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Segfault South Park Geek Extravaganza
Effugas writes "Possibly the best post ever to hit Segfault--South Park: The Computer Episode. It's brilliant; arguably the best style adaptation I've seen in a very long time. Absolutely hilarious, too." Warning:You may not want to read this at work if your supervisor is nearby. It could leave you laughing helplessly for 1/2 hour or more.
But Matt, isn't it kind of funny precisely because it is the kind of comment that you can barely get away with? I mean, I thought it was a pretty good hit on people who are so paranoid about their sexual identity that they'd shy away from a site that even had the taint of gayness to it. That was my read anyway. I mean it was obviously meant ironically.
Its like this I think true stroy I heard that happened at Harvard:
Back when recycling hit big, and people first started putting all of these bins around for all kinds of recycled products, you know they'd have "White Paper" "Colored Paper" "Plastic Bottles" "Aluminum Cans".
Well, someone replaced one of the "Colored Paper" signs with a sign that read "Paper of Color". I thought that it was a kind of hilarious satire on people missing the basic point for all their concentration on labels and such, but apparantly the thought police at Harvard decided it was an evil joke and subjected the guy to disciplinary action and made hime make a Cultural-revolution style public confession.
I'm not dissing you, and it probably gets old seeing these kinds of jokes, but some of them (like Big gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride), really do help open the discussion up instead of closing it down.
I think one of the major reasons that relations between whites and blacks in this country are so largely f'ud up is that there is this huge taboo about talking or heaven forbid, even joking about race in public. So all of our little impressions, pet peeves, jokes, etc.. happen between memebrs of like minded groups, instead of being shared, and this drives people even farther apart.
I know its a very thin line, but we should be careful about making everything so serious, while of course speaking out against cruelty and hostility. What we need os more tolerance, and that means for obnoxious jokes too, not less.
I almost pissed myself laughing at Big Gay Al in the south park movie. I don't regularly watch SP on tv so I was completely unaware of the character. Not to mention the thought of Saddam and Satan as gay lovers.
"Everything's super when you're gay!!!"
-matt
Actually morals are by definition what is considered socially accptable in a specific area at a specific time. Throughout history the only things that have been almost always taboo was murder of your own kind and incest. Both of these prolly have some deep rooted biological preservation of the species thing going on. But morals ARE subjective, just because most people agree on a set of morals doesn't make them right. I personally think what the nazis did is awful, as does most of the world, but that doesn't make it objectively wrong.
-matt
This response confuses causation with justification. Winston Smith (in 1984) was *caused* to believe that 2+2=5 (if it even makes sense to say that's what he believed) but he had no *justification* for that belief. It still didn't *make* 2+2=5.
Insert "what is perceived as" at the right point, and you're probably right. Leave it out, and you have a lot of arguing to do.
The Holocaust was wrong whether or not we won. Slavery was wrong whether or not we won. Just because people's beliefs would have been different had things turned out differently doesn't show that the things those beliefs were about would have been different.
Is the person who starts off by saying "Slavery is wrong" in the pre-bellum US contradicting himself?
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
Not, I suspect, by the definition you actually use in your day to day life. When you have a moral disagreement with anybody, you don't take your disagreement to be decidable by looking at what people believe. Sensible moral debate is neither conducted nor decided by polls. You typically give *reasons* for thinking the other person is wrong, and they give you reasons for thinking you're wrong.
Or, to put it another way, I'm not interested in this purely anthropological notion of "morality", I'm interested in what people have reasons to do and not to do, and whether or not they recognize it, people have reasons not to exterminate people because of their ethnic or religious background.
Exactly. What makes it wrong is not your thinking it so, but it's being a case of inflicting tremendous pain and suffering on a huge number of sentient beings.
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
Good question. Let's take a look: how do you decide whether evolution or creation is correct (to take an issue near and dear to everyone's heart). Well, you provide reasons: and the Nazis did have what they took to be reasons for their hatred of Jews, make no mistake. "They're not Aryan, they try to take over the world and subjugate Aryans, they are filthy and spread disease" These are all either false -- and we take it that these questions are answerable in principle -- or irrelevant (what the hell does being Aryan have to do with superiority?) Look at those "facts", in turn, and you see they ain't facts at all. It's surprisingly like the way you decide issues in, say, science.
