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2001: A SLASHDOT ODYSSEY

the dawn of osm

it was a scarce time on the internet. osm surfed from one link to the next in search of something, anything, of interest. the porn was cheap and raunchy. there was no gnutella yet, so mp3s were difficult to obtain. there was no quake iii for linux, so games were boring. day after day, week after week, osm searched the internet in vain.

too lazy to move, he toileted in the cat-box. he picked fleas off of the cats for sustenance. he showered by sticking his head out the window when it rained and he drank from the rainwater he collected in a rusted pale. yes, it was a wretched, barren existence.

it was a typical evening. osm had just showered, thanks to a particularly severe thunderstorm. he even had the luxury of a nice wind afterward, which he used to blow dry his hair. having found nothing on the internet, osm decided to go to sleep early. he shut off the monitor and fell asleep.

usually, osm slept until two or three in the afternoon. but something woke him early on this particular morning. in his sleep, osm felt something compelling him to life. slowly, he left his dreams and floated into the real world. he felt a presence behind him. he swung his chair around.

osm was shocked by the astonishing object. a giant, black statue of natalie portman stood behind him. it was as though it was watching over him. osm sank out of his chair, terrified, and crawled over to the statue. he touched its unnaturally smooth surface, pulling his hand back quickly. he did this several times, before he had the courage to run his hand along the smooth teen leg. he put his face to the statue and licked it with his tongue. he smelled the object and put his ear to it, listening for anything familiar.

several days passed and osm had grown comfortable with the graceful figure of natalie portman watching over him. one night, he loaded up netscape and began browsing the internet. suddenly, a thought entered his mind. he looked at the statue, knowing that it had planted the thought. osm pointed his cursor at the "location" box in netscape. he typed in the string: "http://slashdot.org" and hit enter. osm's life changed forever.

three days later, the natalie portman statue was gone.

the geek compound

rob malda sat in his office, strumming his guitar in an attempt to relax. the pressures of the constant battle with the trolls, the hardware failures, the slash bugs and the threats from microsoft had weighed heavily upon his shoulders for several months now.

rob's phone started beeping loudly. startled, he dropped his guitar. he looked at the phone, debating himself as to whether he should answer. he hesitated before picking up the receiver, "yeah."

"rob, this is jeff. meet me in the hallway, immediately, you're not going to believe this!"

rob hung up the phone and rubbed his temple before pulling himself out of the chair, "What now?!"

rob left his office and walked down the hall. jeff appeared from the corner, "rob, we were cleaning out some old junk from the storage closet... you're not going to believe what we found buried in there!"

rob picked up his pace as jeff led him to the closet. jeff opened the door. rob's jaw dropped. the tall, black statue of natalie portman peered out over them. rob reached out to touch the statue, "what the hell?"

suddenly, the statue began emitting a piercing shriek. rob slammed the door shut, barely muffling the sound, "where the hell did that come from?"

jeff shook his head, "there's only one person who can solve this mystery..."

rob shuddered, "goddamnit. i hate that guy!"

the portman mission

hemos and rob determined that the transmission from the statue was aimed at albany, new york. they bought a winnebago and modified it with the latest in technology. the new vehicle was renamed the geekebago and osm was hired to travel in it to

CLUSTER?

Dennis Warren Mann
5022 N Oak Trfwy, Apt 325
Kansas City, MO 64118
warren@clusterlizard.org, opensourceman@yahoo.com

Gary L Davenport
264 Forest Hill Dr
Youngstown, OH 44515
(330) 793-8831
trollaxor@trollaxor.com

Craig Lee McPherson
2020 N Chestnut Ave
Fayetteville, AR 72702
(479) 251-1018, (479) 409-4407, fax: (206) 289-5888
craig@bcm-hog.org, cmcpher@ipa.net, CraigMcPherson@email.com

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!

Alan Cox. Linux developer extraordinaire. Mr. Cox is the second in command on kernel development, just under the almighty Linus himself. Recently, Mr. Cox was interviewed for a Slashdot article. Hundreds of Slashdotters submitted questions for Mr. Cox. Many pledged their undying devotion in a putrid display of blind respect. Not one question was asked concerning Mr. Cox's origins. And that's a shame. It would have been interesting to see him explain what I've been shown.

As you may know, I have a Natalie Portman poster mounted on the wall behind my computer. I often meditate on the poster as I'm writing, be it stories, Slashdot comments or program code. From time to time, the poster will hypnotize me with scientifically-proven hot young actress mind rays. Once hypnotized, I am able to receive messages from the great spirit guides of my Sioux ancestors. These spirit guides have given me much information about various Linux personalities, the most recent of which is Mr. Alan Cox. Prepare yourselves for the truth.

Alan's story begins in the snowy altitudes of the Himalayas. a group of Americans, led by the eccentric explorer Ignatius Mandrake, had decided to book an expedition to the mountain range. The group of adventurers were really interested in nothing more than snapping a few photographs to take back to their slack-jawed, wide-eyed friends. Bragging rights. Basically, they were the type of people who had to constantly prove how rich they really were because they really weren't rich.

Well, not Ignatius. He was a down-to-earth, rugged fellow. Big as a bear and twice as strong. Within the circles Ignatius travelled in, it was commonly said that he could snap Grizzly Adams like a twig with one hand while using his other hand to skin Ben alive and use its fur to wipe his ass. And so it was, Ignatius was hired to lead the team to their snowy fate.

