Domain: despair.com
Stories and comments across the archive that link to despair.com.
Comments · 626
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Why doesn't he use some of those millions......to hire a graphic designer?
It looks like his web store was BUILT in 1995!
(from the Yahoo Stores online tutorial...)
"High Production Values"
Maybe Museumcompany.com or Despair.com could offer Mr. Graham some design tips on getting the most out of his own store-building application.
"Production values are even more important on the Web. Consumers will not buy from an amateurish Web site..."
"Of course there is no direct connection between the quality of your site and the quality of your company. A company could have a brilliant graphic designer and lousy products. But usually there is a connection, and that is what visitors to your site will assume. If your company is unable to put up a good Web site, then it seems natural to assume that your company cannot deliver good products or services..."
Of course, with millions in the bank, he probably doesn't give a rat's ass whether he sells any LISP books or not. So I guess I answered my own question. Nevermind. -
Dead Dot-Coms and Lawsuits
its sad that dead dot-coms are trying to use lawsuits to turn a profit. The days of playing foosball instead of working, because your site made money on its own, is over. Quit trying to make the quick buck, realize the dot-com era is over, and get a job in corporate america and conform like the rest of us.
Conformity : When people are free to do what they want, they normally mimic one another (from despair.com) -
Re:Before you try it...
You were not talking about Despair.Inc., were you?
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:-(
If Amazon's getting smacked for their stupid patent, how much longer til despair gets nailed for their frown icon trademark?
I'm worried. I just bought 5000 Frownies and would like to hope that they remain legitimately protected by law.
But if Amazon's patent doesn't stand up to scrutiny...
:-(
(damn. only 4998 left.) -
Re:patents and copyright are pro-free marketDivec writes:
I disagree; you can have trade which is purely a swap of services. A lot of business-to-business trade is essentially of this form. You only need a concept of property to deal in physical goods which have scarcity (i.e. cannot be duplicated for nothing), like food or computer hardware.
When trading purely services, you are in fact, using your own property, namely your own body, mind, intellect. These belong to you and any services you provide would be based on the use of your property.
If someone wants you to mow the lawn, you would be providing a service. You might use some property to do it more efficiently than otherwise. You might use a lawnmower you own. You use property all the time in the commission of providing a service.
A patent allows you to stop me using an idea which you thought of.
You rightly point out that a patent can even stop me from using an idea I thought about. That fundamental flaw strongly shows why laws to protect intangible "intellectual" property have no place in the information age.
For example...
:-(®The so-called "frowny" has been trademarked by Despair, inc. Admittedly, it appears that it was registered to make a mockery of the PTO. Though, my use of this trademark in conjunction with a negative comment would "dilute the value" of the frowny trademark, and would be cause for some lawsuit.
:P (has the tongue sticking out emoticon been trademarked yet?)
http://www.despair.com/demotivators/frownonthis.ht mlSomeone patented the use of a laser to provide exercise for cats. I have, on a number of occasions inadvertently violated this patent in amusing cats, and if it could be proven, I would likely be required to pay royalties for the use of this idea that was independently arrived at.
http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US05443036__Some might argue that it's just a system that needs to be tweaked - fixed through some kind of reform to allow "legitimate" owners of "intellectual property" to be rewarded for their labor.
I propose that all "intellectual property" law does is prop-up old business models and keep new ones from emerging. If we lived in a world without copyright, patent and trademark, it would be different. The presence of such laws has slowed progress where progress would have naturally occurred. Who's to say that the progress such laws protects is more important than the progress that it discourages?
Some argue that without such protections, less innovation and creation would be performed. Kinsella and Mercer argue that there would be as much creation and innovation that the world requires - no more, no less.
In my view, the world would be transformed to the open-source model. That you give away the recipe and sell the chicken. That you can download music free but pay for the live performance. You'd pay to see movies on the big screen with great sound.
In the year 2080, when we get our first replicator at home, if we decide to replicate something, will someone claim ownership to that idea and only allow us to create an instance of it if we pay? Will someone own the concept of a chair and receive royalties everytime someone replicates one?