Do I have a single, easy to follow method? No. Does anybody? No, and not even in science. Have an argument with a Flat-Earther sometime: he'll have a response to every one of your arguments, so you can't "prove" the earth is round either.
Don't mistake disagreement (the amount of which is often overstated by relativists -- hell, we can recognize the Nazi aguments, for all their fallacies and errors, *as arguments about how to treat people*, even if they're horrible ones with absolutely foul conclusions) for lack of reasonable standards.
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
OK, last one today =) [sorry, I've been spouting off and it's off-topic, but it's also interesting]
What is the "source" for moral truth? There's no canonical source, but there isn't one in science. So the answer, in the moral case too, is "honest inquiry". The morally lazy reasoner can usually be fairly easily spotted (racism, e.g. is often based on ignorance about the people at whom it is directed, often combined with faulty beliefs about why the racist's life has gone wrong). Hitler had crappy arguments based on bad logical leaps (demonstrably so: he made common cause with the Japanese, who are emphatically not Aryan).
As my parting words for the day (as you may have noticed, I've been on something like a high-horse here today): people keep trying to put me on the defensive. But I ask why that should be the case: moral relativism is only dubiously coherent in the first place. Why doesn't anybody ever try to *justify* relativism? I've provided responses to all the arguments that have been hinted at, and suggested that in fact for everybody here who's said something morally relativistic, their practice belies their apparent commitment to relativism (nobody takes polls to decide what the right thing to do is; or at least, they only do on quiz shows =). It's not simple either way, and I don't claim to have *the* knock-down argument that shows relativism is wrong, but I do have a bunch of considerations suggesting that it's not really true, and moreover that nobody here really believes it's true
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
It's revenge for that "slashdot slashdotted" story segfault ran the other day. I can almost see Roblimo reading that, plotting, then finally getting an excuse -- "How do you like *them* apples, Mr. Remnant!" Of course I can't see it because I'm too far away, and also I don't know what Roblimo looks like. Other than that, though, I can picture it.
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
South Park: The Computer Episode
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the South Park cartoon series
were to do any shows involving computers? Wonder no more.
[[South Park intro animation]]
[[Scene: Mr. Garrison's classroom.]]
MR. GARRISON: OK, class, now I want to say a few things about computers.
They're expensive, powerful machines that can be used for all kinds of important
things, like allowing Sandra Bullock to star in "The Net." They can also turn you
into a raving homicidal maniac who wears trench coats and carries dangerous
objects like the Bill of Rights into schools, especially if you ever use the Internet at
all. Mr Hat, will you do the honors?
[[Mr. Hat slips "Net Watchdog" CD into drive of old Pentium-90.]]
[[All kids give a collective gasp of disbelief.]]
WENDY: Will this interfere with research for our class projects?
CARTMAN: What about mah AOL?
STAN: We never had AOL in this school, dumbass.
CARTMAN: Screw you, I want mah AOL!
MR. GARRISON: Now you might as well get used to this, because it's for your
own good. The American Association of Pediatricians recently said that using
computers is bad for kids, anyway.
KYLE: How are we going to be successful in a wired society if we can't use
computers?
MR. GARRISON: Come on, Kyle. Everybody knows you become successful by
imitating what's popular, hating anyone who's different, and sleeping with the right
people. Work and talent don't matter at all--haven't you been paying attention to
our "Melrose Place" social studies unit?
STAN: Oh, brother.
[[Close-up of classroom computer, which switches from "Installing..." to a Blue
Screen of Death.]]
MR. GARRISON: Darn it all to heck, I'm going to have to fix this. Watch out,
kids, Mr. Flying Plastic Shrapnel is not your friend. (Garrison readies hammer and
is about to swing.)
