Slashdot Mirror
How Not to Attract Geeks
Hutta writes "The ultra-reputable Weekly
World News has a story about Why Some Gals Attract Geeks Like a Magnet. (Quote: 'When they hear you say, 'Aw, I don't know,' [...] their big floppy ears perk up like Pop Tarts from a toaster.'" Remember, WWN is even more reputable than Slashdot. We get all of our news from there.
No kidding. This approach is totally lame, and will only net you stupid and/or gullible women. I'm a geek with a successful love life; I've had one for years, and I've never had to be someone else to get women interested in me. Why would you even want a relationship in which you had to be something you're not? There's a lot more to life than sex, and hey, even sex is best when you can be who you are.
And women aren't all turned off by geekspeek -- they're turned off by inattentive men. Don't fear to geek out -- just pay attention, and don't go on those in-depth rants if she's not following. I've explained Direct3D vs. OpenGL to girlfriends in the past. They dug it. Trust me on this one. Just don't try it on the stupid.
We geeks have a lot to offer, compared to our knuckle-dragging, Maxim-reading mouth-breathing brethren. Don't waste it by trying to be someone else's image of a kEWl d00d.
Damian
Q: How do you recognize an extraverted software engineer?
A: He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
(1) this guy can't financially support himself, much less a family. ("cool" adds nothing to a job resume, you know.)
(2) he's so used to having his pick of women that he'll cheat on you with the next skirt to walk by. (How did you meet this guy, again?)
(3) Will beat you. (that high testosterone level and arrogant macho attitude and all. What did you expect?)
The women, then having failed one relationship, set out to look to do it all over again. "But he's got a great ass/body/muscles/whatever!", they'll say. And as for that geeky guy who works the machine room at the office? Eeewww! "In your dreams, pal.", they'll say, never looking behind the pocket protector. Well, women with this kind of philosophy will get no sympathy from me when they get their lives all screwed up. The geek is far more likely to cherish a woman and treat her right because he knows what a rare find love is. The macho bloke would most likely chuckle at the mere mention of the work love. Think about the signifigance of this.
When I was in school, I had a nickname:
"Chick Magnet" (there were variations: "Shit Faggot" was the most popular, along with "Chick Maggot")
Why? I repelled girls like the wrong side of a magnet. It was my first encounter with the sophisticated irony that would eventually drive me completely insane and lead me to shoot up my school while wearing a bunny suit, singing Beethoven's "Ode To Joy".
Really, guys, I know most of this doesn't apply to you-- most of the people who read Slashdot probably enjoy being alone to a certain extent (I know that I do-- more time to think...), but that doesn't mean we don't know how to get along.
For those of you that *do* fall under that category, thoough: there is hope. Try a few different things:
*You know that platonic female friend of yours? Maybe you met her via IRC? Or maybe she's your next door neighbor or the daughter of one of you mom's friends? Yeah, her. Talk to her. Really-- try and pick her brain. Consider it a reverse-engineering project to figure out what stimuli can achieve the desired effect. Either that, or just ask her outright for help on becoming more of a ladies man-- she might help you.
*Get out. You don't have to play football, and you don't have to go to a god-awful smoke-filled club where you drink yourself silly-- try going to a local park, just to watch the sunset. Not only is it good exercise to help you "firm up" for the ladies, but it's a great time to reflect. Who knows, maybe you'll develop an appreciation for nature-- chicks dig that.
*Relax. Try to behave in a relaxed manner around girls. Seriously-- if that platonic female friend of yours happens to live near by, start with her. Try and not concentrate on the fact that she's a girl. Just try and make friends with her-- that's where lots of good relationships start.
*Work on the self-esteem. You notice that most of the suggestions in the article above have to do with becoming too intimidating for a geek to approach. Remember-- somewhere inside you is a really bitchin' person that will rock that girl's world. If that girl doesn't think so, it's her loss. But *don't* go after the girls that have low self-confidence-- you'll both wind up raising wimpy kids that, while they will eventually go on to MIT, will have the *shit* kicked out of them in high school. Your offspring deserve better.
*Try to make friends with females. This is what finally worked for me. I just went out and made friends with a lot of the girls at school. If you don't have the social skills to make friends, then develop those skills first-- then move on to dating. Seriously, if "the girls" ever invite you out for a night of shopping at the mall, don't turn them down-- it will help you learn more about what girls look for in a guy, besides a nice ass and some good-lookin' pecs.
