dojo', but I can ask him. I have an address in Florida, but forget the name, have to ask a student of mine. Then there is SF ofc. claimed to have more Daitoryo Dojos than whole Japan. Ofc, that does not say much about Aikido
If you have set up your mind, send me an email, I might be able to give some hints.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
Gender wouldn't identify this, so this is an irrelevant argument.
Change is certain; progress is not obligatory.
The culture I described was never the culture of New England or the rest of the northeast, among many other parts of the US. You're seriously deluded if you think that San Francisco, LA, or NYC have ever been places where NASCAR, guns, and 4-wheeling are popular pasttimes.
I don't care if you call it gender or sex, read my parent. It is perhaps irrelevant for you, not for me, though.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
Still, marriages can work as long as the man keeps the funds coming in, does whatever the wife tells him to, and sacrifices his sex life.
That's what it takes to "make it work" men!
The real problem is (of course), that if you have to "buy" a woman, then it's prostitution anyway, and she doesn't really love you. :(
So why bother with marriage at all?
Face it, if she really loved you, she'd stick with you without needing your money, or needing to be married. However, we all know how that works out
Works out fine for me. Sucks to be you, I guess. If you assume all women are massive raging assholes, and go through life as such, then you will never find one who isn't.
SJW n. One who posts facts.
http://www.davidbrin.com/neote...
Brin explains the differences....
Gender is what you think you are, sex is what you physically are. Neither of these identify being once being some other sex and now a different sex.
I did, and I identified to you that gender (or sex) would not reveal this information to you.
Change is certain; progress is not obligatory.
5). Make some friends in IRL. A friend will know someone else who is single.
Haven't you been reading these comments? How?? FFS. Personally, I have never "met" any girl IRL, by which I mean having a social conversation lasting more than about 20 seconds, the conversation usually being terminated by her walking away or being interrupted by some other guy and her turning her back on me. Yet I an not ugly or fat, if that is what you are thinking. God knows how guys get on who are.
I met around 100 girls through dating clubs (a bit before the Internet) and it is only by girls being in a "captive" situation that some seemd to find they actually liked me. About 1 in 5 led to second dates, and 1 in 20 became longer affairs - but bear in mind we had already been through a selection process of exchanging letters and photos. If we assume that of people chosen at random only 1 in 3 would pass that preliminary selection process, and that must be squared because the selection is both ways, it means that I would have needed to approach ~200 girls IRL to get as far as regular dating; and even that assumes that they had not got a boyfriend already. That would have been impractical; I would have needed to have collared them in the street, and I'd have been arrested for molesting. If it had not been for dating clubs I think I would have settled for seeing escorts; looking back, perhaps that is what I should have done anyway -I could afford it, and some of them are suprisingly nice, much better than many IRL girls.
As for friends knowing someone else who is single, I have always had friends of the same sex, but none has ever introduce me to a girl - why would they? Usually, they haven't been able to find girlfriends themselves, and they weren't poor and ugly either. Something has gone wrong in our society.
After you leave college, it's all downhill.
Because you will rarely enter a comparable environment again. What makes college special is that you live in a place where you spend a lot of time, are basically forced to meet new people regularily, in a shared environment with shared interests and a higher interest in cooperation than competition.
It's rare to find that after college. Work usually has more competition and less overal interaction, clubs and hobbies offer less time exposed and (after the initial phase where you are the new guy) a lower turnover. Other social settings (family meetings, neighbourhoods, etc.) often lack the shared interests.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
it seems like our society's model for creating and building relationships is utterly broken.
Or our assumptions about relationships. For example that they have to last for life. Don't get me wrong, I know from my own experience how right Nietzsche was when he wrote "Alle Liebe will Ewigkeit" (all love wants eternity) and I certainly want to grow old with my girlfriend. Subjectively, that is what love tricks us into wanting and believing in.
But reality teaches us that relationships usually last some time. Sometimes a hundred years, sometimes ten. The problem is that we see one as a success and the other as a failure. But why should we? In the words of queen: "Just one year of love. Is better than a lifetime alone".
We consider relationships investments (you want to get back more than you put in), that's another problem.
