Please, it's like asking the one of the best chefs in the world to prepare mac & cheese. Umberto Eco doesn't write simple texts. Simply because he can do better than that. He's an educated man and he express himself like an educated man. If you don't have to vocabulary to deal with the way he writes you have to choices : learn new words and understand what he has to say or don't learn new words and go read CNN the words are easier. Just don't ask for the "for dummy" version. There won't be any.
INT - Secret Volcano Lair DARTH VADER heads toward ANAKIN. He shoves the chair on which ANAKIN is seated, and it slams to the window. ANAKIN sees through the window, below a transport idles. DARTH VADER is brandishing an unpowered light saber menacingly. ANAKIN: What are you doing? DARTH VADER Tying up loose ends. ANAKIN I'm begging you, don't do this. DARTH VADER I'm not doing this. We are doing this. This is what we want. ANAKIN No, I don't want this. DARTH VADER Right, except "you" is meaningless now. We have to forget about you. ANAKIN You're a voice in my head. DARTH VADER You're a voice in mine! ANAKIN You're a fucking hallucination, why I can't get rid of you? DARTH VADER You need me. ANAKIN No, I don't. I really don't anymore-- DARTH VADER --Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility. ANAKIN I do. I am responsible for all of it and I accept that. So, please, I'm begging you, please call this off. DARTH VADER Have I ever let us down? How far you come because of me?...I will bring us through this. As always, I will carry you kicking and screaming and in the end, you'll thank me. ANAKIN This can't be happening. DARTH VADER That does it. I'm sick of your whining. DARTH VADER brings the saber up, and puts it at his jaw. ANAKIN Why do you want to put a weapon to your head? DARTH VADER Not my head. Our head. Anakin, I want you to really listen to me. ANAKIN trembles. DARTH VADER My eyes are open. Their eyes are locked, unblinking. Long silence. A single tear rolls down ANAKIN'S cheek. DARTH VADER puts the hilt of the saber in his mouth. In extreme slow motion, his finger flips the switch. VOOSH. The blade of the saber extends, emerging through the back of his head. His eyes bulge. Clear liquid seeps and boils around the blade, and smoke wafts out of his mouth and eyes. The blade retracts. DARTH VADER falls into a heap on the ground. ANAKIN stumbles backwards and falls into the surrounding lava. A group of CLONES burst into the room, moving forward DARTH VADER. CLONE 1 Where is everybody? CLONE 2 I don't know, what's going on? One of the CLONES' blaster rifle falls to the floor. DARTH VADER quakes, holding the side of his head; a ragged hole blown in his cheek. He's bleeding hard, but he's alive. CLONE 1 Sir, are you alright? DARTH VADER Oh, yeah, I'm ok. CLONE 3 You look terrible. What happened? DARTH VADER Oh, nothing. It's no problem. CLONE 2 No, no, sir, he's not kidding, you look really awful. You need medical assistance. DARTH VADER Look, I'm fine. Everything's fine. The CLONES exit, and the camera follows. CLONE 1 I can't believe he's standing. CLONE 2 One tough motherfucker. CLONE 3 Man, that guy's gonna need, like, a suit or something. That looked really bad.
Star Wars VII: The Further Adventures of Star Wars
Luke: Hey, everybody! New Republic Senate: Luke!
(Luke walks up to the bar. Leia is standing behind it.)
Leia: Hey, Luke. How was work today? (She pours him a cup of coffee and pulls 2 cinnamon buns from her hair.)
Luke: Same old. Showed up, got tempted by the Dark Side, and my Dad kept going on about how when he was my age, he was already married with two unknown children out there.
Leia: (Rolls her eyes to the laugh track.) I think he just wants to become a grandfather before the Glowing Blue Light fades away.
(The bar door opens. The audience cheers as Han Solo walks into the room.)
Han: Heyyyy! (He hits the jukebox with a fist, making a holo-projector of dancing aliens appear.) Has anybody seen my blaster? (He pulls out a walkie-talkie from his side pocket.) I woke up in the Millenium Falcon with this strapped to my side.
Leia: I did that - you never call me when you're suppose to. I swear, you and that Wookie are having some weird love affair behind my back.
