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New Alexa Skill Plays Fake Stupid Arguments To Scare Off Burglars (techcrunch.com)

TechCrunch reports on a new Alexa skill called "Away Mode". Instead of lights and noises, you can keep your home safe from unwanted visitors by playing lengthy audio tracks that sound like real -- and completely ridiculous -- conversations. When you launch Away Mode, Alexa will play one of seven audio tracks penned by comedy writers from SNL, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and UCB... These include gems like "Couple Has Breakup While Also Trying to Watch TV," "Two Average Guys Brainstorm What's Unique About Themselves So They Can Start a Podcast About It," "Emergency PTA Meeting To Discuss Memes, Fidget Spinners, and Other Teen Fads," and more. There are conversations from a book club where no one discusses the book, a mom walking her daughter through IKEA assembly over the phone, a stay-at-home mom losing her s***, and argument over a board game....

After enabling the skill on your Alexa device, you can cycle through the various conversations by saying "Next"... The tracks themselves are around an hour or so long... There are other "burglar deterrent" skills for Alexa if you're interested in the general concept, like that play fake house alarms or sound like guard dogs. But Away Mode is just a little more fun.

It's the brainchild of San Francisco-based Hippo Insurance, whose brand manager hopes to get people thinking about home security (though she says it isn't meant to be a serious security tool). Yet, "Theoretically it's a good idea," adds former California police chief Jim Bueermann (now the head of the nonprofit Police Foundation). "If this thing mimics real conversation, it's much more likely to trick the burglar into believing somebody is home."

In one fake argument, a board game player shouts "Hand me the rulebook! The other rulebook! That's the rules reference.... No, it's in the learn-to-play guide. That's the quick reference!"

69 comments

  1. Home Alone? by OffTheLip · · Score: 1

    Sounds like another reboot.

    1. Re:Home Alone? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It needs some gangster movie lines. But maybe it could spontaneously emit some if Alexa would be located next to Siri and Cortana.

    2. Re: Home Alone? by datavirtue · · Score: 1

      I have plenty of "stay at home mom loses her shit." Alexa..record my wife.

      --
      I object to power without constructive purpose. --Spock
    3. Re:Home Alone? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Exactly what came to my mind.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_VdSCMJhx0

    4. Re: Home Alone? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Seems like a hammer in search of a nail. Youâ(TM)d think it wouldnâ(TM)t make any noise and call/mag itâ(TM)s owner to give them a chance to not alert the police, makimg it plausible to arrest some suspects.

    5. Re: Home Alone? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Oh, I've got my wife and daughter teaming up on me with "you're transphobic" and "there's no difference between boys and girls". I consider the mere existence of my daughter, and the fact that I didn't breast feed her despite several of her attempts in her infancy to move aside my shirt and latch on, to be good evidence there is a difference. I'm not sure she ever got over that rejection, it would explain a lot.

  2. Book Club by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 4, Funny

    ”There are conversations from a book club where no one discusses the book”

    I’m pretty sure I was a member of that book club a while back.

    --
    #DeleteChrome
    1. Re:Book Club by fropenn · · Score: 2

      >>a book club where no one discusses the book

      This describes most of my graduate education.

    2. Re:Book Club by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Maybe they can discuss whether NYT editorial writers are racist or not without reading the tweets? That's what the news reminds me of, anyhow.

      And yes, I'd think that playing political news ought to scare people off, too.

  3. This is great! by Gravis+Zero · · Score: 3, Funny

    With Alexa playing a fake argument, the adjoined neighbors won't suspect anything is out of place when I accidentally knock over a lamp while I'm robbing the place! #DontForgetToStealAlexa ;)

    --
    Anons need not reply. Questions end with a question mark.
    1. Re: This is great! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Exactly. Also, like a robber isn't going to upload all 7 tracks then Shazam them or something first before entering, to know there is a stupid Alexa inside to also take.

    2. Re:This is great! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      That's very similar to the argument I've always had with my mom when I was a kid. We lived out in the country--plenty of neighbors around, but nowhere the same as the typical suburb. She'd insist on leaving the lights and radio on (loudly) during the Christmas holidays when we'd leave to spend the evening at some relative's.

