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Despair Suing 7,000,000 Email Users Over :-(
Calle Ballz writes "According to an article on Despair's Website, they are suing 7,000,000 email users over trademark infringment for using the :-( 'emoticon'. I can't tell if it is a joke or not, I would like for it to be. The trademark registration is valid and is listed here. *sigh*" I would just like to say that our use of :-) is covered by fair usage. And that this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.Update: 01/26 04:18 PM by H :Check out the press release about it - that's one of the best pieces of satire I've seen in a while. Kudos to Despair for making a mockery of trademarks. Update: 01/29 04:52 PM by CT : Apparently a bunch of retarded Slashdot readers couldn't discern that this was parody and mailed despair to complain. Little itchy on the flaming finger guys? Here's the NY Times story
I distinctly remember having made a cat exercise, by reflecting sunlight on my watch and directing the lightspot in the vicinity of the cat.
Also used it to annoy people by directing it to their eyes.
Yeah I know, sunlight is everything but coherent, but i think this would classify as prior art... of course I'm not USian, so...
Victor
:-( (tm) That sucks.
Here in Israel one of the large ISPs (Internet Gold) is using ":-)" emoticon as his logo, so it's probably trademarked too. Though they use it as black symbol on yellow backgound only, very unusual for comptuer screen. And I'm always using :) anyway...
-- Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
Taco posted the story at 1424, and I am reading it at 1439. But the weird thing is that Hemos's update is timestamped at 1618. How'd he do that?
Quote: "Printed matter namely, greeting cards, posters and art prints"
It's a definite hoax, even if they were nuts enough to try they couldn't associate it with email since it isn't 'printed matter'.
Uh...if you follow the link, the trademark HAS been granted. It's just that Despair has a better sense of proportion than to actually sue people for using it in daily life.
7 November 2006: The day Americans realized corruption and incompetence weren't addressing 11 September 2001
>That is not how Intellectual Property law works.
>You can use the trademark all you want. You can
>paint it on your house, you can sell posters on
>it. A registered trademark just means that the
>holder can sue you for it, and collect damages.
Uhm. Think about what you just wrote.
That is not how [Controlled Substance] law works. You can [sell crack] all you want. You can [pass it out at school yards], you can sell [big chunks of] it. A [Controlled Substance law] just means that the [police] can [arrest] you for it, and [send you to a pound-me-in-the-ass penitentiary].
The trademark DOES mean you CAN'T USE IT without fear of legal repercussions.
As someone pointed out, the only laws that tell you what you "can't do" in the sense that you're using are the physical laws of the universe.
Granted, in this case, it's all a big joke - Despair, Inc couldn't care less what silly emoticons you use.
But they sure could have made a fortune off those AOL folks...
-LjM
ohmigod, that's a great idea
patent the blink tag, sue it off the face of the web
yes! we shall turn the evil forces of patent law to good!
um, or something
Ha! I can show prior art (pictures of my father, a laser pointer and my cat, back when I was 15 -- 1993! )
>%(
Hell, I've got a whole alternate mineshaft full of drunken, extremely bored lawyers sittin' around playin' with themselves, all 300 of whom would probably like nothing better than to sue ya blue for any trumped up reason I care to give 'em.
Really, these mugs make the MPAA's goons look like a bunch of freakin' gucci-shoed panty-waists!
So go ahead, emoticon-boy, make my day...
"...they may harpoon us, but they ain't gonna pick us up on no radar screen!"
Funny...
I could swear that I submitted this EXACT SAME STORY not two weeks ago.
Oh well... phocked over again.
Robert Dumas (robertdumas@hotmail.com)
...is that a corporation somewhat grounded in reality, and with a sense of humor is rare enough to stand out and be noticeable. Dispair should start an executive exchange program.
Ignorance is the root of all evil.
with half a brain read even half of that page and not know that it's blatant satire? Geez guys....I am REALLY starting to wonder about the editors. Do you even read the stuff before you post it and then fix it with an "UPDATE:" after you look at it? That's just poor!
There is some French jerk who copyrighted the smiley face several years ago. His copyright has been ignored in the US, so Wal-Mart and others continue to use smiley faces in advertising and on merchandise. But I understand that it's hard to find the ubiquitous smiley face in Europe, since he demands royalties to any European company that want to use "his" logo.
I'll register fubar.com "News for Dolts, S*it that don't change", trademark :-( for my logo and then sue despair.com for trademark dilution! I'll be rich, rich I say!
I don't want knowledge. I want certainty. - Law, David Bowie
:( DOH!
In other news, online retailer Amazon.com has issued a press release on their patenting of 1-Click Emoticons. Amazon.com founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has announced, "1-Click Emoticions are the fastest, easiest way to send emoticions to more then 7 million people worldwide." No new lawsuits have, as yet, been announced.
--McVerne
>Check out This insane patent which is referenced
> in the press release. I almost burst a gut!
Not a cat gut, I hope. I think that method is patented.
Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
I can't believe the poster was dumb enough to fall for it and then Mr. Taco was dumb enough to post it in the "Patents" category instead of "It's funny, laugh". Lately slashdot has been so eager to provide us with the "Late Breaking News" that gets enough banner-ad clickthroughs to somehow save VA from bankruptcy, that they'll post un{spell,grammar}checked stuff constantly and often - as in this case - not even read what they're posting links to. Praise to the American educational system, which has majors in SciFi, classes on Madonna, and graduates like Cmdr. Taco.
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I think an overzealous reader may have read a paragraph or 2 on that page, because if you scroll down, it is obviously a parody side in the same vain as "The Onion" and the like.
ALPHABET!