WENDY: Wait! I think you put the options in wrong when you started it up. You
have to enter a password that's at least 8 characters long, put in a list of browsers,
make the install directory read-only.... (Garrison does all this, looking very
puzzled.)
STAN: How can a girl know so much about computers?
KENNY: Mmbm shmm rrmm r mrm. Mvr fmm z "Krmm Grm"?
STAN: "The Crying Game"? What?
KENNY: Lmm mm hmm pmms n fmm f shm hmm n pmmm.
STAN: Dude, that's sick!
CARTMAN: She throws like a girl.
STAN: So do you, fatass!
CARTMAN: Stan wants to kiss... Wendy the transsexual...
WENDY: What are you guys talking about?
KYLE: Cartman's just being a f**k, like usual.
WENDY: I heard. But, Stan, the reason I know so much about computers is that
while you guys were on IRC and playing Duke Quakem, I read the manuals and the
FAQ lists.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: That doesn't make any sense. You're really a man, admit it!
WENDY: I don't think you have any room to talk. Isn't your mother a
hermaphrodite?
CARTMAN: F***ING HELL STUPID P***Y BIATCH AH'M GONNA KILL
YOU!!
[[A general brawl starts in the classroom as others join in.]]
MR. GARRISON: Settle down, people. I mean it, settle down. Oh, Christ, these
kids are unmanageable. Only one thing to do... (Mr. Garrison pulls the Ethernet
cable out from the back of the room's computer. The fight continues. Garrison
looks flustered for a second, but then the lunch bell rings, and the fight tapers off.)
[[Scene: the cafeteria.]]
CHEF: Hello there, children.
KIDS: Hey, Chef.
CHEF: Why the long faces?
STAN: They're messing around with the school's Internet access. It sucks,
hardcore.
CHEF: Aw, c'mon. There's so many other things you can do in school besides
hangin' ten on the Web or usin' that "G-mail." I have a little song...
CARTMAN: We don't want it unless it's on an MP3.
[[The boys leave and sit down. Wendy comes up to Chef.]]
WENDY: Chef, I have a problem.
CHEF: What is it, Wendy?
WENDY: They're teasing me because I know more than they do about computers
and I'm a girl. It's so unfair.
CHEF: Oh, baby, I know exactly what you're talkin' about. In fact...
[[BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
[[Chef, thinner and with hair, is sitting at an actual vt400 terminal. A beautiful
woman walks up.]]
YOUNG CHEF: Hey, baby. I just finished a cool Lisp hack--wanna see?
WOMAN: Oh, a black guy who can program? That's just so totally outrageous. I
mean, I'd believe you if you said you could sing or dance or act, but programming?
Ha! Bye.
[[END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
CHEF: And so I taught myself to sing and I've hardly touched a computer since
then. People can be real stupid sometimes, but you can't let them get you down.
You've gotta follow your hopes and dreams, and trust in yourself, and....
VOICE FROM BACK OF LINE: Move your bitch ass, willya? We're hungry!
WENDY: OK. Thanks, Chef. I don't think it'll work, though.
CHEF: (aside) There's gotta be a way to fix all this up. What about that skinny
weasel I knew in college who dropped out and now owns Macrosoft? Yeah!
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
[[Scene: South Park Mayor's Office]]
CHEF: So you see, Ms. Mayor, we should get some information straight from the
pros before messin' with the schools' computer policies. My old friend Bull Gates,
who owns Macrosoft, generously agreed to take the school staff and the kids on a
field trip to his facilities and give a talk about technology.
MAYOR: Is this going to cost the town any money?
CHEF: Well, no, but he did say somethin' about "all of our immortal souls" and
promised a free pack of beta-test product to everybody.
MAYOR: Well, OK. While you're there, could you try and find out why BlimpDOS
NT won't work on this thing? (Cut to shot of an "iWhack", "grape" color, sitting on
the Mayor's desk.)
CHEF: Mmm... yeah, I'll do that.
[[Scene: Outside the school, kids lined up by a school bus.]]
KYLE: This is sweet. A field trip to Macrosoft headquarters!