Laws should never be created to protect the way of doing business. The industrial age transformed the way things were made. If the Luddites had their way, chairs would still be made by hand, or at least those who use machines would subsidize those who make by hand. Laws should only protect our rights to hold real, tangible property.
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Re:patents and copyright are pro-free marketDivec writes:
I disagree; you can have trade which is purely a swap of services. A lot of business-to-business trade is essentially of this form. You only need a concept of property to deal in physical goods which have scarcity (i.e. cannot be duplicated for nothing), like food or computer hardware.
When trading purely services, you are in fact, using your own property, namely your own body, mind, intellect. These belong to you and any services you provide would be based on the use of your property.
If someone wants you to mow the lawn, you would be providing a service. You might use some property to do it more efficiently than otherwise. You might use a lawnmower you own. You use property all the time in the commission of providing a service.
A patent allows you to stop me using an idea which you thought of.
You rightly point out that a patent can even stop me from using an idea I thought about. That fundamental flaw strongly shows why laws to protect intangible "intellectual" property have no place in the information age.
For example...
:-(®The so-called "frowny" has been trademarked by Despair, inc. Admittedly, it appears that it was registered to make a mockery of the PTO. Though, my use of this trademark in conjunction with a negative comment would "dilute the value" of the frowny trademark, and would be cause for some lawsuit.
:P (has the tongue sticking out emoticon been trademarked yet?)
http://www.despair.com/demotivators/frownonthis.ht mlSomeone patented the use of a laser to provide exercise for cats. I have, on a number of occasions inadvertently violated this patent in amusing cats, and if it could be proven, I would likely be required to pay royalties for the use of this idea that was independently arrived at.
http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US05443036__Some might argue that it's just a system that needs to be tweaked - fixed through some kind of reform to allow "legitimate" owners of "intellectual property" to be rewarded for their labor.
I propose that all "intellectual property" law does is prop-up old business models and keep new ones from emerging. If we lived in a world without copyright, patent and trademark, it would be different. The presence of such laws has slowed progress where progress would have naturally occurred. Who's to say that the progress such laws protects is more important than the progress that it discourages?
Some argue that without such protections, less innovation and creation would be performed. Kinsella and Mercer argue that there would be as much creation and innovation that the world requires - no more, no less.
In my view, the world would be transformed to the open-source model. That you give away the recipe and sell the chicken. That you can download music free but pay for the live performance. You'd pay to see movies on the big screen with great sound.
In the year 2080, when we get our first replicator at home, if we decide to replicate something, will someone claim ownership to that idea and only allow us to create an instance of it if we pay? Will someone own the concept of a chair and receive royalties everytime someone replicates one?
Laws should never be created to protect the way of doing business. The industrial age transformed the way things were made. If the Luddites had their way, chairs would still be made by hand, or at least those who use machines would subsidize those who make by hand. Laws should only protect our rights to hold real, tangible property.
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Re:Imagine...
It'd probably use something like this for its logo.
(Interestingly, I have that exact picture in my office...)
--Joe
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slashdot trademarked /. (and other observations)
See for your selves.
On a separate note...
I am AMAZED at how many idiots there are that don't seem to be able to realize that this story is MAKING FUN OF FRIVILOUS LAWSUITS by PRETENDING TO BE ONE.
I have to revise my opinion of the average intelligence of the readership of slashdot WAAAAAY down.
Ask yourself, outraged nimrods, if you really believe the following things are TRUE.
1) A company that sells PARODY products is actually working with the FBI to MONITOR YOUR EMAIL.
2) The PARODY company in question is SERIOUSLY planning to sue 7,000,000 people.
3) The founder of that company is SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING changing his name to :-(
4) The SAME person also is suing JEFF BEZOS for infringing on a trademark.
5) The DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the story is actually NOT TRUE.
Did you read any of the OTHER STORIES on the website?
Do you REALLY believe they are partnering with Yahoo to create BOOHOO.COM- a portal for miserable people?
