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Tesla Is Facing US Criminal Probe Over Elon Musk Statements (bloomberg.com)

An anonymous reader quotes a report from Bloomberg: Tesla is under investigation by the Justice Department over public statements made by the company and Chief Executive Officer Elon Musk. The criminal probe is running alongside a previously reported civil inquiry by securities regulators. Federal prosecutors opened a fraud investigation after Musk tweeted last month that he was contemplating taking Tesla private and had "funding secured" for the deal. The tweet initially sent the company's shares higher. Tesla confirmed it has been contacted by the Justice Department. The investigation by the U.S. attorney's office in the Northern District of California follows a subpoena issued by the Securities and Exchange Commission seeking information from the electric-car maker about Musk's plans to go private, which he has since abandoned. Tesla said in a statement following Bloomberg's report: "Last month, following Elon's announcement that he was considering taking the company private, Tesla received a voluntary request for documents from the DOJ and has been cooperative in responding to it. We have not received a subpoena, a request for testimony, or any other formal process. We respect the DOJ's desire to get information about this and believe that the matter should be quickly resolved as they review the information they have received."

203 comments

  1. Elon, don't make announcements while high by mykepredko · · Score: 5, Insightful

    It's a simple rule. Many people follow it and avoid being investigated by the DOJ.

    1. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      It's a simple rule. Many people follow it and avoid being investigated by the DOJ.

      I think Musk should counter by citing blatant racism, as he is indeed an African-American.

    2. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Pretty sure he made this statement before going on Joe Rogan's podcast. Also if you'd listened you'd know that he took one puff and said he didn't like Marijuana because it stopped him from getting things done.

    3. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Interesting

      "Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured."

      420, just a coincidence, eh. He was stoned as a motherfucker

    4. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      topkek

    5. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Gawd - wish the Democrats would leave him alone!
      He's already put a man on Mars, give the guy a break.

      CAP === 'unsteady'

    6. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by swm · · Score: 1
      don't make announcements while bi-polar

      FTFY

    7. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by ShanghaiBill · · Score: 1

      More importantly, don't make announcements that are false. He said he had funding secured. He didn't, and he knew he didn't.

      Martha Stewart went to prison for less than this.

    8. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured."

      420, just a coincidence, eh. He was stoned as a motherfucker

      You have a point. I missed the 420 reference, but it makes perfect sense.

    9. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      His kind of African were the racist oppressors, not the oppressed.

    10. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by sexconker · · Score: 3, Interesting

      Pretty sure he made this statement before going on Joe Rogan's podcast. Also if you'd listened you'd know that he took one puff and said he didn't like Marijuana because it stopped him from getting things done.

      If YOU had listened, you'd know that regardless of how little he inhaled, the dude was either high out of his mind or just out of his mind.
      He was going on about "love is the answer" and other vapid, meaningless shit.

      Before that video, I had never subjected myself to listening to anything the clown has to say for more than a few seconds. If he's like this all the time than he's a complete and total nutjob. If he was like that just that once, than he was mentally incapacitated in some way.

    11. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Wrong. Martha Stewart flat out lied. Musk said he had funding secured, but he didn't say he had 100% of what he'd need. He implied it, but it's not quite a flat out lie in the same way as Stewart at all. Try being more factual Bill.

    12. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by h33t+l4x0r · · Score: 1

      Martha Stewart went to prison for less than this.

      It really changed her too. I hear she mostly hangs out with rappers now.

    13. Re: Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Your_head(RentFree);

    14. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Martha Stewart went to prison on some of the most questionable process charges ever - she was accused of lying to prosecutors by denying that she had committed insider trading! When, in fact, the prosecutor couldn't manage to even charge with insider trading. He tried, though - he attempted to convince a judge that publicly stating that she was innocent impacted *her* company's stock price, and was thus a new case of insider trading.

      That's right. The prosecutor used a declaration of innocence as 'perjury' without even charging, much less convicting, Stewart of the crime she correctly declared herself innocent of.

      That prosecutor's name? James Comey.

    15. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by LynnwoodRooster · · Score: 1

      He was going on about "love is the answer" and other vapid, meaningless shit.

      Maybe he is just a big fan of Todd Rundgren? Aww, who am I kidding - NO ONE is a fan of Todd Rundgren...

      --
      Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
    16. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Martha Stewart went to prison for less than this.

      It really changed her too. I hear she mostly hangs out with rappers now.

      I don't follow the life of Ms. Stewart myself. But as a whole blacks commit more crimes per capita than any other race - FACT!. Much more than other formerly oppressed races like Jews and Native Americans (lil hole in the "historic oppression" theory that NO ONE addresses, because they can't, so they do what people always do in that situation and get upset instead of presenting counter-arguments). And when blacks commit crimes, they commit more violent crimes - also a FACT. So it's no surprise that any prison would have a large population that favors rap music. Anyone who can process facts regardless of whether they happen to like those facts or not would consider this predictable.

      Anyone who disagrees with facts is free to check the FBI crime stats, they are easily found via google. Among the interesting things you can derive from those stats? While the majority of all murders are black-on-black crime, a white person is 12 times more likely to be shot by a black person than the other way around. Odd how the media doesn't make these events into national news, but they sure do play it up when a white shoots a black. It's as if there is a narrative...

    17. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Apparently the real victim in all those stats is ...you.

    18. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      god damn you are a fucking retard who can't understand reality

    19. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by rtb61 · · Score: 1

      Funding secured is such a wobbly statement, it really depends upon the definition of the word secured outside of legal documents. That they are pursuing the case, tends to indicate they were, cough, cough, paid to. The name and connections of the lead instigator would be interesting to have. Generally speaking, if someone publicly sought clarification of the comment and based the clarification around much more legally demanding requirements, then he would be in trouble but empty statements are empty until legally clarified and then they become really dangerous.

      Want to big note your tech company, put some engineers on a project presentation for new product lines, from a automotive manufacturer standpoint, using that manufacturing capacity in another way, would have to be the automated kitchen and the automated laundry, basically a pair of robot arms, doing the cooking in the kitchen and the cleaning in the laundry. Years of development but can be made to sound real good in the interim, Google does that kind of crap all of the time to pump up it's share price and create and illusory company image. The number one thing goggle markets with it's marketing engine is Google and not by accident, now that marketing should be investigated because it hugely artificially inflates Googles share price and is a purposeful manipulation.

      --
      Chaos - everything, everywhere, everywhen
    20. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by hackertourist · · Score: 1

      I don't buy that. His reaction to being offered marihuana didn't look like 'seasoned user', more like 'total beginner'. When you work 120 hours/wk, you don't need drugs to make dumb statements. The fatigue alone is more than enough.

      As for $420, he said '420 has better karma than 419' which I found an obvious reference to 419 scams.

    21. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by dunkelfalke · · Score: 1
      --
      "It's such a fine line between stupid and clever" -- David St. Hubbins, Spinal Tap
    22. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Bearhouse · · Score: 1

      For those of you who don't get it.....

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...

    23. Re: Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Just like the same way the Hutsi and Tutsi were both oppressed? And how one set of black Africans did not slaughter 40,000 of the other set with machetes while the UN so called peace keepers from Europe literally just stood there and watched it happen?

      So in your mind those EU peace keepers oppressed the Hutsi by forcing them to invade the UN controlled refugee camps and butcher 40000 Tutsi.

      I would bet you have absolutely no idea what I am talking about because you are an SJW millennial idiot.
       

    24. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      LOL. You tesla shills are really desperate.

    25. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      it really depends upon the definition of the word secured

      The word "secured" has a context, and that context is it being used in a medium declared as official source of corporate news for Tesla, Inc. That is, "funding secured" means that the intent of the unknown investor is formalized in a manner that is irreversible, usually a complex contract with penalties, and that the said funding is either available in an escrow account, or is guaranteed by a financial institution, also with a series of complex accounts. It also implies that negotiations have concluded successfully, that some form of due diligence has taken place, etc. etc.

      For the rest of your babble you need pills and some education.

    26. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "said he didn't like Marijuana because it stopped him from getting things done."

      In other words, he is an amateur. I have no problems getting my work done while stoned, and in fact do better work because I stop and think.

      Not a single program I've written which has had protection on it has been hacked. And it is simple protection, just well-implemented.

    27. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Lies are lies, period. White lies, flat lies, bald-faced lies, they're all fucking lies, asshole, and they're WRONG.

