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How Not to Attract Geeks
Hutta writes "The ultra-reputable Weekly
World News has a story about Why Some Gals Attract Geeks Like a Magnet. (Quote: 'When they hear you say, 'Aw, I don't know,' [...] their big floppy ears perk up like Pop Tarts from a toaster.'" Remember, WWN is even more reputable than Slashdot. We get all of our news from there.
Q: How do you recognize an extraverted software engineer?
A: He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
(1) this guy can't financially support himself, much less a family. ("cool" adds nothing to a job resume, you know.)
(2) he's so used to having his pick of women that he'll cheat on you with the next skirt to walk by. (How did you meet this guy, again?)
(3) Will beat you. (that high testosterone level and arrogant macho attitude and all. What did you expect?)
The women, then having failed one relationship, set out to look to do it all over again. "But he's got a great ass/body/muscles/whatever!", they'll say. And as for that geeky guy who works the machine room at the office? Eeewww! "In your dreams, pal.", they'll say, never looking behind the pocket protector. Well, women with this kind of philosophy will get no sympathy from me when they get their lives all screwed up. The geek is far more likely to cherish a woman and treat her right because he knows what a rare find love is. The macho bloke would most likely chuckle at the mere mention of the work love. Think about the signifigance of this.
When I was in school, I had a nickname:
"Chick Magnet" (there were variations: "Shit Faggot" was the most popular, along with "Chick Maggot")
Why? I repelled girls like the wrong side of a magnet. It was my first encounter with the sophisticated irony that would eventually drive me completely insane and lead me to shoot up my school while wearing a bunny suit, singing Beethoven's "Ode To Joy".
Really, guys, I know most of this doesn't apply to you-- most of the people who read Slashdot probably enjoy being alone to a certain extent (I know that I do-- more time to think...), but that doesn't mean we don't know how to get along.
For those of you that *do* fall under that category, thoough: there is hope. Try a few different things:
*You know that platonic female friend of yours? Maybe you met her via IRC? Or maybe she's your next door neighbor or the daughter of one of you mom's friends? Yeah, her. Talk to her. Really-- try and pick her brain. Consider it a reverse-engineering project to figure out what stimuli can achieve the desired effect. Either that, or just ask her outright for help on becoming more of a ladies man-- she might help you.
*Get out. You don't have to play football, and you don't have to go to a god-awful smoke-filled club where you drink yourself silly-- try going to a local park, just to watch the sunset. Not only is it good exercise to help you "firm up" for the ladies, but it's a great time to reflect. Who knows, maybe you'll develop an appreciation for nature-- chicks dig that.
*Relax. Try to behave in a relaxed manner around girls. Seriously-- if that platonic female friend of yours happens to live near by, start with her. Try and not concentrate on the fact that she's a girl. Just try and make friends with her-- that's where lots of good relationships start.
*Work on the self-esteem. You notice that most of the suggestions in the article above have to do with becoming too intimidating for a geek to approach. Remember-- somewhere inside you is a really bitchin' person that will rock that girl's world. If that girl doesn't think so, it's her loss. But *don't* go after the girls that have low self-confidence-- you'll both wind up raising wimpy kids that, while they will eventually go on to MIT, will have the *shit* kicked out of them in high school. Your offspring deserve better.
*Try to make friends with females. This is what finally worked for me. I just went out and made friends with a lot of the girls at school. If you don't have the social skills to make friends, then develop those skills first-- then move on to dating. Seriously, if "the girls" ever invite you out for a night of shopping at the mall, don't turn them down-- it will help you learn more about what girls look for in a guy, besides a nice ass and some good-lookin' pecs.
*Try after-school activities. Jesus, isn't it *obvious*? The Math Club doesn't count, and neither does your Magic: The Gathering clan. What I'm talking about is going out there and joining the debate team-- educational, and there are lots of girls that you will, at some point, be *forced* to interact with in a semi-combative way. Not only that, but the arguing will prepare you for marriage.
*Be yourself, but don't focus on it. If you're not a dashing, debonaire James Bond-ish type of person, don't pretend to be. If you're a person with strong convictions-- don't hide them. Sincerity is the key to any good relationship. By pretending to be somebody that you're not, you screw the relationship from the start.
*Remember-- you miss 100% of the shots you never take. I know that sounds trite, but it seems oddly appropriate here. Half the geeks that complain to me about their lack of love life have never even asked a girl out. Before you compplain, you need to TRY IT. What's the worst-case scenario? She shoots you down? Hey, buddy, let me let you in on a little secret: it happens to everybody. And the whole school isn't going to laugh at you because of it. Hell, you'll probably be more respected for having the self-confidence to even *talk* to a girl.
Good luck, guys, and don't worry too much-- you'll mature with time, and while you might not become Pierce Brosnan, you can at least be a bit better than Steve Urkel.
Amazing advice ...
... only laugh when something genuinely amuses you.