V WX YZ
So, EVERYONE will have to pay me $0.01USD per 100 letters EVER USED out of the Alphabet. For those who are unfamiliar with it, it is represented by these characters:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzABCEDFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTU
Furthermore, I claim the patent for the numbers 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 and any combination that can be produced by concatenation of any of those digits.
That means when you write source code or HTML or XML or anything like that, YOU HAVE TO PAY ME!!
I'm RICH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
It's also important for everyone to know that Pr0n® is now a registered trademark of the Pr0n® corporation, so any use of it not authorized by Pron® or it's subsidiary companies (Smut®, Hot Buns®, etc) will be persecuted to the fullest extent.
That's right, I said persecuted buddy! Screw the legal crap.
------------------------------
Sounds to me like someone is pissed off they didn't think of it first...
------------------------------
CmdrTaco needs a swift boot to the head. He also needs to READ THE ARTICLES BEFORE HE BLOODY POSTS THEM! If the Slashdot staff, including CmdrTaco, don't have the time or energy to read the stories they're posting, they have no right to post opinionated commentary with the stories on the front page...they can save it for the comments subpages like all of the rest of the ignorant pigs that post prematurely on Slashdot.
-----
"Cogito Eggo Sum: I think, therefore, waffle."
Not to be TOO big a whiner, but I posted this story YESTERDAY... And it was rejected. What gives?
:-( emoticon trademarked by despair.com (articles,news) (rejected)
2001-01-25 19:52:59
I feel better now. I think the Prozac is wearing off...
Dive Gear
--- Think of it as evolution in action ---
You can't patent the 1 or the 0. Microsoft already did that.
s .html
http://www.theonion.com/onion3311/microsoftpatent
----- I was not elected to watch my IP packets fragment and collide while you discuss this routing policy in a committe
>Or how about the following? I think real >lawyers would know the difference between a >trademark and a patent... > >What is certain, however, is that it appears >that someone has finally bested patent 5443036 >for most ridiculous intellectual property filing >in history." Well, in fairness, both patents and trademarks would fall under the umbrella of 'intellectual property'. It would be technically incorrect if the lawyer-dude said, "the most ridiculous patent filing in history". But frankly, I'd say that the laser-cat-patent trumps the emoticon trademark anyday!
I am sick and tired of people calling smileys 'emoticons'. Emoticon is just so M$ish. Every time I hear the word I cringe. This irks me more than the hacker/cracker mix-up. Anyone who started on BBSes will tell you they are smileys. Please tell your friends to get their vocab straight.
Actually, go look it up in the USTPO database. They have :-( as their registered trademark.
Mark Duell
Proof positive that REAL emoticons don't have noses. :)
-moibus http://moibus.jfm.net/
The article's fake, but really funny. This company has a great busniness plan and some really neat products.
:-)
Thier mocking of press releases is great. I really like the one where they dropped the COO in the picture with Bezos, he obviously was just pasted into the picutre.
Really funny. Ironically it put a smile on my face
BTW, someone's already registered dotbackslash.com.
The point of my original reply was to kindly state that, while you seem more evolved than that kind of amoeba, you couldn't, in this case, insult without resorting to calling it "a gay."
I completely understand your frustration, and your desire to bitch-smack that idiot. My only hope is that, in the future, you can do it without perpetuating the use of that phrase as an insult.
In other words, what about being gay leads one to be a non-thinking, unevolved, bacterium?
There are most certainly idiots in the gay community, but no more than in any other group. Personally, I place this kind of comment in the same category as, for example: "He Jewed me out of $bignum dollars on the deal."
--
The rest of your flames have been well thought and well spoken. Most have also been quite funny.
But I have to wonder:
How can someone with such eloquence in flames, suddenly find no better way to call someone stupid than "you're a gay". It's unfortunate, I honestly did enjoy your other posts.
--
You are really, really, REALLY fucking stupid, aren't you?
Hint: it *tells* you it's sarcasm.
Hint: Sarcasm means it's a joke.
wow.
But, feel free to let the world know that you're an idiot by putting anti-Dispair Inc. grafiti on your web site.
--
Nothing especially lementable happened today, but according to mine:
"After losing $1 billion and its logo in 1999, the GO Network announces "an opportunity to create a very clear proposition" (2000)
Those managers can say the silliest things sometimes!
"These people look deep within my soul and assign me a number based on the order in which I joined" --Homer re:
First off, I'd like to submit this link to The Onion, and their article "Microsoft Patents Zeros and Ones"
:CueCat, the DMCA, the PTA, NASCAR, lawyers, Natalie Portman naked and petrified, Lego Mindstorm, TiVO, and any other obligitory slashdot references I might have missed. But damn, Imagine A Beowulf Cluster of These :-( Things! They Are More Than Welcome To Join My SETI@Home or distributed.net Team!
...the blue stuff that was holding it to the wall dried out and it fell. I didn't think the damn thing would stay up, anyway.
Any following posts refering to this article may consider themselves redundant. Now, on to business!
Huzzah and kudos, as well as mad props to Despair, Inc. for being one of the few companies with a sense of humor in these dark times of the MPAA, carnivore,
The Onion may be the premier parody newspaper, but Despair, Inc is a corperation...they're not supposed to rip on people like Microsoft, Apple, and Fry's Electronics. That wouldn't be Politically Correct of them!
Anyway, I have to go re-hang my Pessimism poster
This is Matt signing off, and hoping the rest of your day doesn't suck.
"These people look deep within my soul and assign me a number based on the order in which I joined" --Homer re:
Brilliant. About time someone took a stab at this non-sense.
-- mikeDOTd
No, IR lasers are incredibly small -- you can pick up an IR laser diode for a few cents. In fact, they're cheaper, smaller and more efficient than visible-light ones. I've built a UV laser, though it it was a fair bit larger than a keychain pointer. I'm sure that it could be easily scaled down.