KENNY: Mmphm mm frm fftvr n stff?
CARTMAN: Oh, like you could use free software anyway. You're too poor to
afford a computer!
KENNY: Sht p, ftss! M gt Lnx rnng n ths ld thrgghtysx.
STAN: Dude, what's "Linux"? And what's a "386"?
KENNY: Thrgghtysx z vht Crtmms mm dz fr frrr.
CARTMAN: My mom does not ninety-six three guys!
KENNY: (http://www.cartmansmom.com/crackwhore)
ALL EXCEPT CARTMAN: Heh heh heh heh!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Well, screw you guys, Ah'm goin' home.
MRS. CRABTREE: (poking head out of bus) Shut up and sit down! C'mon, we're
runnin' late!
[[Montage: bus goes through mountains, forests, fields, highways...]]
[[Scene: bus, outside Macrosoft HQ, a huge building with "BlimpDOS 2001" flags
around it and heroic-looking pictures of Bull Gates all over.]]
SECURITY GOON: Ah, welcome... South Park Elementary School? We'll give
you a tour of our facilities before a brief question and answer session with The
Leader. First, we'll go through the security checkpoints. Follow me, please.
[[Everyone enters the building and walks through an eerily glowing corridor.]]
CHEF: Damn, looks like my old buddy did pretty well for himself.
[[Chef, Kenny, and Wendy are the last to enter the corridor. As they do, alarms go
off, and panels open in the walls, revealing vicious dogs. The dogs descend upon
Kenny and savage him.]]
CHEF: Hey, what the *hell* is goin' on here?!
GOON: Terribly sorry, sir. Our scanners determined some of you may have been
contaminated by products not in the True Way of Macrosoft. But you're too old to
be dangerous, she's a girl, and this young man's obviously too poor to even own a
computer. Sorry about the dogs ripping his guts out, but...
KENNY: M nnt dmd, vmass.
GOON: Oh, good. And don't call me a dumbass; I'm a Certified Macrosoft
Network Engineer!
CHEF: (pissed) Whatever. C'mon, children, let's catch up.
[[Scene: entrance to a cleanroom.]]
GOON: This is our experimental chip manufacturing facility. We wish to bring
hardware under our domination, too, you know. You can look in, but don't touch
anything, as microscopic amounts of contamination can mess up a chip.
[[Everyone looks through the window and sees cleanroom-suited techs doing
highly technical stuff--drawing circuit diagrams, messing with chip curing ovens,
playing Quake3, drinking Scotch....]]
STAN: Cool! So where do they put in the Internet and the neat MMX stuff?
GOON: That's classified, so we send it out to Indonesia where we can pay the
workers $3/day and shoot them if they talk.
CARTMAN: Mah mom says there's a lot of black people in Indonesia.
KYLE: Your mom's even dumber than you are, you fat sweaty cretinous
morphodite.
CARTMAN: Oh yeah? Well take this! Ergggh... (Cartman farts thunderously.)
GOON: Um, we should leave now. This is a sensitive area, and I think that may
have overloaded something. Come on, question-and-answer this way....
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Did something just happen? I'm reading organic contaminents off the
scale here. The baked bean coefficient is 50 times higher than I've ever seen it.
TECH 2: Probably just a faulty sensor. Keep an eye on these experimental
Pimpium 3.5s, would you?
TECH 1: Sure.
[[Closeup on the tray of Pimpium 3.5s, which are moving and growing and
reassembling, unbeknownst to the techs but knownst to the viewers.]]
[[Scene: a small auditorium.]]
GOON: OK, everybody, we're going to watch a short video, and then The Leader
will answer questions.
VIDEO CLIP: In the future, technology will empower us instead of dehumanizing
us. We will do more, see more, learn more, and have more fun. Macrosoft is leading
the way into this glorious future. You can even now run your toaster with BitDOS
CH, and InsecureX lets you surf the Web faster and more easily.
