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You remind me of this

http://gradha.sdf-eu.org/texto...

An oldie but a goodie:
http://gradha.sdf-eu.org/textos/klingon_programmer.en.html

Top 20 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:

• Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
• Specifications are for the weak and timid!
• This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
• You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
• Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
• What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
• Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
• Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
• I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
• A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
• By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
• You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
• Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
• Our competitors are without honor!
• Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
• Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
• Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
• Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
• My program has just dumped Stova Core!
• Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

Klingon programmer quotes?

Don't be culturally insensitive

http://gradha.sdf-eu.org/textos/klingon_programmer.en.html

If I could post ASCII art on slashdot, I'd post the one with the cute little fat man holding the 'Don't Feed The Trolls' sign.

Heck, here's a whole gosh darned page of those cute critters. Enjoy!

Don't Feed The Trolls

It only empowers them to wield attack lawyers.

Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing". When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.

(from here)

I couldn't find active links for one or two of them myself, but here's an updated list -- in some cases these aren't the original sites, which have disappeared, so obviously it's worth being extra careful with antivirus software... apologies for the mess of links; the filter doesn't like short lines...

1by1 (play MP3s), AriskKey (recover passwords), AutoRuns (enumerate startup tasks), BurnCDCC (burn ISO images), CD (basic CD player), CDex (rip CDs + convert MP3/WAV), Copier [0X Copy Machine] (scan + print), CWShredder (clean spyware), DComBob (tame DCOM), DirLister (make quick file lists), Discover (force windows onscreen), DupeLocater (find and clean), FileRecovery [PC Inspector] (undelete), Folder2ISO (use with BurnCDCC), FoxitReader (read PDFs), GUIPDFTK (split/join PDFs), HijackThis (find spyware), HJSplit (split/join files), Identify_Boards (identify hardware), KatMouse installer (due to MS drivers), LCISOCreator (make ISO image from CD), Leaktest (test firewall), Microsoft keygen (people lose things), MultiRes (change res + force refresh), Multi Timer (stopwatch), NoteTab Light (text editor), NTest (test monitor setup), OnTop (pin windows to foreground), Process Explorer (task manager), ProduKey (recover passwords), Registry Commander (virus cleanup), ResHacker (examine executables), Rootkit Revealer (just in case) ShootTheMessenger (turn service off), Shred by AnalogX (simple filer shredder), TedNPad (unicode text editor), TFT (dead pixel locator), UNPnP (tame SSDP), UPX (compress executables), UnitConverter (what it says), utorrent (basic torrent app), VCdControlTool (mount ISO images),

As if this wasn't complex enough already. The poster says, with shortening:

Private keys are used for SSH, SSL, etc, public keys are used for the secure exchange of that key. If the private half of the public key pair is known, that SS* key exchange is not secure, and there is no need to be TOLD the SS*'s key: it is handed to any listener who knows the private key that fits the public key used to initiate the session.

Now that's oversimplified, and the last bit's wrong, but anyway; you say, again abbreviated:

Unless you use DH to produce the symmetric session key, so you don't have to send an encrypted key. The asymmetric keys are used for authentication and don't encrypt the session key or data in any meaningful way.

_I_ say:

Who says he didn't? You are wrong in subtle ways. Is authentication not meaningful? Anyway, he's talking about using "public keys [...] for the _secure_ exchange" of a session key. I understand that to mean authentication. As an aside, can you provide me with a public key I can trust? What will you do, send it in an email? Put it on a home page?

Do I trust a key found somewhere in the domain http://ftoomch.sdf-eu.org/ ?

DH or a close variant is often used internally in session (SS*/VPN/IPSec) protocols, for the interested reader.

You propose to use pub/private keys to prove you are you. Here's how that works:

1) we meet in a seedy alley, trust each other by some real world mechanism and swap public keys.
2) use these for the DH exchange, eliminating MTM. That's really good.
3) We connect, carry on a sophisticated exchange of ideas, bomb plans etc.
4) The cops grab me, legally I have to give them my private key and I do.

Can you explain what happens now? Hint: The next contact you have with me is correctly authenticated.

Comms encryption is for comms. It's to stump a listener, live or recorded. Provided we don't log or record what's going on, then the only records are the recorded version they have, and memories in our heads. You are correct that using DH prevents them reconstructing the plaintext of the previous session, but this is the EXACT reason why "public keys are used for the _secure_ exchange" of a session key in th first place.

Question for the interested: If they have my private key, can they reconstruct our previous plaintext conversation from the captured packets, if we use DH? If we don't?

They don't want the keys for decryption. They want the keys for impersonation and evidence collection.

What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers, quality assurance people, and customers in its wake.

http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70257-0.html?t w=rss.culture/

... and a shameless plug ....

http://optimist.sdf-eu.org/ssp/

Take care !

The primary reason that Gopher's contents are so interesting is because it never caught on as a commercialisable medium - i.e. there are no ads, pop-ups etc. Unfortunately there is no Mother Gopher any more, nor is there a reliable VERONICA either, which means that you need to know where in gopherspace something is before you can look at it. [For instance: a NeXTSTEP gopherspace at sdf-eu.]

Something like this, perhaps?

Click here for video of a model rocket builder who successfully launched a gyro-guided rocket. His rocket goes straight up, even on windy days. His control system is simple and cheap. The Gyroc model rocket also has good active stabilization. Watch the video. This is a slow launch in a high wind. The rocket is being blown sideways, but continues to point upward at all times.

The real Saturn V did not do any reactive guidance while the first stage was boosting, because the resonance of the entire stack was too close to the frequency of the trajectory corrections. in other words, steering it would have made it fall apart!

That's wrong. Four of the F-1 engines were gimballed (the center engine was fixed), and the vehicle was actively stabilized during ascent. The attitude was controlled according to a fixed schedule, rather than trying to keep the vehicle on a specific trajectory, because it was important during the atmospheric phase of flight to avoid wind stresses. So in-atmosphere trajectory corrections were avoided. Such corrections were possible with a better control system, and software to do it was developed for later Saturn V shots, but the Saturn V program was, of course, cancelled.

Without active stabilization, the Saturn V would never have cleared the launch tower before it went out of control.

I highly recommend SDF. It's an OpenBSD powered, Non-Profit, unix shell account based service. They offer a webmail interface via Squirrelmail (see above posts)
$1 gets you a lifelong membership with 20MB email (inc. web, POP, IMAP spamfiltering) and 20MB webspace (http://yourname.freeshell.org), along with all major unix shells and common typical unix utilities(elm, pine, mailx, rmail, lynx, cgi/php4 etc. etc.)

However, if you want to financially support SDF, for a lifetime membership donation of $35, upgrade to ARPA membership and get additional web, email and /home disc storage (100MB for each!) 300MB total)

ARPA includes compiler access (GCC, ruby, python, perl, lisp etc) and additional internet access - telnet, ssh, ftp, ytalk, irc, snarf, ICQ etc.
Click here for more information - there's additional services available - MySQL, VPM, SSH-tunnelling, DNS, listservs, virtual hosting etc.

SDF is not a fly-by-night service, it's a thriving community that's been around for over 16 years with hundreds of members and a lively community (bbs)
For us European users, we've got a dedicated server at SDF-EU

Beats every other suggestion here into a cocked hat :)