-- Tim Little
-Legion
Then again, if they actually read what people put in front of them (instead of blindly rubber stamping everything), most of these patents wouldn't be passed in the first place.
Unix is user friendly, it's just selective about who its friends are.
Let us know when you get your cease and desist order :-)
Unix is user friendly, it's just selective about who its friends are.
ofice of patent and trademark of United States (OPTUS)
I don't know any other languajes, but my favourite would be:
states trademark united patent office (STUPO)
That's all.
--
--
Stay tuned for some shock and awe coming right up after this messages!
Our product is the best, it's new and improved.
Oceana is at war with East Asia and always has been.
Okay, I don't even know why I'm responded to a comment like this.
:-( printing house. Apple can be the only Apple in computers.
:-( as much as you want. If you use :-( in anything close to a printing house, you would probably have to indicate that it is a trademark of despair.
IP law: it is illegal to due something and you can be held responsible.
Obviously, no laws can STOP you from something. (except the laws of the universe...)
They are using it as their trademark, so they had fun with it. You CAN use a "common word" in a trademark as long as it is descriptive. They can be the only
You can USE
Please read my post before responding rudely.
I don't like to post just to complain about moderation, but jesus h., +3:Informative on a post that confuses patents and trademarks?!?
All kings is mostly rapscallions. -Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
I have applied to the Federal Government in Ottawa to officialy change my name to wink lick, otherwise known as ;-
:-( "press release" almost had me pissing my pants....humor is such good medicine.
If I see anyone winking and making licking motions, they will be charged with impersonation...
Oh,I just LOVE those demotivators dudes....the apathy poster is one of the best things I have ever scene, and the
Going on means going far
Going far means returning
Going on means going far
Going far means returning
that's what i thought... thanks :)
[Got Hosting?]
No, just something I noticed today...that's all. ;)
[Got Hosting?]
...this is the second story today that was posted @ Kuro5hin first. What does this mean? ::shrug::
[Got Hosting?]
beause I use :( and that's clearly not covered in their Lawsuit :P
--
In Soviet Russia, Trojan exploits YOU!
What makes you think I didn't look it up? I know Despair.com has ":-(" as a trademarked logo on printed material like greeting cards. That's a specific mark for a specific trade. Doesn't mean anyone would expect them to have a chance in hell of winning a suit against an individual who uses ":-(" in their e-mail, much less successfully suing 7,000,000 people in separate suits.
It's not a patent, it's a trademark.
It's perfectly valid for a word to be in use as a generic term before it becomes a trademark. What's invalid is to use the generic term for your product as a trademark for it.
Copyright != trademark. An emoticon is uncopyrightable, because it doesn't meet the minimum creativity requirement. It could be trademarked, but if he's no longer in business he doesn't have a trademark.
It's not a patent, it's a trademark. PTO.
Actually, you raise a good point. It's important that we are able to recognise things for what they are.
To play Devil's Advocate, if Coca-Cola were not allowed to defend their Trademarks, then other people might emulate them with potentially dangerous products. This would also mean that we couldn't realistically sue them if they made a mistake in the making of their products as we would have no way of knowing if they actually made it.
Us being able to uniquely identify any company is a good thing for both Big Business and Real People. I just wish they'd stop being so damn aggressive in pursuing it.
As an aside, what is the largest number of people ever sued in one case? The answer "It was the entire of California in the case Person X v The State of California" will not receive credit :)
We have invented the word "is". This word should transform the world by making speaking/reading/writing easier. Now we can say "It 'is' good" and "It 'is' raining" instead of just "good" and "raining". Of course, you must pay us tributes for using the new word "is", if you refuse, we will sue you.
This is quite honestly one of the greatest things I've heard lately. A company that's actualy standing up and saying that even though they own it they don't want to take it out of popular culture. Beautiful. =)
--
1) It's not a patent, it's a trademark.
2) It's not broken, it's their logo. It prevents other companies from using it as their logo. Fair use still applies, just like copyright.
--
Actually, that patent wouldn't be very useful, since all real programmers use
int main(argc,argv)
8O)
I looked at that patent - I can blow it out of the water with prior use - 1988, with a laser salvaged out of an early grocery store scanner - about a 1.5mw HeNe, complete with exposed plates - grab that -4kV (ouch). Had a kitten running around and around, it jumped on the sofa and then the wall, at which point it did a "Sylvester", sliding down the wall vainly trying to stop, and down behind the sofa - all 4 of us were in pain from laughing - poor kitten. Anyway, this predates the patent by some 5-10 years (i forget exactly). If someone wants to waste the money to overturn it, speak up.
/.
As for your patent, you will have to be more specific - I think many can point out prior art. But if you patent masturbating to a beowulf cluster of linux boxes running porn videos of Natlie Portman while doing something with hot grits, you might have a winner - just think about all the royalties you could collect just from the trolls here at
Personally, I'd try patenting "First Post" - maybe it would save some bandwidth and time...
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2
Really, you would have to be so dumb to believe this. Why do people believe anything on the internet?
Dr Fgets Strikes again!
You morons! (You moron's being those who don't get it.)
duh.
---
This
Suzanna Markow, I.P. specialist of Markow, Ladley & Associates, said of the issuance, "This is a defining moment in the history of intellectual property law. To extend official registration to an emoticon, one who's common usage predated the existence of the trademark holder by several years, defies common sense and establishes a dangerous precedent." 1) reminds me of the etoy vs EToy dispute. It's funny that a satire page figured that out but a court couldn't. and 2) How the hell did Taco not get that that was satire? It was dripping with sarcasm. And people filing lawsuits don't normally say things like "Jeff has proven to be a true innovator. He's really inspired a new movement in the dotcom universe- frivolous, destructive intellectual property lawsuits. I couldn't be happier to be a part of the revolution." Oh well, at least he corrected himself.