With this power comes the need for control. Computers and the Web are so
complex that it is too easy to get in trouble--too easy for kids to find violent,
obscene material, too easy for bloated applications to crash a vital machine with
memory leaks. We here at Macrosoft have anticipated this, and we have developed
applications that do so little there is no chance of them ever crashing. Our
Exploiter 6.9 Web browser will refuse to display any image that even resembles
anything obscene.
STAN: Whoa, this is starting to freak me out.
VIDEO CLIP: Some people have called this a step backwards. We believe it is a
step forward, and we ask with pride, "Where do you want to go yesterday?"
CARTMAN: I do believe that sucked ass.
GATES: (appearing from behind a curtain) So, are there any questions?
CARTMAN: Yeah, if you're so rich, why's your wife so ugly?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: Let's try to keep this on topic, OK? Anybody else?
CARTMAN: Is it true you only have a 3.5 inch floppy?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: (flustered) Does anyone have any questions about computer hardware
and/or software?
WENDY: Are you using monopolistic, anticompetitive practices to corner the OS
market for desktops and laptops?
GATES: (pissed) Get these @#$!ing disruptive kids out of here and teach them
some manners!
CHEF: Oh man, this ain't good. Quick, Wendy, Kenny, follow me!
[[Several SECURITY GOONS frog-march everyone except Chef, Wendy, and
Kenny into a small room. A bit later, GATES shows up carrying a whip and wearing
a torturer's hood.]]
GATES: Didn't anyone ever teach you how to behave when you're speaking to a
captain of industry?
CARTMAN: Oh, is that what you are? I thought you were Captain of the Butt
Pirates.
GROUP OFFSCREEN: heh heh heh!
GATES: What was that?
GOON: Focus group, sir. (Pan to show a group of "ordinary folks" behind glass.)
Marketing insisted--the public's perception of us has sunken so low that we're
having a focus group watch everything we do in hopes of discovering the key to a
PR turnaround.
GATES: What?! Well, they were right about that Internet thing. So, you fat kid, are
you going to apologize?
CARTMAN: I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
[[Gates cracks whip at Cartman.]]
CARTMAN: OW! Respect mah authoritai, biatch!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
GOON: I think we might have something here, sir... remember we still need some
nifty advertising campaign to sell BlimpDOS 2001. I think this kid might be a
perfect mascot. Sure, he's bloated and useless, but the public seems to love him.....
GATES: Hmmm... (grins evilly)
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Say, what's with those Pimpium 3.5s?
TECH 2: Um, I left them right here. How could...
[[A huge replica of "Terrence" from "Terrence and Phillip", made entirely out of
computer chips, rises behind the techs.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Kill, kill, kill, kill, fart!
TECH 1: AAARGH!
TECH 2: How could this have happened?
TECH 3: I was playing Quake--didn't realize what effect it might have on
impressionable young chips...
[[All techs fall writhing to the floor.]]
[[Scene: outside the cleanroom]]
CHEF: I'm sorry about gettin' you into this mess, children. Should've known from
the beginning that my old friend had gone bad. Now we've gotta get out of here and
try to get everybody else out too.
KENNY: Rrf frrf srkffk mrr frg srbgr rm?
CHEF: No, I'm *not* gonna sacrifice myself to save your sorry white ass! You
been watchin' too many bad movies.
WENDY: Come on, guys. What we need to do here is think, not bitch at each
other. We probably don't have too much time.
[[Cyberterrence stomps towards the cleanroom door, making a beeline for Chef,
Kenny, and Wendy....]]
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
CHEF: The other children probably got dragged off somewhere... gives me the
hoopajoos just thinkin' about what my old buddy might be doin' with them.
[[Cyberterrence smashes through the wall, heading straight for Chef, Kenny, and
Wendy.]]
CHEF, KENNY, WENDY: AAAAH!
CYBERTERRENCE: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Respect Mah Authoritai! (swings at
Kenny, who flies through the air, strikes the wall, and lands in a heap.
Cyberterrence then lurches through another wall and out of sight.)
WENDY: Oh my God! They've....
KENNY: Rrrrm.
CHEF: Oh, man. We're gonna have to get him some help, or he will be dead. Come
on, I think that security post was back this way.