      My point was that, if there's a strange vehicle in the driveway but there's lights everywhere in the house and loud music, then the neighbors won't care. If there's a strange vehicle in the driveway but there's no lights or noise, *that*'s when the neighbors will find things suspicious and can be useful.

  4. Damn it. Missed opportunity. by fahrbot-bot · · Score: 3, Funny

    Now I wish I had recorded all times I yelled and ranted at my Windows PC. Yes, I sometimes actually do this -- I'm sure we *all* do...

    --
    It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
    1. Re:Damn it. Missed opportunity. by JustOK · · Score: 4, Funny

      I've never yelled at your computer.

      --
      rewriting history since 2109
    2. Re:Damn it. Missed opportunity. by BronsCon · · Score: 2

      I have... for letting him post.

      --
      APK quotes people (including myself) without context and should not be trusted. Just thought you should know.
    3. Re:Damn it. Missed opportunity. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Now I wish I had recorded all times I yelled and ranted at my Windows PC. Yes, I sometimes actually do this -- I'm sure we *all* do...

      I haven't.

      (lovingly caresses tower with Debian Stretch on it)

  5. Over-complicated? by The+Cynical+Critic · · Score: 1

    Sounds awfully over-complicated compared to what my grandfather used to do, i.e just leave some outside-visible lights on. Most burglars are obviously just going to assume nobody's home and move on to another apartment that looks like the residents are out.

    I don't have any figures to prove how effective it is, but the closest my grandparents have ever come to a break-in was one time somebody broke into their cellar space at the apartment complex they lived in at the time and stole some of my dad and uncle's old toys.

    --
    "Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it."
    1. Re:Over-complicated? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It's like hiding your wallet in your shoe at the beach

    2. Re:Over-complicated? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      outside-visible lights on . Most burglars are obviously
      just going to assume nobody's home and move on...

      You get robbed a lot?

      CAP === 'hinders'

    3. Re:Over-complicated? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      FU! FU! FU! Man! Man! Man! Chu! Chu! Chu!

      I am you and you are me and we are all together stoned out of our collective gord!

      Left is right and Trump makes right look like the idiot scum they always have been.

    4. Re:Over-complicated? by The+Cynical+Critic · · Score: 1

      The problem with that comparison that it's easy to check the shoes by just walking past them while you can't be sure if someone is actually in the bathroom or something and thus there, but not visible, when you're scoping out a house/apartment to burgle. Stealing someone's wallet from their stuff at the beach is obviously a lot quicker (10 seconds?) and easier to get away with than breaking into someone's house, scoping it out for valuables and them making off with what's got the best combination of ease-of-theft and value (several minutes?).

      --
      "Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it."
    5. Re:Over-complicated? by The+Cynical+Critic · · Score: 1

      Only time I've been "robbed" was when a locker room that was supposed to be locked was accidentally left un-locked so somebody went trough my wallet and stole all the cash in it (only carried a minimal amount of cash with me since then).

      --
      "Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it."
    6. Re:Over-complicated? by Anne+Thwacks · · Score: 1
      My Grandpa did this.

      Grandma always used to say "don't forget to leave the lights on so the burglars can see what they are stealing!"

      --
      Sent from my ASR33 using ASCII
    7. Re:Over-complicated? by rtb61 · · Score: 2

      If I set up a computer to generate a fake loud discussion. I would go for drunken hunter conversation and the best ways to clean a shotguns and handguns and reminders about unloading them prior to cleaning them and the importance of reloading them after you have finished, just in case you get the chance to shoot some trespasser, toss in a little drunken arguing and threats for spice ;D.

      --
      Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
    8. Re:Over-complicated? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Who the fuck doesn't leave their wallet in the glovebox of their car?

  6. Whoa! its like SO MILLENNIAL! Wow! THe Future by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Like super-safe key fobs!
    And professional burglars wont just download all the "skills" and make an auto-detect unit that reports:

        Fake bullshit detected.
        This home is owned by a gadget-loving faggot.
        Proceed with burglary at your leisure

  7. Or just leave the TV and some lights on by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    A completely dark house with one of 7 prerecorded Alexa tracks is going to tell a burglar that no one is home and that you're a fucking moron.

    1. Re:Or just leave the TV and some lights on by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      A completely dark house with one of 7 prerecorded Alexa tracks is going to tell a burglar that no one is home and that you're a fucking moron.