So yes, there's a lot broken in the land of love, but don't fall for the mistake of thinking our ancestors were so much better. Sure they didn't divorce as much, but in many cases that was not because they didn't want to. If you're in Europe, visit a castle and take a tour. They'll explain you that there were so many bedrooms not only because of the constant guests, but also because man and woman sleeping together in the same bedroom (let alone the same bed!) was highly unusual and risque, and the lower classes did it simply because they had to, as soon as people had some money they got seperate bedrooms.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
If you've seen this more than once or twice and it disturbs you, you probably (a) checked some wrong boxes somewhere on your survey or (b) you should be using a site other than TransLove.com.
That is all.
Well, having talked with a number of people who are divorced with children I found two interconnected central themes to most of them. Money and stress. Two young people dating living a high life because both have their own incomes, then they get married and within two years a child is born. The mother, typically, stops working to care for the child and then another child comes along a bit later. This eventually stretches out into 7-10 years where the family has gone from living high as DINKs to adding three dependents (1 adult, 2 children) onto a single income. Often times the extended vacation from working is justified under the pretense of "day care is just as expensive" and "let's me stay home with the kids". Which is fine but the motiviation for the parent that quit to seek out new work 7-10 years later once daycare shouldn't be needed and the children are more capable can be significantly sapped. Thus, try going from a high lifestyle to sustaining a lower lifestyle while a lot of your financial plans are pushed back and delayed and see how much stress you undergo and that stress is partially caused by the non-working spouse.
"Lack of speed can be overcome. In the worst case by patience." --Znork
After you leave college, it's all downhill.
That is truly pathetic.
To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
Yeah, I'm sure there's tons of well-read women in Manhattan going to NASCAR races every weekend....
News flash: NYC is nothing like the rest of NYS.
I think you need to reconsider. If you want to have the whole family-and-kids deal, you don't have that much time left to find someone worthwhile; women can't have kids past 40 usually, remember, and the longer you wait, the worse your dating pool is (more women are divorced and already have kids as you get to older ages). Don't wake up when you're 40 and realize you should have made a move earlier. Get out of your comfort zone; there's a better life out there than what Wichita has to offer. If you're anything like me, the problem isn't you, it's the area you're in: you're just not a fit for that area and the denizens there. The women you're looking for probably all left that town when they went to college, and the women left there aren't ones you're interested in, amiright?
I'm really wishing I had gone into medicine instead of engineering.... you're absolutely right.
However, my mother was a hospital nurse for a while, and I think that turned me off to that a little. But it definitely would have been a better profession than engineering, that's for sure.
However, what can an outsider like myself do to get in there? Some kind of volunteer work I guess?
Exactly, this is excellent and highly insightful.
So what can we do to try to get back to something approximating this environment? Maybe we need to try to make some kind of social change in this direction.
I don't know about this. With the upper classes back then, marriages were usually arranged and had nothing to do with love, only property rights and strategic alliances and such. So of course they didn't want to sleep together, they really didn't even like each other much.
The lower classes weren't so much like this; they were just peasants, so they married people they liked.
However, I do think you're right about relationships not lasting a lifetime any more. There's also good evidence that monogamy really isn't natural for us either, and many people in non-monogamous relationships are happier and have stronger relationships than typical married monogamous people. Many older cultures were completely non-monogamous, such as the Hawaiians before European contact.
Let's start out by saying I have grown children. 15 or so years ago, you could meet people. Now.... not so much.
Half a dozen years or so ago, I went on several sites, including craiglist and match. I said that I was looking for someone *over* 40.
And I got... a bunch of responses, claiming to be from women who were allegedly between 21 and 26. And claiming they'd read my profile.
Right. I think I found *one* woman who actually existed, and went on a date or two. The rest... as I said, in annoyance, to several, "no, you're not; you're a fat 47 yr old guy claiming to be a hot woman, the kind you'd like to date, but who will never give you a first glance, and you're trying to make money out of this. Unfuck off.
mark "and added them to my killfile"
Women do like engineers. Engineer = stable + money. You've not found dating success which has given you a negative attitude, and unfortunately, the negative attitude will further hurt your chances. Women also kind of like men that they enjoy being around.
I am not personally an engineer, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so I will provide you with an algorithm for dating so that you know how it's done.
1. Find female human that is attractive to you. Where you find her is unimportant. Maybe it is at work or standing inline or at a singles function or online. Or maybe someplace else. Who cares?
2. Smile and strike up a short conversation with her about something you suspect you might share a mutual interest in. Context should give you an idea. If you're in line at the grocery store, you could ask her how she likes that particular brand of health pellets that she has in her cart. If it's online, something from her profile that you also like. That type of context.
