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The UK's Largest Sperm Bank Is Now An App (technologyreview.com)

Posted by BeauHD on from the on-demand dept.

Sperm bank? There's an app for that. The largest sperm bank in the United Kingdom -- the London Sperm Bank -- has released an official app that aims to "modernize the process of hooking prospective parents up with the biological material they need to make it happen," according to MIT Technology Review: The app is essentially just a mobile version of the filtered search function the London Sperm Bank offers on its website. But in doing something as simple as bringing its desktop services to mobile devices, the bank is making a play to further normalize reproductive technologies. The London Sperm Bank boasts that users will receive push notifications as soon as new donors are available, which could help speed things up for hopeful parents looking for a match. The road to conception can take years for people using reproductive technologies, so expediting any part of the process would be a welcome time-saver. But the bank has over 10,000 vials of sperm, so searching, even using filters, could still be a lengthy process. To combat this, the app also offers a wish list function that lets more focused users predetermine what they're looking for in a donor, and receive a notification when their criteria are met. The way the service works on mobile has been compared to Tinder, but there's actually no swiping involved. Its wish list function means it's more akin to apps like Anthology, which job seekers use to find their next career move. The report notes that, while there are other mobile sperm bank apps out there, the London Sperm Bank is the only one with several medical associations and the U.K. government's Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority on board. Also, the app is free to download, but the cost of ordering sperm is about $1,200 per order, which is the same as if you order through the London Sperm Bank catalogue.

65 comments

  1. What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Viol8 · · Score: 3, Funny

    I mean, cum on!

    1. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by AmiMoJo · · Score: 2

      I'm surprised there isn't a kinda of "Uber for sperm donation", bypassing the sperm bank and allowing people to connect peer-to-peer.

      In the UK once the child turns 18 they can get the donor's details. In other words, 18 years later you might be tracked down by one of your offspring. A lot of men don't want that.

      Some people don't want to go through the process of being vetted to receive donations either.

      The law states that you can give your sperm to anyone you like, as long as you don't profit from it. You can charge expenses, that's it. Some men do just that, meeting potential recipients online. Donation can be via masturbation or sex.

      --
      const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
      SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
    2. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      In the UK once the child turns 18 they can get the donor's details. In other words, 18 years later you might be tracked down by one of your offspring. A lot of men don't want that.

      And the exact opposite is what puts some men off becoming donors. I don't want to have a child who I don't know and have no participation in the raising of.

    3. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      as long as you don't profit from it

      That's why there's no "Uber for sperm donation". There's no profit in it. And it'd be impossible to perfectly match your charges to your expenses between monthly bills, rents and salaries which are fixed costs compared to what'd be an extremely variable income, otherwise you're either running at a loss or making an illegal profit. So you're left with running it as a charity at a loss. About the only way to do it is via message boards and without the donor charging anything, so craigslist.

    4. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Leaving you with a very small sweet spot of men who are at the same time both willing to have a child they'll never know and at the same time don't have a problem with that child knowing them. Which is why they have 10,000 vials not 10,000,000 vials.

    5. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Just wait for the bill resulting from your kid wanting a sibling and solving the problem for his or her mommy. Pokemon bill shocks were so last year.

    6. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by AmiMoJo · · Score: 1

      They could make money providing vetting services. Provide medical checks for donors, and maybe STD checks for recipients if they plan to use the direct deposit method.

      --
      const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
      SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
    7. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It's called Tinder, and it's free.

    8. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Applehu+Akbar · · Score: 2

      I'm surprised there isn't a kinda of "Uber for sperm donation", bypassing the sperm bank and allowing people to connect peer-to-peer.

      We call that Tinder.

    9. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by DickBreath · · Score: 1

      Can the app connect the sperm donation from your mobile device? There's an fapp for that. Or do you have to rub your equipment against the screen? Oh what? You want to borrow my phone to make a call, no problem!

