Extortionists Begin Targeting AshleyMadison Users, Demand Bitcoin

tsu doh nimh writes: It was bound to happen: Brian Krebs reports that extortionists have begun emailing people whose information is included in the leaked Ashleymadison.com user database, threatening to find and contact the target's spouse and alert them if the recipient fails to cough up 1 Bitcoin. Krebs interviews one guy who got such a demand, a user who admits to having had an affair after meeting a woman on the site and who is now worried about the fallout, which he said could endanger his happily married life with his wife and kids. Perhaps inevitable: two Canadian law firms have filed a class action lawsuit against the company, seeking more than half a billion dollars in damages.

Comments

Happily married?

[Anonymous Coward]

Seems to be at odds with having an affair.

Re:Happily married?

[jdavidb]

Happily married? Seems to be at odds with having an affair.

Nope, check the research of Dr. Willard Harley. An unhappy marriage is not the defining feature leading to an affair, and a number of happily married people do fall into affairs. The defining feature is lack of boundaries around the opposite sex.

Re:Happily married?

[Zero__Kelvin]

"He's happy to continue to be married to someone he doesn't respect while fucking around on them."

I'm happy to eat various healthy foods. It is also tempting to eat an Ice Cream Sundae from time to time. Happily Married doesn't equate to "immune to temptation". Claiming he doesn't respect his wife assumes he doesn't have guilt over eating the Sundae. You seem to have missed that it was an isolated incident in this case rather than a pattern.

Re:Happily married?

[Zero__Kelvin]

Who cares? Is it any of your business?

Re:Happily married?

[PPH]

Fun fact: Having sex with a second mate often increases sexual desire for the first one

Sometime referred to as the Coolidge Effect.

Re:Happily married?

[Billly Gates]

That is not the point.

It is still wrong to extort people and demand ransoms between private affairs that is really none of our business.

Re:Happily married?

[tompaulco]

He's happy to continue to be married to someone he doesn't respect while fucking around on them.

Who is to say that he doesn't respect her? If he is happily married I can only assume that he does respect her. However, every male spouse I have ever talked to has desired more sex from his mate than she was willing to give. The unfairness is that not only do wives not give husbands the sex that they want, but they also hold husbands to not going out and getting it elsewhere.

Re:Happily married?

[Rei]

Not too much to judge about you. But a heck of a lot to judge about her. "Yeah, I'm going to take this guy for free housing and money and labour, and in exchange for that I'm going to do the one thing that would hurt most spouses the most, rather than being honest with him about me not being physically interested in him - because that could possibly ruin this good freeloading thing I've got going on!"

BTW, I find it amazing how many people manage to reach adulthood without noticing that pretty much every relationship starts out full of passion and longing but slowly degrades into a more roomate-like mode. It doesn't mean that John the gardener that you met a couple weeks ago is actually everything you've always longed for and that you had just been deceiving yourself about ever having loved your spouse - it's that you're a human freaking being and this is how human emotions work. And the exact same thing will happen with John the gardener, and you'll once again convince yourself that you never really felt anything for him either, but hey, this NEW guy, wow, he's the real thing, you've never felt so alive with anyone as with HIM!

Just a heads up to anyone who may potentially be moving into an affair-risk situation (as opposed to the douchebags deliberately setting out to find someone to cheat on their spouse with behind their back): That is to say, to anyone who doesn't want to be a cheater but finds themselves unexpectedly developing feelings toward someone who isn't their significant other:

1. Yes, you ARE capable of cheating on your spouse, and you put yourself more at risk by thinking that you're above that sort of thing.

2. No, you should NOT talk to the person you may be starting to get feelings for about said feelings, and you should NOT listen to them talk about theirs. They are the absolute worst person possible to talk about it if you don't want to end up in an affair. If you feel you simply have to talk to someone and can't talk to your spouse about it, talk to random strangers online. Do NOT talk to the person you have feelings for.

3. If you want to avoid ending up in an affair, you need to get this person out of your life. Which can sometimes be hard, due to work or all sorts of other situations where you may encounter them. Just remember: you need to weigh the difficulty of the steps to get them out of your life vs. consequences of an affair v. And once again, see point #1.

4. Yes, your feelings for the new person will go away with time not being around or communicating with them.

5. Once the emotional chaos is dulled or gone (NOT while you're still deep in the middle of it), reflect on what it was that led to the situation in the first place. What was the need in your life that wasn't being fulfilled that pulled you in that direction? Work with your significant other to try to get it met. Communicate your needs - and listen to theirs too. And if your significant other ultimately proves unwilling or unable to meet your needs, then it may be time to begin to think about ending the relationship - talk with them to try to do it amicably. But never make decisions like that when you're in the throw of emotions because of Someone New(TM). It will completely colour your views.

Re:Happily married?

[Dutch Gun]

From the article:

Mac ... says he doesn’t regret the affair he had via AshleyMadison; his only regret is not finding a way to keep his home address out of his records on the site.

Apparently, no guilt at all. He's only worried that he might be caught.