IF (she isn't trying to escape the conversation && she doesn't say anything that disqualifies herself) {
Ask for her number. (if she says no, don't throw a tantrum.)
} ELSE {
close out the conversation gracefully
GOTO 1
}
3. Call that evening and ask her out on a short get-together (coffee, a walk through the park, something low-commitment)
4. During the get-together, see how the conversation flows and how you both are enjoying each other.
IF (she doesn't appear to be trying to escape ASAP && you are enjoying your time with her) {
Ask her out on a more substantial date and/or try to hook up with her
} ELSE {
Gracefully tell her that you had a great time but that you don't see any further dates in the future or just do the "Fade away" (i.e. don't call her anymore).
GOTO 1
}
Hopefully you can take it from here.
By the way, you should be asking out a lot of chicks while you're single, and definitely should be executing this pseudocode in parallel until you're exclusive with anyone.
Good luck!
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock
Tip: look for an Adam's Apple.
There are plenty of cisgendered women who have a more pronounced Adam's Apple. Personally, I think that you can tell the best by the person's gait. Adult cisgendered women's hips make a very specific movement that comes from the pelvic area's development to accommodate childbirth. Transwomen won't have that, or they'll try to fake it, which looks very comical.
Of course if you still aren't sure, the absolute easiest way to tell if someone is trans is to "accidentally" refer to them by the opposite-gender pronoun. If they don't react, they are cisgendered. If they absolutely lose their fucking shit, then they are trans.
They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper, you fucked up. --Chris Rock
I'm kind of blown away by the responses to this blurb. It sounds like there are a lot of really boring, shallow women out there. Same goes for dudes, sadly. But a common thread I keep seeing in the posts is that many of you feel like all women care about is your salaries, but that many of them are so classless and unrefined as to be undeserving.
I guess I'm pretty lucky to live in Seattle where if you asked anyone about NASCAR they would ask you what sort of IT-related acronym to which you are referring.
Maybe there's something else you might want to look for. Let me explain.
Having been called a unicorn by a good dozen people, I can tell you that what I am interested in is someone who can engage in rapid-fire intellectual sparring/ verbal pachinko, matches my sense of humor (dark, dry, frequently absurd, referential), *and* is into being healthy and active--*as a baseline*. I would never ask my partner to make more of an effort here than I do (yeah, I'm looking at you, 100+-mile hikes, various marathons, and >10k-foot mountains). Of course there are some other things that are nice to have but not mandatory. I am bisexual, nonmonogamous, absolutely do not want kids ever, and make a pretty decent salary, especially for a generation in which many still live with their overly supportive parents. I feel that, as a woman, I have more or less found the cheat codes to life by choosing not to marry or have kids. I will never be dependent on anyone. I will never sacrifice my career, my sense of self, or my body to having kids or adopting. I can date people for the sheer pleasure of their company rather than ever needing to 'size them up' as a potential mate. I will never be dragged into isolating breeder hell in some generic suburb. I should not ever need to make excuses for not wanting kids, as it's my choice anyway.
There's a search variable on OKC that lets you search for women who don't want 'em either. It sounds like many of you are feeling exploited. Maybe you should search for women who don't want kids and have salaries of at least 60k to remedy this. And if that's not cutting it, you may want to look in the mirror.
Just my two cents. And good luck with the dating.
From what I've gathered from my history studies, the ancient world had a lot more open social events than we do today. I don't mean festivals and such where you're anonymous in a crowd. In ancient Athens, men would meet to discuss and make politics, for example. Today, we delegate all this shit because we're too busy with our lives.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
Frankly speaking, very few people these days are really monogamous. There's a lot of cheating and there's serial monogamy, where you have one partner at a time, but switch them fairly often (i.e. many short-term relationships).
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
Well, we also delegate our politics because we have societies with more than a few hundred or thousand people now. These days, a group of 1000 people is a small town, and a small city has 50k. In the ancient world, that was a very large city. I imagine the Romans probably did a lot of innovation as far as cities, by bringing us aqueducts to improve sanitation, easily the bane of human civilization.
True, but we still hold monogamy as the ideal, and then when someone doesn't live up to it, then the relationship is ended, frequently involving the court system and some expensive lawyers.
If you're openly non-monogamous, you can avoid all that.
You will get x% of response rate. y% of conversations will turn into first dates. z% of first dates will turn into something more. Sure, you can tune the x, y and z values, and if they're really low you should. But once you're out of the single digits, raising the amount of input will result in more gain in output than tuning those numbers.