      --

      I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.
    10. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 2

      They could make money providing vetting services. Provide medical checks for donors, and maybe STD checks for recipients if they plan to use the direct deposit method.

      I think the legal grounds are a little murky. At least here in America, a sperm donor can be required to pay child support http://wthitv.com/2015/09/05/k...

      And of course, since we sue the deepest pockets, the UberSplooge company would likely get somehow drawn into the donnybrook.

      Child support can last past the age of majority as well, if the offspring goes to University. So while not all that likely, that donation could cost you plenty.

      As well, n such a crowded world, its hard for at least me to justify such things, so if a person wants a child that badly, adopt.

      Public service announcement: Its important to remember to use a condom folks - that's how we lost Freddy Mercury, and that's how we got Justin Bieber!

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
    11. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Big+Hairy+Ian · · Score: 1

      According to this mornings unsolicited email thre should be some In App Upgrades :)

      --

      Build a Man a Fire, and He'll Be Warm for a Day. Set a Man on Fire, and He'll Be Warm for the Rest of His Life.

    12. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by AmiMoJo · · Score: 2

      The UK is different, the donor has no legal obligations or right to access to the child.

      --
      const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
      SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
    13. Re: What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Just goes to show ther is an app for just about everything.

    14. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 1

      The UK is different, the donor has no legal obligations or right to access to the child.

      A much more sensible situation. In the particular case I cited, the recipients, a same sex female couple, divorced, and there was a money problem, so they took the donor to court. Here the childs welfare is paramount, so men who are not even the father, and the child is a result of adultery, can be forced to pay child support, while the actual father does not. Kooky stuff.

      And Kansas being Kansas, it is possible that it was an activist judge who just wanted to throw a spanner in th works for a double whammy of same sex couples, and dperm donors. So we get weird case law.

      Some of the folks in Kansas are pretty biblical in outlook - although we'll ignore the part about taking one's widowed sister-in-law as an automatic wife, with all the in-person "donations" as a part of the deal.

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
    15. Re:What w@nker thought this was a good idea?? by newcastlejon · · Score: 1

      Here the childs welfare is paramount, so men who are not even the father, and the child is a result of adultery, can be forced to pay child support, while the actual father does not. Kooky stuff.

      Actually that's how it works in the UK too, estranged lesbian couples notwithstanding. If you're the biological father of a child or you've officially adopted them you have to pay child support, even if the child was conceived out of wedlock. That includes adultery, one night stands etc.

      It's not unheard of for a man to raise a child as his own from birth without having any legal obligation to pay child support if he and the mother were to separate. If one were to take a rather callous view one could argue that a man shouldn't have an obligation to support a child he wasn't responsible for bringing into the world. A family court might order differently but that's the way the official child support scheme works in the UK and I fancy that such an order would be on shaky legal ground. (In the UK child support is handled by either the courts or a separate government agency; from what I've heard only the family courts deal with it in the US.)

      In the assisted fertilisation example you gave the donor would not have to pay as they aren't legally the child's parent, unless the "donation" was made the old-fashioned way.

      --
      If God forks the Universe every time you roll a die, he'd better have a damned good memory.
  2. sperm is for luddites by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Modern appers apping APP, not ludditr sperm!

    1. Re:sperm is for luddites by Hognoxious · · Score: 1

      More like a fapping app.

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
    2. Re:sperm is for luddites by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Modern fappers fapping FAPP, not Luddite sperm!

      Fapps!

      ----
      FTFY

  3. The most sexist app by hcs_$reboot · · Score: 1

    No female member

    --
    Slashdot, fix the reply notifications... You won't get away with it...
    1. Re:The most sexist app by pahles · · Score: 1

      A female with a member? I hope not!

      --
      Sig?
    2. Re:The most sexist app by hcs_$reboot · · Score: 1

      Depends... could be yours, that helps!

      --
      Slashdot, fix the reply notifications... You won't get away with it...
    3. Re:The most sexist app by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Bobbit, is that you?