      ...a moron with enough disposable income to fill their house with gadgets like an Alexa. Jackpot.

    2. Re:Or just leave the TV and some lights on by MoralCharacter · · Score: 1

      Honestly if you have enough disposable income for an Alexa, may as well get the Alexa controlled lightbulbs, power switches, coffee machines, massage chairs, toasters, sprinklers, dildos, and cat feeder. At least give the burglar a good time while they're there.

  8. The one necessary sound... by cirby · · Score: 2

    Play a recording of a Mossberg 12 gauge action being pumped.

    1. Re:The one necessary sound... by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 1

      Play a recording of Walt Mossberg, reading one of his reviews... that should drive them away equally effectively.

      --
      #DeleteChrome
  9. If Alexa programmers are going to all that trouble by bobstreo · · Score: 1

    Why not just play recordings of a very large barking dog? or repeated gunshots?

  10. lol by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    from the reviews: "Conversation about hairstylist contains background noises of a playground." lol

  11. This is RACIST by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    It disproportionately targets black people

    1. Re:This is RACIST by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      So what you're saying is that it indiscriminately targets black people...?
      Man, we can't win with you guys - if we discriminate, you come down on us;
      if we indiscriminate you come down on us too. Ya'll gotta make up yer minds...

  12. Obligatory Python reference by Archfeld · · Score: 2

    Will it be an argument or just contradiction ?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

    --
    errr....umm...*whooosh* *whoosh* Is this thing on ?
  13. Step 1. Get a dog. by toonces33 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Step 2. Name the dog Alexa.

    Problem solved.

  14. Arguments don't scare off burglars by smithmc · · Score: 1

    Didn't these folks ever see The Ref?

    --
    Downmodding is the refuge of the weak. Don't downmod, make a better argument!
    1. Re:Arguments don't scare off burglars by K.+S.+Kyosuke · · Score: 1

      What if it's an Emacs vs. Vim argument?

      --
      Ezekiel 23:20
    2. Re:Arguments don't scare off burglars by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      At least, then, it would never end, unlike these recordings.

  15. Unforeseen consequences by petes_PoV · · Score: 2
    In some places knowing that someone is in a house will encourage a break-and-entry.

    Why? Because an inhabited house means there will be the person's wallet, possibly ID or passport, car keys and phone - and someone to tell the combination of a safe, if there is one.

    Making believe there is someone there could increase burglaries.A better solution would be a convincingly large dog or two - or at least a good facsimile of one (rather than some of the pathetic commercial offerings). Add to the effect by leaving a dogfood bowl out front and maybe a Beware of the Dog sign (next to the NRA membership sticker!)

    --
    politicians are like babies' nappies: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reasons
    1. Re:Unforeseen consequences by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      NRA membership sticker? No one home but a dog or two? Sounds like easy guns to me! Let's break in!

    2. Re:Unforeseen consequences by 93+Escort+Wagon · · Score: 4, Funny

      Wish I could give you mod points...

      The only people in our circle of friends who’ve had their dwelling burglarized are gun owners. Actually, they *were* gun owners - and yes, the burglar did steal their guns.

      --
      #DeleteChrome
    3. Re:Unforeseen consequences by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      /r/thathappened

      I know right - what would criminals want with stealing something easy to sell on the black market that can be harder to get otherwise for those with felony convictions?

    4. Re:Unforeseen consequences by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Most burglars would rather avoid a confrontation.

      Although if you do live in one of these places that are more likely to be burgled when you are in, why the fuck would you use this feature. You probably also want to consider moving to somewhere that isn't a shithole.

  16. Yay something new to keep me awake! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I don't suppose paper-thin apartment walls were part of the design considerations.

  17. Re:If Alexa programmers are going to all that trou by K.+S.+Kyosuke · · Score: 1

    Couldn't they let her laugh again? That would be even simpler and more disturbing to the buglar.

    --
    Ezekiel 23:20
  18. Creationism by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    was my first thought reading 'fake stupid arguments'. To scare of would-be atheist burglars, presumably.

  19. Easy to figure out, now include AI by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Make it a completely natural-sounding but random argument using AI. Not using pre-made sentences, but all freestyle. Then it's getting interesting.

