Re:From a childs point of view
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IT and Divorce?
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· Score: 1
Thanks for contributing. I'm sure that many children of divorced parents have sad stories, and continuing damage. I hope things get better for you, and that if and when you marry, that your own marriage is successful.
Re:IT and Divorce? It is my experience.
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IT and Divorce?
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· Score: 1
It really amazes me how some women want their cake and to eat it too. They want a man who's always around, attentive, family man who spends all his time with the family, but they also want a nice home, money to go shopping with, lots of expensive food to go around, etc...
You are so right! I've seen so many marriages, including my own, suffer from the wife who wants it all. When she's looking for a spouse, she wants someone who's "straight", as in: dependable, hard working, has a promising career. A guy with a low income, in a low stress job, and lots of free time isn't going to do well with most women. But once she's got her spuse, and provider for the family, the woman wants him to available, practically and emotionally, for her, most of the time. ie. she wants the guy with the low stress job, and lots of free time. But she stil wants the high income.
When I was being torn apart by the conflicting demands of earning the big $, and spending time with my (ex) wife and kids, I sometimes discussed with her the option of cutting back on spending, so that I could take a lower paid job. No nada! forget that! but, oh btw, you are still required to be a more attentive husband and father. (and, I want that holiday in Europe)
How many of you computer Dads have also gone through divorce and have retained either half or full custody of your children?
I was divorced after 10 years of marriage, when my wife left me for another man. I got custody of our children, without a court battle.
Do you think your job had something to do with it?
Tough question. When she left, my ex blamed everything about me. For most of the 10 years I had worked hard, with several periods when I worked late nights, and weekends. She didn't seem to particularly resent me for the actual hours, but she did seem to not accept that I was often tired, and stressed when at home. She put quite a extra load on me, in helping out with the house work and kids. I agree with the poster who said that there are some women who are like cats, which sit on the keyboard, just because they resent the attention you are giving it. I mainly remember feeling drained the whole time. My biggest regret is that I didn't do more to protect myself from the extra demands.
I think that it is reasonable for a man with a promising career to put in extra hours, especially in hi 20's and 30's. It's a bit tough that this is the time when the children are small, but a good wife will support her husband in his career, and help him to make the most of the time that he has with her and the children, rather than making this time just another stress for him. I've seen several very happy marriages work like that.
What were some of your hardest challenges and are your kids happy?
The hardest challenge as a divorced, custodial father were certainly the practical ones - holding my job, while running a house, and trying to give the kids some personal attention. If the housework is getting behind, then everything else will fall apart quickly. I put my personal life on hold for about 3 years, while I got on top of things. The next biggest challenge is being happy in oneself. Keeping busy, and avoiding alcohol, is a good start. Then you have to start finding one or two pleasant recreations which take only a small amount of time, but give something back for you. Having work you enjoy is a big plus. And, you've got to keep your job! It can be very tough at times, but make sure that your personal traumas don't interfere too much with your work.
The kids have been reasonably happy, and turned out OK. I am sure they would have been happier without the divorce, but I think that I did the best I could in the circumstances. And I think that's show's how much you care, that you included that question.:)
Don't pay any attention to all the people here who are telling you that the divorce is your fault. It may, or may not be. They don't know. No amount of "working" at a relationship will work if one of the parties wants out. Sure, you've got faults, perhaps you put too much into work. Well, here's some news - a lot of people have faults, and your wife might have had some too. You don't leave someone because they've got faults.
Good luck with it all, and I especially hope that it turns out well for your child.
I think if parents started being charged with involuntary manslaughter or negligent homicide when their kids go on school schooting rampages, you'd see more parents suddenly taking an interest in their children's lives and activities
Parents need to raise (and control) their children.
You are obviously not the parent of a teenager. I've had a quick look through all the posts under yours, and none of them seem to be from an actual parent, and the only one who speaks of his own experience, from the child's perspective, disagrees with you.
If you talk to any parent of a teenager, you will find that it's the parent who would like to be more involved in the kid's life, and the kid who is shutting them out. Trying to influence a teenager is an exercise in high level diplomacy, full of intrigue and compromise. And as for "control" (your word) - well, you've lost that from the moment the child was born.
As the parent of three teenagers, youngest now 16, I can tell you that I wouldn't take any responsibility for what they do when I'm not looking.
I do agree that parents need to "raise" their children, and that takes effort. Where I disagree is your assumption that good "raising" will produce good results, and that the parents are responsible for the results.