Re:Happily married?

[Anonymous Coward]

Exodus 20:14
You shall not commit adultery

Matthew 5:32
but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 19:9
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:16-22
And someone came to Him and said, “Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may obtain eternal life?” 17 And He said to him, “Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” 18 Then he *said to Him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not commit murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; 19 Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 The young man *said to Him, “All these things I have kept; what am I still lacking?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” 22 But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.

Titus 1:5-9 NASB
5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. 7 For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict.

There you go. The original command regarding adultery, Jesus upholding it and directing one who inquired to keep it and the specific requirement that church leaders be faithful husbands of only one wife. As well as the statements that divorce (except due to an unfaithful spouse) and remarriage is adultery.

www.biblegateway.com if you wish to look for some of the many other references I didn't include.

Re:Happily married?

[Dutch Gun]

I think having an affair would be one of the most emotionally hurtful things one person can do to another. Many married couples make explicit vows of faithfulness at their weddings, along with witnesses. An affair is a complete betrayal of that trust. We override raw instincts with reason and intellect all the time. We defer immediate gratitude for long-term payoffs. That's part of becoming an adult and a functioning member of our society. It seems like a bad idea to make excuses based on what our natural instincts are, because that leaves the door open to all sorts of horrible tendencies that are "instinctual".

Also, I'd argue monogamous marriage is more a societal construct than a political one. There are roughly the same number of single men and women in society at large. Unless you plan to kill off large numbers of young men in pointless and frequent wars or turn them into eunuchs, they're probably going to want to get married. The math just doesn't let polygamy work all that well, so we've deemed it bad for society and outlawed it.

Re:Happily married?

[narcc]

FWIW I personally have never married and thus have been single my entire life (never dated either) so as a male on the outside looking in, I'm calling this as I see it.

This particular revelation came as a surprise to absolutely no one...

Re:Happily married?

[Zero__Kelvin]

It is called an analogy. Intelligent people understand them. You shouldn't concern yourself with it at all. As you have shown, you'll just be confused.

Re:Happily married?

[AthanasiusKircher]

The wife is the body. I respect my body, but I occasionally eat a Sundae. At the moment I eat unhealthy foods it is hard to argue that I respect my body 100%, but it would be equally absurd to claim I have no respect for my body.

It may be absurd to claim that you have "no respect" for your wife if you cheat, but it is NOT absurd to claim that you have "no respect" for your MARRIAGE, which is an agreement between you and your wife. And usually pretty high on the list of terms of that agreement for most spouses is no adultery. Some may be okay with it, but that's generally something you negotiate with the spouse's consent. This is not the "fine print" of what marriage means -- it's pretty fundamental to the agreement.

To go back to your analogy, you may not completely disrespect your body by eating some ice cream, but if you made an explicit agreement stated before hundreds of witnesses in a formal ceremony that you would not eat ice cream, then you are completely disrespecting that agreement (and, by extension, you are disrespecting all who took part it in, at least to some extent).

You don't want that agreement? Fine. Don't take a vow to it. Or negotiate out of it. Some people want a diet where they can also eat ice cream. Be honest with your body and say that's the only kind of diet you want, and if your body can't deal, well... no diet for the body at all.

I'm getting tired of this analogy. Point is: this is about a formal, binding agreement. Honest people sign onto agreements that they plan to keep. And if they can't hold up the terms, honest people admit to it and either get out of the agreement or negotiate for something else.

And not only that, but we're not talking about some sort of accidental drunken hook-up here... we're talking about a guy who signs up on a website explicitly devoted to cheating and then deliberately makes a choice to cheat.

It's not like you were just at a party and somebody stuck a scoop of ice cream in your mouth, and you succumbed to accidental temptation. You sat at your computer, deliberately sought out a place to acquire ice cream, checked it out in detail, and then made plans to surreptitiously go eat it. A person who respects his dietary plan and is honest about how he is "happily dieting" does not do such things.

Re:Happily married?

[Tom]

I think having an affair would be one of the most emotionally hurtful things one person can do to another.

I see you are new to the human race. Pro hint: We are a lot more creative than that when it comes to hurting each other, including emotionally.

I'm not saying it's low on the list. But the most hurtful? Nah.

We override raw instincts with reason and intellect all the time.

And sometimes our intellect is right and sometimes it is wrong. Just "reason" is not a sufficient reason for superiority. Again, I'm not saying we should shut down our brains, on the contrary. But do not underestimate instincts - they made us survive these past million years.

The math just doesn't let polygamy work all that well, so we've deemed it bad for society and outlawed it.

That is true to some extent. Even in societies that allow polygamy it is in practice limited to a) the rich who can afford multiple partners and b) economic security. The most common case for muslim men to have multiple women is apparently that a man dies and his brother marries his wife to give her and the kids a home. In a society where she's not allowed to work that's pretty much the only way to ensure your family genes in that branch survive.