    1. Re:Easy to figure out, now include AI by BronsCon · · Score: 1

      also, turn a light or two on... maybe turn on the light in an adjacent room, then turn out the light in the first room a second or so later, so it seems like someone is moving through the house

      --
      APK quotes people (including myself) without context and should not be trusted. Just thought you should know.
    2. Re:Easy to figure out, now include AI by tlhIngan · · Score: 3, Insightful

      also, turn a light or two on... maybe turn on the light in an adjacent room, then turn out the light in the first room a second or so later, so it seems like someone is moving through the house

      Yeah, why doesn't this do that? It's supposed to be a smart device, so why doesn't it play audio, turn on the TV for a little while, turn on and off lights and do other things that it has control over?

      At least, going by all the ads, that's what people do with them, so it seems a real "away mode" can simply simulate normal use of what already happens... why play fake lines without doing other stuff?

    3. Re:Easy to figure out, now include AI by Bite+The+Pillow · · Score: 1

      Because it's a publicity stunt.

      Real criminals would know about this and study the dialog so it is immediately recognized as Alexa, because they have stolen Alexas already. They will hand out CDs at their thief TED talks with the skits. Recognizing the voice actors is already in Thieving 101.

      It's not effective because it isn't trying to be.

  20. Yes, let the burglars know your house is empty! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Really, 7 options? You mean all I have to do is be familiar with 7 audio tracks and I can know that a house is empty? Awesome!!

  21. Encourages break-ins by police by LaughingRadish · · Score: 2

    Great! While this might possibly scare off a burglar, I think it's more likely to scare neighbors into thinking there's a domestic disturbance. Police arrive and pound on the door and the argument continues without anyone answering the door. What next? Police break down the door, find the whole fight is a recording, and then cite the homeowner for wasting police time. So you're out the cost of fixing the door, a fine, and your name on the police department's shitlist for pulling stunts that waste their time.

    1. Re:Encourages break-ins by police by lister+king+of+smeg · · Score: 2

      Great! While this might possibly scare off a burglar, I think it's more likely to scare neighbors into thinking there's a domestic disturbance. Police arrive and pound on the door and the argument continues without anyone answering the door. What next? Police break down the door, find the whole fight is a recording, and then cite the homeowner for wasting police time. So you're out the cost of fixing the door, a fine, and your name on the police department's shitlist for pulling stunts that waste their time.

      wouldn't they cite the person that called them for a non issue, This would be like swatting a house only when the occupent isn't home.

      --
      ---Saying gnome 3 is better than windows 8 not so much a compliment as it is damning with light praise.
    2. Re:Encourages break-ins by police by ayesnymous · · Score: 1
      > cite the homeowner for wasting police time

      Has this happened to any of those white people who've been trolling black people by calling 911 on them?

    3. Re:Encourages break-ins by police by Cederic · · Score: 1

      Well, in the UK (let alone Germany) it'll get the local council issuing noise prevention orders.

      Shit, I've had a neighbour complain about the sound of the fans in my computer. After I'd replaced the stock build ones with larger slower quieter ones and moved the computer away from the shared wall. When I asked the council what more I was meant to do their response was basically, "Sorry, we thought you were the issue. Clearly we were wrong; do nothing, we're going to call your neighbour."

  22. or use a radio by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    Or you could just leave a radio on when away from home. Most potential burglers would assume that someone was home when they heard it. My family has done this for years (and never been robbed).

    1. Re:or use a radio by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It also keeps tigers away! Have you had any tigers in the yard? Double win!

  23. Where are the Cheetos? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Roll to see if I'm getting drunk!

  24. Police radio chatter, even better! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Maybe some flashing red and blue lights..

  25. Re: Not as good as mine. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Why are burglars ringing your doorbell?

  26. Re: Not as good as mine. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    To see if someone home. Someone opens, they spiel some bs about a survey or a mistake or something like that, no one answers - good to go.

  27. This will assist burglars by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    They will be able to use Shazam or similar to detect when this stuff is played to determine that nobody is at home.

  28. "Smart" tech users are fucking stupid. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    play fake house alarms

    You can afford to buy an Alexa.

    Why the fuck don't you have a real fucking alarm?!

  29. How do you use it while you are away? by echopulse · · Score: 1

    Don't you have to be at home to trigger it? Or do you start it before you leave and leave it going for 24 hours a day while you are gone?