Want to Be Happy? Think Like an Old Person (nytimes.com)

The New York Times: Older people report higher levels of contentment or well-being than teenagers and young adults. The six elders put faces on this statistic. If they were not always gleeful, they were resilient and not paralysed by the challenges that came their way. All had known loss and survived. None went to a job he did not like, coveted stuff she could not afford, brooded over a slight on the subway or lost sleep over events in the distant future. They set realistic goals. Only one said he was afraid to die. Gerontologists call this the paradox of old age: that as people's minds and bodies decline, instead of feeling worse about their lives, they feel better (Editor's note: the link may be paywalled; alternative source). In memory tests, they recall positive images better than negative; under functional magnetic resonance imaging, their brains respond more mildly to stressful images than the brains of younger people. John Sorensen, who liked to talk, brought cheer to every conversation, even those about wanting to die. Helen Moses and Ping Wong knew exactly what they wanted: for Ms Moses, it was her daughter and Mr Zeimer; for Ms Wong, it was mah-jongg and the camaraderie it entailed, even if the other players spoke a different dialect or followed the rules of a different home region. Mr Jones, Ms Willig and Mr Mekas all spent their energy on the things they could still do that brought them satisfaction, not on what they had lost to age.

Comments

Get off my lawn!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow. I do feel better!

I can vouch for this.

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm in my late 30's but I don't own a smartphone, don't partake of social media, don't have a dozen credit cards, don't have tens of thousands of dollars in college loan debt, don't buy into all the latest electronics fads, don't live beyond my means, don't act like I'm married to my job, don't have countless hollow relationships with people I don't care about, et cetera.

I never thought about it before, but I'm way less stressed than most people my age.

P.S. It helps that I also don't have kids or a significant other. And no plans to have either of course of my life. So add freedom to the list.

Re:I can vouch for this.

[Applehu Akbar]

Early 70s here. I have a smartphone, high-end tablet and large desktop. All debts are paid. I buy into whatever interests me the most, whether or not they interest anyone else. I use social media to keep up with what other people are thinking about a variety of topics, such as this one right here. I live in a small rural town and have more friends than I ever had time for when I was working corporate consulting. I still run my residential IT service business as a sideline, helping my fellow chrono-Americans keep up with the new century. And yes, I'm still handling IT for my mother, who at age 95 runs a business of her own with her MacBook Pro.

I have always been an optimist, but what seems different right now is a strong sense of living in the future that comes from contrasting life as we live it now with life as it was lived when I was a child. In those days China and India were famous purely for starvation and everyone assumed, whatever their politics, that Communism and the Cold War would be around forever. Conservatives back then admired Muslim societies because of their rigorous punishment of criminals, applauding whenever the Saudis cut off some thief's hands. Meanwhile liberals, and I swear I'm not making anything up, were in favor of sex, with both their men and their women believing that we should have more of it. In those days the Republican Party had principles, such as balanced budgets, and the Democrats had vision. I find it difficult to explain to young people how public thought has changed since then.

Don't have to go Amish to be happy

[SuperKendall]

I'm in my 40's, generally really happy, and...

I don't own a smartphone,

I do! But I decide when I want to interact with it. I treat it as a tool for my benefit.

don't partake of social media

I do! But again I use it mostly as a tool to help others, and don't let it define what I do or listen to demands that I feed it. Like any petulant child you must raise social media right.

don't have a dozen credit cards

I do! Well, almost. But I carry balances on NONE. Because again, I control the tool, I don't let the tool control me. And along the way I've gotten lots of nice benefits like flights where I flew business for very little cash out, on flights I would have been flying coach otherwise.

don't have tens of thousands of dollars in college loan debt

Well I'll mostly agree with you on that one, except that it can be reasonable to incur that kind of debt for a handful of jobs - software development among them. Now hundreds of thousands in debt, there are very few jobs that warrant that debt burden.

don't buy into all the latest electronics fads

I do! But not ALL of them. There's nothing wrong with owning some cool electronics as long as you stay well within your income (and savings).

don't act like I'm married to my job, don't have countless hollow relationships with people I don't care about,

Kind of the same thing, in the. But I think there can be value in such relationships, and sometimes you find things that are hollow really are not. Being married to your job when you are younger for a time, can have real value in advancement of career that will benefit you the rest of your life.

