Here's what The Onion says about this whole merger thing:
AOL Acquires Time-Warner In Largest-Ever Expenditure Of Pretend Internet Money
DULLES, VA--In the largest merger of imaginary assets in corporate history, Internet giant America Online last week acquired media megacorp Time-Warner for an unprecedented $161 billion in pretend money. "This merger will revolutionize the way invisible amounts of non-existent cash are transferred," said Steve Case of AOL, a company whose actual revenues are a tiny fraction of its make-believe valuation. In an effort to keep pace with AOL, website blairwitchproject.com is expected to acquire General Motors sometime later this week.
No no no.... Bill Gates shows up and says he has an interest in buying the company (although he has no idea what it does).
Homer becomes elated at the chance of big money.
Bill Gates: "All right fellas, buy 'em out!". Homer: "What are you doing!?" Bill Gates: "I didn't become rich by writing a lot of checks, Mr. Simpson."
We as the viewing public of The Simpsons have not gotten much respect from the lawyers of the FOX network.
During the past 6 months, many Simpsons sites have received cease and desist letters from their attorneys because the sites contain archived multimedia of The Simpsons.
I don't understand why FOX doesn't see the coverage of The Simpsons on the web as a GOOD thing - it's almost free advertising. Also, I believe I read an interview with Matt Groening in which he stated that he himself loves the coverage of his show on the web.
SNPP.Com is a Simpsons catalogueing and news site. They have episode guides and "capsules" for every episode they have been able to get their hands on.
The capsules are entire scripts along with viewer comments and "Did you Notice?" sections and more.
However, with the deluge of information required to create a capsule, the project is sorely "behind schedule". If you've got any Simpsons episodes from the past few seasons on tape, please read the site's capsule submission guideline and help out!
A long time ago, in a college dorm room far, far away, you (Mr. Augustin) helped Yahoo!'s two founders (I forget their names) draft their business plans. The legend goes that you were offered a lucrative job opportunity and/or stock options. However, you refused to join them to build your own business.
What made you really believe that being a Linux systems retailer would make it big? Also, was it ever a contest to see who could be worth more money? In that case, who is worth more money? You, or the founders of Yahoo!?
I was fortunate enough to be a part of the VA Linux Friends and Family IPO. However, I have a quandary:
I do not have a single line of code in any Linux distribution, HOWTO document, or any other software project that runs on Linux.
On the other hand, I do contribute to the Litestep project, which is sort of a "Window Manager" for Microsoft Windows.
I guess my question is "Why was I chosen?" I know you would not have a specific reason for this, but it would seem that while I am contributing to a project that benefits Windows, I didn't deserve to be a part of the VA Linux IPO, even if I am contributing to an Open Source project.
Note that it wasn't Roblimo that wrote in with the story, it was a Slashdot reader. While you might possibly nail Rob on neglecting to edit the story so that it is 100% factual, is that really the right thing to do?
A stock split is not done in anticipation of a product launch. A stock split is done for the reason of inviting more investment capital into the fray of the company. (It's entirely Sony's decision what to put in their press release - but they should not entirely assume that their stock price will gain due to a product that could possibly not have the rosy release they predict)
For instance, let's say a company's stock costs $500 USD. So, I'd have to pay $500 to get one share of the company.
Now scratch that and say that the company split the stock at $500 with a 2 for 1 split. The stock halves, and everyone gets twice their shares. Now let's say I buy the stock - two shares at $250 a share. It was easier for me to buy the latter way rather than the former way because I had more options as to how much I want to invest in this company.
The point is that you can't buy 1/2 of a share of a company. A split makes it easier for people to invest in a company.
Now, on to my second point. Sony announced that it would center its business around the Playstation long ago - July, 1999. The idea is that with the huge boom that Playstation experienced, Sony realized that there is a market in "set-top boxes." However, the set-top boxes have to do more than surf the web - they have to be able to entertain and be usable by all types of people.
Hence, Sony actually restructured the company to be centered around the idea that the future's money will be made through connectivity. Sony appliances will be able to talk to each other, and be easier to use. Imagine just hitting the "web" button on a Playstation console and your TV automatically switches to the proper mode, video resolution, etc.