Do you REALLY believe Noah Wylie is the interim CEO of FUTURE POWER
The only story on their entire site that I might ACTUALLY believe is the one about selling 5000 Apathy posters to Fry's. That I believe. -
slashdot trademarked /. (and other observations)
See for your selves.
On a separate note...
I am AMAZED at how many idiots there are that don't seem to be able to realize that this story is MAKING FUN OF FRIVILOUS LAWSUITS by PRETENDING TO BE ONE.
I have to revise my opinion of the average intelligence of the readership of slashdot WAAAAAY down.
Ask yourself, outraged nimrods, if you really believe the following things are TRUE.
1) A company that sells PARODY products is actually working with the FBI to MONITOR YOUR EMAIL.
2) The PARODY company in question is SERIOUSLY planning to sue 7,000,000 people.
3) The founder of that company is SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING changing his name to :-(
4) The SAME person also is suing JEFF BEZOS for infringing on a trademark.
5) The DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the story is actually NOT TRUE.
Did you read any of the OTHER STORIES on the website?
Do you REALLY believe they are partnering with Yahoo to create BOOHOO.COM- a portal for miserable people?
Do you REALLY believe Noah Wylie is the interim CEO of FUTURE POWER
The only story on their entire site that I might ACTUALLY believe is the one about selling 5000 Apathy posters to Fry's. That I believe. -
slashdot trademarked /. (and other observations)
See for your selves.
On a separate note...
I am AMAZED at how many idiots there are that don't seem to be able to realize that this story is MAKING FUN OF FRIVILOUS LAWSUITS by PRETENDING TO BE ONE.
I have to revise my opinion of the average intelligence of the readership of slashdot WAAAAAY down.
Ask yourself, outraged nimrods, if you really believe the following things are TRUE.
1) A company that sells PARODY products is actually working with the FBI to MONITOR YOUR EMAIL.
2) The PARODY company in question is SERIOUSLY planning to sue 7,000,000 people.
3) The founder of that company is SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING changing his name to :-(
4) The SAME person also is suing JEFF BEZOS for infringing on a trademark.
5) The DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the story is actually NOT TRUE.
Did you read any of the OTHER STORIES on the website?
Do you REALLY believe they are partnering with Yahoo to create BOOHOO.COM- a portal for miserable people?
Do you REALLY believe Noah Wylie is the interim CEO of FUTURE POWER
The only story on their entire site that I might ACTUALLY believe is the one about selling 5000 Apathy posters to Fry's. That I believe. -
slashdot trademarked /. (and other observations)
See for your selves.
On a separate note...
I am AMAZED at how many idiots there are that don't seem to be able to realize that this story is MAKING FUN OF FRIVILOUS LAWSUITS by PRETENDING TO BE ONE.
I have to revise my opinion of the average intelligence of the readership of slashdot WAAAAAY down.
Ask yourself, outraged nimrods, if you really believe the following things are TRUE.
1) A company that sells PARODY products is actually working with the FBI to MONITOR YOUR EMAIL.
2) The PARODY company in question is SERIOUSLY planning to sue 7,000,000 people.
3) The founder of that company is SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING changing his name to :-(
4) The SAME person also is suing JEFF BEZOS for infringing on a trademark.
5) The DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the story is actually NOT TRUE.
Did you read any of the OTHER STORIES on the website?
Do you REALLY believe they are partnering with Yahoo to create BOOHOO.COM- a portal for miserable people?
Do you REALLY believe Noah Wylie is the interim CEO of FUTURE POWER
The only story on their entire site that I might ACTUALLY believe is the one about selling 5000 Apathy posters to Fry's. That I believe. -
Go Team Despair...or not...whatever
First off, I'd like to submit this link to The Onion, and their article "Microsoft Patents Zeros and Ones"
Any following posts refering to this article may consider themselves redundant. Now, on to business!
Huzzah and kudos, as well as mad props to Despair, Inc. for being one of the few companies with a sense of humor in these dark times of the MPAA, carnivore, :CueCat, the DMCA, the PTA, NASCAR, lawyers, Natalie Portman naked and petrified, Lego Mindstorm, TiVO, and any other obligitory slashdot references I might have missed. But damn, Imagine A Beowulf Cluster of These :-( Things! They Are More Than Welcome To Join My SETI@Home or distributed.net Team!