[[Scene: the torture chamber/Focus Group Room. The kids are still chained]]
STAN: Excuse me, Mr. Gates?
GATES: Yes?
STAN: Isn't this a little pointless, punishing us all because of what Cartman did?
Sure, he may be a fat smelly rude piece of sh*t, but why put the rest of us in here
because of him?
KYLE: Yeah, doing this to us is kinda like condemming the entire Internet because
there are some places on it where you can see women *******ing horses and men
with b**** d**** m********ing with sixteen-year-old ****** and cheese graters.
STAN: Dude??!
GATES: You know, you might be right. What does the focus group think?
FOCUS GROUPIE 1: He's right. Free the Net and free the kids!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Come on, there's too much porn and dangerous stuff out
there.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Censorship is positively un-American!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Don't make me get insanely violent.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Hey, kid... what was the URL for those places you
mentioned?
FOCUS GROUPIE 4: I wanna see Natalie Portman, naked and paralyzed!
FOCUS GROUPIE 5: Filth is everywhere! Oh my God!
[[the FOCUS GROUPIES start fighting amongst themselves.]]
GATES: Oh sh*t. Well, can't expect people to be rational about much of
anything... guess I'll have to give in to my megalomaniacal impulses and try to
control everything.
SECURITY GOON: Very good, sir. By the way, I think the fat kid would be the
perfect mascot for BlimpDOS 2001. He exemplifies the product beautifully. You
just need a contract, so we can satisfy the legal department, and....
GATES: Fine. I'll take care of that. (to Cartman) So, little boy, would you like to
sign this contract? All we want are the rights to your image, voice, body, genetic
material, and all derivative works thereof... I'll even let you and your friends go if
you sign!
KYLE: Sign it, you dumbass! Being chained up here sucks!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Say, how about if you let me go and leave those
bitches chained up?
GATES: But aren't they your friends...?
CARTMAN: F**k them, Ah'm goin' home.
GATES: (aside) A cruel bastard who knows exactly what he wants... I think I like
this kid. (to Cartman) OK! Sign here.
[[Cyberterrence bashes through wall, wreaking havoc and killing people just as
Cartman signs the contract.]]
EVERYONE: AAAAAAH!!
STAN: Whoa! A huge version of Terrence crashing around committing mass
murder... it's like something totally cool that's gotten way out of control and now
completely sucks.
FOCUS GROUPIES: This is related to that Y2K thing, isn't it?
GATES: Oh f**k.
[[Scene: Chef and Wendy rush down the hall, carrying Kenny. Pandemonium reigns
in the wake of Cyberterrence's wrath.]]
CHEF: Damn, everything's gone to hell. (to Security Goon) Hey, could you help us
out? We got an injured kid here.
SECURITY GOON: Oh? Here, follow me... we have a completely automated care
facility here. (Puts Kenny into a bed; automated devices under control of a nearby
computer begin poking at Kenny.)
CHEF: What the...
GOON: It's the latest thing! All running BlimpDOS NT, solid as a rock, the most
secure and safe thing Macrosoft makes and perfect for performance- critical
medical applications like this one. Now excuse me, I have to...
[[SECURITY GOON bumps computer case ever so slightly. Computer monitor
switches to a Blue Screen of Death. Kenny's heart monitor goes flatline; Kenny
dies.]]
WENDY: Oh no! BlimpDOS NT killed Kenny! You bastards!
CHEF: Aw, fudge! Seems like everythin' I did just wasn't enough... and that big
cyberwhatchamacallit is still runnin' around killin' folks. I just don't know what I
can do. How's a guy whose only programmin' experience is 20 years old gonna
make it in this high-tech world?
GOON: Well, we've been trying to hack into that horrible creature's systems
remotely and not having any luck...
CHEF: Oh come on! All this newfangled junk, point-and-click, Internet whooziz,
wireless this-n-that... an old dog can't learn new tricks, especially this late in the
game!
WENDY: Chef, would this help? (Wendy brings out an old vt100 terminal and
keyboard.)
