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Techies Hire Witch To Protect Computers From Viruses and Offices From Spirits

schwit1 writes: It may seem like your computer or smartphone is possessed by an evil spirit sometimes when a mysterious bug keeps causing an app to crash, but if you truly think your machine has been invaded by an evil spirit, there's someone who will take your call — Reverend Joey Talley. A Wiccan witch from the San Francisco Bay Area, Talley claims to solve supernatural issues for techies. Business Insider reports: "Talley’s website says she welcomes issues too unusual or dangerous to take the the straight world of Western helpers. But she also says no problem is too big or small, even, perhaps, your printer malfunctioning. However before you jump on the phone, you should be aware that Talley’s services do not come cheap. She charges $200 an hour (though a phone consultation is free)."

11 of 232 comments (clear)

  1. There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity. by ledow · · Score: 5, Insightful

    There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity.

  2. Re:There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny
  3. Re:Where was she? by dskoll · · Score: 4, Funny

    She was hired by a rival and was sticking pins in clay models of rackmount servers.

  4. This is a FANTASTIC scam! I want in! by Lumpy · · Score: 4, Interesting

    For only $150 I'll do the same, except I can also chase away evil Norse spirits knows to attack apple hardware. Why choose a simple Wiccan that can only handle the basic underworld IT problems when you can hire a true multi spirtual IT expert and chase away Norse, Germanic, Greek, Aztec, american Indian, Chinese and even Ancient Egyptian and Syrian spirits?

    For a limited time only for only $15,000 a year I will proactively protect ALL your IT equipment from spirits from my location on two of the largest lay lines in the americas.

    --
    Do not look at laser with remaining good eye.
  5. A new way to get H1B's in the office by Joe_Dragon · · Score: 4, Funny

    We are haveing a hard time finding tech people who are also Wiccan witch so we need X3 more h1b's to find them.

    1. Re:A new way to get H1B's in the office by Deep+Esophagus · · Score: 4, Funny

      Let me guess, you're going to make Talley summon her own replacements from the netherworld and train them.

  6. The Obvious Quote by djKing · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C. Clarke

    --
    Free as in "the Truth shall set you..."
  7. Re:This is a FANTASTIC scam! I want in! by Opportunist · · Score: 5, Funny

    Don't listen to that hack! Norse spirits, my butt! Everyone knows that Norse spirits play no role in Apple hardware, there were no apples in Scandinavia and hence these spirits know nothing how to deal with Apple products. As everyone who has at least a HINT of a clue when it comes to technospirits knows, most likely when you're dealing with a possessed Apple product you have a Greek spirit at your hands. Hesperides anyone? But in the case of evil Apple spirits, it is almost invariably some ploy of Eris you're dealing with. Fuck, doesn't anyone know his mythology these days anymore?

    Fucking hacks! Don't trust anyone but a ordained Discordian pope (like myself) to deal with stuff like that! Don't put your valuable data into jeopardy!

    Yes, getting your spirits warded by a genuine pope of the Church of Eris is pricey (my rates start at 300 for a first consultation) but would you rather pay 150 to that hack and get NOTHING in return? You deserve a better service than that!

    (Yes, I'm working in consulting. Why are you asking?)

    --
    We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
  8. Re:There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity by Runaway1956 · · Score: 3

    You seem to have it ALMOST right. Let me try saying the same thing, my way.

    Those women and minorities who got their jobs BECAUSE they helped to meet a quota don't belong in those jobs.

    However - I don't think that there is any profession which is unsuitable for women or minorities. And, sometimes, the woman, or the minority really is the best qualified.

    If you're not careful with how you state the obvious, then you risk sounding like yet another asshole bigot. I cannot, will not ban women from an occupation because they are women. But, I can and will go along with any ban of women and/or minorities who FAIL TO MEET QUALIFICATIONS. Nor can I consider lowering standards just to make the unqualified happy.