As an interesting bynote, this case reminds me of a book I've been reading about distortion of the law in modern America, where it is increasingly possible to be punished by the courts when one has violated no law. The Tyranny of Good Intentions
Also as businesses are generally slow adopters (many still run Win2k)
True. Perhaps the 2K user base will be the ones who switch to Vista (but not in any rush), while those who've got XP will wait another 5 years. For most of us, our OS only looks obsolete when it's two generations behind.
I don't make these decisions for my company, but I've made them a few times for home.
Previous plans to switch to competitive (preferably OSS) software have always concluded that the initial bump is too high and too wide to overcome without dedicating considerable resources throughout the company.
Each time I've considered Linux for home use, I've decided that right now not only is Linux not worth the trouble of switching, but that Windows actually does the job that I want of it better. The only looking to the future I do is to assume that future Windows will also be better than future Linux. I'll make the switch when linux, right now, is better than Windows, right now.
One company I worked for (a small compnay) did actually switch to Linux. It wasn't a calculated business decision, but rather a mission by the CTO, based on a seeming "religious" preference for FOSS, backed by management who thought they might get something for nothing. Watching from the sidelines, it seemed to take a ridiculous amount of time, and produced nothing of value, other than potential future payoff, if and when FOSS becomes mainstream.
The only [MS OS] that I actually *liked* and *upgraded to* was Windows 2000.... Well, now.. I can say "yeah, it [WinXP is] a bit better."
I agree. Window's 2000 was actually likeable, but WinXP, despite some ugliness, is a bit better. I miss the XP "Start" menu when I use 2000.
Yeh.. I thought it was funny.. People should be careful about modding down - any sort of lively discussion is going to have some hits and misses, and if people get scared of missing, then they won't contribute (without checking everything 3 times, and asking their mom if the post is OK).
I mostly defend Windows, but I thought your post was witty, and quite apt... nothing wrong with poking holes in the corporate blah blah
OK, I've had a look at some of these Google web apps, and they look great, and probably will, in short time, meet the claim of doing what most users need most of the time.
Hwever, every place I've ever worked in has used some feature of MS Office, or the MS Windows OS, which isn't likely to see it's way into Web 2.0 for a long time. eg. large documents, with multiple views (outline, page layout, etc...), databases with pivot tables, a COM based plugin, a Windows only accounting package. However, I work in high tech industry, which may be aypical.
So, I ask - are there any businesses which *only* use basic OS and web functionality for everything?
If the answer is "no", then I would conclude that most everyone is going to keep paying the MS Tax to keep the feature or two which they need, and seeing as they're already paying for it, they might as well use the the rest of MS Windows and Office. (which saves admin and training costs)
Now, if Microsoft did that, and free software was viable competitor, then Microsoft would go out of business very quickly. So, either Microsoft wants to go out of business, or free software will never be a viable competitor, or your scenario won't ever happen.
I understood the context of the article immediately, and it is not Microsoft bashing. In fact, it is an ex-microsoft basher who discovered that Microsoft did a better job with scripted languages than he expected.
Perhaps the article should have begun with "IronPython is an implementation of Python which runs on.Net, and was a project which was origally begun to demonstrate that.Net is not usable for scripting languages".. but then, most technical summaries on Slashdot assume some specific background on the part of the reader - a lot of them throw me completely. Should the summary also say "Python is...,.Net is..."?
This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't been trying to shake their reputation for buggy, unstable, and insecure software.
Well said, and I would add that *potential* buyers are now in a position of having a choice. MS have previously been buggy...etc.. but they were able to say "Pay up, we're the only shop in town". They can't do that anymore. They are not only trying to shake the reputation of their software, but also the reputation for corporate arrogance.
Thanks. Excellent info and insight. As someone who, in general, favours MS in these arguments, I can see the MS vs FOSS economic balance changing in a place like Keralan, as you've explained so succintly.
This is worth reading. As the discussion here shows, it is a fascinating topic. The authors of the article actually describe it as a statistical analysis of "white collar crime". I agree. None of this nonsense about them being so rich that they don't know the value of a bagel.
Having been around wealthy people at some stages in my life, I concurr completely with your observations. A wealthy person is more likely to argue with the shop owner over the cost of a 60c apple than a poor person is, and more likely to just steal it.
Dead right. It's because they care MORE about every $ than the rest of us that they are rich, and they are stealing the bagels because that $1 is so precious to them, not because it's trivial.
My theory is that scruples will hinder people's career advancement, and the more unscrupulous you are, the higher you'll go.
You are smearing the winners in life just because you envy their success. Well, I'll let you in on the secret of how things work around here. They got there because they worked hard, and had the vision and the guts to do something with their life.
