THE JENNY JONES SHOW "I have a perverse sexual fetish"
Jenny: Hi, and welcome to today's show - "I have a perverse sexual fetish." Let me warn you, today's topic is on the distrubing side. We will meet three men who at first glance appear to be normal, sane, and well-educated but thier deviant addiction to the popular Internet website Slashdot.org and individual sexual perversions set them apart from you and I.
Audience: EWWWWW!
Jenny: Let us meet our first guest, Harry Knowles.
(Harry Knowles, webmaster of the popular movie rumor site Aint It Cool News, is escorted from the backstage area in a wheelchair.)
Jenny: Hello Harry. I must say, I have visited your site many times and am honored to finally speak with you. So tell us, what is your sexual perversion?
Harry: Well Jenny...I have never admitted this before...but...I'm sorry.
(Harry is obviously distraught.)
Jenny: Don't be. Does it have anything to do with your paralysis?
Harry: Yes. I once enjoyed a normal sex-life, but that changed after the accident which left me paralyised from the waist down and left me unable to orgasm.
Jenny: That's understandable
Harry: It gets worse. After hours of masturbation and ingesting dangerous amounts of amyl-nitrate, I realized only one thing gives me any semblance of carnal pleasure....
(Harry pauses.)
Harry(head in hands): I like to pour hot grits down my pants.
Audience: EWWWWW!
Jenny: Hot grits...as in the breakfast food..??
Harry(in tears): Yes. Hot grits as in warm ground corn. I like to pour them down my pants. It feels so warm, so tender...don't hate me, is it wrong for a man to do the only thing that pleasures him?
Jenny: No, no it is not. It is obvious this strains you.
Harry(smiling): Strains me? Oh heavens no! Hot grits are a wonderful lover! Oh, to feel her sweet carress on my lifeless genitals. It is that of the great muse, Natalie Portman!
Audience: WOOOOO! NATALIE PORTMAN!
Harry: Yes Jenny, I am a gritsman...and I love it!
Jenny: Well I am glad you have found some way of self-satisfaction in material objects. Our next guest, however, finds gratification only in the digital world. Signal 11, come out!
(Signal 11, posterboy karma whore of Slashdot, is escorted from the backstage area. He sits, legs crossed, in a chair next to Harry Knowles.)
(Somewhere in the audience screams of "-1, Troll" are heard. Signal 11 reaches into his pocket and withdraws a phone. The phone is solid black, save for the words "BITCHSLAP" written on it. He quickly hits the button labeled "speed dial to cmdr. taco" and converses briefly. Suddenly, the entire audience is quiet and Signal 11 smiles.)
Jenny: Hello Signal 11.
Signal 11: Hello Jenny. I am pleased to be here. Perhaps after the show we can go orchestrate e-commerce applications?
Jenny: Uhhhh....anyway, what is your sexual perversion?
Signal 11: It all stems from my inability to syndicate interactive communities properly, embrace strategic supply-chains in the correct vortals....and that I have only one testicle.
Jenny: Wow. Those buzzwords. You strike me as one Insightful, Interesting, and Informative guy!
Signal 11: No need for the praise Jenny. My mod squad is on it. Say, how about that recent merger between Bungie and Micro$oft? That's going to leverage killer e-markets!
Audience: mmmmgrgppgh
Jenny:(laughing) Ha ha ha ha! "Micro$oft" You are a true master of language Signal 11, and Funny too!
http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/4/31242.htm l
Linus Torvalds, creator and chief maintainer of the Linux kernel is moving on, ending a six year association with chip company Transmeta.
"I've decided to take a leave-of-absense after 6+ years at Transmeta to actually work full-time on the kernel," he wrote in a posting to the kernel mailing list.
Larry Augustin has found a sponsor in the shape of OSDL, the non-profit Open Source Development Lab whose own sponsors are listed here.
"Transmeta has always been very good at letting me spend even an inordinate amount of time on Linux, but as a result I've been feeling a little guilty at just how little "real work" I got done lately. To fix that, I'll instead be working at OSDL, finally actually doing Linux as my main job." ®
"I'm very pleased that we were able to create a place where Linus will be able to work full time on the kernel," said Augustin.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
A priest,a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Slashdot Mirror
you would get a tiny bit more respect for your opinion if you could actually spell Greenpeace you know ...
i find reading slashdot a relaxing alternative to work.
does it run linux .....
can i get a ROM of first post?
how are you all doing?
--
you're winner!
THE JENNY JONES SHOW
"I have a perverse sexual fetish"
Jenny: Hi, and welcome to today's show - "I have a perverse sexual fetish." Let me warn you, today's topic is on the distrubing side. We will meet three men who at first glance appear to be normal, sane, and well-educated but thier deviant addiction to the popular Internet website Slashdot.org and individual sexual perversions set them apart from you and I.