    Real life is not a special Olympics event. If/when I need an EMT, a doctor, a cop, an architect, I want the BEST, not some wannabe who was given the job to make liberals feel good about themselves.

    --
    "Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
  9. Re:Well, there have been couple of cases... by freeze128 · · Score: 5, Interesting

    In 1991, I was repairing PCs at a local shop. A desktop PC came in for some software to be installed. I powered it up, and installed the software. Then turned it off.... Or at least I flipped the power switch into the OFF position. The PC was still running.

    Mind you, this is in the days where the power switches on PCs were big red toggle switches that were connected directly to the mains. Well, It's possible that there may be a mechanical fault in the power switch, so I pulled the power cord.

    The machine was still running!

    I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I double, no, triple-checked that I had pulled the power cord from the correct PC, that I had the monitor plugged into the machine that I thought I did, etc.

    I picked up my screwdriver, opened the case, and found a large expansion card populated with several batteries. It was an internal UPS that was feeding power directly to the motherboard!

  10. Re:There is no cure for absolute fucking stupidity by Demonoid-Penguin · · Score: 3, Insightful

    There are SpecOp units with women. Russia's 5th Spetsnaz, France's 11th Parachute Brigade, 13th Parachute Dragoon Reg., Israel's Sayeret Matkal. SpecOp Reconn units like Britains SRR, South Koreas 707th, and that's a far from complete list of units with much higher physical and psychological selection criteria than general infantry (and my military experience is 15 years out of date, more elite units have allowed women since then). what you will generally find is that they didn't go through the same selection and training process as the primary members of the force.

    I think if you examine the presence of women in most special forces type units.

    I suspect that if you bother to research the regiments I mentioned, rather than over-invest the "most" strawman, you may be surprised.
    I'd suggest you don't trot that belief out in front of a female SRR unless you'd like to experience a condensed version of P Company selection testing. Or not - it could prove an education.

    You sound like an armchair general. There's a difference between direct experience and sophist "knowledge". No amount of reading or watching videos will bridge that gap. I trained and competed with some of those regiments - as have many regiments from the USA. Mutual respect is more common than not.

    Lest you get distracted from your original claim - my point is that if women can meet the standards of elite forces, they can meet the standards of general infantry.
    They can, and they do.

    Women did well as snipers, pilots, anti-aircraft, and many other duties for the Soviets. They were used as infantry at times, and they were removed from that role as soon as the Soviets could manage as I recall.

    Your recollections are correct - though it leaves out tank crews (a brutally hard job). There were some instances of women serving on the front lines - and many instances of them being executed for it. Notable exceptions would be (WW1) the Perm Battalion and the 1st Russian Women's Battalion of Death. The actual reasons they were deployed in both WWs in active roles was because necessity overcame the military culture of men only (despite political ideals). I suspect they'd have been deployed in the infantry more often if not for the ready supply of zeks.
    Despite military cultural bias (I blame the nepotism that's standard amongst the REMF in the military everywhere) the Russian command recognised that women were superior snipers. But the Russian experience is unique so I don't know if that applies to all women.
    The reason they were removed from active service after both WWs was partially due to the changes in military command, and mostly due practical reasons - a need to repopulate.

    The Soviet war effort, not to mention the US and UK war effort, would have been greatly weakened without the participation of women.

    Agreed.

    That still doesn't mean that general purpose infantry is a good place to use them.

    On that point we disagree. From my point of view - if I was 40 years younger and re-enlisted I'd prefer to serve along side soldiers selected on the basis of meeting practical standards not cultural biases.

    and there are very few women that really have an interest in it.

    A weak argument. I'm opposed to the draft - for either gender. And that's been a defining difference between the USA and Australia (, England, and New Zealand) for a long time. Possibly because we have a smaller pool of candidates and less resources to supply them.

    I don't believe in equality - it's a myth. Equal opportunity is different. In no way am I suggesting that equal number of women, can, or should be in active duty - only that the criteria should be meeting the operational standards.
    If women meet the same standards required for active service - good for them, good for those they serve, and good for those they serve with.