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Want to Be Happy? Think Like an Old Person (nytimes.com)
The New York Times: Older people report higher levels of contentment or well-being than teenagers and young adults. The six elders put faces on this statistic. If they were not always gleeful, they were resilient and not paralysed by the challenges that came their way. All had known loss and survived. None went to a job he did not like, coveted stuff she could not afford, brooded over a slight on the subway or lost sleep over events in the distant future. They set realistic goals. Only one said he was afraid to die. Gerontologists call this the paradox of old age: that as people's minds and bodies decline, instead of feeling worse about their lives, they feel better (Editor's note: the link may be paywalled; alternative source). In memory tests, they recall positive images better than negative; under functional magnetic resonance imaging, their brains respond more mildly to stressful images than the brains of younger people. John Sorensen, who liked to talk, brought cheer to every conversation, even those about wanting to die. Helen Moses and Ping Wong knew exactly what they wanted: for Ms Moses, it was her daughter and Mr Zeimer; for Ms Wong, it was mah-jongg and the camaraderie it entailed, even if the other players spoke a different dialect or followed the rules of a different home region. Mr Jones, Ms Willig and Mr Mekas all spent their energy on the things they could still do that brought them satisfaction, not on what they had lost to age.
Wow. I do feel better!
I'm in my late 30's but I don't own a smartphone, don't partake of social media, don't have a dozen credit cards, don't have tens of thousands of dollars in college loan debt, don't buy into all the latest electronics fads, don't live beyond my means, don't act like I'm married to my job, don't have countless hollow relationships with people I don't care about, et cetera.
I never thought about it before, but I'm way less stressed than most people my age.
P.S. It helps that I also don't have kids or a significant other. And no plans to have either of course of my life. So add freedom to the list.
Let me tell you, not stressing about things you can't control while letting yourself stress a bit about the stuff you can control, and prioritizing positive social interaction over negative... that's about the best first choice for improving your life.
There's tons of other stuff, but you start there. Remember you're a social primate with a finite lifespan, so relax as much as you can and enjoy your time.
I'm in my 40's, generally really happy, and...
I don't own a smartphone,
I do! But I decide when I want to interact with it. I treat it as a tool for my benefit.
don't partake of social media
I do! But again I use it mostly as a tool to help others, and don't let it define what I do or listen to demands that I feed it. Like any petulant child you must raise social media right.
don't have a dozen credit cards
I do! Well, almost. But I carry balances on NONE. Because again, I control the tool, I don't let the tool control me. And along the way I've gotten lots of nice benefits like flights where I flew business for very little cash out, on flights I would have been flying coach otherwise.
don't have tens of thousands of dollars in college loan debt
Well I'll mostly agree with you on that one, except that it can be reasonable to incur that kind of debt for a handful of jobs - software development among them. Now hundreds of thousands in debt, there are very few jobs that warrant that debt burden.
don't buy into all the latest electronics fads
I do! But not ALL of them. There's nothing wrong with owning some cool electronics as long as you stay well within your income (and savings).
don't act like I'm married to my job, don't have countless hollow relationships with people I don't care about,
Kind of the same thing, in the. But I think there can be value in such relationships, and sometimes you find things that are hollow really are not. Being married to your job when you are younger for a time, can have real value in advancement of career that will benefit you the rest of your life.
P.S. It helps that I also don't have kids or a significant other. And no plans to have either of course of my life. So add freedom to the list.
I think for a lot of people it does not help to have no SO. Even though I personally am with you on kids I think there are a lot of people who are a lot happier with kids than without. All of that depends on the person... also with an SO in your life there can still be a lot of freedom (as an individual), in addition to having someone to share the results of that freedom with.
don't live beyond my means
That's the thing. None of the items you posted really matter besides this one, which is why I moved it to the last item. Pretty much anything you do will be OK if you don't end up placing a huge burden on yourself doing so, and in todays modern age debt is a very huge burden because of the legal overhang above you. It's also true that if you feel the same way and you want an SO you had better make sure you are on the same page about money and debt, because it removes a huge point of stress between two people.
Basically Spock was right - live long and prosper. But you can't prosper spending more than you take in.
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
It hasn't really been my experience that the elderly really are that content with their lives? I look at people like my wife's mom, who currently lives with us. Ever since she lost enough eyesight and motor skills to be dangerous behind the wheel and had her drivers' license taken away, she doesn't want to venture outside anymore. She's still old-fashioned enough in her ways so if I, as the "man of the house", suggest we all go out for dinner or to a store, she'll agree and go along with us. But otherwise, she always chooses not to. Her day consists of sleeping a lot and watching a lot of game shows on television, plus a little talking on her phone to any of her relatives or friends she can reach.