Audience: EWWWWW!
Jenny: Let us meet our first guest, Harry Knowles.
(Harry Knowles, webmaster of the popular movie rumor site Aint It Cool News, is escorted from the backstage area in a wheelchair.)
Jenny: Hello Harry. I must say, I have visited your site many times and am honored to finally speak with you. So tell us, what is your sexual perversion?
Harry: Well Jenny...I have never admitted this before...but...I'm sorry.
(Harry is obviously distraught.)
Jenny: Don't be. Does it have anything to do with your paralysis?
Harry: Yes. I once enjoyed a normal sex-life, but that changed after the accident which left me paralyised from the waist down and left me unable to orgasm.
Jenny: That's understandable
Harry: It gets worse. After hours of masturbation and ingesting dangerous amounts of amyl-nitrate, I realized only one thing gives me any semblance of carnal pleasure....
(Harry pauses.)
Harry (head in hands): I like to pour hot grits down my pants.
Audience: EWWWWW!
Jenny: Hot grits...as in the breakfast food..??
Harry (in tears): Yes. Hot grits as in warm ground corn. I like to pour them down my pants. It feels so warm, so tender...don't hate me, is it wrong for a man to do the only thing that pleasures him?
Jenny: No, no it is not. It is obvious this strains you.
Harry (smiling): Strains me? Oh heavens no! Hot grits are a wonderful lover! Oh, to feel her sweet carress on my lifeless genitals. It is that of the great muse, Natalie Portman!
Audience: WOOOOO! NATALIE PORTMAN!
Harry: Yes Jenny, I am a gritsman...and I love it!
Jenny: Well I am glad you have found some way of self-satisfaction in material objects. Our next guest, however, finds gratification only in the digital world. Signal 11, come out!
(Signal 11, posterboy karma whore of Slashdot, is escorted from the backstage area. He sits, legs crossed, in a chair next to Harry Knowles.)
(Somewhere in the audience screams of "-1, Troll" are heard. Signal 11 reaches into his pocket and withdraws a phone. The phone is solid black, save for the words "BITCHSLAP" written on it. He quickly hits the button labeled "speed dial to cmdr. taco" and converses briefly. Suddenly, the entire audience is quiet and Signal 11 smiles.)
Jenny: Hello Signal 11.
Signal 11: Hello Jenny. I am pleased to be here. Perhaps after the show we can go orchestrate e-commerce applications?
Jenny: Uhhhh....anyway, what is your sexual perversion?
Signal 11: It all stems from my inability to syndicate interactive communities properly, embrace strategic supply-chains in the correct vortals....and that I have only one testicle.
Jenny: Wow. Those buzzwords. You strike me as one Insightful, Interesting, and Informative guy!
Signal 11: No need for the praise Jenny. My mod squad is on it. Say, how about that recent merger between Bungie and Micro$oft? That's going to leverage killer e-markets!
Audience: mmmmgrgppgh
Jenny: (laughing) Ha ha ha ha! "Micro$oft" You are a true master of language Signal 11, and Funny too!
Audience: mmmmgrgppgh
forgot to log in :)
this would have been better:
OMG!! I have virii on my *nix boxen!!!11!!!one!
(Score: -1, Awful Pun)
you are a clueless fuckwit.
you appear to know nothing about Macs at all, yet you continue to post uninformed drivel. please stop.
and they say religion is a good thing ...
sub-standard games and no dreamcasts ?
go team!
no, no no.
it's 'much more betterer'
are you high or something?
do you really think that anyone cares?
'but I know what I'm doing.' - and what exactly is that, making yourself look like a self important 15 year old?
hahahahahhaha, thats great
....
no, wait
because the article is about messenger pop ups not web popups ?
you fucknut.
congrats on what could possibly be the troll of the month.
from the register:
m l
http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/4/31242.ht
Linus Torvalds, creator and chief maintainer of the Linux kernel is moving on, ending a six year association with chip company Transmeta.
"I've decided to take a leave-of-absense after 6+ years at Transmeta to actually work full-time on the kernel," he wrote in a posting to the kernel mailing list.
Larry Augustin has found a sponsor in the shape of OSDL, the non-profit Open Source Development Lab whose own sponsors are listed here.
"Transmeta has always been very good at letting me spend even an inordinate amount of time on Linux, but as a result I've been feeling a little guilty at just how little "real work" I got done lately. To fix that, I'll instead be working at OSDL, finally actually doing Linux as my main job." ®
"I'm very pleased that we were able to create a place where Linus will be able to work full time on the kernel," said Augustin.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
A priest,a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
you're so 1337, i ph33r your mad 5|1llz
arse.
FP all round, yarr!
http://www.joeclark.org/book/ (SFW)
....
hmmmmm
it's like a cheat mode ....
FP all round, mines a double!