  4. Physical location? by Hieronymus+Howard · · Score: 1

    The UK's largest sperm bank is apparently located at 51.157N 1.809W

  5. Huh by Rei · · Score: 3, Funny

    If they're having trouble finding donors, I suggest they try Hoxton, Brighton, the House of Commons, and the BBC media city in Salford; there's plenty of wankers there to choose from.

    --
    Everybody point at the libertarian and laugh.
    1. Re:Huh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I don't think they want that many paedophiles signing up.

    2. Re:Huh by serviscope_minor · · Score: 1

      If they're having trouble finding donors, I suggest they try Hoxton ... there's plenty of wankers there to choose from

      I'm afraid they're dickheads not wankers.

      --
      SJW n. One who posts facts.
    3. Re:Huh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There should be plenty of donors.

      A guy can make money hand-over-fist at a sperm bank.

  6. £35 to sell (expenses only), ~£900 to by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Just for taking sperm from one person and giving it to others.

    Anyone who donates for that price is a mug.

  7. No it isn't by wonkey_monkey · · Score: 1

    The UK's Largest Sperm Bank Is Now An App

    So any company or service provider that releases an app is now an app?

    I rather think there might be a few services (a handful, you might say) which the bank in question can't dish out via an app.

    --
    systemd is Roko's Basilisk.
  8. IS an app or HAS an app? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The summary makes sense, but the title implicates that the app itself stores sperm.

    1. Re: IS an app or HAS an app? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Not much space in a phone case.

  9. This is bullshit. by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 1

    I realize that 'apps' are the future and all; but "a sperm bank is now an app" is pure nonsense. A sperm bank took their existing search tools, as provided on the only-for-old-people-and-desktops "web" and wrapped it in an interface more suitable for finger painting. I'm pretty sure that their big cryogenic storage facility didn't migrate to the cloud at the same time. Why is this even a story?

    1. Re:This is bullshit. by drinkypoo · · Score: 2

      I realize that 'apps' are the future and all; but "a sperm bank is now an app" is pure nonsense.

      Yep. Unless my phone can sequence my DNA, upload the results "to the cloud" and then someone else can download them on their phone and print a sperm, the sperm bank is not an app. I don't use the sperm bank by spooging on my screen, so the sperm bank is not an app.

      Why is this even a story?

      Slow editor day.

      --
      "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
  10. Re:£35 to sell (expenses only), ~£900 by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 1

    The UK has a nontrivial donor shortage for a reason; but I suspect that their handling charges aren't actually all that exorbitant.

    Unless you are just running some back alley turkey baster clinic, the expectation is that you will get a full medical history on the donors(both to avoid unpleasant heritable conditions and to keep STIs out of the system); do QA on the donations for sperm count, motility, absence of malformation; tests for any STIs; and finally prepare for cryopreservation until somebody wants the stuff.

    It's not as cutting edge as it used to be, so there is probably heavier use of cheap lab techs and automation rather than MDs and PhDs doing bench work; but rigorous handling of biological material for administration to human patients isn't inexpensive.

  11. What about the old way of doing it? by TimothyHollins · · Score: 0

    So we shouldn't use the standard browser anymore?

  12. Ugly men. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Ugly men are soon going to be a thing of the past. They will die virgins.

    1. Re:Ugly men. by Oswald+McWeany · · Score: 1

      At least they will all have Slashdot to communicate on to share their woes.

      --
      "That's the way to do it" - Punch
    2. Re:Ugly men. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Ugly women should share the same fate..

  13. Cross-platform ? by alexhs · · Score: 1

    Can I squirt it to a Zune ?

    --
    I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of killer sig, which this margin is too narrow to contain.
  14. not an app by Nate+the+greatest · · Score: 1

    So does this mean I can now insert a smartphone and get a woman pregnant? No? Then it's not an app.

  15. Sperm donors should be banned by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Try reading the testimonies of people conceived by this disgusting method, never knowing who their real fathers are.

