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Let's Take This Open Floor Plan To the Next Level

theodp writes: In response to those of you who are unhappy with your Open Office, McSweeney's has some ideas for taking the open floor plan to the next level. "Our open floor plan was decided upon after rigorous research that primarily involved looking at what cool internet companies were doing and reflexively copying them," writes Kelsey Rexroat. "We're dismayed and confused as to why their model isn't succeeding for our own business, and have concluded that we just haven't embraced the open floor plan ideals as fully as we possibly can. So team, let's take this open floor plan to the next level!" Among the changes being implemented in the spirit of transparency and collaboration: 1. "All tables, chairs, and filing cabinets will be replaced by see-through plastic furnishings." 2. "All desks will be mounted on wheels and arranged into four-desk clusters. At random intervals throughout the day, a whistle will blow, at which point you should quickly roll your desk into a new cluster." 3. "Employees' desktops will be randomly projected onto a movie screen in the center of the office." 4. "You can now dial into a designated phone line to listen in on any calls taking place within the office and add your opinion." Some workplaces might make you question just how tongue-in-cheek this description is.

23 of 156 comments (clear)

  1. And...and... by Irate+Engineer · · Score: 4, Funny

    ...everybody should get naked. There...I said it.

    It's the logical end state of this whole open office thing. Complete transparency and no place to hide.

    --

    Left MS Windows for Linux Mint and never looked back!

    Vote for Bernie in 2016!

    1. Re:And...and... by Shoten · · Score: 4, Funny

      ...everybody should get naked. There...I said it.

      It's the logical end state of this whole open office thing. Complete transparency and no place to hide.

      With tech workers?? Do you actually WANT to see what some of these pale, flabby people look like without clothes on???

      Though, then again...if that was walking around me all the time, I'd keep my eyes focused squarely on my monitor and my work. My productivity would soar...hmmmmm....

      --

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    2. Re: And...and... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      Oh, its THAT guy..even when nobody is talking about TVs, he can't wait to talk about how stupid he thinks they are

      http://www.theonion.com/article/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel-429

    3. Re:And...and... by plopez · · Score: 2

      1) take clothes off
      2) open beer
      3) drink said beer
      4) wrap beer bottle or can in 90 grit sand paper
      5) bend over
      6) rapidly and forcefully insert beer bottle into anus

      You will soon be productive in a manner you never dreamed of. And you will make quite the impression on women. I've never done it, jusat trust me on it.

      --
      putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
    4. Re:And...and... by ColdWetDog · · Score: 2

      Just what are they doing on your floor? You should at the very least offer them a chair.

      Jeez. No wonder women don't like us....

      --
      Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!
  2. Those of you who are? by sinij · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "Those of you who are?" You are implying that there are people out there that have to endure open office and do enjoy the experience.

    Open Office is an aberration and is a direct result of management-by-trend-chasing practice.

    1. Re:Those of you who are? by TheGratefulNet · · Score: 5, Interesting

      I recently had 2 interviews: one at HP and one at ebay.

      both were 'rows and rows of desks in an OO grid'. made me sick to see how dehumanizing it was. no, I did not get any offers from either of those 2 places. maybe it was a good thing.

      I saw next to no personal stuff on peoples' desks, there. I tend to bring things in from home (sometimes even computers or networking boxes that I need for a short term 'lab') but I would not feel ok doing that when no desk actually belongs to you, you come in, grab one of the 'open desks' and then use someone's grubby keyboard, probably still with cold and flu virus on the keys. not enough lockers (the concept of a locker at work also turns me off; as our desks USED to be lockers in their own right; stable ones we could always use and count on) and no security so I would not feel good about leaving my stuff there.

      there really seems to be a unified effort to dehumanize employees. also to reduce their pay, make them compete with foreigners (who live 6 or 12 to a house that only has 3 bedrooms), keep their payscales at an all-time low and fire you when your project is done.

      we truly are slipping back to the bad old days of millworkers in sweatshops. unions don't exist for hw/sw guys (generally) and there are no signs of anything coming back to help balance the power again.

      one thing is for sure: each time I see an OO plan, I throw up a little and I weep for us all, in our collective losses. HR keeps telling us 'the kids love it!' but even when I talk to 20somethings they really don't love this OO idea either.

