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Where Can Geeks Meet Mates?
iamsure asks: "Allright, although it sounds hilarious, it is an honest question. I don't drink (alcohol), and like most geeks, my dancing is horrid. Thus, I don't do the bar scene. I work at a rather professional company where dating isnt appropriate, and even if I decided to ignore that, everyone I have daily contact with is married. I generally get out about an hour a day for fun. Where does the average slashdotter meet a mate?" For those of you out there who have answered this question for yourself, what did you do? I find that most Geeks involved in careers need to get out and be social. Typically many of us make our jobs our lives and it's not easy to meet people when we're tired after working 12 hours and a 90 minute commute. Many of you may have to make the time to get out and meet new people otherwise you might find your social life non-existant. Now if I could only take my own advice as well as I can give it...
i may have a few insights to offer from the female perspective.
my geek and i actually did meet at a bar, but it was a rather unique situation. i was working in this small town jazz bar this particular night, and the geek that became my sweetie on/off for the past now 7 years (yikes) was my customer.
what he did right the night we met:
-he did not exhibit any obessesion with my body or try any cheesey pick up lines.
-he was there a) alone, and b) clearly interested in the rather talented quartet on stage and getting some leftover office work finished. I felt far more at ease interacting with him (as the anonymous customer) because he was not "on the prowl" (as far as i could tell.) in fact he said very little except for his inital order - guiness, coffee and water.
anyways, when he came up to pay the check, he asked me if i'd like to go to lunch. usually the wary waitress, i was taken off guard and said yes. and i am very, very glad i did.
now, we live together in san francisco and I've never been happier.
how this scenario may be useful to other intelligent intellectuals looking to perhaps meet women they'd enjoy hanging out with:
-women don't need to know your resume or vesting date when they first meet you. to intelligent women, these things are of very little significance in relation to your personality and intellect.
-we're also not as hung up on appearance as many men seem to think. smart women very rarely date attractive but stupid men. (disclaimer, my geekie sweetie is lucky enough to both amazingly intelligent and kind, AND quite a cutie.)
-however, grooming does matter. manicures or designer labels are not necessary, but remember to apply deoderant and brush your teeth. haircuts help too but are less important.
-when it comes down to it, smart women wish for many of the same things smart men do, someone to hold intelligent conversation with, someone to watch weird movies with (even if those movies turn out to be things like Babycart of death or Rollerball.) and a little sweet lovin never hurt anybody.
as far as geographic locations, all the postings here contain good advice. bookstores (i've been followed by at least 2 or 3 guys every time i try to buy a web architecture book from the technical books section) (and i would have resonded if they talked to me because i could tell what it was in me that they were interested in and it wasn't t&a.) if you see someone buying your favorite author, it might be okay to say, hey, that's a great book you've got there!
art openings and museums are also great neutral forums to open up interesting conversations with people.
please do be aware that smart women, especially those who hold a general appeal to the males of our species by having a pretty face, nice body, etc., may be very wary about being hit on. when you meet someone you like, act on it, but act with a certain amount of reserve. the first time you meet a women, compliment her conversation rather than telling her she has beautiful eyes. smart women really appreciate substantive compliments.
in closing, i wish much luck to all you intelligent, hard-working men out there. women are not the alien creatures we may sometimes seem to be. and just because some of us will occasionally hold twenty minute conversations on lipstick and shoes, that doesn't mean those same women would turn down an opportunity to learn something new about physics, the latest RAM development and why it matters, or even what type of food you like or where you grew up.
i like to think my geekie sweetie is one smart lucky guy, same as i see myself as one smart, lucky liberal arts major.
there are no hard and fast rules of human interaction, but you're smart guys. learn what you can, and be open in all situations to learning more.
Pink slip parties
Copyright/Patent courts
Napster protests
Consoling women after a school shooting
Workplace (make sure she signs an NDA though)
Get out a bit more often. Sure its hard when you have a ton of work, but its also healthy for one to socialize more, so take next Friday off for once this past decade, and go out and enjoy yourself. Else you could always logon to www.virtualfindadate.com and pretend your having fun.
360 degrees of Karma