According to your pinko logic, where the winners are the guys with the least scruples, you could get to the top without ever doing an honest day's work, and that would make the prez the... oh.. wait..
It's ridiculous to say that the higher paid execs don't pay because they see the bagels as being of less value. I'm sure they know enough about business to realise that each time they don't pay it severely impacts the cash flow of the bagel business. If they were responsible for a turnover, of say, $5M annually, would they just write off a customer debt of $1000 because it's chicken-feed in the big scheme? Not likely. Would they turn a blind eye to an employee who stole a $200 monitor because it's chicken-feed? Not likely. And yet they think that it's OK to steal a $1 bagel out of a pile of, say, 20.
Stealing is always stealing, regardless of the value of the item to the *thief*.
Since the 1970's there have been 1000's of PhD's in "databases", and 1000's of academic careers, syposiums, journals editions, etc.. in "databases", and I'm sure that most of these haven't been to do with SQL, yet SQL is still the industry standard.
As you say...SQL is now my canonical example of a "Good Enough" technology, which holds back any sort of improvement because there's no fast and easy way to make something immediately obviously better,
Slashdot Mirror
Thanks for contributing. I'm sure that many children of divorced parents have sad stories, and continuing damage. I hope things get better for you, and that if and when you marry, that your own marriage is successful.
When I was being torn apart by the conflicting demands of earning the big $, and spending time with my (ex) wife and kids, I sometimes discussed with her the option of cutting back on spending, so that I could take a lower paid job. No nada! forget that! but, oh btw, you are still required to be a more attentive husband and father. (and, I want that holiday in Europe)
Tough question. When she left, my ex blamed everything about me. For most of the 10 years I had worked hard, with several periods when I worked late nights, and weekends. She didn't seem to particularly resent me for the actual hours, but she did seem to not accept that I was often tired, and stressed when at home. She put quite a extra load on me, in helping out with the house work and kids. I agree with the poster who said that there are some women who are like cats, which sit on the keyboard, just because they resent the attention you are giving it. I mainly remember feeling drained the whole time. My biggest regret is that I didn't do more to protect myself from the extra demands.
I think that it is reasonable for a man with a promising career to put in extra hours, especially in hi 20's and 30's. It's a bit tough that this is the time when the children are small, but a good wife will support her husband in his career, and help him to make the most of the time that he has with her and the children, rather than making this time just another stress for him. I've seen several very happy marriages work like that.
The hardest challenge as a divorced, custodial father were certainly the practical ones - holding my job, while running a house, and trying to give the kids some personal attention. If the housework is getting behind, then everything else will fall apart quickly. I put my personal life on hold for about 3 years, while I got on top of things. The next biggest challenge is being happy in oneself. Keeping busy, and avoiding alcohol, is a good start. Then you have to start finding one or two pleasant recreations which take only a small amount of time, but give something back for you. Having work you enjoy is a big plus. And, you've got to keep your job! It can be very tough at times, but make sure that your personal traumas don't interfere too much with your work.
The kids have been reasonably happy, and turned out OK. I am sure they would have been happier without the divorce, but I think that I did the best I could in the circumstances. And I think that's show's how much you care, that you included that question.
Don't pay any attention to all the people here who are telling you that the divorce is your fault. It may, or may not be. They don't know. No amount of "working" at a relationship will work if one of the parties wants out. Sure, you've got faults, perhaps you put too much into work. Well, here's some news - a lot of people have faults, and your wife might have had some too. You don't leave someone because they've got faults.
Good luck with it all, and I especially hope that it turns out well for your child.
- Javaman
If you talk to any parent of a teenager, you will find that it's the parent who would like to be more involved in the kid's life, and the kid who is shutting them out. Trying to influence a teenager is an exercise in high level diplomacy, full of intrigue and compromise. And as for "control" (your word) - well, you've lost that from the moment the child was born.
As the parent of three teenagers, youngest now 16, I can tell you that I wouldn't take any responsibility for what they do when I'm not looking.
I do agree that parents need to "raise" their children, and that takes effort. Where I disagree is your assumption that good "raising" will produce good results, and that the parents are responsible for the results.
As an interesting bynote, this case reminds me of a book I've been reading about distortion of the law in modern America, where it is increasingly possible to be punished by the courts when one has violated no law. The Tyranny of Good Intentions
Each time I've considered Linux for home use, I've decided that right now not only is Linux not worth the trouble of switching, but that Windows actually does the job that I want of it better. The only looking to the future I do is to assume that future Windows will also be better than future Linux. I'll make the switch when linux, right now, is better than Windows, right now.