"Truth is like a tragedy" -Coal Chamber
Pfft. Like I've seen a pen and paper lately. How 80's is that?
Oh and :-(
(bastages)
even if this is satire.... what the hell was the reason? to get some public attention? i doubt that this move will bring nothing but bad pr for the company...most people still think that the lawsuit is actually real....
I am gonna copyright my middle finger, and everybody who uses that hand sign from that point foward will be hearing from my attorney. That Includes 10% of my fellow motorists, and it also means I can file a lawsuit against MS and Billy the King for their marketing methodology.    
-- Defenestrate Microsoft!
Maybe he "copywrited" them, but all that means is that we wrote copy (a term often used in advertising).
Ah, when will they learn "copyright" vs. "copywrite"?
-Nev
i think that I will get this as my trademark and change my name to it--->
( . Y . )
From the US Patent Office website
In order for an invention to be patentable it must be new as defined in the patent law, which provides that an invention cannot be patented if: "(a) the invention was known or used by others in this country, or patented or described in a printed publication in this or a foreign country, before the invention thereof by the applicant for patent," or "(b) the invention was patented or described in a printed publication in this or a foreign country or in public use or on sale in this country more than one year prior to the application for patent in the United States . .
I hope they go forward with the lawsuit. Make a real public courthouse parody of it. Maybe something like this will draw enough attention to the absurd patents and copyrights being granted left and right. I say go get 'em. Make so much stink that the backlash cleans out the copyright office staff.
I do have one question. Where is the line between copyright/trademark infringment violation enforcement and penalization, and free speech? It seems to me that the rights granted to copyright and trademark holders are a bit broad and fuzzily defined. IANAL. Can I be sued for using a trademarked symbol to communicate with someone?
Andrew
Atleast read the damn article before you post it on Slashdot. We may not have all the time to waste like you. Enough said..
Rapid Nirvana
Please note that Despair's trademark for the :-( mark is limited to "greeting cards, posters and art prints." Thus, anyone can use the :-( symbol in casual conversation, email, on food products such as cans of grits, on Britney Spears albums, or anything that is _not_ greeting cards, posters and art prints, without infringing that trademark. What you _can't_ do is sell greeting cards, posters and art prints under the :-( brand. That's all this means. A trademark on "x" does not mean that you can't use "x" at all. No need to overreact.
Kudos to Despair for making a mockery of trademarks.
When the US patent office makes a mockery of trademarks people bitch and complain, but when Despair does it they get kudos.
Regarding the patent for the cat exercisor...
http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US05443036__
Notice how the patent describes invisible light, to produce a bright pattern of light. Uhh... you can see invisible light?
This patent invalidates itself. But it's still funny that the morons at the patent office approved it.
The whores get mad when the sluts give it away for free.
I mean, can you believe you can patent that? I wonder if anyone's got the patent for tying a few old socks together and playing tug-of-war with their dogs....d'oh! shouldnt have said that out loud, I could have patented it myself....
You're right. My bad.
If it ain't broke, you need more software.
;-(
Donate background CPU time to fight cancer.
If anyone fell for that they are a moron. The picture is defintely doctored. The whole press release has that "fake" feel to it. Shame on you Rob.
Hemos: Me too, me too!
--
--
You are a fucking moron.
My only problem is that if someone holds the gift card upsidedown, it would look like :-( and I would be in a shit load of trouble...hrm...
Yes,, yes it is :-)
Sadder
--------
Look at the page, it wasn't even filed until mid-1998, and I know I saw it in widespread use LONG before then.
I have applied for a patent on ranting and must ask you to cease and desist.
It's nota my planet, monkey-boy - Dr Lizardo.
Anyone who believes this might as well believe everything off of theonion.com. So lets take some actual news articles from theonion.com to chew on:
White House Guidance Counselor Recommends Clinton Consider Career In Hotel Management (Is this believeable?)
Bunch Of People Apparently Saw That Brendan Fraser Mummy Movie (Is this one believeable?)
Despair.com is in the business of making people feel like shit for a purpose. To make us laugh at dumb stuff like this. You think they can trademark a few keys on a keyboard. That would be as dumb as 1-click shopping or trademarking search engine technology. Oops! It's already been done.
The podium sign with the :-( is a fake. Take a close look and you'll see what I mean; though the camera angle is straight-on, but the highlight is non-directional. Also, the stippling of the background is suspiciously aligned with the pixel grid of the .gif file. Care was obviously taken to hide this, but it just stuck out to me. Ever seen a real-life stippling pattern that just "happens" to align with the pixel grid? I didn't think so.
"Ancillary does not mean you get to rule the world." --U.S. Circuit Judge Harry Edwards, speaking to the FCC's lawyer
this is a great thing to do. if enough people file frivols lawsuits for all concepts or things considered free, like.... navigational buttons on a web site ... using colored fonts in a email... you get the picture...
maybe congress will wake up and take a look at the outdated patent laws.
If the alleged artist formerly known as Prince can do it, why can't he?
--
When you sympathize with stupidity, you start thinking like an idiot.
While they're patenting colons, dashs, and open parenthesis someone should create a company called TD and make their (trademarked) logo
:)
Then they could sue any web site that uses tables!
Or void main(void)
Turns out to be a post by Ted Frank; in his younger days he was one of the most noteworthy, subtlest trolls on Usenet.
It is a nice marketing scam :-).
The greatest thing about work is that I get paid to use the restroom!
In summary, even though Despair, Inc does have a trademark on :-(, you are basically allowed to use it until you are told to stop by Despair.
I should be able to use :-( all I want, regardless of what Despair thinks, unless I'm using it to sell posters. Or calendars, or mugs, or whatever else their trademark specifically applies to.
