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Invaders Demand Flu Shots

Posted by samzenpus on from the take-your-medicine dept.

An Anonymous Coward writes in with this bit from the Intercontinental Radio News Network describing an ongoing situation near Grovers Mill, New Jersey. What was originally thought to be a large meteor crash near the Wilmuth farm has turned out to be the beginning of a Martian invasion. Local officials have had limited contact with the invaders at this point, but their actions so far have the experts scratching their heads. "I expected to be disintegrated or turned into a pile of goo by their advance weaponry but all they did was ask where they could get cold medicine," says a first responder. Initial reports indicate that the aliens have gathered all the vitamin C and antihistamine tablets from the downtown area and have now surrounded the local hospital in their strange ships and are demanding flu shots. A Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spokesman says that the agency theorizes the red Martian dust makes the cold and flu season almost unbearable and hopes that the aliens will leave soon after their treatments. He adds: "While alien invaders are terrifying we can take heart in the fact that our flu shot campaign has performed beyond all expectations this year by reaching Mars. We consider their demands our success."

57 comments

  1. Try Canada instead by gmagill · · Score: 1

    They'd have better luck there.

  2. So funny no really keep it comming by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I bet you've been waiting for this day all year.

    1. Re:So funny no really keep it comming by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Schadenfruede is a hell of a drug. The editors want to drink the delicious tears of your seething nerd rage.

    2. Re:So funny no really keep it comming by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I dont remember there being a lot of april fools post last year. today i think they decided "fuck it..."

  3. *Chuckle* by Passman · · Score: 1

    Ok.

    This one is damn good.

    --
    Minne-snow-da: Winter is comming...
    1. Re:*Chuckle* by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      No, it's lame.

    2. Re:*Chuckle* by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You have really low standards for comedy.

    3. Re:*Chuckle* by markhb · · Score: 2

      It works better if you know how "The War of the Worlds" ended.

      --
      Save Maine's economy: write stuff down. All comments are exclusively my own, not my employer.
  4. how far we've come. by nimbius · · Score: 4, Funny

    slashdot 2001: Hey I uploaded a spoof RFC while rebalancing the cluster last night guys, the users are going to love it.

    slashdot now: HEY Guys! we need to THINK up some more WAAAACKY pranks for that KOOKY april fools target date! lets really think outside the box on this one and task some actionables to those GOOF BALLS in MARKETING and see what deliverables they realize THIS quarter!

    --
    Good people go to bed earlier.
    1. Re:how far we've come. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      People complained about the same shit in 2001. It's a ritual. Slashdot posts April Fool's jokes, and whiny, entitled users get a massive stick up their butt. April Fools is not complete without either for me.

    2. Re:how far we've come. by epyT-R · · Score: 1

      Expecting jokes of a more technical nature on a technical site is not entitlement.

    3. Re:how far we've come. by Applehu+Akbar · · Score: 1

      More technical nature, hell! I would settle for every joke not being exactly the same formula. Were these generated by a Windows XP freeware utility?

    4. Re:how far we've come. by desdinova+216 · · Score: 1

      surely people complained about the now legendary OMG PONIES back in the day.

    5. Re:how far we've come. by bigtomrodney · · Score: 1

      OMG RFC PONIES!!!

      --
      I never get used to these constant resurrections
    6. Re:how far we've come. by phantomfive · · Score: 1
      Actual quotes from April 1, 2001:

      Admittedly, the pranks are a little weak (always have been), but it's nothing to get annoyed at.

      Come on, people, the M&A jokes just don't work. An announcement on a sunday? get real. Besides, the joke is at least a few years old.

      /. has been h4X0R3D. This is the only thing I can think of that can explain all the crap that was posted today. Yes, we know, it's April 1. We get the point. Haw-haw-haw. At least think of something funny to post.

      --
      "First they came for the slanderers and i said nothing."
    7. Re:how far we've come. by phantomfive · · Score: 1
      Yeap. It was painful. A typical comment from the day:

      When will it stop?April fools day on Slashdot is always painful but this is taking it to a new level.

      And of course, the typical response:

      My guess is that the pain will stop on April 2nd.

      --
      "First they came for the slanderers and i said nothing."
    8. Re:how far we've come. by phantomfive · · Score: 1

      This comment thread is great, too.

      --
      "First they came for the slanderers and i said nothing."
    9. Re:how far we've come. by epyT-R · · Score: 1

      Nah.. an apple hypercard 'app'..

    10. Re:how far we've come. by Qzukk · · Score: 1

      yeaaaah, no.

      Slashdot 2001: Hey guys my boss wants me to sign a all your base are assigned to us agreement, what do?