      And in this scenario, they're ILLEGAL.

      Get that into your fucking head. These rules exist for a reason.

      captcha: medals, as in I deserve a fucking medal for being proven right about Elon when all you fucks thought otherwise and modded me down when I was a logged-in user.

    28. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So clearly from your biased and tiny sample set, we should now classify weed as productivity enhancing, and make pot brownies available in all manufacturing site breakrooms due to the performance enhancing effects.

      Yeah, you're a pothead all right.

    29. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      An anonymous "I told you so" complete with sour grapes and a moderation piss-and-moan.

      You deserve any moderation you received just because you're an idiot.

    30. Re: Elon, don't make announcements while high by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hutsi and Tutsi? You make the Hutu and the Tutsi sound like a couple of cartoon characters.

      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwandan_genocide

    31. Re:Elon, don't make announcements while high by RockDoctor · · Score: 1

      With Musk being a Sif Afrikaan, what reason is there to expect that he'd know some obscure bit of slang from a foreign country? After all, I wouldn't know what slang to use to score a quarter in downtown Seoul, Jo'berg or Paris, Texas.

      --
      Birds are not dinosaur descendants;birds are dinosaurs, for all useful meanings of "birds", "are" and "dinosaurs"
  2. Not a big surprise by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    He made his statements after being provoked by trolls, and then it turned out he didn't have anything real prepared.
    People have got to stop saying dumb shit on twitter with their real identity.

    1. Re:Not a big surprise by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      He made his statements after being provoked by trolls, and then it turned out he didn't have anything real prepared. People have got to stop saying dumb shit on twitter with their real identity.

      Just do it on Slash Dot as an Anonymous Coward?

    2. Re:Not a big surprise by RickyShade · · Score: 1

      Just do it on Slash Dot as an Anonymous Coward?

      Said the Anonymous Coward.

    3. Re:Not a big surprise by LesFerg · · Score: 0

      When did twitter become the equivalent of a PR release to a financial magazine?

      People should be able to say dumb shit or post speculative ideas on twitter, it should be given as much importance as somebody tweeting about what they are having for lunch.

      A person who makes changes to their investments based on an idle thought seen on twitter should be laughed at. They don't need the protection of the law, they need an experienced financial adviser to tell them that it's just a social media service with a silly name.

      --
      If I had a DeLorean... I would probably only drive it from time to time.
    4. Re: Not a big surprise by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      As I your real name is really Ricky Shade.

      Idiot. Hypocrite. Moron.

    5. Re:Not a big surprise by AC-x · · Score: 2

      When did twitter become the equivalent of a PR release to a financial magazine?

      How about "when the CEO of a company reveals plans for that company"? Doesn't really matter what medium the announcement is made on does it?

    6. Re:Not a big surprise by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      For Tesla, I believe it was 2013 when they registered Musks Twitter account as an official source for company news.

    7. Re:Not a big surprise by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      About the time Tesla Inc. declared it as a source of company news.

    8. Re:Not a big surprise by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

      I thought that was the entire purpose of Twitter...

      --
      Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
  3. don't make /. comments while simplistic and trite by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative

    Actually if he were smoking marijuana he'd probably be able to de-stress and get needed rest, get better control of his emotions. It would be a strong net positive in his case compared to his stress-meth lashing out on Twitter.

  4. sad... by zlives · · Score: 1, Insightful

    the promise of clean(er) vehicle emissions does not need him fucking it up. there has been enough hate on battery tech without this douche making it worse.
    why doesn't the board just fire him or something... just focus on the business.

    1. Re: sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      It doesn't matter if his company lives are fails electric vehicle technology is here to stay. Existed way before Tesla and it will exist long after. how many steam powered cars are you all driving these days?

    2. Re:sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      What "the promise of clean(er) vehicle emissions" needs is consumers. Are you buying or are you just wagging your jaw like 95% of all Tesla "supporters."

    3. Re: sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Much like BitCoin, EV is over and done. Stick a fork in it. It was a liberal fad and the SJW crowd has moved on to the next circus.

    4. Re:sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Tesla has a queue of orders to fill. Their problem precisely is meeting demand, not that they don't have customers.

    5. Re: sad... by sexconker · · Score: 0

      It doesn't matter if his company lives are fails electric vehicle technology is here to stay. Existed way before Tesla and it will exist long after. how many steam powered cars are you all driving these days?

      Burn coal
      Create steam
      Turn turbine
      Generate electricity
      Charge electric vehicle
      Drive to work
      Shitpost on slashdot with retardisms like "how many steam powered cars are you all driving these days?"

    6. Re:sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      I don't think even he can destroy what he's already contributed towards the cleaner vehicle emissions industry. He proved out what most people thought ridiculous.

      He survived the market crash while critics said electric cars:
      -can never compete on range
      -can never compete on cost
      -can never compete on performance
      -can never compete with filling at a gas station
      -can never be cool

      Just look at the other largely "sad" contributions to the electric car industry if you think he can simply be replaced as easily as you seem to think. Tesla and Ford are the only ones that have never gone bankrupt. He's going crazy because it really is that hard to create a successful new car company from the ground up. He's made a career of exceeding expectations when most people said "impossible".
      Even if Tesla does go down, he's made an indelible mark(not to mention SpaceX) simply by the long list of things he proved were not only possible, but could be awesome.

      I, for one, welcome a little craziness in industry leaders pushing the limits.

    7. Re: sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      The Saudis are scaling up their solar plans including EVs and youâ(TM)re sayin itâ(TM)s dead.

      Wow.

    8. Re:sad... by LynnwoodRooster · · Score: 1

      It is pretty easy to compete if you don't have to make a profit. Ford turns a nice profit and a nice 6.5% dividend on top of it. Tesla loses thousands (nearly $18,000) on every vehicle it sells. EVs really don't compete on range (most modern cars can go 350+ miles on a single tank), on cost (well, only if they give them away at a loss AND get a fat Government subsidy added in), and most can't compete on performance (yes, there is "ludicrous" mode, but you will permanently lower the capacity of your car with a few too many hard launches), take hours to charge versus a few minutes, and unless you really dig the "iPad in the dash" or a Maserati-esque styling, just aren't cool.

      --
      Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
    9. Re: sad... by Jeremi · · Score: 2

      Burn coal
      [...]
      Shitpost on slashdot with retardisms

      Surely, pretending that coal is the only way electricity can be made, is also a form of shitposting? Deliberately ignoring the entire other half of the equation (the societal shift away from fossil fuels as an energy source, Trump notwithstanding) in order to "win" an argument on Slashdot definitely qualifies as a retardism (as does using words like "retardism", of which I am hereby twice guilty)

      --


      I don't care if it's 90,000 hectares. That lake was not my doing.
    10. Re: sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Indeed. Tesla is charged overnight with solar power.

    11. Re: sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      How many rockets from the 60/70s could land themselves upright on a barge at sea, or even on a launch pad?

      Tesla was failing when he came aboard, Musk was the man who turned the company around, without him they would have gone bust making their original Roadster.

      True, he hasn't achieved much with The Boring Company, but it started as a joke. I wouldn't expect too much from it.

    12. Re: sad... by Mr.+Dollar+Ton · · Score: 1

      What about the cloudy nights?

    13. Re:sad... by Mr.+Dollar+Ton · · Score: 1

      Not really. Tesla has a queue of orders for a car they don't produce - the $35k model 3. For the expensive models,k the wait times are due to bad sales logistics and to Tesla producing 84% lemons, which need extensive fixing after production.

    14. Re: sad... by sexconker · · Score: 1

      You're the one pretending. Look at the percentage of power generated by coal / fossil fuels TODAY.

    15. Re:sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "I, for one, welcome a little craziness in industry leaders pushing the limits."

      Then support me trying to make an EV which is coated in solar panels so you rarely need to charge up, even in shaded areas or areas with artificial lighting only (parking garages.) Even single-junction polycrystalline cells hit 20%, which given the typical sun-exposed surface area of a car (assuming light from one direct side plus a bit of higher angle due to the sheer size of the nuclear reactor in the sky) can give you about 1kWh in pre-dusk conditions and far more than that in daylight hours even in higher latitudes. That is plenty of power to move around without being a speed demon, yet keep up with regular traffic. Bonus - you can get a tiny power boost from all the night traffic blowing their HID lights all over you if you live in a densely-populated area. You could literally coast on the spare lighting from gas-powered vehicles and the other few EVs on the road.