That's what Sony is talking about and they've already made numerous claims as to making Playstation the console that everyone will use.
While year versioning makes sense (as was explained in a prior post), I believe most companies are just cashing in on "The Year 2000." A version number is arbitrary, whereas to say that this product is the 2000 version of it, it's to say that it's the most up to date without having to look up any other version numbers on the internet.
As it may seem that Microsoft has everything to lose from this scenario, to the consumer, they redeemed themselves by paying back Mr. Chaney.
Look at it this way: How have you heard Linux described in the press? "Linux, an alternative to Microsoft's Windows Operating System..." is one of the many incantations of the phrase. Most of the television watching, Time magazine reading public sees "alternative" == "competitor". Meaning, financial competitor, because that's what people see - money.
Now, what people see the Hotmail/Passport situation as being is that some guy from the Linux camp gave money to their worst enemy. Sure, for the most part it looks bad for Microsoft. But Microsoft redeems themselves immediately in the eyes of the consumer by giving that money back.
All in all, approximately 26 Million people couldn't access their e-mail for a few hours and everything else is normal to most people. Microsoft wasn't hurt too badly by this situation when you think about it.
With all the great information that may be gleaned from the pages of Slashdot, surely this is one way in which it can make a real difference. I personally will not be at the hearing (I didn't receive the e-mail either), but it would be really great if someone would print out the best posts to this story, and others about DVD encryption hacks, and submit them to the court at the hearing.
I believe that the views expressed on Slashdot deserve more of a voice than the archives of a web site... here is their chance. The following are the articles which I have found on Slashdot which go along this theme:
Slashdot got SUCKERED!
on
Win an AIBO
·
· Score: 1
Hey, guess what? Slashdot got suckered! Everyone.net just now got almost 10,000 FREE AD VIEWS for absolutely no money! Oh, well, maybe an AIBO, but not much more than that...
I'd say they made out like bandits. Who's their marketing guy? I should ask him to come work with me....
If you want more people than just the Slashdot community to see this article, go down to the bottom of the article. There's a rating system MSNBC uses so that viewers (readers) can rate every article they read, on a scale from 1 to 7.
I'm not saying Slashdot effect the poll and vote 7 all the way - read it for yourself. However, I certainly voted 7.
The top ten stories at MSNBC.com are updated constantly, but at least if the rating of this article reaches a few people outside of the community that already sympathizes (sp?) with it, it'll be worth it. Also, I think the top 10 headlines are read aloud on MSNBC's television broadcasts (but am not sure).
Last week, it was $10 - $13 a share. Monday it was $21 - $23 a share. Today it's said to be $28 - $30 a share!? I mean, could some finance person out there please explain why VA Linux is doing this? I mean, are they seriously concerned that $44 million won't be enough and that they need $120 million now? Or are they just milking what seems to be a good IPO time? (due to examples like Andover.Net and Agency.Com?)
I've had to have my father FedEx me money twice this week and now it'll be third just so I can poney up the cash.
Oh well, I guess you gotta have money to make money.
Kinda weird how South Park is done on Alias|Wavefront, isn't it?
Actually, Parker and Stone took a few weeks to perfect the "construction paper and glue" effect from the original Spirit of Christmas video with a professional tool like Alias.
So, the RIAA wants to sue Napster? What about Microsoft? Has anyone ever heard of SMB?? And did you know that SMB also works over TCP/IP??
Go ahead and try it - open up an SMB client and type in my machine's address - luxojunior.res.cmu.edu You should get a directory listing. No, it's not publicly available, but it could have been.
Actually, I was once at home on mid semester break and successfully started playing an MP3 from my personal stash all the way back at my college dorm address, right through SMB.
Yes, Napster might be a little faster (since it's direct peer to peer transfer), but it's entirely plausible with Windows Networking and SMB.
So, RIAA... how about suing Microsoft? They might actually have that $100,000 per pirated song you're looking for.
He is Caterpillar's "youngest heavy machinery executive" in the world. While most others of his age grapple with building blocks, AJ Torei, all of three years, is comfortable destroying real ones, using such tools as cranes, bulldozers, wrecking balls and jack hammers.