*Try after-school activities. Jesus, isn't it *obvious*? The Math Club doesn't count, and neither does your Magic: The Gathering clan. What I'm talking about is going out there and joining the debate team-- educational, and there are lots of girls that you will, at some point, be *forced* to interact with in a semi-combative way. Not only that, but the arguing will prepare you for marriage.
*Be yourself, but don't focus on it. If you're not a dashing, debonaire James Bond-ish type of person, don't pretend to be. If you're a person with strong convictions-- don't hide them. Sincerity is the key to any good relationship. By pretending to be somebody that you're not, you screw the relationship from the start.
*Remember-- you miss 100% of the shots you never take. I know that sounds trite, but it seems oddly appropriate here. Half the geeks that complain to me about their lack of love life have never even asked a girl out. Before you compplain, you need to TRY IT. What's the worst-case scenario? She shoots you down? Hey, buddy, let me let you in on a little secret: it happens to everybody. And the whole school isn't going to laugh at you because of it. Hell, you'll probably be more respected for having the self-confidence to even *talk* to a girl.
Good luck, guys, and don't worry too much-- you'll mature with time, and while you might not become Pierce Brosnan, you can at least be a bit better than Steve Urkel.
"cool" -> "people person"
;)
"arrogant macho attitude" -> "leadership potential"
So these cool, testosterone-loaded jocks are quite capable of making money -- they become suits.
It's a joke newspaper, like the Onion - I can't believe you guys don't know that.
Unlike the Onion, it's just barely believeable enough so that folks with IQ's under 90 will tend to believe it.
support gun control: take guns from cops
Take up martial arts. No geek is going to think they have a chance in Hell with a six-time Karate champion (like Tove Torvalds), or a black belt in Tae Kwon Do (like Catherine Raymond).
Finding God in a Dog
Amazing advice ...
... only laugh when something genuinely amuses you.
... because being happy attracts the wrong sort of people -- you might wind up in a happy relationship -- instead of the "Leonardo DeCaprio" fantasy relationship you're after.
...
... [like] "Aw, I don't know," ... or "Gee, I'm not sure"
... which is about the only avenue of communication you are leaving open, and the only interest you are expressing.
:-) Luckily, she has found this book that is going to change her life. There she stands, breasts thrust forward. Afraid to adjust her skirt, which has ridden up her butt, for fear of looking like she's afraid of not being accepted, trying desperately to look unamused and aloof, pretending she knows everything.
:-)
"Far too many women think it's just bad luck that the only men who ask them out are nerdy nobodies with pocket protectors and pants cuffs that stop just below the knees.
Not just a stereotype, but an UGLY stereotype. Better listen to her advice, or you might find yourself stuck married to someone who turns out to be a scientist or engineer!
WALK WITH YOUR SHOULDERS BACK AND YOUR HEAD UP
Of course! This will make your breasts stick out like a pair of headlights. This will help attract men who are interested in your breasts. That's a start!
Putting your shoulders forward is a mild cue that says that you're approachable. Walking with your shoulders back and head up has the opposite effect of making yourself appear aloof and uninterested.
This will help drive away those "losers" who might be interested in you as a friend first -- and attract the men who are primarily interested in the challenge posed by your outthrust breasts.
After all, you're deliberately putting out strong signals that you aren't interested, and then dating those men who deliberately ignore those signals, right?
Now that you've started out your relationship by rewarding him for disrespecting your subliminal signals, what other signals is he going to ignore?
"Date Rape Magnet," anyone?
AVOID NERVOUS GIGGLING -- Women who laugh when they're uncomfortable look vulnerable
Yes. Never attempt to defuse an uncomfortable situation with giggling or laughter. It might give the impression that you are a tolerant person, and attract other tolerant "losers."
Don't smile, giggle or laugh just because you're happy
Plus, the unamused look on your face will help him to concentrate on your forward-thrust breasts.
After all, it's not like this advice is going to get you someone who is interested in your personality anyway, so you might as well keep your eyes on the prize
BANISH WISHY-WASHY PHRASES FROM YOUR CONVERSATION
Heaven forbid you should ever admit that you are unsure about anything or might be in any way fallable. This will just make yourself less desirable as a sexual object, and attract the sort of "losers" who readily admit when they aren't sure about something.
You'll be much better off in a relationship where neither of you can or will ever say "I don't know". Let us all know how your first argument works out.
Speak with confidence and cultivate phrases like "Without a doubt," "Yes, absolutely," and "Let's go for it."
Especially when he propositions you for sex
DON'T ADJUST YOUR CLOTHING TOO MUCH -- This simple habit sends the message: "I'm not sure I'll be accepted" -- just the news the weirdos want to hear. They'll flock to you in droves.