Of course, I wont. I prefer the somewhat terser ":(" (for which I am applying for trademark protection right now :) )
- cicadia
Living better through chemicals
I've got an idea... Let's have slashdot trademark the letter 'e'. Slashdot will quickly sue it's way to multi-million dollar status, of course every site with the letter 'e' in it's name must be turned over to the trademark holders for the fair fee of $.05 per domain.
Actually you can't sell any beverage with the same red as Coke's. You'd have to use a different shade of red. The shade Coca-Cola red is proprietary.
From the article.
--
All men are great
before declaring war
A government is a body of people notably ungoverned - AC
Yeah that was one of the errors I saw. They had another error on line 997 in one of their other .pm files but I forget what it was called now, its the one that powered the right-hand side column boxes I think.
I've been getting funky slash.pm and Internal Server 500 errors on slashdot today, you guys trying to upgrade Slashcode or something?
The really funny part about this is that the teenagers who run this site can parrot the party line about hating Microsoft and Bush but can't tell a joke when they see one.
"An innovative stand against innovation." I love it! :-) ...I mean :-(
I'm gonna hafta buy one of those "I read your email" bumper stickers now.
Elsewhere on the site, they mention Parker Brothers' theft of the game Monopoly. If you want to read about a real real evil use of trademark laws, go to www.antimonopoly.com
f u cn rd ths u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmng
sorry, I got them patented yesterday.
Just write )-:
So on the main page of our website we posted just a little message for him. If you would like to see this please goto www.nwconnections.com
Lets all put an end to this BS that goes on, especially by this man. Ohh and BTW if you really want to protest this you would think that ThinkGeek.com would pull any products that this company makes. And for anybody that works at /. maybe stop advertising the posters.
Its just a thought.
GiraffeSville, a place anyone can call home
I think the issue is that Trademarks are not supposed to be granted for commonly used english phrases (and ostensibly, commonly used symbols.) This case shows that either the Trademark office was asleep at the switch, or they clearly don't go online very much. Either one is sort of disturbing.
You apparantly are not an intelligent person.
________________________________
________________________________
"I'm the King of the Trolls!"
But it's not. That the whole point. Re-read your statement and discover the flaw in your logic.
-- Eat your greens or I'll hit you!
-- Eat your greens or I'll hit you!
Five years after despair.com successfully sued 2.5 billion email and chatroom users, for the sum of $100 per use of the trade marked :-(
This landed Despair.com 3/5th of the worlds monetary power. Bringing the earth financially to
it's knees and marking the start of an era
of tyranny.
The completion of the Despair moon base comes only weeks after thier announcement of successful tests of the Despair Faster Than Light Drive. In a global broadcast from the Great Lord Dr. :-( earlier today he stated "This marks the end of Despair on Earth, and it marks the start of Despair for the whole Universe. MMMWUUARRAHAHAHHAH".
Despair.com's [Sym: :-( ] stock price rose over $1000 per share to a high of $94,084 per share, shortly after the announcement. AOL, Microsoft, Boeing, Time-Warner, Vatican and alltheoil.com are holy owned subsidiaries of Despair.com.
M0571y H@rml355.
They must have got their idea from Ignorance, Cluelessness, Incompetence, Dysfunction. :-)
M.
I forsee a sudden flooding of the US Patent Offices with people registering all other emoticons... I'll take =) as a registered trademark of perlmunkee. Let the law suits begin!
The thing to keep in mind with this sort of this, is there's a difference between necessarily owning the copyright/trademark/patent on something and enforcing. Michael Jackson owns the rights to "Happy Birthday", do you think he could sue any 8-year olds birthday party? What about a movie it was sung in? of course not...
Kindly exclude me from your argumentation. Thanks.
Try this site. It mentions that this was once considered an urban legend, but also contains references to proof - such as a Wall Street Journal article and a court case - showing that it is actually true.
Man, gotta love Google.
Don't wrestle with pigs; you'll both get muddy, but the pig likes it.
You're not rich, you're a gay.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Oh, please, stop, my sides are splitting.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
What's the problem? Taco said it was the funniest thing he'd read in the blurb.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Wow, you're bitter. Have you ever considered the benefits of investing less of your emotions in the submissions queue of four months ago, and more in the spiritual well-being of you and those around you?
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Please try and understand the distinction between patents and trademarks. It's really quite simple.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Please note that the concept of prior art does not apply to trademarks. You, like so many ill-informed slashdot readers, are confusing patents with trademarks.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Yep, the article was a joke but the trademark is real. So they will have to prosecute if they want to keep it. Whether they want to keep it or not is another matter - I doubt they will.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Hello Kishar, thanks for the kind words, I aim to please. I don't know why it tickles me to hear the word "gay" used as a noun when it is usually an adjective. However, it is especially wonderful when it verbosifies the sentence (saying "you're gay" is easier and more correct than saying "you're a gay"). As for why I didn't have the time to flame him properly.. well, his post was such a gay that I couldn't really be bothered. Every IP related story on /. seems to involve a hundred people jumping in the air screaming "I'm going to patent $x", where $x is something non-patentable. Unless some original thought is put into this type of post, they are gays.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
'Despair filed suit yesterday in a U.S. District Court in Dallas, alleging trademark infringement against over 7 million individual Internet users. The company has requested separate injunctions granted against each.
Seven million separate injunctions is a good joke.
the company has, through the use of the FBI's controversial new "Carnivore" Internet wiretapping system, surreptitiously monitored unencrypted Internet email and compiled a list of over 7,000,000 individuals who have used the ":-(" emoticon in email
They are claiming that not only is carnivore deployed, but that they are the first commercial entity with access to it. That's quite a good joke.
The article then goes on to quote several IP lawyers as thinking the trademark is ridiculous, even though this is an article on despair.com's own website.