CHEF: (grins) Oh, baby, you know how to light my fire. Stand back.
(CHEF sings as his fingers fly over the keys:)
Well, I may be an old dog
Can't hack no brand new code
Them Java servlet data mines
Are the best thing 'round, I'm told
But I don't need no fancy menus
No mouse-click G.U.I.
Just gimme a prompt and a Unix shell
And kiss your problems good-bye!
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack
Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack
Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
So open up them terminals
Bad problems, they won't stick (around)
'Cause I'm a pure-bred hacker dog
Who knows how to use his (.......) one good trick!
[[Chef presses Return. The screen displays lines like "gcc -O2 -c net3.o net3.c"
and "Warning: assignment of pointer to variable foo lacks a cast." Finally, Chef
enters, "./hackcyberterrence -kill9" and hits Return again.]]
[[Scene: the Focus Group Room/torture chamber. Cyberterrence is advancing on
Bull Gates.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Chirp. Resistance is futile. You will be farted upon.
GATES: Ulp. All my money, my empire, my OS monopoly cannot save me now.
What have I done?
CARTMAN: Told ya you were a dumbass Butt Pirate, but no...
STAN: Cartman, shut the f**k up!
KYLE: C'mon, Terrence, we're your biggest fans! Please don't turn your horrible
death-dealing flatulence upon us.
CYBERTERRENCE: Eep. Click. Gas buildup reaching... reaching... ffark... zzgh...
@#!... WRITE ERROR IN BUTT_DEVICE 0x000A: STOP.
[[Cyberterrence freezes in mid-fart, falls over, and breaks into several pieces.]]
STAN: Whoa!
GATES: How did that happen? I know our experimental hardware is buggy, but
this seems like...
CHEF: (climbing through hole in wall) Hey hey, old pal.
GATES: Chef? You stopped this creature? How....
CHEF: Ain't nothin' but a C thang, baby.
[[Subtitle at bottom of screen displays, "Geek In-Joke--don't worry if you don't
get it!"]]
GATES: How can I ever repay you?
CHEF: First, let these children go. Second, could you please stop tryin' to take
over everything? I mean, you got more money than anybody, and everybody uses
your products, and now you wanna own the whole Internet and make everybody's
hardware too? When's enough gonna be enough?
GATES: (unchaining Kyle, Cartman, and Stan) I guess I just got caught up in the
spirit of the business... if you don't move ahead, you die. I'm sorry, everybody. But
I hope you see that even if they are right, and I am a money-grubbing
megalomaniac, I still don't forget my old friends. Goodbye, Chef... and thanks!
KYLE: Oh man... I thought we'd be seeing cool stuff about the future of
technology and the Net, but instead we saw a dumbass video, and got tied up and
attacked by things we didn't understand and couldn't control.
STAN: Maybe that *is* the future of technology.
WENDY: It'll be better than that, Stan. We just have to learn how to use it
correctly and not panic when new things we don't understand come along.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: Ah, what do you know?
CHEF: C'mon, children. Let's get out of here before something even worse
happens.
[[Scene: South Park residential sidewalk; Kyle, Cartman, and Stan are walking
along.]]
STAN: The teachers are still being bastards about classroom Net access. Good
thing we still have dialup from home.
CARTMAN: You still have a dialup? Ha ha, I got ALDS and I get 8 megagigabits.
KYLE: It's "ADSL," and you do not have it, you liar.
STAN: Come on. Maybe we can get on IRC and meet cute girls.
[[Scene: upstairs, Stan's house. The kids are sitting at the house computer, looking
entranced.]]
KYLE: Dude, she sounds cute! And she says she lives in this town... go for it,
Stan!
CARTMAN: Aw man, hurry up! I wanna try to get a first post on segfault.org!
STAN: Shut up, Cartman! I'm tryin' to get the mack on here. (types) "meet u
tomorrow at 4?"
[[Scene: Wendy, sitting at another computer, sees what Stan just typed appear on
her screen.]]
WENDY: Oh, he didn't even puke this time! Isn't technology great?