Several days had passed as the team slowly made way to the top of the mountain. The journey had gone quite smoothly, completely without incident, with the exception of a malfunctioning Nikon F4. The group would pack up and resume their hike at the crack of dawn. Take a few breaks and then setup camp at sunset, clustering their tents together for peace of mind. Ignatius slept in a special, white, thermal sleeping bag, out in the open, several yards away from the others.

Well, the bright, orange tents were a strange sight up in the mountains and, one fateful night, they attracted a very special visitor. Ignatius slept blissfully in isolation, while the rest huddled in pairs in their tents. Nobody heard the monstrosity that was approaching from the depths of the darkness. Not that it would have mattered if they had.

Ignatius awoke to the blood-curdling screams. He watched in amusement as the giant, white ape- like creature tore every single member of the group into small pieces. He couldn't help but to chuckle as one tried to run away, only to have his legs cleanly removed before the remainder of his body was shredded into stringy wet slabs. The only thing that phased Ignatius was the unholy stench of the Yeti.

Once the last adventurer had been eviscerated, Ignatius unzipped his bag. He stood tall and proud and removed his shirt. His nipples protruded from his hairy chest as they stiffened in the cold. He massaged his left nipple as he challenged the Yeti, "come to daddy, bitch."

The ten-foot-tall Yeti roared with anger as it swiftly approached Ignatius. He put his hands on the Yeti's shoulders and eventually caused it to lose balance. The Yeti landed in the snow, with a loud thud that almost sounded like thunder as it's breath was forced from its stinging lungs. Ignatius threw himself upon the vile beast and eventually knocked it unconscious. He netted the Yeti into his sleeping-bag and headed back down the mountain.

Ignatius made a sizeable fortune off of his sale of the Yeti to a circus owner. He used his money to buy a large house-boat and retired to the South Atlantic. The Yeti's life would not be so easy.

The Yeti was subjected to intense ridicule by his fellow circus freaks, who were insanely jealous. The Yeti was not allowed near the other circus animals, due to his nasty habit of trying to eat them (and succeeding). Circus goers consistently avoided the Yeti due to his putrid stench. The Yeti was flung into a pit of despair. His only comfort was a bottle of Jim beam. Unfortunately, the Yeti's liver wasn't as adept at handling alcohol as his human cousins.

One day a new freak was inducted into the circus. An extremely foul-smelling woman who was disgustingly obese due to a gland problem. It was instant love. Two creatures who had never known the tender sweetness of true love fell into each other's arms. The following weeks were filled with romantic, moonlit walks along the beach, carefree romps through daisy-covered plains and tender moments of kissing, petting and de-fleaing.

But the damage had already been done. Bliss had found the Yeti too late and it was no more than two months before he lay on his death bed. In a final act of caring, Bertha gave herself to her love. Her last gift to her beloved.

After the Yeti died, Bertha left the circus. the memories were too painful. And she needed to provide a stable home for her beloved's final gift to her: young Alan Cox.

Unfortunately, Alan inherited the worst of both worlds: his mother's disgusting glandular problem and his father's gagging scent. This made him less than popular with his peers. Young Alan was constantly brutalized by the neighborhood boys and girls.

Of course, Alan turned to drugs, satanism and his computer for solace. He taught himself c programming and would code for days on end. Once exhausted, he would ingest LSD and prance about in farmer's crops, making circles and wild designs during his satanic rituals. He had several mystical visions during these rituals, one of which led him to the human resources department of Microsoft corporation.

Alan began to grow bored with his usual set of designs. This boredom manifested as a haunting vision in which a ghastly demon reprimanded Alan for his lack of originality by inducing chronic flatulence in him and then summoning a match to follow him around. Alan took heed of the omen and decided to try something different.

One night, Alan dropped three hits of purple microdot and stripped naked. He grabbed his equipment and set off for a lush crop down the road. He worked all night on his new design and when he was finished, he was rewarded by the demons who furnished him with a virginal sheep. That was Alan's first sexual encounter.

But his rewards did not end there. Alan's design, which was the code for a most elegant c-compiler made the front pages of computer magazines nation-wide. He was quickly scheduled for a meeting with the president of human resources, Microsoft corporation.

Alan eagerly cleaned himself up for the meeting. He removed the rancid animal tissue from his beard, matted his hair down with Crisco and bathed in a tub full of Brute-33. none of this had any real effect, but Alan felt better and he donned a freshly pressed suit.

Alan walked into the meeting and sat at a large table, surrounded by Microsoft executives, including Bill Gates himself. the Microsoftians had come up with a ceremony to celebrate the new partnership with Alan... they would release a penguin from the window and let it fly to freedom, thus symbolizing an era of grand innovation.

Steve Balmer removed the penguin from its cage and held it to Alan, "with your blessing, we shall release this penguin to its freedom, thus symbolizing a new era of innovation in the computer software industry!"

Alan looked at the penguin and suddenly had a flash of inspiration (a flashback). he took the penguin from Mr. Balmer and bit off its head. The room was aghast. Reporters captured the event on film and the news hit every major newspaper in the world.

Alan was assured he would never work in the software industry again.

The next morning, Linus Torvalds picked up the local newspaper and saw the astonishing photograph and headline. He knew immediately he had found his second in command.