Impressed by the ease with which he handles "contemporary heavy machinery", Caterpillar recently certified AJ as the youngest heavy machinery executive in the world.
"He is an ordinary child but becomes a master when controlling heavy machinery," his mother told The Times from her residence.
The "master" can take out buildings and people when controlling heavy machinery. He breaks apart buildings to prepare his wrecking ball presentation. And accesses porn on the Internet! Having recently mastered the alphabet (and Ba Ba Black Sheep), AJ can write to his grandparents, taking spelling instructions from his father. I just felt like adding that even though that had almost nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Often, his grandfather finds loads of bricks in front of his house - all broken. He knows where they are from.
AJ began when he was 18 months old. He would watch his father, a wrecking ball operator for Caterpillar, work on heavy machinery.
"After months of exposure to such heavy machinery, he has grasped the destruction process step by step," his mother said.
Caterpillar, meanwhile, is doting its new celebrity. "Torei is real," gushed an employee in the company's Bangkok office. "He is a smart kid. For a moment, I envied him that he could destroy stuff better than an older machinery operator could," she said over the telephone.
AJ's next move is to meet machinery mogul Jack Benning in the next couple of months. The pre-nursery student will also have an audience with some important political guy this week. He was invited after the politician's campaign staff realized this could be a good publicity stunt, even though he has no idea what this is all about.
AJ has already been featured on CNN and CNBC. "He is being discussed by Iron Valley parties," observed his grandfather. His grandmother is a bigger fan, "I am amazed that my grandson does things I'm in dread of," she said.
The boy told CNN he would like to become Jack Benning. For the moment, however, he may have to settle for the role of lead campaigner for Caterpillar's Massive Destruction Suite 2000.
"How wonderful it will be to have your son join us for the launch of Massive Destruction Suite 2000," Caterpillar's product manager John Doerring wrote recently. And I'll just stop there since there doesn't seem to be anything more to say.
All names are fictitious. Any similarity to real life is purely coincidental. Apologies to Caterpillar Corporation.
Slashdot Mirror
AOL Acquires Time-Warner In Largest-Ever Expenditure Of Pretend Internet Money
I love the main theme to Marathon. I've made it available here: ftp://hoju.res.cmu.edu/pub/marathon-t heme.mp3
No no no.... Bill Gates shows up and says he has an interest in buying the company (although he has no idea what it does).
Homer becomes elated at the chance of big money.
Bill Gates: "All right fellas, buy 'em out!".
Homer: "What are you doing!?"
Bill Gates: "I didn't become rich by writing a lot of checks, Mr. Simpson."
I believe the perfect candidate for an upcoming IPO would be Homer's former company: CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet
We as the viewing public of The Simpsons have not gotten much respect from the lawyers of the FOX network.
During the past 6 months, many Simpsons sites have received cease and desist letters from their attorneys because the sites contain archived multimedia of The Simpsons.
I don't understand why FOX doesn't see the coverage of The Simpsons on the web as a GOOD thing - it's almost free advertising. Also, I believe I read an interview with Matt Groening in which he stated that he himself loves the coverage of his show on the web.
SNPP.Com is a Simpsons catalogueing and news site. They have episode guides and "capsules" for every episode they have been able to get their hands on.
The capsules are entire scripts along with viewer comments and "Did you Notice?" sections and more.
However, with the deluge of information required to create a capsule, the project is sorely "behind schedule". If you've got any Simpsons episodes from the past few seasons on tape, please read the site's capsule submission guideline and help out!
Here's the article from news.com
A long time ago, in a college dorm room far, far away, you (Mr. Augustin) helped Yahoo!'s two founders (I forget their names) draft their business plans. The legend goes that you were offered a lucrative job opportunity and/or stock options. However, you refused to join them to build your own business.
What made you really believe that being a Linux systems retailer would make it big? Also, was it ever a contest to see who could be worth more money? In that case, who is worth more money? You, or the founders of Yahoo!?
I was fortunate enough to be a part of the VA Linux Friends and Family IPO. However, I have a quandary:
I do not have a single line of code in any Linux distribution, HOWTO document, or any other software project that runs on Linux.