One company I worked for (a small compnay) did actually switch to Linux. It wasn't a calculated business decision, but rather a mission by the CTO, based on a seeming "religious" preference for FOSS, backed by management who thought they might get something for nothing. Watching from the sidelines, it seemed to take a ridiculous amount of time, and produced nothing of value, other than potential future payoff, if and when FOSS becomes mainstream.
I agree. Window's 2000 was actually likeable, but WinXP, despite some ugliness, is a bit better. I miss the XP "Start" menu when I use 2000.
Yeh.. I thought it was funny.. People should be careful about modding down - any sort of lively discussion is going to have some hits and misses, and if people get scared of missing, then they won't contribute (without checking everything 3 times, and asking their mom if the post is OK).
I mostly defend Windows, but I thought your post was witty, and quite apt... nothing wrong with poking holes in the corporate blah blah
Congratulations..:)..good luck to you and your wife.
OK, I've had a look at some of these Google web apps, and they look great, and probably will, in short time, meet the claim of doing what most users need most of the time.
Hwever, every place I've ever worked in has used some feature of MS Office, or the MS Windows OS, which isn't likely to see it's way into Web 2.0 for a long time. eg. large documents, with multiple views (outline, page layout, etc...), databases with pivot tables, a COM based plugin, a Windows only accounting package. However, I work in high tech industry, which may be aypical.
So, I ask - are there any businesses which *only* use basic OS and web functionality for everything?
If the answer is "no", then I would conclude that most everyone is going to keep paying the MS Tax to keep the feature or two which they need, and seeing as they're already paying for it, they might as well use the the rest of MS Windows and Office. (which saves admin and training costs)
Now, if Microsoft did that, and free software was viable competitor, then Microsoft would go out of business very quickly. So, either Microsoft wants to go out of business, or free software will never be a viable competitor, or your scenario won't ever happen.
I understood the context of the article immediately, and it is not Microsoft bashing. In fact, it is an ex-microsoft basher who discovered that Microsoft did a better job with scripted languages than he expected.
.Net, and was a project which was origally begun to demonstrate that .Net is not usable for scripting languages".. but then, most technical summaries on Slashdot assume some specific background on the part of the reader - a lot of them throw me completely. Should the summary also say "Python is..., .Net is..."?
Perhaps the article should have begun with "IronPython is an implementation of Python which runs on
Thanks. Excellent info and insight. As someone who, in general, favours MS in these arguments, I can see the MS vs FOSS economic balance changing in a place like Keralan, as you've explained so succintly.
I'd rather be killed by a nice boy like you, than an islamo-fascist any day.
And remember, freedom is good, unless you exercise it.
This is worth reading. As the discussion here shows, it is a fascinating topic. The authors of the article actually describe it as a statistical analysis of "white collar crime". I agree. None of this nonsense about them being so rich that they don't know the value of a bagel.
What the Bagel Man Saw
Of course, some people are well aware of the value of office supplies...
Wally the entrepeneur
Having been around wealthy people at some stages in my life, I concurr completely with your observations. A wealthy person is more likely to argue with the shop owner over the cost of a 60c apple than a poor person is, and more likely to just steal it.
According to your pinko logic, where the winners are the guys with the least scruples, you could get to the top without ever doing an honest day's work, and that would make the prez the... oh.. wait..
You are absolutely correct.
It's ridiculous to say that the higher paid execs don't pay because they see the bagels as being of less value. I'm sure they know enough about business to realise that each time they don't pay it severely impacts the cash flow of the bagel business. If they were responsible for a turnover, of say, $5M annually, would they just write off a customer debt of $1000 because it's chicken-feed in the big scheme? Not likely. Would they turn a blind eye to an employee who stole a $200 monitor because it's chicken-feed? Not likely. And yet they think that it's OK to steal a $1 bagel out of a pile of, say, 20.
Stealing is always stealing, regardless of the value of the item to the *thief*.
As you say, you don't see $20 bills in the tin.
Thanks. This is very interesting - I've never given any thought to using 2003 Server as a workstation. I'll give it a try.
Nice to see your post modded up so well. I personally would have called it "informative" rather than "insightful", but no matter.
Since the 1970's there have been 1000's of PhD's in "databases", and 1000's of academic careers, syposiums, journals editions, etc.. in "databases", and I'm sure that most of these haven't been to do with SQL, yet SQL is still the industry standard.
As you say...SQL is now my canonical example of a "Good Enough" technology, which holds back any sort of improvement because there's no fast and easy way to make something immediately obviously better,