It continues in the same vein, going so far as to claim that the CEO is changing his name to ":-(".
Oh yeah, then there is the disclaimer at the bottom of the page saying
Articles and items appearing in our "Recent Spin" are satirical and are not intended to be an accurate portrayal of the persons, companies or events depicted within them.
In short, only the severely humour impaired could possibly take this seriously.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
False. There is no such thing as fair use in trademark law. If they want to retain the trademark, they have to pursue anyone who uses it as though it is an everyday word and get them to either remove the reference or put a little (tm) symbol by it.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
However, it's not entirely a hoax. They have been granted the trademark on ":-)" for Printed matter namely, greeting cards, posters and art prints . You could argue that because emoticons have been such an electronic phenomenon, they are not currently in the public domain for printed media. Either way, despair.com is going to have to prosecute if it wants to retain its trademark.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
I see you lack any sense of humour whatsoever. Congratulations.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
A good example of this is McDonalds, who seem to think they own the prefix "Mc". They are very budy sueing anyone who runs a successful business whose name starts with "Mc", even in Scotland.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
First of all I don't think that Despair has a solid case against email users. It would be like Dodge suing everyone who uses the word "Different" in their emails or on their websites. Despair does, however, have a case against anybody who uses )-: in their logos on websites or anywhere else.
But I think a lot of people are missing the point. If they were to attempt to sue seven million users, think of how much traffic that would bring their website. It's like justifiably spamming seven million people. Even though Despair might loose the case and loose a bunch of money, they ultimately will bring quite a lot of people to their website - who are potential costumers for their merchandise.
Thanks,
Pocketdemon
could I be number 7,000,001 to be sued? :-(
I only want to be number 7,000,001. Any other number simply will not do!
despair....that's the right word. an ultimate act of despair.
They own a trademark, not a patent. Trademarks are limited to one field of use, so we have Apple Computer and Apple Records, Sun Microsystems and Sun Oil Company. What the trademark means is that no other company can use :-( as their corporate logo, and that's all.
This is completely legitimate.
The reason that we are now having such trouble over trademarks is that trademark owners are trying to leverage their limited control over the use of a word (in a specific business) to an unlimited control (use in unrelated fields, like domain names of businesses in a completely different line of work). The ICANN is headed for a legal fall Real Soon Now because of this (their attempt to expand trademark law even though they have no right to do so).
In this case, the generic use of emoticons greatly predates the trademark (allegedly applied for in 1998): According to ESR's _The New Hacker Dictionary_, 2nd Ed (1993),
So: invalid, indefensible trademark-- already in use as a generic even before the trademark application."My opinions are my own, and I've got *lots* of them!"
As much as I enjoy the humor involved, it does show what's right with trademark registration. Notice that they have a fairly narrow mandate for using their trademark -- "Printed matter namely, greeting cards, posters and art prints." So, no one else can use :-( to sell posters. Patents may have their problems, but trademarks have been fairly limited, especially since the Apple (Records/Compter) lawsuit.
Yes, I know, it's all just a matter of time . . .
Geoff
I think I see a trend here. Maybe for them it really would be easier to muzzle the entire internet than to produce p
or the power of large people in stupid groups :-(
oops...
Vidi, Vici, Veni
could that person really not tell this was a joke?
:, -, (,
that's sad, as in
:-(
Vidi, Vici, Veni
Some of my co-workers seem to suffer from a lack of the intelligence needed to realize this is satire.
Check out This insane patent which is referenced in the press release. I almost burst a gut!
--
While it is nice to be cynical about things, the falsehood (that is, the satirical nature) of the report was apparent on its face. Do the editors truly think that this story was on the level?
Be real.
While there are those who would be pleased to make that claim, that "the current state of intellectual property law is so egregious that intelligent people might actually believe," that's hokum -- sheer demagoguery. No well-educated and intelligent person could buy this story on its face.
While it is "politically correct" in this forum to be anti-IP, and to make things laughable, it is critical to recall that hysteria is one of the traits most effectively used by the pro-strong-IP forces to marginalize and discredit critics of overreaching.
Simply put, it is not really a great idea to try to fight an intellectual war where you are weakest. There are strong anti-IP arguments. This isn't one of them.
Anyone who pretends otherwise is selling something.
Very true - it makes me wonder if it would be possible to file a "counter patent" by "innovating" with a "visible beam", or get the patent overturned because of validity due to the fact that laser beams are visible...
You are right - the filer is an idiot...
Worldcom - Generation Duh!
Reason is the Path to God - Anon
Coming back a little late on this (was on vacation, no net connection - but it actually was quite nice)...
Anyhow, thank you for correcting me - I was thinking a CO2 type laser setup, forgetting the IR lasers used in CD players and such...
Sometimes dumb thoughts come out of me...
Worldcom - Generation Duh!
Reason is the Path to God - Anon
I'm not sure if it has ever been noticed before in earlier postings about this patent on /. - but did you notice the line in the patent that reads:
A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser...
Invisible light? Is this the innovation in the patent?
Note that most typical laser pointers project visible light, generally 635 or 670nm, which is a bright red. For a laser pointer to generate invisible light, it would have to be a UV or IR laser.
Does anyone know where I could get a UV or IR laser, in a sleek pen form factor?
Ok, I am being sarcastic (these types of lasers tend to be on the large side of things) - but I have to wonder about the wording of this patent. It really seems absurd...
Worldcom - Generation Duh!
Reason is the Path to God - Anon
ha ha
It's 10 PM. Do you know if you're un-American?
although they are making fun of it...they really do (or will soon) own the trademark for it...
/. (tm)
:| maybe?
just like
it's pretty sad and funny. it's
In Soviet Russia...michael would be rotting in Siberia!