This is so funny. I have a picture of a poor girl trying all this advice. All her girlfriends have great looking athletic boyfriends majoring in "general studies", but the only guys who are interested in here are those pathetic looking chemical engineering students and computer science majors. (Hey, I can toss around the stereotypes with the best of them
Meanwhile, the guys with IQs over 100 are keeping a mile away from this obvious pretentious fraud,
and she wonders why the guys who she meets all look good and sound confident at first, but after a while she finds out that they're, gosh, pretentious frauds.
Following this advice will definitely keep the "geeks" away from you. They're too busy looking for honest, friendly relationships to put up with more then about 10 seconds of fake crap.
In my experience, "geeks" are acutely aware of rejection signals, and shy away from people who radiate them. They are also accepting people, and are drawn towards other accepting people.
So if you feel that geeks are attracted to you, maybe it's because you're putting out signals that you're interested in them. Maybe you should stop listening to people, like this author, who denegrate them, and listen to yourself instead, because following this bad advice is just going to make you hate yourself in the long run.
From my little soapbox
- John
Yeah, lord knows women wouldn't wanna attract intelligent, successful, sensitive guys with a real solid future ahead of 'em.
What a bunch of bow-tie wearin' cowlicked losers we are.
-LjM
So, if I go for a woman who holds her head up and doesn't giggle, then I won't have to put up with competition from other geeks. Then after I impress her with my vast knowledge of the Periodic Table, I'll be in like Flynn.
Bwhahahahaha!
Though some hackers led somewhat active social lives, the key figures in TMRC-PDP hacking had locked themselves into what would be called 'bachelor mode.' It was easy to fall into -- for one thing -- as opposed to the hopelessly random problems in a human relationship -- which made hacking particularly attractive. But an even weightier factor was the hackers' impression that computing was much more
Hacking had replaced sex in their lives."
- Steven Levy, Hackers - Heroes of the computer revolution
I learned years ago the crucial secret of the Weekly World News. It's not real news. It doesn't think it is. With vague "sources" and interviews, just about the only folks left who could actually take these stories seriously are those who still think actual people write in those letters to Penthouse Forum from small Midwestern colleges.
... or so the WWN would tell us.
The brilliance of the WWN, though, is that it's incredibly subversive. It neatly packages up stale, outdated urban legends into cautionary tales that make folks feel better about themselves after they've read it. And if they improve themselves, they feel even better because, heck, "I done read it in thuh News."
The base concept of this article is "Gals! Here's how to make yourself look and feel more self-confident." But that sentiment alone isn't going to be noticed, not in a world full of gal mags with ludicrous articles like "Tone Your Buttocks While Watching TV" and "10 Steps To Giving Him A Better Orgasm" (on second thought, maybe that article ain't such a bad idea.)
At any rate, what the WWN has done has taken these "tips" (however general they can be) and given them a different slant. Gals! Here's how to improve yourself so you don't get hit on by nerds!
Never mind the fact that the "nerd" stereotype so expertly described hasn't surfaced since "Saved By The Bell" went off the air. Never mind the fact that "Dr. Rachel Carmotta" does not seem to exist (at least, not in Altavista or Google's eyes) nor there does not seem to be any information available about her upcoming book, neither.
Then there's their old chesnut, angry right-wing columnist Ed Anger, whose rants are written with such wonderful satire inherent that it really puts The Onion to shame. And, like wrestling fans, the idiots of the world flock to Ed and claim him as their hero
The Weekly World News appears to be totally concerned feeding folks the same kind of odd information most rational people would just brush off. But just what group is behind all this subversive behavior? Maybe someday I'll open up the WWN and see the fnords.
Didn't these people ever watch the fine documentary Revenge of the Nerds?
- ----------
It clearly shows that geeks, not burdened by an obsession with athletics, are stallion-esque
love machines. These people... so ill-informed.
-----------------------------------------------
I have never seen a larger cesspool of discrimination. That woman appears to attribute the title "loser" to anyone with a pocket protector or a bug collection -- read, "interesting". That's nothing abnormal, though. The remarkable thing about the article is the author. I find it extremely hard to believe that someone over the age of 13 could possibly justify that kind of thinking, much less propogate it. That's very sad to me. We live in a nation of children.
---
---
Silly rabbit. Sleep is for class!
Seriously, I'm really into dating coifed professional women, especially those with post-grad degrees, although I'll settle for a countess (1), a model (3), or a lawyer (4) if I'm in a rush.
