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Techies Hire Witch To Protect Computers From Viruses and Offices From Spirits
schwit1 writes: It may seem like your computer or smartphone is possessed by an evil spirit sometimes when a mysterious bug keeps causing an app to crash, but if you truly think your machine has been invaded by an evil spirit, there's someone who will take your call — Reverend Joey Talley. A Wiccan witch from the San Francisco Bay Area, Talley claims to solve supernatural issues for techies. Business Insider reports: "Talley’s website says she welcomes issues too unusual or dangerous to take the the straight world of Western helpers. But she also says no problem is too big or small, even, perhaps, your printer malfunctioning. However before you jump on the phone, you should be aware that Talley’s services do not come cheap. She charges $200 an hour (though a phone consultation is free)."
There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity.
But there is
http://www.darwinawards.com/
She was hired by a rival and was sticking pins in clay models of rackmount servers.
For only $150 I'll do the same, except I can also chase away evil Norse spirits knows to attack apple hardware. Why choose a simple Wiccan that can only handle the basic underworld IT problems when you can hire a true multi spirtual IT expert and chase away Norse, Germanic, Greek, Aztec, american Indian, Chinese and even Ancient Egyptian and Syrian spirits?
For a limited time only for only $15,000 a year I will proactively protect ALL your IT equipment from spirits from my location on two of the largest lay lines in the americas.
Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
We are haveing a hard time finding tech people who are also Wiccan witch so we need X3 more h1b's to find them.
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C. Clarke
Free as in "the Truth shall set you..."
Don't listen to that hack! Norse spirits, my butt! Everyone knows that Norse spirits play no role in Apple hardware, there were no apples in Scandinavia and hence these spirits know nothing how to deal with Apple products. As everyone who has at least a HINT of a clue when it comes to technospirits knows, most likely when you're dealing with a possessed Apple product you have a Greek spirit at your hands. Hesperides anyone? But in the case of evil Apple spirits, it is almost invariably some ploy of Eris you're dealing with. Fuck, doesn't anyone know his mythology these days anymore?
Fucking hacks! Don't trust anyone but a ordained Discordian pope (like myself) to deal with stuff like that! Don't put your valuable data into jeopardy!
Yes, getting your spirits warded by a genuine pope of the Church of Eris is pricey (my rates start at 300 for a first consultation) but would you rather pay 150 to that hack and get NOTHING in return? You deserve a better service than that!
(Yes, I'm working in consulting. Why are you asking?)
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
In 1991, I was repairing PCs at a local shop. A desktop PC came in for some software to be installed. I powered it up, and installed the software. Then turned it off.... Or at least I flipped the power switch into the OFF position. The PC was still running.
Mind you, this is in the days where the power switches on PCs were big red toggle switches that were connected directly to the mains. Well, It's possible that there may be a mechanical fault in the power switch, so I pulled the power cord.
The machine was still running!
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I double, no, triple-checked that I had pulled the power cord from the correct PC, that I had the monitor plugged into the machine that I thought I did, etc.
I picked up my screwdriver, opened the case, and found a large expansion card populated with several batteries. It was an internal UPS that was feeding power directly to the motherboard!