      From there, once solar-covered EVs are the norm, night-time traffic jams are somewhat helped out by constant recycling of power, bearing in mind thermodynamic limits. Sucks for the rear-runners, but the majority, the middle and fore-people, will get the benefits, even the light from those behind the people in front gets recycled into power.

      Truly, solar-covered EV is the future. But I need an investor or two to put it into development.

      email: desertfoxminerals@gmail.com

      Assuming you have the wherewithal. I only need a few million to develop the EV, since the required solar tech is mature and not too expensive.

      captcha: electron

    16. Re: sad... by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

      Because none of these exist:

      Nuclear reactors
      Hydroelectric dams
      Wind turbines
      Geothermal power
      pumped hydro storage
      grid-scale battery storage
      home battery storage + solar (which Tesla sells)

      Don't be an idiot.

      --
      Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
    17. Re: sad... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Most of these are peanuts compared to fossil fuel power generation and the rest, like geothermal and "grid-scale battery storage + solar" are simply a fantasy of the Slashdot code monkeys, who have no clue about how power generation works.

    18. Re: sad... by zlives · · Score: 1

      ride a bike

    19. Re: sad... by Mr.+Dollar+Ton · · Score: 1

      Is that the "Model y"?

  5. I tole you by PopeRatzo · · Score: 2

    I'm not one to say I told you so, but everybody made fun of me a few weeks ago when I said that Elon was going to face some serious consequences for his phony tweet about taking Tesla public.

    https://youtu.be/lTXoA-QTbJw

    --
    You are welcome on my lawn.
    1. Re:I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      That's okay, I'm keeping a list of all the predictions you make to throw in your face when they turn out to be wrong.

    2. Re:I tole you by h33t+l4x0r · · Score: 1, Funny

      He can just say it was a joke. It always works for POTUS.

    3. Re:I tole you by goose-incarnated · · Score: 1

      I'm not one to say I told you so, but everybody made fun of me a few weeks ago when I said that Elon was going to face some serious consequences for his phony tweet about taking Tesla public.

      https://youtu.be/lTXoA-QTbJw

      You also thought that Hillary would win, and that Trump was racist. Your "predictions" are no better than coin tossing.

      --
      I'm a minority race. Save your vitriol for white people.
    4. Re:I tole you by PopeRatzo · · Score: 2

      He can just say it was a joke. It always works for POTUS.

      Considering the events we are watching unfold before the world, I can say definitively that it doesn't always work for TWEETUS.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    5. Re:I tole you by PopeRatzo · · Score: 1

      You also thought that Hillary would win, and that Trump was racist.

      No, and yes. Your memory isn't so good.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    6. Re: I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Trump is a racist. Don't try to sugarcoat it that like it's false.

      The mans had multiple discrimination lawsuits levied against him.

    7. Re: I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I did not make fun of you. I posted that it was one of the few, if not only times, you posted something that was not batshit stupid craZy.

      Even you can be right once a lifetime, restoring my faith in humanity.

    8. Re: I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So if you had multiple charges of murder and rape against you that must mean you are a murdrer and rapist, because, after all, there are legal proceedings!!!!!

      Where do you ass clowns get these stupid ideas from?

    9. Re:I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      He's under investigation, Einstein. I'd be very surprised if anything came of it. Elon Musk's statements about going private were a) made publicly, and b) factually true. Elon Musk intended to go private and had every reason to believe funding was secured. This is a nothing sandwich spread by shorts and losers.

    10. Re:I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You were neither the first, nor the most interesting commentator to post, so fuck off.

    11. Re:I tole you by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Memory seems good to me. You one won, lost one. Seems fairly probable outcome in a toin-coss.

    12. Re:I tole you by PopeRatzo · · Score: 1

      You one won,

      No, I one (sic) two. Hillary lost and Trump's a racist. I also predicted that Cody Wilson, the guy who owns Defense Distributed, and who thought it would be clever to release the plans for a 3D printed gun, was a pedophile, and he's just been arrested for assaulting an underage girl he met online.

      So that makes me three for three.

      https://gizmodo.com/3d-printed...

      https://www.newsweek.com/3d-gu...

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
  6. eh, the SEC are a bunch of pedos by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    otherwise they would have... oh wait

  7. Who doesn't think they have funding? by SuperKendall · · Score: 0

    Tesla at this point is exceeding production goals, and still has strong demand - stronger still now that Google is infecting many automobiles.

    Remember at the time there was a huge block purchase by an investor in Saudi Arabia, there are probably a number of investors very interested in taking Tesla private given the future they have not just with cars, but with many things solar and battery related...

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
    1. Re:Who doesn't think they have funding? by 110010001000 · · Score: 0

      BS. There are multiple SEC investigations going on, including ones around their production numbers. You can always tell a Tesla fanboy: they treat the Tesla press releases as some sort of gospel.

    2. Re:Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Because they already admitted they did not have funding and are no longer pursuing the transaction?

    3. Re:Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Tesla at this point is exceeding production goals, and still has strong demand - stronger still now that Google is infecting many automobiles.

      Remember at the time there was a huge block purchase by an investor in Saudi Arabia, there are probably a number of investors very interested in taking Tesla private given the future they have not just with cars, but with many things solar and battery related...

      AND in the last two weeks both Audi and Mercedes have announced luxury Full Electric models to compete with Tesla who cannot actually deliver built cars of reliable quality yet.

      Face it fan boy, this Tesla company is in serious trouble.

    4. Re: Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There will still always be cachet in owning one of the Tesla cars that isn't a quality lemon, once the better manufacturers become the dominant part of the market. Good flaw-free Teslas will maintain a lot of collectors value.

    5. Re: Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      I’m gonna have so much fun keying all those collector cars.

    6. Re: Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      I applaud Teslas accomplishments and the main one is showing EVs can work with todays battery technology. But moving forward I think Chevy is rolling out the EV properly with the Bolt. It doesnt have funky styling and it operates just like a regular car. More or less. The majority going forward want a $25k EV that doesnâ(TM)t make a statement but just gets them to work and home. Tesla has to do this. The high end EV market will be dominated by Mercedes and Porsche in the near future.

    7. Re: Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Iâ(TM)m gonna have so much fun keying all those collector cars.

      Like you're gonna find Teslas parked at the Dollar General (or the dumpster out back) where you shop!

      Topkek

    8. Re:Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Tesla at this point is exceeding production goals,

      Not even close - their production goals for M3, announced by the Pedo Guy himself, were for over 6k vehicles a week, and they don't even make 4k. You shills are so stupid that you could work as engineers at Tesla.

    9. Re:Who doesn't think they have funding? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Don't worry, the Audi and Merc models are just announcements. They haven't delivered them either. And there are already analysts saying how far behind the Audi E-Tron is, even before shipping a single one.

  8. Repercussions by fluffernutter · · Score: 1

    A rich person has to accept repercussions for his behavior? This isn't Trump's America!

    --
    Laws are rules for the court, but merely a bottom bar to hit for life. Think beyond laws in your actions always.
    1. Re:Repercussions by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      A rich person has to accept repercussions for his behavior? This isn't Trump's America!

      Rich people own stock. Most of it. Something like 10% of people own 80% of the market. Protecting rich people is exactly what makes America great again.

    2. Re:Repercussions by Green+Mountain+Bot · · Score: 1

      Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're getting ahead of yourself here. This is just an investigation. No one is accepting any repercussions yet - if at all.

  9. Serious question: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Does "Elon" rhyme with "melon"? I've never heard his name pronounced, as I read the news rather than watching it.

    1. Re:Serious question: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Look it up on YouTube. It's the only way to be sure.

  10. World war I stated from a sandwich... by gatfirls · · Score: 1

    World war III will start with a tweet.

    (yes I know the sandwich thing is a myth)

    1. Re:World war I stated from a sandwich... by bkmoore · · Score: 1

      World war III will start with a tweet.

      (yes I know the sandwich thing is a myth)

      The Archduke Franz Ferdinand was feeling a bit peckish, realized he had forgotten to pack something to eat, so he ordered the chauffeur to retrace the parade route back to get a sandwich....

      The Franco Prussian war really did start with a tweet.

    2. Re:World war I stated from a sandwich... by h33t+l4x0r · · Score: 2

      World war III will start with a tweet.

      They wish. That would really take the focus off the Mueller investigation.