      --
      If I have been able to see further than others, it is because I bought a pair of binoculars.
    11. Re:how far we've come. by rtb61 · · Score: 2

      Fine, on a more technical nature, War of the Worlds fails in the premise that aliens would be subject to infestation by microbes. Microbes of course survive by being able to not be noticed and reproduce, having evolved to target specific organisms. The reality of course is that aliens would suffer as a result of allergies, being subject to complex molecules they have not evolved to deal with. So dying of hay fever is more realistic than dying from infection.

      --
      Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
  5. Laugh-a while you can, ... by rkhalloran · · Score: 1

    monkey-boys!! Once they stoke up on antibiotics, we're all DOOOOMED!!

  6. It's like by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    April Fool's Day is like a holy day to you morons.

    1. Re:It's like by BlueMonk · · Score: 1

      No, it's more appropriately celebrated than any typical holy holiday. It's a day of humor and jest whose purpose has not been lost. And celebrating it has more real and lasting effect than a typical holiday. What better way to lighten a spirit for a holiday than laughter? Nothing compares.

  7. 2 April 2015 00:00:00 UTC by rodrigoandrade · · Score: 2

    Are we there yet?

  8. all the fake stories... by MitchDev · · Score: 4, Insightful

    ...got old and tired long ago....

    1. Re:all the fake stories... by phantomfive · · Score: 1

      I don't know, this one was kind of hilarious. Unless you aren't familiar with the original story, then I could see how you would miss the joke.......

      --
      "First they came for the slanderers and i said nothing."
    2. Re:all the fake stories... by angel'o'sphere · · Score: 1

      No offense mate ... sitenote: besides the /. summary, I did not read further ... but if that is supposed to be a prank on 'War of the Worlds' by Orson Welles, the frankly
      i don't find it funny at all but extremely lame, so lame I doubt it is about that story. Similar unlikely is Mars Chronicals.
      So, no, I don't get what is funny about it. Neither I do about the other SF influenced 'fake stories' ... but I'm not a star wars fan anyway, cant even remember if episode I-III are actually the first three movies or the misnamed second set.
      But who cares ... bullshit like that I only watch on DVD ... downloaded ... or despaired in a hotel where I accidentally stay over night on a business trip ;)

      --
      Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
    3. Re:all the fake stories... by phantomfive · · Score: 1

      No offense taken mate.....I understand you don't have a sense of humor. It's not a problem!

      --
      "First they came for the slanderers and i said nothing."
    4. Re:all the fake stories... by angel'o'sphere · · Score: 1

      My humor is rather dry :)
      But if you consider that 'no sense' of humor I feel complimented!

      --
      Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
    5. Re: all the fake stories... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Zibg. phantomfive has just proven himself to be a humourless idiot pleb, and I will hate and ridicule him from now on.

  9. There's only one way to stop this crap by ArcadeMan · · Score: 2

    Nuke Slashdot from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

    Note to Dice: Slashdot needs to have NERD pranks, not lame science-fiction references passed as faux news. This is only funny for stupid people in your marketing department. PLEASE STOP.

    --
    Get free satoshi (Bitcoin) and Dogecoins
    1. Re:There's only one way to stop this crap by halivar · · Score: 2

      No no, this post needs to go in the Weyland-Yutani/LV-426 thread. Much more topical.

  10. But it's so unlikely! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one", he said.

  11. I am thinking of the Futurama by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I am LRRR!! Ruler of the Omicron Persei 8!

  12. Martian invasion ... by PPH · · Score: 3, Funny

    ... stymied by outbreak of autism.

    --
    Have gnu, will travel.
  13. Martians are better off by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They get to die before this litany of lame jokes ends...

  14. How about other benefits? by mi · · Score: 1, Informative

    Just wait for these inv... undocumented Earthlings to really figure things out. In addition to medicines, they'll also be eligible for schooling, tax "credits", food stamps, "Obamacare" and other assistance. Some of these hand-outs will be illegal (in the US), but they will happen and no one will be punished for allowing it to happen.

    --
    In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
    1. Re: How about other benefits? by fermion · · Score: 1

      And when we get tired of them we can always bring out the Slim Whitman yodeling music

      --
      "She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
  15. nay sayers be damned by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    This is pretty damn funny. I like the fact that we never do the same thing twice for April Fools. Putting effort in to these spoofs was well worth the effort. I kind of hopped the community would play along with some good farse threads, but most of us seem to have sticks in our rears today.

    1. Re:nay sayers be damned by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Not really. They're not all that clever. They're not interesting. They're far from funny. I know someone went to a lot of trouble to write all of these but they're formulaic and trite. There's nothing clever about them. It's like they were written by the same people who put together HR training videos.

  16. Make it stop by ArcadeMan · · Score: 3, Funny

    For crying out loud please make it stop, it's less painful to work than to read Slashdot.

