Slashdot Mirror
Techies Hire Witch To Protect Computers From Viruses and Offices From Spirits
schwit1 writes: It may seem like your computer or smartphone is possessed by an evil spirit sometimes when a mysterious bug keeps causing an app to crash, but if you truly think your machine has been invaded by an evil spirit, there's someone who will take your call — Reverend Joey Talley. A Wiccan witch from the San Francisco Bay Area, Talley claims to solve supernatural issues for techies. Business Insider reports: "Talley’s website says she welcomes issues too unusual or dangerous to take the the straight world of Western helpers. But she also says no problem is too big or small, even, perhaps, your printer malfunctioning. However before you jump on the phone, you should be aware that Talley’s services do not come cheap. She charges $200 an hour (though a phone consultation is free)."
There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity.
But there is
http://www.darwinawards.com/
Probably about as effective as most AV products or the average clueless outsourced support-monkey.
She was hired by a rival and was sticking pins in clay models of rackmount servers.
It's nonsense like this that is the direct result of lowering hiring standards in order to get a requisite quota of women and minorities employed where they should not be.
For only $150 I'll do the same, except I can also chase away evil Norse spirits knows to attack apple hardware. Why choose a simple Wiccan that can only handle the basic underworld IT problems when you can hire a true multi spirtual IT expert and chase away Norse, Germanic, Greek, Aztec, american Indian, Chinese and even Ancient Egyptian and Syrian spirits?
For a limited time only for only $15,000 a year I will proactively protect ALL your IT equipment from spirits from my location on two of the largest lay lines in the americas.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
We are haveing a hard time finding tech people who are also Wiccan witch so we need X3 more h1b's to find them.
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C. Clarke
Free as in "the Truth shall set you..."
Well, I consider it entertaining to watch an idiot lose money. So, essentially,...
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
Consulting is generally a huge scam. Or, in the words of a German comedian, "Consultants are like eunuchs. They know how it's done."
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
Why is this stupid bullshit on the front page? Kick its ass back to idle if you absolutely have to have it on /. at all.
Um, interesting point of view coming from someone who chose the name warlock.
Don't listen to that hack! Norse spirits, my butt! Everyone knows that Norse spirits play no role in Apple hardware, there were no apples in Scandinavia and hence these spirits know nothing how to deal with Apple products. As everyone who has at least a HINT of a clue when it comes to technospirits knows, most likely when you're dealing with a possessed Apple product you have a Greek spirit at your hands. Hesperides anyone? But in the case of evil Apple spirits, it is almost invariably some ploy of Eris you're dealing with. Fuck, doesn't anyone know his mythology these days anymore?
Fucking hacks! Don't trust anyone but a ordained Discordian pope (like myself) to deal with stuff like that! Don't put your valuable data into jeopardy!
Yes, getting your spirits warded by a genuine pope of the Church of Eris is pricey (my rates start at 300 for a first consultation) but would you rather pay 150 to that hack and get NOTHING in return? You deserve a better service than that!
(Yes, I'm working in consulting. Why are you asking?)
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
You might be on to something. Now if you just add that the smart people end up hiring the stupid people to be armed and around them to protect them while decrying the evils of guns, you might have a solid theory on your hands.
Oh and no, I wasn't being sarcastic. I think it's stupid for people to arm themselves and put their life in danger in order to protect some rich asshat or politician or whatever that seems to have pissed enough people off that they fear for their lives for the pittance of salary a lot of these people make. It seems like all the largest mouth pieces against guns sure have a lot of them around in the hands of hired help to protect them.
weigh the same as a duck?
Not likely. Wicca is irresistably appealing to fat chicks. You'd have to find one massive duck. Maybe you could genetically engineer a duck to have a glandular disorder?
Wicca was invented in the west.
Using "western" as a pejorative is a near certain indicator that you're dealing with woo.
Witch Says Techies Hire Her To Protect Computers From Viruses and Offices From Spirits
Subheadline: Business Insider believes her for some reason
FTFY.
systemd is Roko's Basilisk.
The article didn't describe what type of spirits, so I'm assuming the type that most sysadmins are familiar with... and I am pretty sure that dropping a high ABV drink down a computer's vent or on top of a printer will do bad things to it.
My recommendation to protect computer stuff from spirits: Put a tray outside the server room and stick up a "no open alcoholic containers" sign on the door. This way, if someone needs to tipple at work, they can still leave their bottle of vodka in the incoming cold air duct, but at least don't spill it on any items inside.
(I actually used to have a "sacred rubber voodoo chicken" that I'd bring with me when someone was having a problem that had a quick solution that I knew about before I arrived on-site. Wait until they look away, click the button that fixes the problem, and then when they turn back, shake the rubber chicken at the computer. "That should do it, let me know if the spirits get disobedient again.")
Hacker Public Radio is our Friend
I think you are ignoring reality in order to press whatever ideology you want to be true.