[[South Park closing credits]]
This was a parody. South Park and all its characters are trademarks of Trey Parker
and Matt Stone. Any resemblance of anything else contained in this story to
anything in actual reality is coincidental and your own problem. Peace.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, if you're interested, look at
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mhgraham/Angband/s
e-mail to mhgraham@umich.edu....
Posted on Wed 25 Aug 12:11:47 1999 BST
Written by CJ Hooknose
copyright © 1998,1999 editor@segfault.org
But how many of us would want to be the one to pull the switch? I think "own kind" generally means someone in your social community. Ie, with in the same tribe or clan. But yah, the term is flexible, and I think it does change from culture to culture.
-matt
"I want to use software that doesn't suck." - ESR
"All software that isn't free sucks." - RMS
Just a follow up to my little rant, the article to which I replied has been moderated down to -1 (w/ good cause IMHO) so if you are confused as to what I was screaming about change your threshold to -1 and it will all make sense (maybe).
-matt
Did you know Alan Turing was gay?
You shouldn't use a computer, because people might say the same about you.
Did you know Elton John is bi? Don't even think about watching the Lion King again.
Did you know J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser? That makes the whole FBI a bunch of panzies, now doesn't it?
Did you know Thomas Jefferson was a slave owner? Quick, renounce your U.S. citizenship and leave the country.
-- What you do today will cost you a day of your life.
You know what? I get on with my life without harassing gap-vest-wearing people. If thinking about what other people are doing makes you sick, it's *your* problem, not theirs. Get over it.
So well informed, and so insightful. And such razor-sharp logic. Oh, and look, posting as an Anonymous Coward really enhances your credibility too.
Don't try to defend the indefensible.
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
*BOOM*
Poor server..
Actually homosexuality is natural and it does occur in species other than humans. I have a friend who had a gay dog. And my mom never dressed me up as a girl. It has been proven that homosexuality is caused by a hormonal difference (irregularity if that makes you more comfortable) in the brain. People have no more controll over their sexuality than they do over the color of their skin. Sure you can use make up to change the color of your skin, just as a homosexual could force him/herself to be straight, but it's not natural. Just because someone isn't the same as you doesn't mean that it's unnatural.
-matt
That example seems to have come pretty easily to you. You may be joking, but son, you need to replace a smiley or two.
Oh, and there are those of us who call those activities by their old name, "being a pr---"
In Vermont (I think it's vermont, it's one of the new england states) it's illegal to deny the existance of God. WooHoo, state sponsored religion. It's not just atheists, it's anyone who isn't a protestant, that includes catholics to a certain extent. Also, anarchists are ok to hate. Anyone else remember that anti-flag burning law that tried to force its way through congress a few years ago.
-matt
Sorry, I hear this line often but I can never let it pass. The Nazis thought it was a moral imperative to kill Jews. That doesn't mean it was *right* for them to kill Jews. We often lose sight of this in these discussions, but relativism rarely looks attractive unless you're considering issues that are --relatively-- trivial.
Yes, beliefs about what's right and wrong differ among cultures (as well as among individuals), but believing it don't make it so.Besides, not all beliefs are different (nobody thinks it's a good idea to go around killing babies for the fun of it).
I realize there's a nicer spin to be put on this: we shouldn't be arrogant and think that "we" (for whatever value of "we" you care to substitute) have "The Answer." Intolerance sucks (but then there's an absolute moral value for you).
Tolerance is one thing, full-blown relativism another; in fact, relativism doesn't imply tolerance. The relativist ends up saying that for the Nazis (e.g.) intolerance was right because that's what Nazis believed.
Why, yes, I do have my pedant's license on me, and the picture is quite attractive, really ...
"Oh, I hope he doesn't give us halyatchkies," said Heinrich.
In cases where /. links to sites that are known to be vulnerable to the /. effect (as segfault apparently is) why not mirror the pages on /. or some other suitable site before posting the story & link on /. ?
You Bastards!
somebody HAD to say it.
-- What you do today will cost you a day of your life.