Internet Dating Scams Target Older American Women

HughPickens.com writes: The NYT reports: "Janet N. Cook, a church secretary in Virginia, had been a widow for a decade when she joined an Internet dating site and was quickly overcome by a rush of emails, phone calls and plans for a face-to-face visit. "I'm not stupid, but I was totally naïve," says Cook, now 76, who was swept off her feet by a man who called himself Kelvin Wells and described himself as a middle-aged German businessman looking for someone "confident" and "outspoken" to travel with him to places like Italy, his "dream destination." But very soon he began describing various troubles, including being hospitalized in Ghana, where he had gone on business, and asked Cook to bail him out. In all, she sent him nearly $300,000, as he apparently followed a well-honed script that online criminals use to bilk members of dating sites out of tens of millions of dollars a year."

According to the Times internet scammers are targeting women in their 50s and 60s, often retired and living alone, who say that the email and phone wooing forms a bond that may not be physical but that is intense and enveloping. Between July 1 and Dec. 31, 2014, nearly 6,000 people registered complaints of such confidence fraud with losses of $82.3 million, according to the federal Internet Crime Complaint Center. Older people are ideal targets because they often have accumulated savings over a lifetime, own their homes and are susceptible to being deceived by someone intent on fraud. The digital version of the romance con is now sufficiently widespread that AARP's Fraud Watch Network has urged online dating sites to institute more safeguards to protect against such fraud. The AARP network recommends that dating site members use Google's "search by image" to see if the suitor's picture appears on other sites with different names. If an email from "a potential suitor seems suspicious, cut and paste it into Google and see if the words pop up on any romance scam sites," the network advised. The website romancescams.org lists red flags to look for to identify such predators, who urgently appeal to victims for money to cover financial setbacks like unexpected fines, money lost to robbery or unpaid wages. Most victims say they are embarrassed to admit what happened, and they fear that revealing it will bring derision from their family and friends, who will question their judgment and even their ability to handle their own financial affairs."It makes me sound so stupid, but he would be calling me in the evening and at night. It felt so real. We had plans to go to the Bahamas and to Bermuda together," says Louise Brown. "When I found out it was a scam, I felt so betrayed. I kept it secret from my family for two years, but it's an awful thing to carry around. But later I sent him a message and said I forgave him."

Comments

Yes, you ARE stupid

[mi]

"I'm not stupid, but I was totally naïve," says Cook, now 76, who was swept off her feet by a man who called himself Kelvin Wells [...] In all, she sent him nearly $300,000

Much as hate to appear victim-blaming, even an utter polyanna-style naïvette would've ended at $3,000. Beyond that, it is stupidity.

"He" (and am not at all sure, there is an identifiable "he" to this scam — more likely a work of an enterprise) is a crook and should be hung alive by his rib on a rusty hook. But, boy, the lady is stupid...

Re:Yes, you ARE stupid

[gweihir]

While it is not nice, I have to completely agree. This person has lost all reason and all understanding of context there. That is rightfully called "stupid".

This is not a problem the dating-sites can fix. Stupidity carries a price, sometimes a high one. And there is no way to protect those suffering from it except by removing their freedom to act as they see fit. That is of course completely unacceptable.

Re:Yes, you ARE stupid

[twistedcubic]

It may not be as stupid as you think, just naive. She even forgave the scammer, which I believe suggests he provided some great conversation and (fake) friendship. Remember guys, great conversation to women can be as good as a strip tease to men. Also, unless she spent all the money (it doesn't say), $300,000 to a 76 year old is not the same as $300,000 to a 26 year old. Any older person with that much spare money has all their needs taken care of, except for companionship, perhaps. The only obvious losers are her heirs, who should just get jobs anyway.

Newsflash, the desperate have computers too

[ErichTheRed]

I just turned 40 and am a happily married guy, so I haven't been "on the market" lately. But, I do know a lot of people, men and women, who are increasingly desperate and affected with the "urge to merge." $300K is excessive, and I think most reasonable people would have seen the light sooner. But I can definitely see this demographic being a good target for con artists. This guy even pushed the Italy button -- what lovesick middle aged woman doesn't dream of some crazy Tuscan romance fantasy?

That said, things are different now and it is harder for older people to find suitable partners -- they're fishing in a dwindling pool full of:
- Unpleasant, bitter divorcees who have had their personalities permanently ruined
- The unmarryable -- men and women -- who haven't been able to attract anyone due to serious flaws of one kind or another
- The permanently single -- aka the creepy 55 year old guy still hitting on women in the bar with no intention of settling down or even being honest

Every woman around my age mentions this as their problem. Some might say they're being too picky, but I definitely see their point. If your choices are limited, and someone suddenly comes along who isn't a player, doesn't live in Mom's basement, and isn't an RMS clone, I could see being very vulnerable.

Re:Old people are more susceptible to scams

[Anonymous Coward]

I speculate that a few factors combine to make them more susceptible:

1) Age-related cognitive decline. It is a realty, and one well-worth hating. People who experience this often don't realize it (they aren't in a position to be objective about it), and have some pride blocking them from admitting it (after all, they have a lot of success showing just how smart they are!).

2) Lonliness. The young-and-attractive simply do not experience this like the elderly do. Even people who have spent their lives single, by their own choice, have enough social interaction with the other gender to not really feel the sting of lonliness. On top of that, the age-related cognitive decline can include the reduction of the neurological barriers that help people turn the volume down on these negative emotions....making them even worse. These emotions don't just feel bad...they are strong enough to hijack the reasoning process, making people cognitively incapable of thinking straight.

3) Existential crisis. We all know we are going to die...but the reality of that is an abstract far-away eventuality for most of our lives. Once you retire, however, and have more time to sit around and think, the reality of this starts really closing in on you. It can create a lot of anxiety and depression, which makes people flail about emotionally...reaching out to anything they can hold on to.

It is easy for us young, socially-involved, job-having types to get derisive when old people do things that are this wildly stupid. It isn't entirely warranted, however, as the brain does wear out eventually....and yours will too.

Re: American Cougar Association of DICE

[dryeo]

The problem is that at the beginning of senility, when the person is trying to hide it (from themselves as much as anyone), there are no care givers. My Mom managed to go through a few hundred thousand dollars just before she was diagnosed as senile. Where the money went, we don't know though we have suspicions about her neighbour.