With the exception of the democrat in California who was running guns and creating his own little market niche by championing and passing gun control laws, almost all prominent gun control advocates do in fact have armed security around them the majority of time they are in public. They do no arm themselves unless you consider hiring armed thugs or having armed police provided by the state to be arming yourself.
BTW, intelligence does enter into it. How else do you compensate for or explain the "I won't arm myself but pay others to arm themselves for me while actively trying to stop others from protecting their families" mentality and pretending it somehow makes them better than everyone else.
Maybe start by telling us which jobs women and minorities SHOULD NOT be employed in?
That would be (and includes non-minorities and men) any position that was filled due to racial requirements, diversity requirements, bigoted hiring managers, or affirmative action (IE, more racism).
Racism by definition is the belief that people are different because of the color of their skin.
Bigotry is when you do something about it.
Women and various flavors of handicapped don't tend to make the best general purpose infantry. Most countries that have tried it end the practice as soon as possible. There are also drawbacks of their employment in some related fields.
much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don't even know that fire is hot - George Orwell
In 2000, the dot-com I worked for moved into new office space that had house three other companies that had failed in rapid succession, and our bosses brought in a feng shui consultant to cleanse it from the bad energy. It didn't work; we all go laid off less than eighteen months later.
In my experience, stupidity and armament are usually somehow correlated. The stupider someone is, the more he needs to compensate.
There are indeed various flavours of correlation, many of which I doubt you intend to reference:
Stupid thugs intent on rape, robbery, and mayhem that run into armed octogenarians.
Antigun nuts.
Nutters that think that guns are magic and are capable of turning honest, decent ordinary citizens into thugs, murderers, and thieves.
Do you think it is stupid to protect yourself with a gun from the powerful and violent, or packs of predators?
much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don't even know that fire is hot - George Orwell
I'd pay to see her killing all the demons in a Linux machine.
Open Source Network Inventory for the masses! Kuwaiba
You seem to have it ALMOST right. Let me try saying the same thing, my way.
Those women and minorities who got their jobs BECAUSE they helped to meet a quota don't belong in those jobs.
However - I don't think that there is any profession which is unsuitable for women or minorities. And, sometimes, the woman, or the minority really is the best qualified.
If you're not careful with how you state the obvious, then you risk sounding like yet another asshole bigot. I cannot, will not ban women from an occupation because they are women. But, I can and will go along with any ban of women and/or minorities who FAIL TO MEET QUALIFICATIONS. Nor can I consider lowering standards just to make the unqualified happy.
Real life is not a special Olympics event. If/when I need an EMT, a doctor, a cop, an architect, I want the BEST, not some wannabe who was given the job to make liberals feel good about themselves.
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
I mostly agree with you there. But, there ARE some women who meet qualifications. The US Marine Corps has not yet had a woman who passed the physical for combat officers - but a handful have come pretty damned close. That handful are almost certainly better soldiers than I could be. In all my life, I've not had the upper body strength and stamina to pass that course.
You know, and I know, that it is a rare women who has greater upper body strength and stamina than a healthy man - but why should we hold those rare women back? Let them do whatever they are good at.
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
In 1991, I was repairing PCs at a local shop. A desktop PC came in for some software to be installed. I powered it up, and installed the software. Then turned it off.... Or at least I flipped the power switch into the OFF position. The PC was still running.
Mind you, this is in the days where the power switches on PCs were big red toggle switches that were connected directly to the mains. Well, It's possible that there may be a mechanical fault in the power switch, so I pulled the power cord.
The machine was still running!
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I double, no, triple-checked that I had pulled the power cord from the correct PC, that I had the monitor plugged into the machine that I thought I did, etc.
I picked up my screwdriver, opened the case, and found a large expansion card populated with several batteries. It was an internal UPS that was feeding power directly to the motherboard!
It's nonsense like this that is the direct result of lowering hiring standards in order to get a requisite quota of women and minorities employed where they should not be.
Jeezus, dude. Bigot much?
A Christian POV is that witches don't necessarily realize that they've made a pact with the devil
Fixed that for ya. (Most Christians of my acquaintance seem to have heard of that idea but consider it nonsense.)
That lines up pretty well with my experience that most Xtians are a duplicitous lot, picking and choosing freely with parts of their chosen edition of "...the complete, true and unerring word of god" are to be observed (and cited incessantly) and which to disregard as "nonsense".
But perhaps President Bartlet illustrates it best...
There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity.
Yes there is. Education.
People aren't usually born ignorant. They pick up stupid ideas from people who don't question what they've "learned" or overheard. Racist kids learn to be racist, either from parents or friends or both. Religious people learn their fictions about an all-powerful being who happens to love them unconditionally and have created them in his image because people *tell* them those fictions. People believe chronic lyme disease should be treated by massive and long-term IV antibiotics because they hear it from a doctor or friend who hasn't seen that the risks, on average, outweigh the gains. (I suppose it might work if you *knew* you were dealing with some of the more highly skilled medical professionals in the world, but enough goes wrong with most medical professionals that studies have shown it's not worth it.) Anti-vaxxers are afraid of needles because somebody who felt sick after a vaccine told them "I felt sick after a vaccine!" and they've learned about data, but not about anecdotal data. People learn their country is better than other countries because somebody tells them.