The Onion may be the premier parody newspaper, but Despair, Inc is a corperation...they're not supposed to rip on people like Microsoft, Apple, and Fry's Electronics. That wouldn't be Politically Correct of them!
Anyway, I have to go re-hang my Pessimism poster ...the blue stuff that was holding it to the wall dried out and it fell. I didn't think the damn thing would stay up, anyway.
This is Matt signing off, and hoping the rest of your day doesn't suck. -
Re:It's not Altavista's fault
or this despair asshole
The Despair asshole was in fact joking. OK, sure, he trademarked ":-(", but he did it specifically to hold current intellectual property laws up to ridicule, rather than to attempt to make pots of money. This is also why he requested seven million separate injunctions, and that people offending against his new trademark be required to write out 1000 lines. -
Ho-Hum...
Another one of those. Pity you can't sue the companies applying for such patents for fraud. Ah well. Anyway, did you guys miss this story or did I just miss the
/. posting of it? -
Re:The original altavista
Damn I miss the old net, before the bean-counters and lawyers got involved...
:-(
See ya in court.
http://www.despair.com/demotivators/frownonthis.ht ml -
still, not as stupid by far as THIS I.P. lawsuit..
http://www.despair.com/frownonthis.html
:-(
so sue me. -
The real irony is Apple's motto
I guess Mac users don't like having to "Think Different".
As they say over at Despair.com
Think Same.
As for me, the only working computer I personally own at the moment is an Apple ][+.
Help me! I'm a Luddite!
;)
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Re:blahIf you're looking for uplifting thoughts to pull you out of your horrible life, try Despair, Inc.. Otherwise, I would stop commenting on Slashdot's footwear.
--Emmett
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"Do You BooHoo?" - (link to different parody)I wonder if Yahoo minds the "Do You BooHoo?" parody on Despair, Inc.'s website?
Somehow, I don't think Tim Koogle would approve of the use of his image in the manner that it is
incorporated...
YAHOO AND DESPAIR ANNOUNCE PLANS TO LAUNCH BOOHOO!, A SPECIALIZED PORTAL AND BRAND FOR THE MISERABLE
SANTA CLARA, CA - August 13, 1999 - Yahoo! Inc. (Nasdaq: YHOO), the world's most popular internet portal, and Despair, Inc., the world's worst Internet company, today announced a joint-venture agreement to launch a specialized portal and brand for the miserable.
The specialty portal, called BooHoo! (http://www.boohoo.com), would offer a branded network of comprehensive information, communication and shopping services to congenitally unhappy Internet users.
FULL ARTICLE -
"Do You BooHoo?" - (link to different parody)I wonder if Yahoo minds the "Do You BooHoo?" parody on Despair, Inc.'s website?
Somehow, I don't think Tim Koogle would approve of the use of his image in the manner that it is
incorporated...
YAHOO AND DESPAIR ANNOUNCE PLANS TO LAUNCH BOOHOO!, A SPECIALIZED PORTAL AND BRAND FOR THE MISERABLE
SANTA CLARA, CA - August 13, 1999 - Yahoo! Inc. (Nasdaq: YHOO), the world's most popular internet portal, and Despair, Inc., the world's worst Internet company, today announced a joint-venture agreement to launch a specialized portal and brand for the miserable.
The specialty portal, called BooHoo! (http://www.boohoo.com), would offer a branded network of comprehensive information, communication and shopping services to congenitally unhappy Internet users.
FULL ARTICLE -
Re:The Despair, Inc. Year 2000 CalendarI forgot to light the link in my prior post, like the idiot that I am. Here it is, all nice and clickable.
http://www.despair.com/demotivator s/year20cal.html
I'll include a few more Despair 2000 calendar dates in this reply so that I'm adding something of substance to my original post.