Han: How did you know? I mean, that's just silly, even though his fur is as soft as silk, and.... (He clears his throat.) Anyway, I brought you a present.
Leia: Another gold bikini?
Han: No... (He opens the door. There stands the former Queen/Senator/Love Puppy to Darth Vader - Amidala!)
Leia/Luke: Mom? We thought you were dead!
Amidala: No, your father had me frozen in carbonite, hoping to come back to me someday when the Emporer was dead.
Han: You could say she was naked and petrified.
(Laugh track and the audience goes "ahhhh" as Luke/Leia/Amidala/Han hug.)
Big titles: In Episode VIII, watch as C3PO remembers that he was made by Anakin, and could have saved everybody a lot of time by telling Uncle Owen and Luke Skywalker where he came from!
INT - MOS EISLEY CANTINA (Hand written in ballpoint, in crabbed, small letters) No point in reinventing the wheel or paying out our asses again for thirty midgets and a small army of makeup artists and top-ranked FX crews, guys. CGI this in its entirety. Get me some of those Japs at Circlehard or wherever. People love repeat themes and babies too- so we'll just have the Cantina band all be a bunch of toddlers, since this is all maintaining the prequel theme, which should go well for our Huggies Pull-em-ups! plug spot. I can just feel the Baby Snoots dolls flying off the shelves at Target and Wal-Mart now. Oh, squeeze in that Britney Spears-as-Twi'lek-dancer cameo we promised if possible too. - George YODA and ANAKIN sidle up to the bar. The BARTENDER eyes the sabers on their belts suspiciously.
BARTENDER: We don't serve your kind here.
ANAKIN: (Gestures in some arbitrary, mystical manner) You need to go outside now and shave a bantha. We should serve ourselves.
BARTENDER: I need to go out back and shave a bantha. Why don't you two gentlemen serve yourselves.
ANAKIN Force-pours himself and YODA a couple of tall, stiff drinks.
YODA: (Shaking his head remorsefully) Strong in the Force you have become indeed, Anakin. Powers you are not using responsible. (YODA grumbles) Not responsible. Not responsible.
ANAKIN: With all due respect Master Yoda, coming here was at your request. Not only have I prevented a conflict, but now we have an open bar.
YODA: (Sighing in resignation) Then knocking a few back, we will be, and explaining I will the reason of this meeting.
TRANSITION- Now ANAKIN is Force-pouring rows of drinks, sloppily, for a garrolously cheering crowd of CGI, puppets, and whatever monster suited extras we had in the closet. 'Friends' cast cameo.
ANAKIN: Woohooo! Make mine a Force Light!
YODA: Talking we must.
ANAKIN: Okay. But do you gotta keep talking like you learned your grammar from an electrocuted Wookiee?
YODA: Comment sliding I will let. Talk to you of Amidala, I must.
ANAKIN: Awww you're not going to start coming down on me like the Jedi Council, all, 'marriage is forbidden' this and 'we're throwing you out' that are ya?
YODA: Spending too much time from Amidala you have been. Speaking with Master Yoda she has.
ANAKIN: (briefly sobering up) WHAT? The bitch lies! I never laid a hand on her!
YODA: Calm, young Anakin. She is lonely. Only seeking companionship she was. Busy you have been.
ANAKIN: (Glowering) What I do wi' my time is my bi'ness.
YODA: Indeed it is... indeed it is.
ANAKIN: Will you drop this pretentious, ancient green sage midget nonsense for one minute and get to your point?
YODA: As you wish. Lonely woman, this Amidala. Seek comfort with old Jedi she did. Leads to other things, one thing does. (YODA giggles impishly) Little Yoda needed some comforting too.
ANAKIN: (Sputtering) You... she... WHAT?
YODA: Woman with needs, Amidala is. Old Jedi knows more tricks than just lightsaber.
ANAKIN: (Staring a moment) How is that even possible! WAIT, don't even respond. You're supposed to be a Master! You're not supposed to be doing that anyway!
YODA: Falling in love is expressly forbidden, but love in general is not. Besides. Jedi Master I am. Jedi Monk I am not.