On the other hand, I do contribute to the Litestep project, which is sort of a "Window Manager" for Microsoft Windows.
I guess my question is "Why was I chosen?" I know you would not have a specific reason for this, but it would seem that while I am contributing to a project that benefits Windows, I didn't deserve to be a part of the VA Linux IPO, even if I am contributing to an Open Source project.
Note that it wasn't Roblimo that wrote in with the story, it was a Slashdot reader. While you might possibly nail Rob on neglecting to edit the story so that it is 100% factual, is that really the right thing to do?
A stock split is not done in anticipation of a product launch. A stock split is done for the reason of inviting more investment capital into the fray of the company. (It's entirely Sony's decision what to put in their press release - but they should not entirely assume that their stock price will gain due to a product that could possibly not have the rosy release they predict)
For instance, let's say a company's stock costs $500 USD. So, I'd have to pay $500 to get one share of the company.
Now scratch that and say that the company split the stock at $500 with a 2 for 1 split. The stock halves, and everyone gets twice their shares. Now let's say I buy the stock - two shares at $250 a share. It was easier for me to buy the latter way rather than the former way because I had more options as to how much I want to invest in this company.
The point is that you can't buy 1/2 of a share of a company. A split makes it easier for people to invest in a company.
Now, on to my second point. Sony announced that it would center its business around the Playstation long ago - July, 1999. The idea is that with the huge boom that Playstation experienced, Sony realized that there is a market in "set-top boxes." However, the set-top boxes have to do more than surf the web - they have to be able to entertain and be usable by all types of people.
Hence, Sony actually restructured the company to be centered around the idea that the future's money will be made through connectivity. Sony appliances will be able to talk to each other, and be easier to use. Imagine just hitting the "web" button on a Playstation console and your TV automatically switches to the proper mode, video resolution, etc.
That's what Sony is talking about and they've already made numerous claims as to making Playstation the console that everyone will use.
There is no spoon. I don't see what Geller is worried about if, in fact, there are no spoons to bend.
While year versioning makes sense (as was explained in a prior post), I believe most companies are just cashing in on "The Year 2000." A version number is arbitrary, whereas to say that this product is the 2000 version of it, it's to say that it's the most up to date without having to look up any other version numbers on the internet.
As it may seem that Microsoft has everything to lose from this scenario, to the consumer, they redeemed themselves by paying back Mr. Chaney.
Look at it this way: How have you heard Linux described in the press? "Linux, an alternative to Microsoft's Windows Operating System..." is one of the many incantations of the phrase. Most of the television watching, Time magazine reading public sees "alternative" == "competitor". Meaning, financial competitor, because that's what people see - money.
Now, what people see the Hotmail/Passport situation as being is that some guy from the Linux camp gave money to their worst enemy. Sure, for the most part it looks bad for Microsoft. But Microsoft redeems themselves immediately in the eyes of the consumer by giving that money back.
All in all, approximately 26 Million people couldn't access their e-mail for a few hours and everything else is normal to most people. Microsoft wasn't hurt too badly by this situation when you think about it.
I believe that the views expressed on Slashdot deserve more of a voice than the archives of a web site... here is their chance. The following are the articles which I have found on Slashdot which go along this theme:
Hey, guess what? Slashdot got suckered! Everyone.net just now got almost 10,000 FREE AD VIEWS for absolutely no money! Oh, well, maybe an AIBO, but not much more than that...
I'd say they made out like bandits. Who's their marketing guy? I should ask him to come work with me....
with a really really bad mental disorder.
It's called Slashdot Addiction Disorder. I think a few people I know have it too...
If you want more people than just the Slashdot community to see this article, go down to the bottom of the article. There's a rating system MSNBC uses so that viewers (readers) can rate every article they read, on a scale from 1 to 7.
I'm not saying Slashdot effect the poll and vote 7 all the way - read it for yourself. However, I certainly voted 7.
The top ten stories at MSNBC.com are updated constantly, but at least if the rating of this article reaches a few people outside of the community that already sympathizes (sp?) with it, it'll be worth it. Also, I think the top 10 headlines are read aloud on MSNBC's television broadcasts (but am not sure).