Dr. Thomas Nicely announces a bug in the Pentium's FPU. Intel miscalculates the potential PR problem. - October 30th, 1994
The Chinese invent toilet paper. It takes 1,000 years to catch on in the West. - August 26th, 580
A European conference of leaders bans crossbows and believes they have permanently ended war. - August 30th, 1146
Lord British is assassinated while addressing his subjects in Britannia - August 8th, 1997
During a concert in Warsaw, Poland, a prop failure leaves the rock band U2 trapped inside a giant lemon - August 14th, 1997
Rembrandt declares he is insolvent. - July 26th, 1656.
Bill Gates sends John Sculley a memo suggesting that Apple license the Mac OS. Ignored, Gates creates Windows. - July 29th, 1985
"Howard the Duck" arrives in movie theaters, lays a huge egg. - August 1st, 1986
Kissing is outlawed in England in an attempt to halt the plague. - July 16th, 1439
Dr. John Gray's alma mater is declared a diploma mill by Marin County Court. Men and women may no longer be from Mars and Venus. - June 25th, 1997
Nostradamus' credit rating is ruined after "the King of Terror" fails to show up for apocalypse. - July 4th, 1999
sorry about the screwup.
smirkleton.
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Kim is next?
Next thing y'all will be attacking poster girl Kim and ask what she has done.
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Malda Synchronicity?
Strange coincidence re: Steaming Heap of Quickies.
The Atari Video Game History is produced by Howard Scott Warsaw, programmer behind "Yars Revenge" and "E.T." for 2600. On his website he takes joking credit for the collapse of the video game industry, saying "Rarely is one given the opportunity to topple a billion dollar industry single handedly. Yet according to the May '95 issue of New Media magazine (p. 27) this was my shot."
In my Demotivators 2000 calendar, Despair, Inc. includes the November 1982 date that Howard Scott Warsaw's "E.T" was released, saying in full "E.T." game release for Atari 2600; hastens collapse of the videogame industry. Over 1 million copies end up buried in a New Mexico landfill.
Freak coincidence, or is Rob listening to too many old Police albums?
Smirkleton
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Despair.com Y2K Calendar dates
I got an advanced copy of the Despair Y2K calendar from a friend last week. I am still laughing at the dates they chose to include (over 120 bad, stupid, funny dates in human misery in the past 2000 years). My faves are more recent things like the following:
1) January 1st, 2000 - Largest collective hangover in human history.
2) January 7th, 1943 - Nikola Tesla, inventor of radio, AC power and wireless communication, dies penniless in New York.
3) January 8th, 1992 - President Bush shares dinner with Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Miyazawa.
4) January 14th, 1990 - Homer Simpson first utters "D'oh!", aiding millions in articulating a precise feeling of self-inflicted stupidity.
5) January 19th, 1983 - Apple introduces the world's first "user-friendly" computer, the 52 lb., $10,000 Lisa.
6) January 25th, 1996 - FDA approves Olestra.
7) February 10th, 1996 - Chess legend Gary Kasparov is defeated by IBM's "Deep Blue" supercomputer.
8) March 9th, 1999 - Al Gore tells CNN, "I took the initiative in creating the Internet". MIT's Dr. Larry Roberts makes a voting decision for the 2000 election
9) April 29th, 1983 - "Kilroy Was Here", a concept album about a rock band's descent into self-parody, is certified platinum.
10) December 9th, 1997 - Stroboscopic effects in TV show "Pokemon" trigger seizures in over 600 Japanese children. Media exacerbates the problem by replaying clips while cover the story.
Funny video game errata, pretty obscure, "E.T." game release for Atari 2600, hastens collapse of the videogame industry. Over 1 million copies end up buried in a New Mexico landfill." and August 8, 1997 - Lord British assassinated while addressing his subjects in Britannia
I know where I am buying 90% of my friends for Christmas now.
Smirkleton -
Burnout for NT4http://www.despair.com/demotivator s/burnout.html
Burnout
Attitudes are Contagious. Mine Might Kill You.
Perfect for:
- Anyone Looking to Get Fired
- Anyone consigned to use NT
- Disaffected college students -
Re:demotivating posters
I agree.
I have several products from despair.com in my office. The 1999 calendar is one of my favorites.
- Another dissatisfied customer