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Kim Jong Un Claims To Have Cured AIDS, Ebola and Cancer
jones_supa writes: North Korea has created a wonder drug which not only cures AIDS, but also eradicates Ebola and cancer — at least, according to the latest proclamation from the country's news agency. Their announcement says the miracle cure consists of ginseng grown from fertilizer and rare earth elements. The drug's website cites a medical study in Africa where the product was tested on HIV-positive patients. It records that every single participant in the trial noted an improvement, with 56% being completely cured and 44% noting a considerable improvement in their condition. Among other benefits, the North Korean scientists also revealed that the drug is capable of curing a number of cancers, but did not provide details of the medical trials which support this claim. It's also good to remember that the state has previously claimed that Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger.
Unicorn blood is well know to stop a person from dying, no matter how sick or injured. Pretty convient that N. Korea just so happens to invent a miracle drug just three years after finding a unicorn.
The medicinal herb also cures diabetes and morbid obesity; just look at the chiselled energetic body of the leader!
You can get rid of all kinds of infectious diseases simply by starving your cities to the point where there aren't enough able-bodied people left to transmit the disease to each other.
And most cancer can be cured by lowering your country's life expectancy to under the age where those cancers start to form.
So look at the bright side, North Korea!
I also cured AIDS, Ebola and Cancer. What are the chances?
Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
I wonder if his own propaganda department is trying to be insubordinate by making claims that are so fantastic and provably false. A claim like this is likely to be widely discredited within N. Korea, as everyone who dies of one of these diseases is proof against the claims. His PR people have to know that, so why make the claim in the first place? My suspicion is that they actually want The claims to be proven false, and for Kim Jong to be discredited. Active insubordination without having done anything they can, or will, be executed for.
I wish I had a good sig, but all the good ones are copyrighted
He explodes when he turns 60?
But it would kinda explain his ... size. He's not overweight. Just full of it.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
Thirty four characters live here.
And that is different than the US Congress declaring climate change doesn't exist?
The regime survives not because the masses don't know what life is like (there are somewhere between hundreds of thousands and millions of illicit radios, TVs, DVD players, and flash-memory-based video players in the country). It survives because the masses are incapable of fighting if for no other reason than malnutrition, let alone the fear of reprisal. Almost one in ten of the population is in the military, and the military is first in line for food. The remaining population, especially outside of the major cities, lives on subsistence food at best, often handouts from the United Nations. The average caloric intake is somewhere in the region of 2100 calories per day, but the military and the well-connected probably skew this badly. Those not connected often get far less, and those in prison camps fight over kernels of grain found in manure, and consider themselves lucky if a swarm of insects comes into the camp.
When you barely have enough food to make it to the next day, you certainly do not have enough food to fight back. Any internal change in the regime is going to come from the military, not from the people.
You can never go home again... but I guess you can shop there.