Last week, it was $10 - $13 a share. Monday it was $21 - $23 a share. Today it's said to be $28 - $30 a share!? I mean, could some finance person out there please explain why VA Linux is doing this? I mean, are they seriously concerned that $44 million won't be enough and that they need $120 million now? Or are they just milking what seems to be a good IPO time? (due to examples like Andover.Net and Agency.Com?)
I've had to have my father FedEx me money twice this week and now it'll be third just so I can poney up the cash.
Oh well, I guess you gotta have money to make money.
Kinda weird how South Park is done on Alias|Wavefront, isn't it?
Actually, Parker and Stone took a few weeks to perfect the "construction paper and glue" effect from the original Spirit of Christmas video with a professional tool like Alias.
So, the RIAA wants to sue Napster? What about Microsoft? Has anyone ever heard of SMB?? And did you know that SMB also works over TCP/IP??
Go ahead and try it - open up an SMB client and type in my machine's address - luxojunior.res.cmu.edu You should get a directory listing. No, it's not publicly available, but it could have been.
Actually, I was once at home on mid semester break and successfully started playing an MP3 from my personal stash all the way back at my college dorm address, right through SMB.
Yes, Napster might be a little faster (since it's direct peer to peer transfer), but it's entirely plausible with Windows Networking and SMB.
So, RIAA... how about suing Microsoft? They might actually have that $100,000 per pirated song you're looking for.
It seems that no operating system is safe from the dreaded Slashdot effect.
Portion of its DNA which is "junk" (encodes no protein): 42%
See? 42 has to be the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything! Even our DNA knows it!
He is Caterpillar's "youngest heavy machinery executive" in the world. While most others of his age grapple with building blocks, AJ Torei, all of three years, is comfortable destroying real ones, using such tools as cranes, bulldozers, wrecking balls and jack hammers.
Impressed by the ease with which he handles "contemporary heavy machinery", Caterpillar recently certified AJ as the youngest heavy machinery executive in the world.
"He is an ordinary child but becomes a master when controlling heavy machinery," his mother told The Times from her residence.
The "master" can take out buildings and people when controlling heavy machinery. He breaks apart buildings to prepare his wrecking ball presentation. And accesses porn on the Internet! Having recently mastered the alphabet (and Ba Ba Black Sheep), AJ can write to his grandparents, taking spelling instructions from his father. I just felt like adding that even though that had almost nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Often, his grandfather finds loads of bricks in front of his house - all broken. He knows where they are from.
AJ began when he was 18 months old. He would watch his father, a wrecking ball operator for Caterpillar, work on heavy machinery.
"After months of exposure to such heavy machinery, he has grasped the destruction process step by step," his mother said.
Caterpillar, meanwhile, is doting its new celebrity. "Torei is real," gushed an employee in the company's Bangkok office. "He is a smart kid. For a moment, I envied him that he could destroy stuff better than an older machinery operator could," she said over the telephone.
AJ's next move is to meet machinery mogul Jack Benning in the next couple of months. The pre-nursery student will also have an audience with some important political guy this week. He was invited after the politician's campaign staff realized this could be a good publicity stunt, even though he has no idea what this is all about.
AJ has already been featured on CNN and CNBC. "He is being discussed by Iron Valley parties," observed his grandfather. His grandmother is a bigger fan, "I am amazed that my grandson does things I'm in dread of," she said.
The boy told CNN he would like to become Jack Benning. For the moment, however, he may have to settle for the role of lead campaigner for Caterpillar's Massive Destruction Suite 2000.
"How wonderful it will be to have your son join us for the launch of Massive Destruction Suite 2000," Caterpillar's product manager John Doerring wrote recently. And I'll just stop there since there doesn't seem to be anything more to say.
All names are fictitious. Any similarity to real life is purely coincidental. Apologies to Caterpillar Corporation.
Rioter #1: Whoa! Hey, man! Why are you here? Is it 'cause you really hate the WTO? You wanna stop them from the atrocities they are committing?
Rioter #2: Nah, I'm just gearing up for Y2K. It's gonna be a HOOT! *Uh!*
Rioter #1 falls with a broken nose and back and is trampled by the unknowing crowd.