    1. Re:Sperm donors should be banned by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Usually the courts get the records opened and force the donor to pay child support. The donor ends up paying child support for dozens of offspring,

  16. Re:£35 to sell (expenses only), ~£900 by rmdingler · · Score: 1

    Just for taking sperm from one person and giving it to others.

    Anyone who donates for that price is a mug.

    Many of us actually pay to have it taken off our, er, hands.

    --
    Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

    Ernest Hemingway

  17. How to make deposits? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    One clever feature of bank apps is to make a deposit into your account directly from the phone just by snapping a photo of the cheque. Is there a way to make a deposit into this bank using the app to snap a photo of your junque?

  18. Jack Off? by tinkerton · · Score: 2

    I read that Apple has already bettered that. Instead of an app they provided a hardware solution on their iphone.

    1. Re:Jack Off? by Ol+Olsoc · · Score: 1

      I read that Apple has already bettered that.

      IOW Apple bettered the baby batter?

      --
      The shepherds did so well protecting the flock that the sheep no longer believed that wolves existed.
    2. Re:Jack Off? by gshegosh · · Score: 1

      Yeah, but only if you can fit your hardware in the little space left over by removed jack socket.

  19. An app for that by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Sperm donation? There's a fap for that.

  20. Spank bank by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Maybe Fap App....

  21. Quick, someone tell the app guy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Not the same without his, er, input...

  22. Re:£35 to sell (expenses only), ~£900 by ausekilis · · Score: 0

    The UK has a nontrivial donor shortage for a reason;

    is it because of their teeth? ;-)

  23. Monty Python? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Why do I have to think of Monty Python when I read that?

  24. I guess she moved by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Sounds like my ex moved to England and learned how to program Hay-ooo

  25. You know what they say... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Apps that app other apps get apped!

    Apps!

  26. Poor or Good choice of language by argStyopa · · Score: 1

    I'm not sure in this context I'd say it's to improve the ability of their customers to "hook up" with donors.

    Or maybe that's exactly what they mean.

    --
    -Styopa
  27. typo by I4ko · · Score: 1

    I think they misspelled "monetize" as "modernize"

  28. It already exists by psmoot · · Score: 1

    Isn't Tinder a way to hook up with a sperm donor?

  29. Must be willing to use by Roger+W+Moore · · Score: 1

    If they're having trouble finding donors, I suggest they try ... the House of Commons

    The problem is not just getting donors it is getting a donor that someone is willing to use. Would you want a child who is genetically related to your average MP?

  30. International market by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    ... hopeful parents looking for a match ...

    They should be aiming this at the international market. In my country, a sperm donor must be an identifiable man. This ensures a record of genetic lineage and a man is liable for the child-support bill (and the laughably named fatherhood rights).

    Single women can avoid this by indulging in an anonymous one-night stand but breeding-obsessed women want a baby who comes from good 'stock', not whoever they happened to meet on the night.

  31. Re:£35 to sell (expenses only), ~£900 by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · · Score: 1

    Privacy policy. The UK, among certain others, substantially limits the degree of anonymity a donor is allowed to preserve(with respect to the recipients and the children produced; the sperm bank always wants to know a fair bit about the donor); and the trend has been toward even further emphasis on the 'right' of the child to know about their parentage; which makes even the people who are OK with the current level of information jumpy about what might happen in the future and be retroactively imposed on them.

    It's not terribly hard to pay people enough to masturbate into a cup, even after you impose the various restrictions that the state of the tech(sperm counts, motility) and the state of the demand(height, educational attainment, absence of unpleasant genetic conditions) create. It is...less simple... to pay people enough to deal with the possibility that at least one mystery child might end up knocking on the door and calling them daddy in a decade or two.

  32. Lost earning potential? by decentralized · · Score: 1

    1200 per order? Anyone else feel like they've given it away for free?

  33. Not that easy by ebvwfbw · · Score: 2

    My uncle went in to donate. He came back out and told the lady - " I tried with my right hand, I tried with my left hand..I just couldn't get the lid off the jar."