      --

      --
      "It is now safe to switch off your computer."
    2. Re:Those of you who are? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

      both were 'rows and rows of desks in an OO grid'. made me sick to see how dehumanizing it was

      A couple jobs back, when I was looking to move back east from out west (Seattle) (primarily to be closer to my and my wife's parents, and my wife really didn't like the Washington climate), I interviewed with and had offers from Bloomberg in NYC and a company in Florida (Tampa area). While the salary was a little higher at Bloomberg (probably not enough to offset cost of living, though), what really drove me away from there and to accept the Florida company's offer was that Bloomberg offered a few feet of a long table in the same grid parent mentions whereas in Florida I would have a private office with a door and a window looking out on that everlasting Florida sunshine. After having an office at said Seattle company, it would take a lot to get me back to any sort of open office.

  3. Missing the 'why' of it. by Shoten · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Companies where the open office approach succeeded had something in common: the population of the office chose it for themselves, early on. They had an open office environment because that's how they wanted to work, and because the dynamic that existed between the employees was compatible with it. Then later, a lot of other companies had executives look at both the success of those companies and the lower real estate costs that the model uses, and decided they would "choose" it for their own staff. And that's not quite how it works. It's rather like deciding that your goldfish would be better off in a salt water tank because of how big the fish were in some other tank you saw, and then finding yourself confused as to why the fish all died. Not all cultures are the same, and you can't change the culture by imposing something upon it that is toxic.

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    1. Re:Missing the 'why' of it. by nmb3000 · · Score: 3, Insightful

      I disagree strongly that "culture" (a word that's constantly misconstrued by executive trying to justify a horrible workplace) has any bearing on whether an open plan is successful. It much more strongly depends on the type of work being done.

      A police bullpen or typing pool may be fine in a big open area. The same goes for sales and marketing types. However, if you're talking about any work which requires stretches of concentrated effort then it's just a Bad Idea. Engineers? No. Programmers? No. Accountants? No. Any kind of researcher? No.

      the lower real estate costs

      This is the only real reason they're pushing this model. It's a clear terminus of the erosion that's led us from offices, to cubicles, to the little half walls, to just acres of desks. Well, that, and wanting to look hip by copying other companies who are doing it.

      --
      "What do you despise? By this are you truly known." --Princess Irulan, Manual of Muad'Dib
      /)
    2. Re:Missing the 'why' of it. by Gr8Apes · · Score: 3, Informative

      One of the most highly productive companies I worked for in the past had individual near sound-proofed offices for all their developers. The least productive companies all had one thing in common - chairs attached to common tables as desks, the epitome of the cheap open office concept.

      --
      The cesspool just got a check and balance.
  4. Labs with glass walls by Snotnose · · Score: 2

    Back in the 80s my company was designing a new building for us to move into. Management was excited about the idea of a round lab in the middle of the building, with glass walls so everyone could see the engineers at work. Us guys were pretty unhappy with the idea, but the idea wasn't fully torpedoed until a female engineer said "so you don't want us wearing skirts anymore, huh?"

  5. A Sign of the Times by jazman_777 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    When something isn't working according to the theory, it's not because it's an incorrect theory, it's because people NEED TO TRY HARDER! More WILL needs to be applied. That is all.

    --
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    1. Re:A Sign of the Times by thegarbz · · Score: 2

      When something isn't working according to the theory...

      The problem is often it does work. The successful companies can figure out why it worked and build on it. The unsuccessful ones will be the ones who push harder and can't figure out what's wrong and why it works for "those other guys".

      Seriously people talk about management 101, but the key people fail to realise is that management 102 is exactly the opposite. Based on my business degree I can conclude that the perfect workplace gives staff complete autonomy while being micromanaged, put them in cubes in the middle of their own private offices, treat them like a resource while empathising with them, and make the entire business follow a strict linear method while breaking down everything into small sections and working on them in parallel. Oh and the ideal company will have 15 levels of management, no I mean 2 levels of management, no I mean 15 levels of management, no I mean... I really don't know what I mean. Apparently it's all good and all bad at the same time.

  6. Almost worked there once by IronChef · · Score: 3, Funny

    I worked at an office which specified the objects you could have on your desk. Leave your stapler on your desk, and Lumberg would come by and tell you to put it away and tidy up.

    I was told it was part of their arrangement with the interior designer. Talk about form over function!

  7. Obviously they should have seen Einstein's desk. by tlambert · · Score: 2

    Obviously they should have seen Einstein's desk.

    Here's a pretty good picture of what it typically looked like:

    http://blogs-images.forbes.com...

  8. because it's cheap, and you're expendable by lophophore · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I worked for a place that moved to new office space, from cube land, into "modern" open office land.

    The CEO said it was "cool" and "techie" and "everybody in 'the valley' was doing it."