  11. Re:Big Oil by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    This is just a takedown by Big Oil, the Saudis, and the "shorts" Rei

    No, this is the SEC doing it's job, opening a criminal probe into Musk. Tesla will face a class action suit for this little tweet too.

    The problem here is Musk has a *responsibility* to be both truthful AND he must make announcements that have a material bearing on the stock price though proper channels, which is NOT Twitter. So if he was just goofing around on Twitter, says something stupid that is untrue but has anything to do with the stock or could possibly be inside information, it was criminal misleading investors with false information. IF the information was true, but improperly released though Twitter, it was again criminal as it wasn't properly released though standard PR statements. Either way, it was criminal.

    The SEC will likely just levy a fine on Musk and or Tesla. Nobody is going to jail or trial. However, investors WILL sue as a class and get both actual and punitive damages, which will be bigger than the SEC fines.

  12. Pft.. Criminal Probe.. by GrBear · · Score: 1

    Even if found guilty, he'll never see the inside of a jail cell.

    One law for the rich, and one law for everyone else.

  13. Re:"Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impressed" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Sadly they were brutally raped to death by large black inmates in Federal prison just like Trump, the end.

    Having actually been to Africa, Musk is more of an "African American" than almost every American black person.

    If they deny him African-American status because he is white, that would be discrimination based on skin color which should be illegal.

  14. Re:don't make /. comments while simplistic and tri by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Dude....weeed. Weeeeeed, duuuuuude.

  15. a movie about Elon Musk? by k6mfw · · Score: 1

    I am curious if a movie were to be made about Musk, how would it be portrayed? i.e. the movie about Howard Hughes "The Aviator" and would it then be called "The Rocketman?" I find it interesting some of the parallels (though not many) however you got to admit Tesla has affected the car market and SpaceX the space market.

    --
    mfwright@batnet.com
    1. Re:a movie about Elon Musk? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      With him being present in many diverse fields of business. Perhaps "The Entrepreneur"

    2. Re:a movie about Elon Musk? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Perhaps "The Failure". Solar City is done in, Tesla is heading for bankruptcy, next up: Space X.

    3. Re:a movie about Elon Musk? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      This is really easy to see through if you have any business knowledge combined with engineering knowledge.

      First - Musk isn't an engineer or even really a businessman.

      Second - Musk focused on SX while really ignoring TSLA, this much shows when it comes to actual in-house engineering talent. You can make a rocket self-land but you can't make a Tesla vehicle reliably detect and avoid a collision, let alone with a person? Basic RADAR from 30 years ago could've accomplished that.

      Third - It's all MARKETING, like APPLE. Anyone with the capability and knowledge can bust through those shoddy 'defenses' (as shown by the Apple store having to remove shitware because they were too lazy to do a proper check in the first place, and by people providing custom Tesla firmware updates to include better functionality at half the processing power.) People with half a brain are very sensitive to this and know better.

      For example - at the solar plant I work at, Home Depot came through as a potential customer. They looked thoroughly impressed until they came to the EL inspection machines at two spots in the process (we make sure our panels don't come out cracked after lamination and framing) whereupon the salesperson said "This is our X-ray machine where we check for cell cracks." I saw the looks on all four of the Home Depot reps faces go from smiles to "This fucker just lied to us and has no clue what he's talking about."

      They dropped us like a hot rock, even after I tried to intervene ad correct the sales idiots responses.

      All it takes is even the tiniest bit of basic knowledge about a subject to find out if someone is full of shit or not.

      And Elon is definitely full of shit every time he opens his mouth.

  16. Re:don't make /. comments while simplistic and tri by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Actually if he were smoking marijuana he'd probably be able to de-stress and get needed rest, get better control of his emotions. It would be a strong net positive in his case compared to his stress-meth lashing out on Twitter.

    I find Tai Chi to be a great way to eliminate stress (better than anything else I've tried -- including weed, for its "paranoia" aspect can actually introduce mental stress though the body is very relaxed). I practice on a daily basis and continue to be amazed when it removes stress I did not know I was holding onto. I have learned through personal experience that we have become so used to holding tension/stress in our bodies and minds that we tend to think of it as normal. It's so easy not to realize how much there is until after it's released. It's profound for me to think about how much this colors my intrepretation of events and my reactions to things, like a subconscious undercurrent, without my previously being aware of it. It's interesting to be familiar with something and still experience it as though it were new each time.

    Then there are the health benefits of vastly reducing stress, considering it is proven to reduce quality of life and cause a wide range of diseases. The nice thing about Tai Chi is that you can measure your level of relaxation because you can't do it correctly if you aren't relaxed (what is called "sung" or "soong" in the art).

    A nice side benefit is that my arthritic symptoms have almost completely disappeared and my range of motion has improved. I also have difficulty remembering the last time I came down with a cold/flu and that's not for lack of exposure. My employer's policy tends to encourage people to come into work sick and spread their germs to everyone else which is all too common.

    So I found something that works for me. If weed or something else works for another, I hope they enjoy it fully. That's the point, to know yourself and find what works out best for you.

    It has the added benefit of being completely legal, not that a misdemeanor possession charge would be a problem for someone with half the wealth of Musk. It would definitely be a big problem for me and likely the same for anyone reading this. Weed is among the very most benign of drugs, far less toxic to the body than alcohol and the only sensible thing would be to legalize it and reasonably tax it as some US states are doing. It's definitely not a crime to possess it (as this does not entail using force or fraud to deprive another person of their rights). There is no victim in that scenario and thus no crime that should interest the state. Until this madness ends, I seek other effective ways to deal with stress. It's my good luck that I found one that actually works better.

  17. Play by Play. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    -> Oil Funds Short Tesla' Stock.
    -> Musk says, Specifically, an "Oil Tycoon out of Montana" shorted him illegally.
    -> Musk says he has "funding secured".
    -> Shorts All Tank.
    -> Everyone gets their panties in a bunch, says he's lieing.
    -> Media has to continue the lie they were paid to lie about.
    -> Media proceeds to pin the tail in the demon.
    -> Musk reveals the "Secured funding" was the public investment fund of Saudi Arabia.
    -> Musk says this with an offer on the table, and an exact number in funding.
    -> Shorts go down more.
    -> Existing Investors reel in horror at what he's about to do.
    -> Existing investors know if the signs that deal, the Saudi's will engage in all kinds of economic Arbitrage against them.
    -> Existing Investors appologize, then offer more money and time.
    -> Oil Tycoons out a lot of money. Demand Criminal Probe from SEC.
    -> Saudi's are Salty, Foolishly Invest in a Tesla competitor for $1 Billion.

    So lets take score.
    --> Musk has funding. Check.
    --> Oil Tycoons got Played. Check.
    --> Saudi's got Played. Check.
    --> SEC is at this point a mouthpiece for a lieing media and the oil tycoons that paid them. Check.

    Nicely Played Musk.

    1. Re:Play by Play. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Your fantasy isn't reality. Musk faces serious jail time now.

    2. Re: Play by Play. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hi REI. How are you doing you transgender fuck?

      Has your dick fallen off yet? I'm sure musk loves him women dickless.

  18. c6gunner = "Run, Forrest: RUN!!!"... apk by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    c6gunner shot himself down w/ his FAKEname on a post impersonating me https://linux.slashdot.org/com... & w/ c6gunner altering /. user's words there.

    All since I challenged c6gunner to show better work than mine he did & you can't c6gunner "ne'er-do-well"!

    Right after you tried to mock me 1st https://linux.slashdot.org/com... for no good reason & I didn't bug you @ all!

    YOU DEMAND PROOF OF OTHERS "I've yet to see you provide any evidence of that." by c6gunner on Monday March 15, 2010 @10:02PM (#31490942) ?

    I DEMANDED IT OF YOU & YOU FAILED!

    * You're FAKENAME trash you childish dishonest punk + YOU are a DO-NOTHING "ne'er-do-well" CHATTERING dolt w/ ZERO to show for yourself!

    APK

    P.S.=> You say hosts = shit here https://slashdot.org/comments.... ?