Hey, thanks! Now I can stop feeling irate about my submission of this story getting rejected three days ago... You're the deserving one, not I. Though perhaps it was my including of that actual trademark page that confused them. Too much information to check out.
(Though that's not the record...I submitted the "sugar eating Robot" thing last September, but those in charge didn't find an acceptable version until January.)
The cake is a pie
What, you think I care?
Now THAT is funny...
The cake is a pie
Consider this: if CmdrTaco had posted it with the foot icon and said, "boy is this a real funny joke!" he would have spoiled it. The enjoyment of satire comes in part from the discovery that it isn't true. Some people never attain that level of satisfaction, unfortunately.
I don't know if that's what he was thinking, but I think I should get a "No Prize" for it. I like to read the occasional Slashdot post that serves more as a link than a pre-packaged, categorized, analyzed news blurb. Then I form my own judgement and proceed to bore myself to tears reading what all of the hysterical ACs have to say about it.
By the way, have you ever noticed that the people most likely to say, "Jeezus you moron, why don't you think a little before you post," are also the quickest to misjudge in exactly the same way? Funny.
Aww, I missed first post. :-(
There is a real Trademark, and it is quite reasonable. You can not use the frowny emoticon as representing your trade in business cards and artwork. ... I can't create a printing house and use the frowning logo.
That is not how Intellectual Property law works. You can use the trademark all you want. You can paint it on your house, you can sell posters on it. A registered trademark just means that the holder can sue you for it, and collect damages.
In this case, while they HAVE acquired :-( as a registered trademark, they are NOT using Carnivore to find infringers, they are NOT likely to care about your use of :-( at all. If ever, they'd only care about an egregious use of :-( as an identity mark to divert or confuse THEIR customers.
[
I like the bit about how they're using Carnivore to catch infringing users.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
There is a real Trademark, and it is quite reasonable. You can not use the frowny emoticon as representing your trade in business cards and artwork. It is questionable if you can use it as an image in a poster, but I would imagine that prior art covers it.
However, they have that logo. I can't create a printing house and use the frowning logo.
I like there logo, and I thought the page was hysterical.
You mean to tell me they're not really going to make every one of the defendants write out ":-( is a registered trademark of Despair, Inc." a thousand times by hand?
:-(® about."
Poop. I would have liked to see that.
I have to confess that I was a _tiny_ bit suspicious when I read, "Whether you are a 4th grade nothing using your momma's AOL account, or you are Time Magazine's "Man of the Year", we are going to hunt you down, and when we do, we're really going to give you something to
Ah well. I'll have to get my amusement elsewhere I guess.
"People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban
An obvious hoax. C'mon, why do you think they call it a TRADEmark? You can't take a generally used word or symbol out of the public domain; you can only enjoin a specific and limited use. I can use the words hallmark and paramount, for example, even capitalizing them if I choose, and if it doesn't give a false impression to consumers I can't be successfully sued. Additionally, you generally can't have classes of unrelated defendants in a suit. That should have tipped you off. Even if you didn't know law, wouldn't you wonder how they got a list of millions of e-mail users who used the emoticon? Did they lease Carnivore? A little cogitation goes a long way, guys.
But to be a valid trademark, the mark need not be inherently distinctive. Rather, it can acquire distinctiveness through use. This is why Coca-Cola can be a trademark despite being merely descriptive of the ingredients of the drink.
"Despair has also petitioned the court to require defendants to submit a handwritten letter which repeats the phrase ":-( is a registered trademark of Despair, Inc." one-thousand times. A ruling on the petition is expected within a week."
The trademark is real. It is probably even enforable on "Printed matter namely, greeting cards, posters and art prints", and for commercial purposes... The rest of the article is fake.
ok then your [sic] infringing on my copyright! Could you as [sic] me next time before STEALING my comments for your own?
Read the following line:
Despair has also petitioned the court to require defendants to submit a handwritten letter which repeats the phrase ":-( is a registered trademark of Despair, Inc." one-thousand times.
Or how about the following? I think real lawyers would know the difference between a trademark and a patent...
What is certain, however, is that it appears that someone has finally bested patent 5443036 for most ridiculous intellectual property filing in history."
But I think this one is probably the funniest:
he had personally taken Jeff Bezos and his wife to dinner, to congratulate him on his willingness to "take a innovative stand against innovation", and also to inform him that Bezos was amongst the 7,000,000 who had violated Despair's trademark.
Then why did he reject the exact same story when I submitted it a week ago?
This hypocrisy bothers me. It would be one thing if he changed his mind and decided to post it, but to put it on the front page...
My legal education, in nifty podcast format
With the current state of the US legal system nothing would surprise me. Why would suing 7 million e-mail users be more unbelievable than some of the utterly stupid lawsuits we have come to see as natural in the last few years?
--- oops
First, the form a company around the idea of making really depressing versions of those inspirational new-agey posters...
Then they advertize on Slashdot, the most popular geek website, and turn the Slash editors into shameless publicity whores for their company!
Next, I'm sure they will hire Jon Katz to write a book about Despair, hailing them as representative of a wave of "New Media" or "Open Poster-Making" or maybe even "Post-Columbine Virtual Community Chickclickers" or something.
Way to go, Despair! Keep fighting the bad fight.
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
--I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
...is that they apparently have an actual patent on the :-(. Go to their page, they have a link to the uspto.org patent server, and they have registered it. So much for those who think the patent system isn't broken.
If it ain't broke, you need more software.
:-)
# debian/rules
The ( is not the same charactor as ). Look it up in any ASCII table. That upside down would be (-:
The truth shall set you free!
Fine we can just quit using :-(
:(
:P....
There are many other wonderful ways to express sadness such as
I think I should trademark
I want my rights back. I was actually using them when our government stole them after 9/11.