Learning is the cure for ignorance. Not learning the stupid, and learning the smart.
Nope. Completely agnostic / atheist (I'm agnostic but if you really made me choose an answer, then I'm vastly tending towards the atheist).
But my characterisation of something this stupid as stupidity is not based on religious beliefs. Singing, praying, chanting, making funny noises, spraying the room with incense, thinking good thoughts, even swearing at it etc. WILL NOT FIX YOUR PRINTER. It's as simple as that.
There doesn't need to be a religious bias in this to understand that.
The fact that you think I'm doing this on a religious basis is quite amusing, in fact. It doesn't matter what religion you are, hoping your computer will get better isn't going to do that. At best, pray to find someone who knows how to fix it. But expecting an broken inanimate object to suddenly start functioning again without doing something as simple as pressing keys on it, or booting some disc, or even wiggling some cable, is just bollocks of the highest order.
No matter what you believe created the universe.
There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity.
Yes, but are there any wiccan spells that can do the trick?
This is worse than useless. Computers, copiers, traffic lights, all electrical, electronic, and mechanical devices all operate because they are possessed by evil spirits bent on the frustration and injury of human beings.
Whether you employ wiccans, African witch doctors, Catholic priests or Indian medicine men, exorcising the evil that lives inside these devices will make them non-functional.
Then you'll have to call in a repairman to install a new evil spirit.
prominent gun control advocates probably need bodyguards because there are gun nuts who want to kill them for daring to suggest that private citizens don't need and/or shouldn't have certain kinds of weapons, or that purchase should be subject to stringent background checks.
apparently, to a gun nut, their right to bear arms is greater than the right to free speech or the right to live and this somehow entitles them to murder people they disagree with.
The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary; it causes one to suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other con man. But it is a lovely work if you can stomach it.
-- RAH
Where is Eric S. Raymond when you need him? I'm sure a Level 5 Pagan could clear up all of this irrational nonsense for us.
"They were pure niggers." – Noam Chomsky
There are SpecOp units with women. Russia's 5th Spetsnaz, France's 11th Parachute Brigade, 13th Parachute Dragoon Reg., Israel's Sayeret Matkal. SpecOp Reconn units like Britains SRR, South Koreas 707th, and that's a far from complete list of units with much higher physical and psychological selection criteria than general infantry (and my military experience is 15 years out of date, more elite units have allowed women since then). what you will generally find is that they didn't go through the same selection and training process as the primary members of the force.
I think if you examine the presence of women in most special forces type units.
I suspect that if you bother to research the regiments I mentioned, rather than over-invest the "most" strawman, you may be surprised.
I'd suggest you don't trot that belief out in front of a female SRR unless you'd like to experience a condensed version of P Company selection testing. Or not - it could prove an education.
You sound like an armchair general. There's a difference between direct experience and sophist "knowledge". No amount of reading or watching videos will bridge that gap. I trained and competed with some of those regiments - as have many regiments from the USA. Mutual respect is more common than not.
Lest you get distracted from your original claim - my point is that if women can meet the standards of elite forces, they can meet the standards of general infantry.
They can, and they do.
Women did well as snipers, pilots, anti-aircraft, and many other duties for the Soviets. They were used as infantry at times, and they were removed from that role as soon as the Soviets could manage as I recall.
Your recollections are correct - though it leaves out tank crews (a brutally hard job). There were some instances of women serving on the front lines - and many instances of them being executed for it. Notable exceptions would be (WW1) the Perm Battalion and the 1st Russian Women's Battalion of Death. The actual reasons they were deployed in both WWs in active roles was because necessity overcame the military culture of men only (despite political ideals). I suspect they'd have been deployed in the infantry more often if not for the ready supply of zeks.
Despite military cultural bias (I blame the nepotism that's standard amongst the REMF in the military everywhere) the Russian command recognised that women were superior snipers. But the Russian experience is unique so I don't know if that applies to all women.
The reason they were removed from active service after both WWs was partially due to the changes in military command, and mostly due practical reasons - a need to repopulate.
The Soviet war effort, not to mention the US and UK war effort, would have been greatly weakened without the participation of women.
Agreed.
That still doesn't mean that general purpose infantry is a good place to use them.
On that point we disagree. From my point of view - if I was 40 years younger and re-enlisted I'd prefer to serve along side soldiers selected on the basis of meeting practical standards not cultural biases.
and there are very few women that really have an interest in it.
A weak argument. I'm opposed to the draft - for either gender. And that's been a defining difference between the USA and Australia (, England, and New Zealand) for a long time. Possibly because we have a smaller pool of candidates and less resources to supply them.
I don't believe in equality - it's a myth. Equal opportunity is different. In no way am I suggesting that equal number of women, can, or should be in active duty - only that the criteria should be meeting the operational standards.
If women meet the same standards required for active service - good for them, good for those they serve, and good for those they serve with.