ANAKIN: I'MA KILL THAT BITCH!
YODA: Find her, you will not. Hidden from you she is.
Queue the Linkin Park plug music. ANAKIN howls all angsty, Force-smashes a bunch of bottles and cups into the wall. The crowd gets upset and starts booing him. ANAKIN, knowing his kung fu is inferior to YODA's, pouts and then jumps out a window, bawling the entire way. YODA calmly finishes his drink.
DARTH SIDIOUS I find it amazing that your overwhelming stupidity is only offset by your incredible ability with a lightsaber. You've come a long way from those days on Naboo when you were tripping over every single available object.
DARTH JAR JAR Mesa not cuttin' off mesa arms, mesa not cuttin' off mesa legs! Mesa muy good with a lightsaber, Darth Sidious!
DARTH SIDIOUS (massaging his temple) Christ, I need a Tylenol.
DARTH JAR JAR Whatsa bein' wrong, Darth Sidious?
DARTH SIDIOUS Jar Jar, please, don't talk again. Just listen to me.
DARTH JAR JAR Okieday! Mesa listenin' to you now!
DARTH SIDIOUS God, I need a drink, too. Look, Jar Jar. I'm going to take you to fight the Jedi. We're going to lure Anakin to the Dark Side, and...
DARTH JAR JAR (interrupting) Nooooo! Little Annie?
DARTH SIDIOUS Jar Jar, I'm serious. Shut your stupid mouth and listen to me, or I will make you suffer as you've never suffered before, all right?
DARTH JAR JAR Okieday, mesa shuttin mesa mouth now!
DARTH SIDIOUS Jesus. All right, here's the deal - we lure Anakin over to the Dark Side, which should be easy to do. I'm surprised he hasn't drifted over here yet of his own free will. He was a little pouty brat of a kid, and he was a surly, rude, angry teenager who pouted and got all pissy when he didn't get his own way. Now he's a little older and he's still acting like a petulant teenager. I will simply have him embrace his rage, and he will join us.
DARTH JAR JAR But Darth Sidious, if Annie besa joinin' us, doesn't that mean hesa goin' to have to kill mesa?
DARTH SIDIOUS (hurriedly) No, no, of course not, Jar Jar. We've...um...abandoned those usual rules. Yeah, that's right. Now there can be a master and two apprentices.
DARTH JAR JAR Oooooohhhhhhh. Okieday! Mesa ready to besa killin' the Jedi!
DARTH SIDIOUS (quietly) I can't wait until Anakin joins us.
BOBA FETT steps out on to the balcony. SIDIOUS and JAR JAR turn to look at him.
DARTH JAR JAR Hey there, little Boba! How's yousa doin' today?
BOBA FETT Shut up, Jar Jar.
DARTH SIDIOUS Now, Boba, is that any way to talk to a Sith Lord?
BOBA FETT (his mouth hangs open in amazement for a moment, but then he composes himself) You've got to be kidding me. Tell me that's a joke.
DARTH JAR JAR Nonono, it's not bein' a joke! Mesa a Sith Lord! Mesa havin' mesa own lightsaber!
BOBA FETT This has got to be the stupidest damned thing you've ever done, Palpatine.
DARTH SIDIOUS What did I tell you? When I'm in the robes, you're supposed to call me Darth Sidious.
BOBA FETT Oh, blow me.
DARTH SIDIOUS Boba, you will maintain a tone of respect with me, or I swear that I will...
BOBA FETT (interrupting) You'll what? Oooooh, more threats. I'm really scared of you, "dad."
DARTH SIDIOUS That's it! Go to your room!
BOBA FETT No.
DARTH SIDIOUS Go to your room, Boba, or I'll have Jar Jar here cut off your head.
BOBA FETT If he doesn't cut his own head off first. Stupid, clumsy idiot.
DARTH SIDIOUS That's enough, Boba! Go to your room!
Slashdot Mirror
My eyes ! The googles do nothing !
Maybe your friend look like a genius to you. just saying...