    50++ /.ers & security pros + RESULTS SAY DIFFERENT:

    Proof's here from /.ers https://slashdot.org/comments.... https://slashdot.org/comments.... https://slashdot.org/comments.... https://slashdot.org/comments.... https://slashdot.org/comments.... https://slashdot.org/comments.... from SECURITY PROS https://slashdot.org/comments.... & REAL RESULTS w/ hosts working vs. threats https://slashdot.org/comments.... so EAT YOUR WORDS... apk

  19. 31 Legal Medical Marijuana States +DC by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    31 Legal Medical Marijuana States +DC -Laws, Fees, and Possession Limits https://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000881

    1. Re:31 Legal Medical Marijuana States +DC by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      31 Legal Medical Marijuana States +DC -Laws, Fees, and Possession Limits https://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000881

      It's a really pathetic and blatant example of hypocrisy that a nation which prides itself on its great "freedoms" still uses force of arms (i.e. police) to dictate to adult people what they may and may not do with their own bodies.

      As far as practices go, the history of using force to tell people how to live has never worked well and has generally created more problems than it solved. So far as I can tell, it remains because it serves two different but related interests: the interest of the state to have a large armed bureaucracy that can wipe its ass with the Constitution (especially the 4th Amendment) anytime it wants, and the interests of prudish busybodies and the infantile pleasure they gain from hassling strangers based on what they approve and disapprove of.

      Neither of these are healthy and that second group really wouldn't like it if the same broad powers and bad legal precedents were ever turned against it.

      Hey guess what, there is no material difference between a cop using his eyes and hands as tools for conducting a search versus a cop using a dog's nose for conducting a search. To say otherwise is like saying that using a gun to kill someone is murder but bashing their skull with a brick somehow is not. The purpose of these rulings is not to have a reasonable rule of law but to shred the Fourth Amendment. That should properly worry everyone including those with no desire to use drugs.

    2. Re:31 Legal Medical Marijuana States +DC by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      the history of using force to tell people how to live has never worked well

      On the contrary, that is how Western democracy came about. It was beaten into the heads of the electorate.

  20. No rule of law left by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

    How is Musk able to keep a clearance and do business with the gov't after blatantly and publicly violating federal law? US is a lawless country for anyone with a billion stashed. I see no reason average people should obey any federal law, given what we've seen over the last 15 years.

    1. Re:No rule of law left by Whorhay · · Score: 1

      Obeying the law and having a clearance are only vaguely related. A clearance is essentially a certification of the Governments ability to trust a person to keep a secret. Drug use poses a threat to a clearance in a few ways. First, when a person is high they might be more readily influenced to share information they shouldn't. Second, because drug use is against Federal Law, and generally prohibited as a term of employment it can be used for blackmail material. Third, there is the liability concern when an employee is impaired on the job and makes some critical error, which could be more serious when dealing with classified information.

      In my experience the Government seems to actually not be all that concerned about people spilling their guts when high. But are concerned that other bad decisions would be made, which could spiral into other more serious blackmail situations.

      But you seem to have hit on the biggest factor when it comes to dealing with the Government. Those in power will overlook just about anything when it comes to getting what they want.

    2. Re:No rule of law left by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

      Well, the first reason would be that whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing...

      --
      Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
  21. Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Solandri · · Score: 0

    Contrary to people thinking that this is somehow being orchestrated by Big Oil or existing automakers trying to slow down the switch to EVs. Tesla is not driving the adoption of EVs, it is the beneficiary. CARB is the one driving the adoption of EVs (California Air Resources Board - the government agency which sets California's air quality standards). CARB instituted a ZEV mandate (Zero Emissions Vehicle) starting a few years back (2014 I think?). Each year, a certain percentage of each automakers' unit sales has to be ZEVs. The formula is a bit complex (there's also a requirement for hybrid sales), but for 2018 the target is about 2.5% ZEVs. It ramps up each year - by 2025 the target will be about 8%. Toyota has a hydrogen fuel cell vehicle which qualifies as ZEV, but thus far every other ZEV has been an EV.

    If an automaker fails to meet the requisite percentage, it must buy ZEV credits from an automaker who exceeded their quota. If they fail to buy enough credits, they are banned from selling cars in California. And since about a dozen other states automatically adopt CARB's guidelines, this would result in the automaker from being banned from selling to about 1/3 of the U.S. by population. No automaker wants to be cut off from a third of the U.S. market, so they're all busy rolling out EVs to comply with CARB. If they haven't sold enough EVs toward the end of the year, they will run sales and incentives to get enough EVs pushed off their lots (which is why California gets the best EV sales - only EVs sold in California count towards the mandate). And failing that, they will buy ZEV credits, usually from Tesla. So the push to sell EVs has nothing to do with Tesla. Tesla could disappear and we'd see the exact same number of EV sold each year - because the percentage is set by CARB, not the market.

    Way back before the ZEV mandate kicked in, Musk realized there would be a market for ZEV credits due to automakers slow to adapt or who happened to fall short. So he set up a company guaranteed to always have excess ZEV credits. Such a company could even sell each vehicle at a small loss, and still turn a profit due to selling the ZEV credits. So Tesla is the beneficiary of CARB mandating EV sales, not the driving force behind growing EV sales. I think Musk got caught a bit off guard by how difficult it was to scale up production, and how quickly the other automakers were to roll out their own competent EVs.

    On the flip side, the other automakers want Tesla to survive. Tesla provides insurance, a safety net - a guaranteed source of ZEV credits should an automaker somehow fail to meet its ZEV percentage. The exotic car makers who don't yet offer an EV rely entirely on Tesla to sell them ZEV credits And because the percentage is mandated by CARB, Big Oil is indifferent to who is selling the EVs. The same number of EVs will be sold each year, whether they're Teslas or other brands, meaning the survival of Tesla doesn't have any effect on oil consumption. So the conspiracy theory that automakers and oil companies want to destroy Tesla is just that - a baseless conspiracy theory.

    Incidentally, this isn't the first time CARB tried a ZEV mandate. The last time was in the late 1990s. The ZEV mandate was set to begin in 2000, which is what drove the intense R&D into hybrids and GM to develop the EV1. By the time the mandate was set to kick in, GM had the only viable ZEV. They'd sunk nearly a billion dollars into developing the EV1, but stood to make back many times that from licensing the technology or selling ZEV credits. Then CARB pulled the rug out from under them. The other automakers petitioned CARB saying the technology wasn't yet ready to produce a decent ZEV, and the best they could for now was a hybrid. CARB relented and rescinded the ZEV mandate, basically throwing away the carrot after they'd used it to lead GM into sinking nearly a billion dollars into the EV1. GM was livid, and recalled and destroyed every EV1 and locked away the research so that California would in no way benefit from their bait and switch.

    1. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Technically a hydrogen fuel cell vehicle is an EV the same as any other EV. The fuel cell is the battery.

    2. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by MobyDisk · · Score: 1

      Thank you for that reminder. I remember watching the documentary "Who killed the electric car?" which explained the CARB situation. So where is that EV1 research now? Time to dust-off those old manuals, or spin-off another company to bring it back.

    3. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by 140Mandak262Jamuna · · Score: 5, Interesting
      Come on, Tesla Model 3 is the fifth best selling car by units and the number 1 selling car by revenue in August. Just Civic, Accord, Corolla and Camry sold more in August, but Model 3 raked in 900 million dollars, more than any one of them.

      These are not ZEV credit market numbers. These are what a no-compromise EV can do. There is no special technology or patents with Tesla. All it needs is a will to let the ICEV sales by cannibalized by the EV divisions, the traditional car makers can all make cars like the Tesla.

      Tesla is not selling Model 3 in negative gross margin and survives by ZEV credits. Three independent tear downs estimated positive gross margin for both the high end Model 3 above 50K and for the low end 35 K model. The most negative report came from UBS, that first gagged Monroe who did the teardown with a law suite, conceded 50 K model 3 has a gross margin of 9000$, then switched to net margin while talking about the 35 K version, while giving the impression it is still talking about gross margin. The German teardown priced it 28K per unit for the 50K car at 10,000 cars a week. Monroe admitted he is going eat crow and estimated 18% gross margin for the model 3.

      Tesla is NOT selling cars at a loss hoping to sell ZEV credits.

      I don't think there is a big conspiracy against Tesla, but it is an unfortunate confluence of click bait journalism, negative stories about Musk having better ratings play etc. And Musk shooting his mouth off and smoking pot on tv helps them a lot too.

      --
      sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
    4. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1

      Solandri with a vested solar competitor to Tesla is bagging on them? How bizarre!?!

      Maybe GM should have did what Tesla did according to your story, or were they too stupid? Why would they do that?

      There is a reason TESLA has a waiting list a mile long and GM doesn’t, one of them is making something Hong people want and one was throwing forth a mastubatorial project at best.