The fun part is watching WWN women trying to snag the guys with the cool chic clothes and the 4x4, while realizing that if she wants a millionaire, she's barking up the wrong tree. Guys like that dispose of their income, sleep around, and cut out when the going gets rough.
If you want flash, you get trash.
Will in Seattle
And I have to say (having dated both geek guys and non-geek guys, along with a couple of geek girls), that geek guys have definite advantages: they are (usually) more creative in bed, they can be incredibly sweet and chivalrous without making it feel like they're putting women down, they usually are OK to take home to the parents, their parents usually like you even if you're a bit strange because they're so happy to SEE their geek offspring with a member of the opposite sex, geek guys fix broken stuff quite well, and best of all they are worth talking to and will engage in conversation about almost anything. My geek boyfriend is wonderful (and, no you can't have either of us)!
"Somebody exploded a letter-bomb today
When I got into my computing degree I was massively in the minority as a female, something intimidating in itself. I've never been that confident in dating (very shy), and had extremely poor luck when I nervously introduced myself to others. Despite the fact that I hoped that my fellow geeks would be the intelligent, sensitive sort, I ended up blinking in bewilderment as they downloaded porn and played Doom (took me ages to like Doom...) in the computer labs. Hardly conducive to dating, really, being compared with a blond sex kitten with an IQ in single digits or the lure of a BFG.
:).
:( ) rather than having a conversation.
:) Mmm...geeks in lycra)
My luck got better when I advertised for players at the Uni on a roleplaying forum and I met my current fiance, a large gaming gentleman who didn't try to impress me with his highscores in the latest ultraviolence game, how much better his computer was than mine, or how obfuscated he could get his code. He was merely nice to me and found excuses to do fun things with me, to spend time with me, as I did with him. Sometimes this was working on a program together, sometimes this was being online together...sometimes this was rockclimbing or hiking.
What a surprise, it worked! We're getting married next year.
I like geeks. I *am* a geek! All of my friends are geeks. I only ever wanted to date geeks...but it took ages to find one who wanted an equal rather than an inferior to be better than or a superior to be scared of. The last creature on earth I wanted to date was a jock - I'd rather eat an O Reilly text first (or make them eat it
So it's no surprise that geeks who tried to act like jocks aren't attractive to the grrls who need modems. One of the most common laments I hear from geek female companions is the lack of nice guys - and you're in the same basket as the idiots if you seem obsessed with superficialities like system speeds (how fast was your car again?
I know there's a lot of nice guys out there. I meet them online all the time. But finding you offline seems impossible - we're shy too, and we're wary after long years of being socially engineered into the ugly mousy box. We feel inferior enough without being made nervous of our masculine counterparts by hearing we don't exist or that we only want violent shmucks...
(As an aside which I'm not allowed to make, rock climbing's great for RSI
********************
His eyes were cold and hard, which made them difficult to chew.
As a female reader of slashdot, I'd like to throw in some thoughts... Most women have dated the kind of guy Dr. Carmotta seems to think all women want. I've got bad news Doc. Now that we're all reasonably mature adults (and clearly this is not who her book is written for) most of these "desirable guys" are still trying to convince the local college to create a degree in "Permanent Partying" and "Lifetime Jock" There are men out there that make you think "Please, just stand there and look good. If you talk you'll completely ruin what little I see in you. Yes, you really do sound that stupid. Yes, I'm only going out with you because you're nice to look at and because I've read everything new on slashdot tonight."
Also, saying that geeks have no self-esteem is so far off base that it's pathetic. How about this... Sports Fanatics have too much self-esteem. Seems about as vague as her view of geeks. My questions to our good Doctor... have YOU ever dated a geek? Just how shallow are you? Are you that consumed with how people view you and your date that you feel you have to stoop to the level of making generalizations about people you clearly barely know? Someone blast her back into the real world please.
There are a few women out there who know what great guys geeks can be. Take it from someone who knows firsthand. I married one. He's not shallow, he is a geek, and he's attractive. And for those guys who think all women geeks are hideously ugly or total social rejects, take off your blinders. I seriously doubt that I'm the only blonde, iron pumping, linux using, social butterfly female geek out there. There are more. Just keep looking, and skip the ones who want you to notice their chest first and not their brain. They might look good on the first date but when your friends want to play a game of Quake over the net and she's wanting you to shop there's gonna be trouble. Pick the one that can toast everyone at quake, odds are good she's going to be more fun in the long run!
"Say no more..." - Monty Python