Please, it's like asking the one of the best chefs in the world to prepare mac & cheese. Umberto Eco doesn't write simple texts. Simply because he can do better than that. He's an educated man and he express himself like an educated man. If you don't have to vocabulary to deal with the way he writes you have to choices : learn new words and understand what he has to say or don't learn new words and go read CNN the words are easier. Just don't ask for the "for dummy" version. There won't be any.
To be more technical : it's torus shaped
Claria is a brown eyed, brown haired, rather voluptuous 27 year old woman of average height. Post rest of pics plz. Or a Torrent.
INT - Secret Volcano Lair
DARTH VADER heads toward ANAKIN. He shoves the chair on which ANAKIN is seated,
and it slams to the window. ANAKIN sees through the window, below a transport
idles. DARTH VADER is brandishing an unpowered light saber menacingly.
ANAKIN: What are you doing?
DARTH VADER Tying up loose ends.
ANAKIN I'm begging you, don't do this.
DARTH VADER I'm not doing this. We are doing this. This is what we want.
ANAKIN No, I don't want this.
DARTH VADER Right, except "you" is meaningless now. We have to forget about you.
ANAKIN You're a voice in my head.
DARTH VADER You're a voice in mine!
ANAKIN You're a fucking hallucination, why I can't get rid of you?
DARTH VADER You need me.
ANAKIN No, I don't. I really don't anymore--
DARTH VADER --Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself
feel better. Take some responsibility.
ANAKIN I do. I am responsible for all of it and I accept that. So, please, I'm
begging you, please call this off.
DARTH VADER Have I ever let us down? How far you come because of me?...I will bring us
through this. As always, I will carry you kicking and screaming and in the
end, you'll thank me.
ANAKIN This can't be happening.
DARTH VADER That does it. I'm sick of your whining.
DARTH VADER brings the saber up, and puts it at his jaw.
ANAKIN Why do you want to put a weapon to your head?
DARTH VADER Not my head. Our head. Anakin, I want you to really listen to me.
ANAKIN trembles.
DARTH VADER My eyes are open.
Their eyes are locked, unblinking. Long silence. A single tear rolls
down ANAKIN'S cheek.
DARTH VADER puts the hilt of the saber in his mouth. In extreme slow motion, his
finger flips the switch. VOOSH. The blade of the saber extends, emerging through
the back of his head. His eyes bulge. Clear liquid seeps and boils around the
blade, and smoke wafts out of his mouth and eyes. The blade retracts.
DARTH VADER falls into a heap on the ground. ANAKIN stumbles backwards and falls
into the surrounding lava. A group of CLONES burst into the room, moving forward
DARTH VADER.
CLONE 1 Where is everybody?
CLONE 2 I don't know, what's going on?
One of the CLONES' blaster rifle falls to the floor. DARTH VADER quakes, holding
the side of his head; a ragged hole blown in his cheek. He's bleeding hard, but
he's alive.
CLONE 1 Sir, are you alright?
DARTH VADER Oh, yeah, I'm ok.
CLONE 3 You look terrible. What happened?
DARTH VADER Oh, nothing. It's no problem.
CLONE 2 No, no, sir, he's not kidding, you look really awful. You need medical
assistance.
DARTH VADER Look, I'm fine. Everything's fine.
The CLONES exit, and the camera follows.
CLONE 1 I can't believe he's standing.
CLONE 2 One tough motherfucker.
CLONE 3 Man, that guy's gonna need, like, a suit or something. That looked really bad.
Star Wars VII: The Further Adventures of Star Wars
Luke: Hey, everybody!
New Republic Senate: Luke!
(Luke walks up to the bar. Leia is standing behind it.)
Leia: Hey, Luke. How was work today? (She pours him a cup of coffee and pulls 2 cinnamon buns from her hair.)
Luke: Same old. Showed up, got tempted by the Dark Side, and my Dad kept going on about how when he was my age, he was already married with two unknown children out there.
Leia: (Rolls her eyes to the laugh track.) I think he just wants to become a grandfather before the Glowing Blue Light fades away.
(The bar door opens. The audience cheers as Han Solo walks into the room.)
Han: Heyyyy! (He hits the jukebox with a fist, making a holo-projector of dancing aliens appear.) Has anybody seen my blaster? (He pulls out a walkie-talkie from his side pocket.) I woke up in the Millenium Falcon with this strapped to my side.