      Tesla did something no legislation could do, make people actually want a full EV.
      I hate Tesla as much as the nest shorting fool but I have to hand it to them on that. I just hope Elon clubs a baby seal or something.

    5. Re: Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Matth: 900m revenue at 50k each = 18k cars that month.

      We are told Tesla makes 5k per week - 20k cars per month.

      Where are the other 2k cars going?

      Also, please prvvde a link for your numbers. I looked and was unable to find 2018 reliable statistics for any manufacturers.

    6. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Each year, a certain percentage of each automakers' unit sales has to be ZEVs.

      That would mean that you could cripple a competitor by BUYING their cars!
      #1 Find competitor near the threshold
      #2 Buy non-ZEV cars from them to push them over the limit
      #3 Refuse to sell credits
      #4 PROFIT!

    7. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by hackertourist · · Score: 1

      EV1 used batteries that are way behind the state of the art now (lead-acid with 16 kWh, later NiMH with 25 kWh capacity). To get enough range, it used high-tech, expensive manufacturing to get a low weight and low Cd, and it had only 2 seats.
      GM might be able to reuse the motor and its electronics, but they didn't do that for the Bolt (has a 150 kW motor where EV1 had 100 kW). And speaking of the Bolt: GM went with a from-scratch design for the Bolt rather than digging up their EV1 archive. That should say someting about the present-day value of the EV1 research.

    8. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by AmiMoJo · · Score: 1

      The pre-orders distort the sales figures for the Model 3. We shall see how it does when the years of backlog are cleared. I'm sure it will sell well, but not as well as it is now.

      Tesla definitely helped popularize the concept of EVs and demonstrate that with big batteries and decent charging range wasn't an issue. But they are mostly a US thing, and a lot of progress has been made by other manufacturers, especially in Europe and China.

      Nissan was the first to market with affordable, practical EVs, and rolled out their own charging networks. Korean and Chinese companies have done more than anyone to really push battery prices down - for all the hype that the Panasonic/Tesla gigafactory gets they are far from the only game in town, and their packs are more expensive than the competition.

      There is also a lot of unseen R&D that other companies have done which goes unnoticed. Again, Nissan deserves a lot of credit here for building a drive system that felt familiar and easy for drivers used to fossil cars. They figured out a lot of the EV specific usability issues early on too, something Tesla continues to struggle with.

      --
      const int one = 65536; (Silvermoon, Texture.cs)
      SJW, n: "Someone I don't like, and by the way I'm a fuckwit" - AC
    9. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Helps them?

      Elon is getting billions in free advertising just for a $20 blunt on a podcast. The only people angry at him are people who do not understand how business works, or want businesses (in the whole) to work at all. There's plenty of r/latestagecapitlism socialists ready to pick a fight with magic capitalists like bezos, musk & gates. They're sick people.

      The SEC investigation is fair and warranted, and if Elon has proven to do wrong, it should be corrected or suffered for. That's fair.

    10. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by mjwx · · Score: 1

      Come on, Tesla Model 3 is the fifth best selling car by units and the number 1 selling car by revenue in August.

      Revenue is vanity, profit is sanity.

      Sure they made less than Honda or Toyota, but Honda and Toyota made money from their sales.

      --
      Calling someone a "hater" only means you can not rationally rebut their argument.
    11. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anubis+IV · · Score: 1

      I take it you didn’t read anything past his first paragraph?

    12. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      There is nothing in his first paragraph or below that will change the simple fact that Tesla is losing money on every car, the simple and obvious conclusion that model 3 at $35k will never materialize, and the inevitable and logical estimate that Tesla will file for bankruptcy early next year.

    13. Re: Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

      Depending on the month in question, it's postulated that Tesla held back deliveries at the end of June in order to push the tax credit phase-out to 1Q2019. If the numbers quoted above are for June, then that could be your 2k cars.

      Otherwise, it's the thing where cars are produced, but the revenue isn't booked until delivery accepted by the buyer. It's conceivable that they have 2,000 on trains, trucks, and in parking spots at any given time awaiting delivery. Every car company does. Most have far more than that in transit, especially if they ship them overseas on huge ships that are crossing oceans for weeks.

      --
      Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
    14. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

      Now only if the company you're trying to "cripple" could control the output of their factories.

      Oh wait, they can. And do.

      --
      Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
    15. Re:Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "These are what a no-compromise EV can do."

      Where are the full-body solar panels? That is what I consider no-compromise EV.

    16. Re: Tesla is irrelevant to EVs by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

        it's postulated that Tesla

      It's speculated, you mean.

  22. Re:Shit like this is why I'm libertarian. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The 80's called, they're missing the punk rock dude from the back of the gig.

  23. Bring out your forks.. it's a witch hunt by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    As much as I hate the guy, this of all things is bullshit. There is ZERO evidence the stock wasn't manipulated by some computer reading his tweet. Twitter is NOT a place where companies make formal disclosures any more then a coffee shop is anyone who thinks that is retarded.

    I realize more of you are too young to understand but the electronic car industry wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now without Tesla. The auto industry had no plans to cooperate with anything but the status quo for fear or retaliation by the Oil and Gas companies.

    Taking Tesla private is good for eastern "royal" families to move money around, that is why some lost their shit over it. Has nothing to do with Musk. You can't find a gas station NOT owned by one of them around here.

    Given his networth it wouldn't at all surprise me if more then one group has a team following him, waiting to pounce.

    1. Re:Bring out your forks.. it's a witch hunt by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      You are wrong. Any attempt at stock market manipulation is itself a crime. Musk is guilty and will spend time in prison unless he kills himself first.

  24. Re:Big Oil by sphealey · · Score: 1

    IANAL, but I can see Musk's lawyer arguing that for Tesla and Musk that Twitter is more universal and instantaneous than Bloomburg or PR Newswire for making market-moving announcements. Of course, that would leave him with the problem of whether or not the announcement so made was true...

  25. What does REI have to say? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Would love to see her perspective on this.

    1. Re: What does REI have to say? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      She's too busy having her dick chopped off today. She was waiting for it to fall off. That didn't happen.

  26. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impressed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What? No he's apart of the South African elite. Those are two different things. The rest of Africa looks at them like intruders.

  27. Re:c6gunner = "Run, Forrest: RUN!!!"... apk by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Dude you really need to chill.
    Take a break from the internet, maybe go outside and fly a kite someplace where you can hear birds singing.
    Breathe. in.... out..... slowly....

  28. In other words by Trogre · · Score: 1

    he should have taken it private earlier.

    --
    "Nine times out of ten, starting a fire is not the best way to solve the problem." - my wife
  29. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impressed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What? No he's apart of the South African elite. Those are two different things. The rest of Africa looks at them like intruders.

    He's an American who came from Africa. Full-stop. The political situation of a particular African nation does not change this.

    Sorry if your particular emotional hang-up distorts your ability to deal with facts. That must be a debilitating condition and likely this is only one of many manifestations.

  30. Yes but those efforts were lacking by SuperKendall · · Score: 1

    AND in the last two weeks both Audi and Mercedes have announced luxury Full Electric models

    Slower than a Tesla. No battery technology company behind it. No existing nationwide supercharger infrastructure.

    What they have done is validated Tesla's market while being only a vague threat.

    Meanwhile Tesla has ramped up to producing 8000 cars a week... Tesla has figured out scale, do you seriously think the large car makers can crack full electric luxury autos as rapidly? They are missing some really huge components of the story.

    --
    "There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
    1. Re: Yes but those efforts were lacking by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      But I would bet Mercedes and Toyota are not missing one key component that Tesla is missing ... the bumpers!

      Lolololololol I am here every night folks! Tip jar is on the counter!

  31. Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be like by 140Mandak262Jamuna · · Score: 2, Insightful
    It is unfortunate Musk gets the company into trouble.

    He was prescient enough to see a Moore's law for batteries, with a 7 year period for power density and price. His prediction is coming exactly. He was charismatic enough to persuade enough VCs to fund a company that can make a no-compromise EV, not some compliance vehicle. But the company is stable now. The production hell has been debugged out. Now they are going through the delivery hell, and are talking about parts and repairs etc like a regular car company. At this point Elon is hurting more than helping Tesla.

    Tesla Model 3 is the fifth best selling car by volume and the number one car by revenue in August.