However, in most poly talk we always assume it's a 1:n relationship. In modern polyamoury, the relationships are usually m:n so the relative number of partners in each gender is not of importance because all involved have multiple partners.
Will it work? I don't think so, it will remain a niche, because it requires so much communication and emotional maturity from all involved members that I simply can't see it as a working model for society as a whole. But I personally know enough people who live now or temporarily lived in the past in such arrangements that it seems to me it's no better or worse than traditional monogamy.

To come back to your point: I think we should stop regulating relationships with laws. Our society has advanced enough that the previous arguments - mostly economical - are now moot.

Re:Happily married?

[kubajz]

"Having sex with a second mate often increases sexual desire for the first one" is not what Coolidge Effect on Wikipedia describes. Wikipedia says that a sexually exhausted mouse lying among females gladly has sex with a new female introduced into the box. It does not come back for more sex with the previous females.

Perhaps it is just a wrong link, so I wonder if you might have some other link to a description of this effect? It would be a shame if anyone on Slashdot took this advice seriously, lied to their spouse and hurt them by an affair and defended themselves by an unrelated experiment in a different species...

Re:Happily married?

[drinkypoo]

Who is to say that he doesn't respect her? If he is happily married I can only assume that he does respect her.

If he's happily married, then he doesn't need to have sex outside the agreed-upon parameters of that marriage. He obviously felt like he did need to, so he's obviously not happily married. QED. If he had only arranged an open marriage to begin with, he'd be happy; assuming that he'd be happy with his wife fucking other people. Presumably he wouldn't be, because his vows obviously included monogamy — otherwise there would be no danger to his marriage if his infidelity were found out. In fact, it would not be infidelity.

The unfairness is that not only do wives not give husbands the sex that they want, but they also hold husbands to not going out and getting it elsewhere.

If you don't like the terms, don't sign the contract. Nobody is forcing you.

Re:Happily married?

[AthanasiusKircher]

Monogamy is not actually in the standard Catholic marriage vows or its derivatives.

No, it doesn't need to be, because it's a stipulation that defines marital behavior in the Sixth Commandment, as well as numerous other places in both Old and New Testaments. (See official Catholic catechism.) To someone who assents to a Christian "marriage," they are inherently agreeing to the basic definition of that word, which precludes adultery. I don't think this is a secret.

Even if it were implied, marriage is a civil contract, many non-religious people get married, and there is no legal requirement for monogamy.

False. Adultery is still officially a criminal offense in roughly 20 states. Prosecutions are exceedingly rare these days, but they used to happen. States are repealing these laws, but they're still on the books many places. And even if adultery isn't prosecuted, in almost all states divorce law allows adultery to be considered as part of "bad behavior" which can either be cause for a divorce (in states that still allow grounds for cause) or at a minimum it is something that judges can explicitly use as evidence against a spouse in making a determination about how to split assets.

The expectation is culturally-specific, and lots of cultures have completely divergent expectations (including polygamy, as among some Mormons, Muslims, etc.)

That's true, of course. But we're talking here about one specific dude who signed up on Ashley Madison, and clearly lied to his wife because he thought it was wrong. So whether someone else may have different expectations about marriage, this guy is clear that the "no adultery" clause is pretty relevant to his own marriage.

Furthermore: Is it even feasible to promise a "forever" thing like that at a young age? I would argue "no"; people don't really have a capacity or right to make such an oath, time and variations are deeper than the young person can digest, and the demographic statistics bear that out.

There are two options for such people. Divorce and "open marriage." Both involve talking to your spouse. Choosing instead to continue to benefit from the marriage while lying to your spouse and breaking your vows is definitely not adhering to spirit of the marriage agreement.

To the extent that young people are deluded, tricked, or forced into a commitment of implied eternal monogamy, it's not entirely their fault, and they should be given some sympathy and charity as they try to naturally relieve or find their way out of the situation.

"Oops, my penis just accidentally fell into the lady parts of another woman. It isn't entirely my fault!"

Seriously, owning your decisions is part of being an adult. You don't want to be married anymore? Fine. Get divorced. At a minimum, be honest with your spouse about what you need and what's wrong -- you might be surprised that many people who make an effort can find that they actually can be happy in their marriage... but when you make unilateral decisions about that relationship and lie about them, that's not going to be good for anyone.

I am happy to give honest people "sympathy and charity." I understand that many young people make mistakes in getting married. But that doesn't mean you get to reap the benefits of a "happily married life" (as TFS puts it) while lying and cheating on the person who's giving that life to you.

Hopefully the long arc of history will continue to degrade this unrealistic expectation and allow people to be happy and connected without being condemned on by uptight, moralizing craphats.

Look -- I think marriage is pretty much a stupid idea for many folks, too. I never said otherwise. But it is a thing, a

About that

[pushing-robot]

a user who admits to having had an affair after meeting a woman on the site and who is now worried about the fallout, which he said could endanger his happily married life with his wife and kids.

I think you accomplished that all on your own, sir.

P.S. With so much personal info floating around the Internet, what's to stop scammers from creating fake profiles and going after anybody?