Leia: I did that - you never call me when you're suppose to. I swear, you and that Wookie are having some weird love affair behind my back.
Han: How did you know? I mean, that's just silly, even though his fur is as soft as silk, and.... (He clears his throat.) Anyway, I brought you a present.
Leia: Another gold bikini?
Han: No... (He opens the door. There stands the former Queen/Senator/Love Puppy to Darth Vader - Amidala!)
Leia/Luke: Mom? We thought you were dead!
Amidala: No, your father had me frozen in carbonite, hoping to come back to me someday when the Emporer was dead.
Han: You could say she was naked and petrified.
(Laugh track and the audience goes "ahhhh" as Luke/Leia/Amidala/Han hug.)
Big titles: In Episode VIII, watch as C3PO remembers that he was made by Anakin, and could have saved everybody a lot of time by telling Uncle Owen and Luke Skywalker where he came from!
INT - MOS EISLEY CANTINA (Hand written in ballpoint, in crabbed, small letters) No point in reinventing the wheel or paying out our asses again for thirty midgets and a small army of makeup artists and top-ranked FX crews, guys. CGI this in its entirety. Get me some of those Japs at Circlehard or wherever. People love repeat themes and babies too- so we'll just have the Cantina band all be a bunch of toddlers, since this is all maintaining the prequel theme, which should go well for our Huggies Pull-em-ups! plug spot. I can just feel the Baby Snoots dolls flying off the shelves at Target and Wal-Mart now. Oh, squeeze in that Britney Spears-as-Twi'lek-dancer cameo we promised if possible too. - George
YODA and ANAKIN sidle up to the bar. The BARTENDER eyes the sabers on their belts suspiciously.
BARTENDER: We don't serve your kind here.
ANAKIN: (Gestures in some arbitrary, mystical manner) You need to go outside now and shave a bantha. We should serve ourselves.
BARTENDER: I need to go out back and shave a bantha. Why don't you two gentlemen serve yourselves.
ANAKIN Force-pours himself and YODA a couple of tall, stiff drinks.
YODA: (Shaking his head remorsefully) Strong in the Force you have become indeed, Anakin. Powers you are not using responsible. (YODA grumbles) Not responsible. Not responsible.
ANAKIN: With all due respect Master Yoda, coming here was at your request. Not only have I prevented a conflict, but now we have an open bar.
YODA: (Sighing in resignation) Then knocking a few back, we will be, and explaining I will the reason of this meeting.
TRANSITION- Now ANAKIN is Force-pouring rows of drinks, sloppily, for a garrolously cheering crowd of CGI, puppets, and whatever monster suited extras we had in the closet. 'Friends' cast cameo.
ANAKIN: Woohooo! Make mine a Force Light!
YODA: Talking we must.
ANAKIN: Okay. But do you gotta keep talking like you learned your grammar from an electrocuted Wookiee?
YODA: Comment sliding I will let. Talk to you of Amidala, I must.
ANAKIN: Awww you're not going to start coming down on me like the Jedi Council, all, 'marriage is forbidden' this and 'we're throwing you out' that are ya?
YODA: Spending too much time from Amidala you have been. Speaking with Master Yoda she has.
ANAKIN: (briefly sobering up) WHAT? The bitch lies! I never laid a hand on her!
YODA: Calm, young Anakin. She is lonely. Only seeking companionship she was. Busy you have been.
ANAKIN: (Glowering) What I do wi' my time is my bi'ness.
YODA: Indeed it is... indeed it is.
ANAKIN: Will you drop this pretentious, ancient green sage midget nonsense for one minute and get to your point?
YODA: As you wish. Lonely woman, this Amidala. Seek comfort with old Jedi she did. Leads to other things, one thing does. (YODA giggles impishly) Little Yoda needed some comforting too.
ANAKIN: (Sputtering) You... she... WHAT?
YODA: Woman with needs, Amidala is. Old Jedi knows more tricks than just lightsaber.
ANAKIN: (Staring a moment) How is that even possible! WAIT, don't even respond. You're supposed to be a Master! You're not supposed to be doing that anyway!