    --
    sed -e 's/Chuck Norris/Rajnikant/g' joke > fact
  32. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Tesla Model 3 is the fifth best selling car by volume and the number one car by revenue in August.

    Sure, but it didnâ(TM)t sell any in August 2015, and so far August 2020 sales are non existent. Lame!

  33. Too woke by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The huge oil exporter? Yep, you're too woke for us mere mortals.

    1. Re:Too woke by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      That huge oil exporter knows that its oil profits will be going away, so they are planning for the future.

    2. Re:Too woke by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

      Yeah, because they'd never want to use all that oil money to hedge against the inevitable.

      --
      Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
  34. Bloomberg again? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Tesla has more than a few failings, but when it comes to them Bloomberg seems lean disturbingly far to one side of their coverage. There is a sea of articles pointing out every possible flaw, and maybe one semi-positive article I was able to find in a quick browse. I feel like I'm looking at a Fox News coverage of a Democratic candidate.

    Bloomberg Tesla Articles

    1. Re: Bloomberg again? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Maybe the article coverage is negative because ... reality??

    2. Re: Bloomberg again? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Reality is an unfamiliar idea to the Tesla shill.

  35. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impresse by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    He was born in South Africa. Whatever else he is, he is not American.

    The closest non-African he could be is European. So either way you can not blame us for this mad man.

  36. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    No it's anything but stable. Please be careful, you're repeating a carefully crafted message broadcast by the pro-Tesla media.

    There are thousands of model 3s wasting away in dirt fields in California and around the country. The demand for RWD has officially ended and AWD will be the same in a month. The factory has already been mortgaged out via the ABL and AP is well over $3B. Cash is close to a billion with a burn rate of $1B/mo. Their production rate is well under 5K per month which Moodys is using as a benchmark for the bond ratings (currently rated junk).

    Based on the horrific balance sheet there's an excellent chance this one goes straight Chapter 7, bypassing 11 altogether. In a matter of weeks/months, not years.

  37. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impresse by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    If white people in s. Africa are "intruders", are non white people in Europe "intruders"? Or are they somehow European ? But whites can't be African ?

    Your logic is fucked.

  38. Don't make assertions out of ignorance. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Even easier and more important a rule to live by. If you have no idea what actually happened, making an assertion about what you THINK happened, especially if it is derogatory or belittling, merely paints what YOU are, not what your target is.

    Yes, even if you hate their guts for being left wing and rich, which makes you break down mentally because you're taught that the rich are automatically worthy, yet also told that the left are automatically unworthy.

    1. Re:Don't make assertions out of ignorance. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It is quite obvious what actually happened. Musk, his girlfriend and a girlfriend of hers were having a good time together, Musk after some threesome sex and whatever drug cocktail felt he's a demigod and can do anything at all, so he decided to troll the "shorts".

      In his drugged head that probably seemed both funny and appropriate.

      So he tweeted, had fun, and then it turned out that his tweet had real consequences. His board took action, someone from the board called him, sometime later he sobered up, realized he's up to his ears in shit, then he promptly blamed the girlfriend and the girlfriend's girlfriend and then everyone in and around Tesla went lawyering up for the incoming investigation.

      And that's it.

  39. Because he didnt. Duh. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    What you have is what the big industries who don't like a disruption, it ruins their economic forecasts, say went on. There's no law saying he can't tweet "We have secured funding and are thinking of going private, it shuts the short sellers up". What YOU have is what Fox, who is owned by Saudi Arabia (look up who owns it now) who got punked when Musk didn't go private with the big Saudi investor, say went on.

  40. They do make a profit, you lying shit. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Your ass-pull is bollocks. Nope, it makes money on each car sold. They turn that capital into extra loans that they use to build more capacity since they are at a fraction of demand, so can invest to make more.

    1. Re:They do make a profit, you lying shit. by LynnwoodRooster · · Score: 1

      Financial reports! Take a look. Check the revenue minus COGM minus the selling costs (SG&A). Already negative. That doesn't include interest on debt required to build those cars, either. They lose money on each unit - before any R&D or other expenditures. Cold, hard facts from Tesla's own financial reports.

      --
      Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
    2. Re:They do make a profit, you lying shit. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      They turn that capital into extra loans that they use to build more capacity

      Actually they use that capital to rebuild their factories, which they fucked up the first, second and third time around due to utter managerial and engineering incompetence.

    3. Re:They do make a profit, you lying shit. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Waiting on Rei to pull a Serviscope_Minor and suck Elon's dick in this thread, right at about this point against these very cogent statements made by Lynn. Let's see if it happens.

      I'll drop 20:1 in whole fucking bitcoin that it ain't happening.

    4. Re:They do make a profit, you lying shit. by LynnwoodRooster · · Score: 1

      Tesla fans love to talk about gross margin - and completely ignore the mandatory costs such as sales and general administration costs REQUIRED to make those sales (yeah, we sold 40K cars! We're not going to count the cost of sales people, or showrooms, or delivery of vehicles in those costs - just the money coming in and the cost of the build of the car!)

      Or even servicing the debt (even if just interest) on the money borrowed to make those cars. Never mind they borrowed billions of dollars to make those vehicles in the first place, they don't want to count the interest on that money as part of the cost of production of the cars. It all stemps from pre-IPO Tesla using non-GAAP for all its reporting. Fake, Enron-esque numbers.

      It's TRIVIAL to make big gross margin; it's hard to make net margin. And that's really what matters. When they HAVE to increase costs of the vehicles because they are running out of cash, AND the Government is no longer giving the buyer $7500 to purchase the car, we'll see what their sales really are. My guess is, when a Tesla buyer has to fork over another $25,000 to buy that car (the $35K mythical M3 becomes a $60K car), their sales will dry up like an Otter pop in a parking lot in Barstow in the summer.

      --
      Browsing at +1 - no ACs, I ignore their posts. So refreshing!
    5. Re:They do make a profit, you lying shit. by zlives · · Score: 1

      personally i don't care much about TSLA as a business, and Elon not at all.
      i liked their original roadster, but it was way out of my range back in the day.
      what TSLA has done, is moved the needle on battery tech. without TSLA pushing the buttons, chances are battery powered vehicles would not be a priority of all manufacturers at all. not just the car business, but rather also pushed for better battery tech.
      credit where credit is due, heck i consider TSLA basically a giant gofundme campaign, a lot of people "invested" on the promise of clean cars. pretty much all of them don't care if the company is making money or not. heck they probably prefer if at the end its a zero sum game from a profit making and environment destroying point of view.

  41. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by hackertourist · · Score: 1

    There are thousands of model 3s wasting away in dirt fields in California and around the country.

    Pics or it didn't happen.

  42. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by thegarbz · · Score: 1

    It is unfortunate Musk gets the company into trouble.

    But has he? What is currently underway is a probe. Not a prosecution, not a judgement, but a probe. It's like you getting yourself in trouble because I decide to sue you for the comment you just made. It could happen, but let's face it you won't be in trouble as a result.

  43. And since the short sellers are manipulating by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The fact that they're going for Tesla is proof it's a witch hunt. Tweeting "we have secured funding" doesn't say it has secured enough funding, just entered a binding agreement that secures funding. If manipulating stock market were illegal as you claim you'd be facing the SEC yourself.

    1. Re:And since the short sellers are manipulating by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Tweeting "we have secured funding" [says "we"] just entered a binding agreement that secures funding

      Which is what neither Musk, nor Tesla had done, hence it is a falsehood, hence the investigation, which will be followed by a hefty fine and possibly indictment, conviction and a sentence.

  44. More lies from APK by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    The above is just more lies from Alexander Peter Kowalski
    Like how he claims the Chinese copied him but can't produce any evidence.
    How about when he states that hosts does port filtering but again can't backup his statement which was shown to be false.
    There is also his list of "experts" who support him but it turns out they don't say what he is claiming.
    This also ignores his out of context quotes he uses to lie by omission.
    The problem with APK is that his entire reputation is built upon the lie he told years ago that hosts is an effective security solution. It has been exposed numerous times as being a lie and when exposed APK fails to argue logically and instead will try to deflect criticism, change the subject, move the goal posts, return to a previously disproved statement, demand you prove you did better than his file concatenator, or just call people names. Expect that he will used these tactics to try to deflect from these criticisms because he is a loser and can't let the lie die. He will continue to lie by stating that he won or "dusted" you while failing to refute anything you said, will never provide real evidence, and generally try to dodge the issue.