... because being happy attracts the wrong sort of people -- you might wind up in a happy relationship -- instead of the "Leonardo DeCaprio" fantasy relationship you're after.
...
... [like] "Aw, I don't know," ... or "Gee, I'm not sure"
... which is about the only avenue of communication you are leaving open, and the only interest you are expressing.
:-) Luckily, she has found this book that is going to change her life. There she stands, breasts thrust forward. Afraid to adjust her skirt, which has ridden up her butt, for fear of looking like she's afraid of not being accepted, trying desperately to look unamused and aloof, pretending she knows everything.
:-)
"Far too many women think it's just bad luck that the only men who ask them out are nerdy nobodies with pocket protectors and pants cuffs that stop just below the knees.
Not just a stereotype, but an UGLY stereotype. Better listen to her advice, or you might find yourself stuck married to someone who turns out to be a scientist or engineer!
WALK WITH YOUR SHOULDERS BACK AND YOUR HEAD UP
Of course! This will make your breasts stick out like a pair of headlights. This will help attract men who are interested in your breasts. That's a start!
Putting your shoulders forward is a mild cue that says that you're approachable. Walking with your shoulders back and head up has the opposite effect of making yourself appear aloof and uninterested.
This will help drive away those "losers" who might be interested in you as a friend first -- and attract the men who are primarily interested in the challenge posed by your outthrust breasts.
After all, you're deliberately putting out strong signals that you aren't interested, and then dating those men who deliberately ignore those signals, right?
Now that you've started out your relationship by rewarding him for disrespecting your subliminal signals, what other signals is he going to ignore?
"Date Rape Magnet," anyone?
AVOID NERVOUS GIGGLING -- Women who laugh when they're uncomfortable look vulnerable
Yes. Never attempt to defuse an uncomfortable situation with giggling or laughter. It might give the impression that you are a tolerant person, and attract other tolerant "losers."
Don't smile, giggle or laugh just because you're happy
Plus, the unamused look on your face will help him to concentrate on your forward-thrust breasts.
After all, it's not like this advice is going to get you someone who is interested in your personality anyway, so you might as well keep your eyes on the prize
BANISH WISHY-WASHY PHRASES FROM YOUR CONVERSATION
Heaven forbid you should ever admit that you are unsure about anything or might be in any way fallable. This will just make yourself less desirable as a sexual object, and attract the sort of "losers" who readily admit when they aren't sure about something.
You'll be much better off in a relationship where neither of you can or will ever say "I don't know". Let us all know how your first argument works out.
Speak with confidence and cultivate phrases like "Without a doubt," "Yes, absolutely," and "Let's go for it."
Especially when he propositions you for sex
DON'T ADJUST YOUR CLOTHING TOO MUCH -- This simple habit sends the message: "I'm not sure I'll be accepted" -- just the news the weirdos want to hear. They'll flock to you in droves.
This is so funny. I have a picture of a poor girl trying all this advice. All her girlfriends have great looking athletic boyfriends majoring in "general studies", but the only guys who are interested in here are those pathetic looking chemical engineering students and computer science majors. (Hey, I can toss around the stereotypes with the best of them
Meanwhile, the guys with IQs over 100 are keeping a mile away from this obvious pretentious fraud,
and she wonders why the guys who she meets all look good and sound confident at first, but after a while she finds out that they're, gosh, pretentious frauds.
Following this advice will definitely keep the "geeks" away from you. They're too busy looking for honest, friendly relationships to put up with more then about 10 seconds of fake crap.
In my experience, "geeks" are acutely aware of rejection signals, and shy away from people who radiate them. They are also accepting people, and are drawn towards other accepting people.
So if you feel that geeks are attracted to you, maybe it's because you're putting out signals that you're interested in them. Maybe you should stop listening to people, like this author, who denegrate them, and listen to yourself instead, because following this bad advice is just going to make you hate yourself in the long run.
From my little soapbox
- John
Yeah, lord knows women wouldn't wanna attract intelligent, successful, sensitive guys with a real solid future ahead of 'em.
What a bunch of bow-tie wearin' cowlicked losers we are.
-LjM
So, if I go for a woman who holds her head up and doesn't giggle, then I won't have to put up with competition from other geeks. Then after I impress her with my vast knowledge of the Periodic Table, I'll be in like Flynn.
Bwhahahahaha!
Didn't these people ever watch the fine documentary Revenge of the Nerds?
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It clearly shows that geeks, not burdened by an obsession with athletics, are stallion-esque
love machines. These people... so ill-informed.
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I have never seen a larger cesspool of discrimination. That woman appears to attribute the title "loser" to anyone with a pocket protector or a bug collection -- read, "interesting". That's nothing abnormal, though. The remarkable thing about the article is the author. I find it extremely hard to believe that someone over the age of 13 could possibly justify that kind of thinking, much less propogate it. That's very sad to me. We live in a nation of children.
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Silly rabbit. Sleep is for class!