I experienced the same thing with my grandfather on my mom's side of the family. As soon as he had some health problems, he went into a depression and funk that he never really got back out of.
I do know exceptions to this rule ... older folks who just seem overly positive and oblivious to things that would otherwise bring them down. But I view that as more of a defense mechanism than a true state of contentment and peace? They seem a little "out of touch" to people who observe them for long enough.
IMO, the bigger question is, "Are you actually DOING things that you like doing, or things that give a sense of accomplishment for completing?" Social media isn't really a bad thing, in and of itself, and neither are smartphones. But the danger is that you can get sucked into doing a lot of living vicariously through others instead of doing things for yourself. Keeping up with all of the "news" can be addictive and burn a lot of free time that you could have invested in actually doing some home improvement project, fixing up your car, or any number of other activities.
Remember these things.
1. No one gives a shit what you think.
2. No one gives a shit how you feel.
3. You aren't as smart is you think you are. If you are, keep your fucking mouth shut about it.
4. Don't bother trying to save the World. The World doesn't give a fuck about you or your efforts.
5. Take responsibility for the dumb fuck things you've done and don't do them again.
6. Don't treat people like shit.
7. Remember it's not about you.
8. It's none of you fucking business.
9. Don't leave a mess
10. Don't Whine.
When Fascism comes to America, it will call itself Anti-Fascism, and tell you to give up your guns.
Few year ago I read an article about how different abilities, of the mind and the body peak at different ages. The question was "is there an ideal age". Some things I knew (e.g. endurance peaks about 40).
The most interesting graph was the last one where happiness and sexual desire/ability were plotted versus age. Happiness is the lowest around 40 (stands to reason - you begin to reevaluate your life and will always find many things to regret). Around 60 you are as happy as you were around 20. And then happiness goes up to infinity, cut short only by death. However, exactly at that point where you become happier than ever in your live your sexual desire/ability is gone. So there it is - sexual desire is a hassle. Or rather the behaviors, desires and frustrations that it generates.
Anecdote: one of my best friends told me once " I can't wait until the moment I won't be interested in women. What a bloody distraction, like a constant buzz in your head and body!" While I frankly cannot imagine what it is to live without craving women I begin to think it might not be that bad...
Found the article:
http://www.bbc.com/future/stor...
I remembered wrong - there is a decline in happiness around 70-80 yrs and your sexual desire lingers on for longer than I though. Still it is interesting....
This is the opposite of my experience. Until recently, every modern US generation had it better than their parents, and knew it. It's only been this century that the realization has sunk in that the standard of living is no longer going up, when things like healthcare, job opportunities, housing costs and debt are considered. We have cheap toys and internet. Everything else is starting to suck.
Those who did not succeed with those challenges probably died.
Don't trust any concentration of power.
I'm going to suggest a lot of this is backwards. A young person learns to think like an old person by actually living and getting there. In the meantime, a lot of other stuff happens.
1. Plans and dreams and wants disappear, because you either successfully get them, or you learn after decades that you're not going to get them, and give up. This includes the belief that you can still do better than you've already done. Letting go of that lets off a lot of pressure.
2. You have more actual accomplishments and memories to fall back on as you age. These don't exist when you're young.
3. Don't have a job they don't like? How many of them are retired? That's the "job" I want most. Of course I'd be happier doing that. Or, by the time I'm old enough, unless I'm in really dire straits, whatever else I'm doing is probably more out of a sense of fun than for the money.
4. Decreasing sex drive. It may sound sad to the young, but I bed it a ton of ways it's a relief (or at least removes a source of dissatisfaction) from those who are older.
5. Do other appetites decrease? I'm not sure. Certainly the range of possible activities does decrease as you get older. You've learned stuff you don't like, or have ruled out because it's dangerous or no longer interesting. When I was 20, I stayed up late nights wishing I had the money to try skydiving, and being sad that I didn't. At 40, I'm already past the temptation.
There's probably more, but that's what came to mind just reading the summary.
The Quirkz Handbook of Self-Improvement for People Who Are Already Pretty Okay
I think it's simply learned filtering.
There are hundreds of things to get upset about every single day, from "is my child ever going to pick up their toys?" to "that guy cut me off in traffic" to "I hate our president"...the older people get, they start to likely recognize the secret: not much of that shit really matters. Theresa no reason to let it get to you in a way that affects your happiness.
It's pretty Zen, actually.
-Styopa