    It sucked wind. I mean, it blew, hard. Cube land was no bargain, the cubes were about 7 by 6 feet, but at least you could pretend you had a bit of privacy to make a phone call, to send an email, to generally have your own space. Open office land was 24 inch deep, 5-foot wide desks with a foot tall divider between you and the next person. You could swivel your head and see heads in all directions, and hear and see what everybody was doing, and it was loud. You could not roll your chair back too fast for fear of clobbering the person behind you. It sucked. (Did I mention that it sucked?)

    It was no place to concentrate -- it was quite focus-proof.

    The open office was not chosen for the "cool" factor, it was chosen for the "cheap" factor, because it could better than double the employee per square foot density. This was a growing, profitable, privately held company, and there was no need for it, except to make the owner's take better.

    Open office can work in places where it is not done for the wrong reasons. Give people some personal space, install acoustic treatments and dividers, and it can work. Treat people like sardines, and those that can swim away, will.

    --
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    * those who can count
    * those who can't
  9. Not quite by Mr+Z · · Score: 2

    FTFA:

    Any complaints can be submitted to the provided box in the kitchen to be used in our weekly Negate the Negativity Bonfire.

  10. ha, these guys are total beginners! by thebeastofbaystreet · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Those of us unlucky enough to find ourselves working for Canadian banks in tech don't even have desks of our own. I, for example, work in a hot-desking dungeon where I have to book a desk by the day and carry my meagre belongings around in an old shoe-box. I had a manager for a while who even made us move desks during the day, because that was agile! I long for an office environment only as unpleasant as an open plan one, I really do.

    --
    my blog of work misery - http://beastofbaystreet.com
  11. Re:So doing it like Europe? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Um just because you don't want to be "social" at work, doesn't mean you arent social. And the fact that you equate "social media" with being social shows what a driveling nitwit you are.

  12. Re:No assigned seats by thebeastofbaystreet · · Score: 2

    We - large Canadian bank - have X-30%, and I think that's fairly normal. We also have an on-line booking system for desks that is only accessible from the office - which forces people to come into work every day and, effectively, sign-in. If there's no desk then you can either camp out in a meeting room, go find a nearby cafe with free wifi or go home again. It's a total nightmare.

    --
    my blog of work misery - http://beastofbaystreet.com
  13. You can do Open right by radish · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I certainly get the appeal of everyone having a nice office, but in a lot of cities that's simply not going to happen - the space is just far too expensive. So you end up with the choice between a more compact layout, firing a bunch of people, or moving to the burbs.

    I work at a tech company in Manhattan, we have open plan offices because there's really no other option here. But there are things we do which I think help alleviate some of the common complaints I hear:

    • Everyone gets an assigned desk, and it's a nice sit/stand which you can put whatever you want on (no stupid "tidyness" rules). Some people have fish tanks, huge monitor collections, libraries, whatever. The "no assigned desk" insanity is, well, insane.
    • No offices, period. What's good for the developers is good for the CEO. He's often seen hanging out on the engineering floors.
    • Lots of phone booths and meeting rooms if you need privacy.
    • Lots of alternative working areas - there's couches everywhere if you want to chill out, a bar area, outside space. There's going to be a dedicated quiet area for people who like silence.
    • Totally flexible hours/working schedules - if you're distracted and just want to head out for an hour to clear your head no one's gonna care. If you work better on a table in the park - go for it.
    • No desk phones - encourages people to go away from the work area to make phone calls, which keeps noise and distractions down.

    I think there are advantages to the open layout over an all office setup - I do like being able to hear what people are talking about because many, many times I've been able to get involved in something I can help with, or learn about something useful. Overall I'm pretty sure if offered the alternative (moving out of the city) pretty much everyone there would vote to stick with what we have.

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    ---- Den ene knappen er powerknapp, den andre er Bender voice knapp "Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"

  14. Luddite solution by Moof123 · · Score: 4, Interesting

    I interviewed at Analog Devices a year back (didn't get an offer, sadly). At this particular design center all design engineers had offices. It was specifically understood that good hard design work required periods of intense focus with no distractions. Their model was to encourage folks to leave their door open when they could, but to encourage folks who really needed to focus to close it, or if discussions/phone calls in your office would distract others to encourage folks to close the door.

    There were still some cubicles, but those were for the secretary, and for setting up test equipment.

    Where I went to is a good company and all, but boy are there days I really wish I could close off the rest of the office din and distraction. I still get more done on weekends during my kids nap time than I can get done in a full work day more of the time.

    Cubes are cheap, but I think the real cost in lost productivity vastly outweighs savings in building materials for those doing the really complex stuff.