I can put some figures to that. I got about a 5% response rate to my first contact; 2.5% (ie half the previous) response to follow-up message (my proposing a meeting); met 2% face-to-face; had second date with 1%; met regularly afterwards with 0.5%; had sex with 0.3%; married 0.1%.
Bear in mind that I only contacted ones in the first place if their profiles seemed well matched to me (eg I didn't contact ones who demanded men over 6ft or had tattoos, because I didn't). So imagine if I had approached girls at random (like at a dance) - you could divide those figures by 5 or 10 again. And I am well off and not bad looking.
Sex reveals the information.
I'm organic appearing as a female: that is his/her sex.
I don't want an operated ex male sex who is now of female sex.
No idea what is so hard to grasp about that.
The parent claimed my concern would be 'irrelevant', I pointed out: it is not, I would find it disgusting.
So, what exactly is your point? That the other person needs to give the additional info, that he changed sex? Wow, that exactly was obviously the topic! Parent claimed that is irrelevant, I claim it is not.
What you think is up to you. To add to the gender sex confusion, I doubt I could live with female sex male gender woman who is gay, regardless how hot and loving she towards me is.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
No, it's not
What?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
Chondrolaryngoplasty (commonly called tracheal shave) is a surgical procedure in which the thyroid cartilage is reduced in size by shaving down the cartilage through an incision in the throat, generally to aid men and women who are uncomfortable with the girth of their Adam's apple.
But Dilbert had a girlfriend! (http://branders.name/dilbert-the-perfect-girlfriend/695)
All seriousness aside, you might try #5: meet them at church. I believe the single women in church outnumber the single men. Of course, if you're not a Christian, that might not be to your taste.
Well, we also delegate our politics because we have societies with more than a few hundred or thousand people now.
Even on the local level, we don't have even nearly the amount of involvement that the ancient world had.
But yes, of course, the pure size is a big factor.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
The main problem we have is the default assumption.
From my perspective, anything that everyone involved is happy with is fine. Hetero- or homosexual, two, three or however many partners - it may not be for me, but who am I to judge the happiness of other people?
Society as a whole, however, has a concept in its mind, and even with a stronger tolerance for variety, it still very strongly sets this concept as the default assumption, and everything that deviates from the norm needs to justify itself.
All of this is true outside of sex and relationships, btw. -- there are also default concepts of a man and a woman, of a couple and a household. How you should be, what you should do. There are acceptable and "strange" hobbies, interests, professions, lifestyles, homes.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
Not legally, which is all that matters when you identify your sex.
No, that you need to ask something other than sex or gender to get that information.
Change is certain; progress is not obligatory.
It happened about 2000 years ago when Christianity was born. When women became property.
Sorry, then what should I ask?
I mean if one says on a dating site he is female and a transgender then everything is clear.
He has femal 'pseudo' organs and was a man before ...
I don't get your point.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
I'm saying asking 'What sex are you?' or 'What gender are you?' won't cover it, not that I'd particularly ask that question either.
Change is certain; progress is not obligatory.
Read the book, Why Men Are the Way They Are by Warren Farrell.
Summary: Don't blame yourself for everything. Maybe your problems are at least partly due to the worsening dis-functionality of the entire U.S. culture.
I'm writing a book that provides far more detail, but it will be perhaps 2 years until my book is published.
I always said I would rather be single and happy then married and unhappy.
I did very similar things but with a slightly different outcome. Meeting women online helped give me the experience and confidence that when I met the woman I would marry in real life I was far more confident and better prepared. In the past I had always screwed it up, said the wrong thing, or whatever and the girl would run for the hills. My wife now insists nerds make the best husbands.
Can you be any more disgusting?
Catholic priests and ISIS fighters are good examples of why male celibacy is a very bad thing.
Of course, being in a sexless marriage isn't much good either...
My solution to this: we need to genetically engineer people somehow so people don't have to be single.
It won't work if I don't want it to work either. so there! ha!
I'm supporting the kids already and they're teenagers....
really, you need to up your FUD game, I'm worrying about nothing over here
Grishnakh, you didn't mention your own age. If you are in your 50s and looking for somebody in their 30s you may be asking for a lot. If you had to find somebody reasonable for life in the next 7 days - where would you look?
Well, if I ask both it should cover it.
I still don't get your point.
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.