    The truth is APK is one of the most detested individuals here for good reason. When ever his poor behavior, awful logic, over statements, and horrendous writing are called out he has a fit and has done so for years across the internet. He is a spammer, and is an abusive insecure little man who is washed up and never amounted to anything. Until he produces actual verifiable facts supporting his case nothing he says should be taken seriously.

  45. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impresse by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    are non white people in Europe "intruders"

    No, they are offspring of slaves and servants, brought into Europe for profit by the very same white intruders.

  46. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impressed by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    My favorite news program gaffe was when a female anchor from the U.S.A. was speaking with their British journalist and described some black Brits as "African American". The British journalist gave her a very quizzical look, paused a long time, then continued on.

  47. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    You mean like these? https://imgur.com/a/IO6AAp5
    Or these? https://twitter.com/CarDudeTopanga/status/1041891371018334208
    Or these? https://twitter.com/Paul91701736/status/1033159128456163328

  48. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Fail. A used car in a used car lot is not "thousands of model 3s wasting away in dirt fields in California".

  49. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    And denial is not a river in Egypt.

  50. Tesla has a real problem with "haters", regardless by King_TJ · · Score: 1

    I don't think it would matter if Elon Musk cured cancer tomorrow. There's a group of people out there who truly despise what the guy is accomplishing, because they don't want to see things change from cars running on gasoline and working the way they've always worked.

    I would agree that it's not one big conspiracy, so much as several groups with anti-Tesla agendas for different reasons.

    You've got, on one hand, the stereotypical blue-collar auto mechanic who always works on his own vehicles and makes a living repairing others at small garages or as a mobile mechanic or what-not. Tesla may be seen as a threat to his living. He doesn't want a bunch of vehicles running around that he doesn't understand and can't repair.

    On the other end of the spectrum, you've got the investors who kept sinking money into bets against Tesla's success. They have the ability to seed Internet blogs and to influence bigger publications to print negative articles, in attempts to scare people away from holding Tesla stock.

    Somewhere between that, you've got some people with a political agenda against Musk succeeding. They may be ultra-conservatives who see what he does as part of the "Green agenda" they're fighting against. Or they may take issue with the fact the Federal government extended loans to him. Maybe both. I've talked to a few of these people and I think half the time? It's just rooted in jealousy. They tend to be small business owners themselves who are struggling, and say things like, "If people gave ME the kind of loans they threw at Elon Musk, I'd have an amazing business too ... probably better than his!"

    All I can say is this: Space-X alone should be a company you rally behind if you don't like big government. They're taking a whole industry that was the sole domain of Federal government for decades, because it was believed it was "too big an undertaking for private industry to accomplish" and taking it private.

  51. Re:don't make /. comments while simplistic and tri by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    "A nice side benefit is that my arthritic symptoms have almost completely disappeared and my range of motion has improved."

    That has nothing to do with the art of Tai Chi and more with the fact that it's simply 'Use it or lose it.' If you sit and remain inactive, you develop pains when you do use muscles you haven't used, and as many of them are not used while sedentary and your meager walking around doesn't trigger enough stress to cause muscle pain/development, you don't notice until they degrade to a bad point.

    The simple answer to many problems most people have is "Get off your ass and move around."

    captcha: suffers - absolutely prescient.

  52. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impresse by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Unless they, you know, just crossed the sea using one of the many ferries that run from North Africa to Italy.

    If an African crossed the Mediterranean last week into Europe for the first time in their life, are they all of a sudden the offspring of slaves and servants dragged to Europe?

    Don't be a god damn idiot.

  53. Re: "Nazi faggot makes joke, other nazis impresse by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    LOL... And they did that because? Yep, because the very same Europeans started a bunch of wars over there for the past 150 years, the last one being the "Arab spring", which destroyed their livelihoods and started not a decade ago. Libya, Syria, most of North Africa.

    When will racist idiots fucked in the head like yourself learn what responsibility is?

    When you hang by the neck, that's when.

  54. Re:Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be l by MachineShedFred · · Score: 1

    You mean Elon hasn't invented a way to teleport the car from the factory in Fremont directly to the buyer's driveway anywhere in the world?

    That looks a whole lot like logistics lots where cars are taken off trains, and loaded onto trucks for delivery.

    OH NO HERE'S A LOT FULL OF CARS AT THE PORT OF PORTLAND! HYUNDAI MUST BE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS BECAUSE THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF CARS SITTING THERE!

    Seriously, if this is the best you've got, just give up.

    --
    Slashdot still doesnâ(TM)t support Unicode after it was added to the HTML standard in 1997.
  55. Re: Tesla showed what a no compromise EV would be by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Elon hasn't invented anything at all, but dust-covered cars frying for months in a desert in California aren't quite the same as a bunch of Hundai cars passing through a harbour.

    There's no indication of those Model 3's being moved about for months.

    So, yeah. Denial is definitely not a river in Egypt.

  56. Julian Assange is a rapist by mi · · Score: 1

    Cody Wilson [...] was a pedophile, and he's just been arrested for assaulting an underage girl he met online.

    Cody Wilson — accused of having sex with a young prostitute who registered on SugarDaddySomething.com — is just as much a "pedophile", as Julian Assange — accused of deliberately ripping a condom in an otherwise consensual encounter — is a rapist.

    In addition to the actual accusations being far from from what's normally associated with the terms used ("assault", "rape"), both men have another thing in common: their infamous crimes have surfaced shortly after they greatly inconvenienced the US government.

    Had you really been a Liberal, you wouldn't have parroted these accusations... But you aren't... Maybe, it is the tenure track — rather than a gun — that "makes jack-offs into bigger jack-offs", uhm?

    --
    In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
    1. Re:Julian Assange is a rapist by PopeRatzo · · Score: 1

      You are correct. Cody Wilson is a pedophile who has now been charged with sexually assaulting an underage girl, and Julian Assange is a rapist who has been ducking charges and hiding out from authorities for going on a decade now rather than just facing his accuser.

      It all fits. You're making my case for me.

      Had you really been a Liberal,

      By "really a liberal", I assume you mean "Classical Liberal" which is how right-wing jackoffs, white supremacists and neo-nazis refer to themselves these days. Fuck no. Whatever they are, I'm the opposite.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    2. Re:Julian Assange is a rapist by mi · · Score: 1

      You are correct. Cody Wilson is a pedophile [...] and Julian Assange is a rapist

      Wow, not even the "allegedly" fig leaf, much less the quaint concept of "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law". If the government accuses someone of rape, they must be rapist...

      Whatever they are, I'm the opposite

      Yes, you are — and always have been — an Authoritarian. Just as the Nazis you hate with such passion — must be an Uncanny Valley thing for you and yours...

      --
      In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
    3. Re:Julian Assange is a rapist by PopeRatzo · · Score: 1

      Wow, not even the "allegedly" fig leaf, much less the quaint concept of "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law".

      I didn't realize Slashdot was a court of law.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    4. Re:Julian Assange is a rapist by mi · · Score: 1

      I didn't realize Slashdot was a court of law.

      Professor, you are making even less sense than usual. Slashdot is not a court of law.

      The stated principle, however, that everyone is innocent until proven guilty is universal. Or ought to be...

      --
      In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.
    5. Re:Julian Assange is a rapist by PopeRatzo · · Score: 1

      The stated principle, however, that everyone is innocent until proven guilty is universal. Or ought to be...

      In the real world, parents need to make all sorts of decisions without adhering to the rules of evidence. If your daughter comes home and says a 17 year-old boy tried to rape her and held his hand over her mouth, you would quite rightly pick up the baseball bat you keep by the door and go have a talk with him. You don't wait until a court convicts him, nor do you do DNA tests on your daughter.

      --
      You are welcome on my lawn.
    6. Re:Julian Assange is a rapist by mi · · Score: 1

      If your daughter comes home and says a 17 year-old boy

      I don't know, what you are talking about — but I do know, it is neither about Codi Wilson, nor Julian Assange.

      I take your attempt to change topic as an admission of losing the previous one. No, I'm not taking the bait — none of this has anything to do with Tesla... Remember to logout.

      you would quite rightly pick up the baseball bat you keep by the door and go have a talk with him

      So, not only are you willing to sheepishly believe anything a government would say about others, you also admit to being a thug. Though I am surprised of you admitting it, your being one has been obvious for a while.

      --
      In Soviet Washington the swamp drains you.