    --
    Get free satoshi (Bitcoin) and Dogecoins
    1. Re:Make it stop by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Yes, the corporations noticed a downturn in IT productivity on April Fool's Day, so they turned to DICE to rectify it. It's all part of their plan to ruin Slashdot and keep their IT departments from slacking off at work.

  17. I live near there by iced_773 · · Score: 1

    Let me help.

  18. Samzenpus...You tried to cover your tracks, but: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Nice try samzenpus. You did well to try and cover your tracks by prefixing the prank with "An Anonymous Coward writes..." unfortunately, it wasn't quite good enough. Learn well Padawan on how well you're watched. The normal reference used when a posting is made by anonymous, even when done by you, is consistently "An anonymous reader writes..." No one has ever called an anonymous poster a Coward outside of the thread...until this day.

  19. Slashdot improved? by zbyg · · Score: 1

    What happened to Slashdot? Suddenly the stories are much more interesting and, most importantly, unique. No other news site reports about these important happenings. Also, I do not see any slashvertisements for yet another crappy product/service. Has the management been changed? New editors hired? Anyway, this is great and I really hope that Slashdot can keep this high standard for years to come.

  20. OMG! Ponies! by SirSpammenot · · Score: 1

    http://www.metlin.org/content/...

    THAT was a great April Fool's Day prank. Go pink or go home..

    --
    1 Dachshund + 1 Dachshunds = A Paradox.
  21. stop by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    jesus christ already

  22. Flu shots? Ok..... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Fine, just don't tell them about all the new STDs, and all the people who will want "a little strange"...

  23. So what about the War of the Worlds Thesis by tinkerton · · Score: 1

    That aliens would be vulnerable to our viruses and diseases?
    Maybe our viruses wouldn't be able to interact with them at all. Which way does it go?
    The way we have most experience with, a population exposed to and being decimated by a disease from elsewere ?
    What about the alternative, a disease not being able to lock on to a population that is too alien? Is that possible?

    1. Re:So what about the War of the Worlds Thesis by rogoshen1 · · Score: 1

      i had a cold last week, my dog strangely enough didn't catch it.

      odd huh?

    2. Re:So what about the War of the Worlds Thesis by MrKaos · · Score: 1
      I was wondering the same thing when I saw this. I think it was because it was written in a simpler time for a different audience.

      I thought maybe if the 'aliens' were also carbon based in a similar way to us they would be preyed upon by the same biology as we are. After all microscopic stuff doesn't care how big we are or where we're from, just if they can eat us or live in us.

      I thought about other life forms maybe, silicon based and if our planet would even be suitable for them so I figured that aliens would only want to come to our planet because they had a similar biosphere and could survive in ours. So maybe it would go both ways, whatever can kill them can kill us too.

      I thought the flaw was that if you were that advanced to get here you wouldn't have met a few bugs before and known, having been in space for a long time, planned to have immunity cause they only had one shot to make it work. So why didn't they start by sending scout ships to check things out, be a little more patient - there are some dumb arrogant generals in that alien ship.

      The most embarrassing Invasion ever - do you think they still have assets in space or were they dumb enough to commit everything?

      --
      My ism, it's full of beliefs.
    3. Re:So what about the War of the Worlds Thesis by tinkerton · · Score: 1

      The most embarrassing Invasion ever - do you think they still have assets in space or were they dumb enough to commit everything?

      It was probably some kind of private enterprise with more ambition than competence. Martians are mostly harmless really.

    4. Re:So what about the War of the Worlds Thesis by tinkerton · · Score: 1

      At face value your example is stupid because it's a single case , but indeed there is a very valid argument that if one species can be infected by a virus while the other is completely immune , it means that viruses are very much adapted to us as well and that makes it likely that a newcomer is immune rather than vulnerable.

    5. Re:So what about the War of the Worlds Thesis by MrKaos · · Score: 1

      It was probably some kind of private enterprise with more ambition than competence. Martians are mostly harmless really.

      mostly.

      --
      My ism, it's full of beliefs.
  24. Re:Visit to Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Hi, I have a visit to Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems scheduled. Anybody work there? Do you have any suggestions to maximize the value of my visit?

  25. That's fine. WE have a secret weapon... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Every year the 'flu shots "vaccine" is a mix of vaccines for the strains that scientists guess will be dominant later.

    What the Martians have obviously missed, is the news that, this year, they got that guess completely wrong.

    Give 'em the vaccine. And never underestimate the power of the good, old-fashioned, human screw-up.

  26. Where's my Pink Ponies? by advocate_one · · Score: 1

    I want my Pink Ponies back... that was original... everything yesterday was so lame I just avoided slashdot for the entire day...

    http://www.metlin.org/content/...

    --
    Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.