P.S. It helps that I also don't have kids or a significant other. And no plans to have either of course of my life. So add freedom to the list.

I think for a lot of people it does not help to have no SO. Even though I personally am with you on kids I think there are a lot of people who are a lot happier with kids than without. All of that depends on the person... also with an SO in your life there can still be a lot of freedom (as an individual), in addition to having someone to share the results of that freedom with.

don't live beyond my means

That's the thing. None of the items you posted really matter besides this one, which is why I moved it to the last item. Pretty much anything you do will be OK if you don't end up placing a huge burden on yourself doing so, and in todays modern age debt is a very huge burden because of the legal overhang above you. It's also true that if you feel the same way and you want an SO you had better make sure you are on the same page about money and debt, because it removes a huge point of stress between two people.

Basically Spock was right - live long and prosper. But you can't prosper spending more than you take in.

Re:I mastered that in my 30s

[thinkwaitfast]

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Re:I mastered that in my 30s

[eddeye]

God, give me coffee to change the things I can
And wine to accept the things I can not.

There, FTFY.

Re:The advice is sound, but ....

[Kjella]

I do know exceptions to this rule ... older folks who just seem overly positive and oblivious to things that would otherwise bring them down. But I view that as more of a defense mechanism than a true state of contentment and peace? They seem a little "out of touch" to people who observe them for long enough.

Well your contentment is reality vs expectation, not reality vs past performance. I find a lot of old people expected they'd suffer a decline in vision, hearing, motor skills etc. and even though they're obviously in worse shape than ten years ago they've just accepted that as natural. Hell, I'm not even 40 yet but I realize I'm not 20 anymore and I expect being 60 or 80 will be considerably worse. If you're going to be miserable just because your body is aging and eventually can't do everything you used to then you're pretty much doomed to be miserable. If I tripped and fell ending up in a wheelchair in a nursing home tomorrow it would be utterly terrible. If I'm in a wheelchair in a nursing home when I'm 90... that's being 90. There's no point in having unrealistic expectations about being 20 forever.

10 ways to think like an, "Old Person"

[sycodon]

Remember these things.

1. No one gives a shit what you think.
2. No one gives a shit how you feel.
3. You aren't as smart is you think you are. If you are, keep your fucking mouth shut about it.
4. Don't bother trying to save the World. The World doesn't give a fuck about you or your efforts.
5. Take responsibility for the dumb fuck things you've done and don't do them again.
6. Don't treat people like shit.
7. Remember it's not about you.
8. It's none of you fucking business.
9. Don't leave a mess
10. Don't Whine.

Damn hormones!

[Evtim]

Few year ago I read an article about how different abilities, of the mind and the body peak at different ages. The question was "is there an ideal age". Some things I knew (e.g. endurance peaks about 40).

The most interesting graph was the last one where happiness and sexual desire/ability were plotted versus age. Happiness is the lowest around 40 (stands to reason - you begin to reevaluate your life and will always find many things to regret). Around 60 you are as happy as you were around 20. And then happiness goes up to infinity, cut short only by death. However, exactly at that point where you become happier than ever in your live your sexual desire/ability is gone. So there it is - sexual desire is a hassle. Or rather the behaviors, desires and frustrations that it generates.

Anecdote: one of my best friends told me once " I can't wait until the moment I won't be interested in women. What a bloody distraction, like a constant buzz in your head and body!" While I frankly cannot imagine what it is to live without craving women I begin to think it might not be that bad...

This sounds like (literal) survivorship bias.

[AtariEric]

Those who did not succeed with those challenges probably died.