YODA: Falling in love is expressly forbidden, but love in general is not. Besides. Jedi Master I am. Jedi Monk I am not.
ANAKIN: I'MA KILL THAT BITCH!
YODA: Find her, you will not. Hidden from you she is.
Queue the Linkin Park plug music. ANAKIN howls all angsty, Force-smashes a bunch of bottles and cups into the wall. The crowd gets upset and starts booing him. ANAKIN, knowing his kung fu is inferior to YODA's, pouts and then jumps out a window, bawling the entire way. YODA calmly finishes his drink.
YODA: Never trust a politician, told him I did.
DARTH SIDIOUS I find it amazing that your overwhelming stupidity is only offset by your incredible ability with a lightsaber. You've come a long way from those days on Naboo when you were tripping over every single available object.
DARTH JAR JAR Mesa not cuttin' off mesa arms, mesa not cuttin' off mesa legs! Mesa muy good with a lightsaber, Darth Sidious!
DARTH SIDIOUS (massaging his temple) Christ, I need a Tylenol.
DARTH JAR JAR Whatsa bein' wrong, Darth Sidious?
DARTH SIDIOUS Jar Jar, please, don't talk again. Just listen to me.
DARTH JAR JAR Okieday! Mesa listenin' to you now!
DARTH SIDIOUS God, I need a drink, too. Look, Jar Jar. I'm going to take you to fight the Jedi. We're going to lure Anakin to the Dark Side, and...
DARTH JAR JAR (interrupting) Nooooo! Little Annie?
DARTH SIDIOUS Jar Jar, I'm serious. Shut your stupid mouth and listen to me, or I will make you suffer as you've never suffered before, all right?
DARTH JAR JAR Okieday, mesa shuttin mesa mouth now!
DARTH SIDIOUS Jesus. All right, here's the deal - we lure Anakin over to the Dark Side, which should be easy to do. I'm surprised he hasn't drifted over here yet of his own free will. He was a little pouty brat of a kid, and he was a surly, rude, angry teenager who pouted and got all pissy when he didn't get his own way. Now he's a little older and he's still acting like a petulant teenager. I will simply have him embrace his rage, and he will join us.
DARTH JAR JAR But Darth Sidious, if Annie besa joinin' us, doesn't that mean hesa goin' to have to kill mesa?
DARTH SIDIOUS (hurriedly) No, no, of course not, Jar Jar. We've...um...abandoned those usual rules. Yeah, that's right. Now there can be a master and two apprentices.
DARTH JAR JAR Oooooohhhhhhh. Okieday! Mesa ready to besa killin' the Jedi!
DARTH SIDIOUS (quietly) I can't wait until Anakin joins us.
BOBA FETT steps out on to the balcony. SIDIOUS and JAR JAR turn to look at him.
DARTH JAR JAR Hey there, little Boba! How's yousa doin' today?
BOBA FETT Shut up, Jar Jar.
DARTH SIDIOUS Now, Boba, is that any way to talk to a Sith Lord?
BOBA FETT (his mouth hangs open in amazement for a moment, but then he composes himself) You've got to be kidding me. Tell me that's a joke.
DARTH JAR JAR Nonono, it's not bein' a joke! Mesa a Sith Lord! Mesa havin' mesa own lightsaber!
BOBA FETT This has got to be the stupidest damned thing you've ever done, Palpatine.
DARTH SIDIOUS What did I tell you? When I'm in the robes, you're supposed to call me Darth Sidious.
BOBA FETT Oh, blow me.
DARTH SIDIOUS Boba, you will maintain a tone of respect with me, or I swear that I will...
BOBA FETT (interrupting) You'll what? Oooooh, more threats. I'm really scared of you, "dad."
DARTH SIDIOUS That's it! Go to your room!
BOBA FETT No.
DARTH SIDIOUS Go to your room, Boba, or I'll have Jar Jar here cut off your head.
BOBA FETT If he doesn't cut his own head off first. Stupid, clumsy idiot.
DARTH SIDIOUS That's enough, Boba! Go to your room!
Well America's a continent and Canada is in it so what was your point ?