I submitted this story during an extended period of time where I did not sleep. I was at work. I skimmed over the article, I thought it was a joke, but I didn't see the line that said it was a joke. I've noticed the flames, here is my response. With all of the similar lawsuits happening, it's hard to tell which stories are fake, and which ones are real. I thought that the pillsbury vs. sun was a joke until I read the article. It's too damn scary anymore.
Well, I guess I'll have to sue despair.com then, cause I used that emoticon back in 1979 in a copyrighted work that was transmitted over the Internet, when I was a student at SFU in Burnaby, B.C.
Luckily for me I registered it with both the Library of Congress and the Canadian version thereof (even have the reg papers in a box in the attic).
Interesting aside - maybe I should read through my published articles and journals and see if I have any more prior art I can use to deny MSFT and other baddies their key patents, since I have prior claim due to usage?
--- Will in Seattle - What are you doing to fight the War?
The Register carried this story several days ago. There have been numerous references to it in slashdot posts over the last few days. Yawn.
"moo" - cow 3, 1906
Great article!
-m
:-(
... rather than read the whole page I went to lexis-nexis to see if despair had in fact filed any suits in U.S. District court. They hadn't.
better watch out, or they'll sue you for that too!
i smell a segfault article on this.....
Need a Catering Connection
The truly scary part to *me* is that they *DID* grant a patent to two people from Arlington VA for a "method to exercise a cat" using a laser pointer.
Which brings me to my next question.. if they can patent an action, can I patent masturbation? Think of the money maker there!
Maeryk
Feminine Protection? What is that? A chartreuse flame thrower?
Damn, and here I was getting ready to put the frowny on T-shirts and use the T-shirts as free speech argument to defend myself in court!
Mmmm.. Donuts
The trademark *is* real. The lawsuit is not. I could tell that much from reading the bit on the front page of /. The key to the whole joke is that the trademark is real and while they don't work at Despair there are people out there who if they had thought of it would do the lawsuit. In fact I would not be surprised to see a similar but real thing in the near future.
Cypherpunks: Civil Liberty Through Complex Mathematics. Those who live by the sword die by the arrow.
Oh, someone did.
But I think it's another joke.
"In order to be inherently distinctive, the trade dress must be either arbitrary or suggestive..."
(Cmdr)Taco Cabana Int'l, Inc. v. Two Pesos, Inc.
932 F.2d 1113 (5th Cir. 1991)
I have just registered the trademark "Anonymous Coward." All who wish to post to Slashdot using that name should send US$1 to me for each use. Pay pal accepted.
Some people don't seem to get this is a joke. According to today's SJ Mercury, some people have been writing hate mail to Despair about it.
Here's the link (see bottom of page)
http://www0.mercurycenter.com/svtech/reports/gmsv/
[An email from Despair follows]
John
Thanks for your recent mention of our :-( trademark story in your "Good Morning Silicon Valley" column.
It is somewhat unclear to me from reading your recent write-up whether or not you were aware that the article regarding the frown emoticon was a parody story. If you were aware of this, please forgive me for this email.
Your article does state that we are satirists -- but afterwards seems to treat the matter of the lawsuit as though it were not a satirical gag. This seems to have created some confusion amongst the readership of your column, some of whom have contacted us in outrage asking passionately for their names to be added to the list of those we intend to sue. Heroic gestures, to be sure, but ultimately as futile as grabbing the family shotgun to fend off a Martian invasion being reported by Orson Wells.
Best regards,
Justin Sewell, CEO
Despair, Inc.
He registered for and recieved copyright on all the emoticons.
I sent him a copy of the story, but the sarcasm must have whizzed over his head. He sent this cease and decist letter to despair:
Pathetic, isn't it?
No intelligent people ever believed that the trademark holder was going to sue 7,000,000 email users. Only people with a mental deficiency (the inability to recognize even the most blatantly obvious heavy-handed satire as such unless they literally read the words "this is satire") are fooled by such things.
Unfortunately several of the Slashdot editors suffer from said mental deficiency, as do way too many Slashdot readers.
See for your selves.
:-(
On a separate note...
I am AMAZED at how many idiots there are that don't seem to be able to realize that this story is MAKING FUN OF FRIVILOUS LAWSUITS by PRETENDING TO BE ONE.
I have to revise my opinion of the average intelligence of the readership of slashdot WAAAAAY down.
Ask yourself, outraged nimrods, if you really believe the following things are TRUE.
1) A company that sells PARODY products is actually working with the FBI to MONITOR YOUR EMAIL.
2) The PARODY company in question is SERIOUSLY planning to sue 7,000,000 people.
3) The founder of that company is SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING changing his name to
4) The SAME person also is suing JEFF BEZOS for infringing on a trademark.
5) The DISCLAIMER at the bottom of the story is actually NOT TRUE.
Did you read any of the OTHER STORIES on the website?
Do you REALLY believe they are partnering with Yahoo to create BOOHOO.COM- a portal for miserable people?
Do you REALLY believe Noah Wylie is the interim CEO of FUTURE POWER
The only story on their entire site that I might ACTUALLY believe is the one about selling 5000 Apathy posters to Fry's. That I believe.
From the writeup, "I can't tell if this is a joke or not."
From the page itself, Articles and items appearing in our "Recent Spin" are satirical and are not intended to be an accurate portrayal of the persons, companies or events depicted within them.
This is SATIRE. Put on your thinking caps, people, or geez, read the whole thing! The CEO also claims he's considering changing his legal name to the frowney emoticon. Yeah right.
[
Yeah, it's funny, until you realize that the current state of intellectual property law is so egregious that intelligent people might actually believe a trademark would be granted for the emoticon, and that the trademark holder might actually sue 7,000,000 email users.