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Star Wars II: Return of the Name
Mutant was among the onslaught of readers who submitted that the final name has been chosen for Star Wars Episode II. It is... Attack of the Clones. Let the sarcasm commence. I'll pass judgement after I see it.
Nah - unless they trade sabres during the fight, you'll know if it's the "good clone" or the "bad clone" by the color of the sabre -- red = "evil" anything else = "good".
;P
Or by the goatee - everyone knows the evil version always has a goatee
They changed it from "Revenge of the Jedi" because as Lucas's wife pointed out, JEDI'S DONT GET REVENGE!
"Not my manner of thinking but the manner of thinking of others has been the source of my unhappiness." - M
Circa 1977:
Circa 1999:
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
Who said he ever could write a decent script? In an introduction to one of the recent SW books (which had the shooting script for one of the original movies -- I forget which), Lucas mentions that another writer gave him a lot of help with the dialogue.
send all spam to theotherwhitemeat@ropine.com
I know I'd like to see them as 7,8, and 9. They were my childhood; I read them long before I ever saw any of the movies.
The real unitron has Slashdot ID 5733, and needs to change his sig.
A book, written for children, in which the child leads are all killed off -- and that's presented as a "happy ending"? Stuff Christianity, that's un-Christian!
I agree completely. But additions by the author can have an unpleasant effect on the audience, who may have been expecting something different. With "Star Wars" (bringing us belatedly back on topic), it looks like many fans-from-childhood were disappointed that the new film appealed to current children, not to thirtysomething original audience members. The examples I suggested take other paths:
-
Earthsea - a "mature" sequel to a kids' trilogy;
-
Narnia - a pretty shocking ending to a series intended for kids;
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Middle-Earth - progressively more "complex" add-ons to a kids' book
The thing is, if you enjoyed the "originals" as kids' stuff, you don't necessarily want the add-ons to be more complex. Do we really want to see "dark", "edgy", "adult" themes in kiddie-lit sequels? I doubt it. I want my kids to be able to enjoy the same simple pleasures as me. Including films and books that are aimed at kids, not aging nerds like us.I would NOT put Joss Whedon on that list. I think he does a great job at being The Man and putting together a good show... but his dialogue is weak. Well, it's GOOD, actually... but I was noticing the other day that all the characters in his shows sound the same. The actors/acresses give some life and variation, of course, but imagine reading all the lines in a typical episode... everyone sounds the same. The same wisecracks, the same modes of speech...
YMMV, but man, I just can't put JW in the same league as KS and QT. The latter 2 have a serious gift for dialogue.
Was The Odyssey deep? Of course not. It was half blood and gore and half hot, sexy sea nymphs. Was Beowulf deep? Of course not, it was a super-human hero killing evil critters left and right.
There are, in Western culture at least, certain common images and settings that we have come to expect. They're an unwritten cultural and artistic language. "White" is the good guy, "Black" is the bad guy. Good guys have blond hair, bad guys have deep voices. The good guy doesn't kill the bad guy when he's down. Forests are places of mysticism. In American culture, the freedom-loving underdog rebels are always the good guys over the evil imperial military hegemony. (See also: American Revolution. Why do you think all Imperial officers have British accents?)
Star Wars very deliberately and openly plays into every single one of those. It is the "classic" and "quintessential" epic good vs. evil saga, because it pulls in every one of the things that we have come to expect in good vs. evil sagas over the past 2500 years. All good classics have things that you can anchor yourself on and use as a springboard into the plot. If Luke wasn't a goody two-shoes, no one would have liked him. If Han wasn't a "lovable rogue" but was really a nasty guy through and through, everyone would have hated him and Leah hooking up.
We're expecting too much from a saga that was intended not to break new plot ground, but to be a damn fun watch. And it was, because we like seeing the underdog good guys win by being good guys and the evil controlling imperial bad guys go down because they're the bad guys. Accept Star Wars for what it is: A hot damn fun adventure story in the style of classic adventure stories throughout the ages.
Do that, and you can even live with the Ewoks and Jar Jar. (I happen to like the Ewoks, they're cute!)
--GrouchoMarx
Card-carrying member of the EFF, FSF, and ACLU. Are you?
Space opera isn't necessarily kid fare. It needs to be done as if it is a _masterpiece_. Yes, everything is overblown and exaggerated- that's the point. But it can't be the slightest bit tongue-in-cheek- and the merchandising machine increasingly makes it tough to do that.
"Defeats the big evil villain who turns out to be his father, and, dying, reforms and looks upon his son with his own eyes" is an opera.
"Wins the big race" is an Elvis movie (and a video game).
Lucas has the _chance_ at great space opera, still. To show the corruption of Anakin is potentially great space opera. But there is definitely a risk that he'll completely blow it- too many computerized extras, too many merchandising tie-ins affecting the scanty plot of the movies, which won't stand much of that treatment. Space opera plot is _cheesey_. Hijack a bit of it for use as a video game or something, and you risk losing all of it by losing the thread and not being able to pick it up again.
At least it ought to wind up an absolutely great issue of 'Cinefex' ;)
Empire was a kid movie too, my friend. Just because a guy gets his hands cut off doesn't mean the movie is not for children. Many "child movies" do attempt to explore great themes. Look at recent Disney films: Beauty and the Beast (tired cliche that beauty is only skin deep, but still questioned by adults) and The Lion King (the struggles in trying to pass down your values).
In contrast, Star Wars had a lot of stuff blowing up. Lucas goes into how they're "myth-based" and feature deeper stories, but the truth is the more vague he and his writers were about the "force", the better. When they started going into detail (midi-chlorians (sp) anyone?) it became even more laughable.
Face it, people always love what they grew up with as kids. That's why marketers love the 12-18 market: these people will not only buy they're goods then, but continue to buy their goods for years beyond to "reminisce". Meanwhile, Lucas is sitting quietly, as always, laughing all the way to the bank.
No, remember, this is a Fox production:
When Clones Attack.
The first Death Star was destroyed by sending a torpedo down an exaust port that triggered a chain reaction that eventually blew up the main reactor.
The second Death Star, if complete, would presumably be without this flaw - at the time of the attack, however, it was incomplete, so the rebels just flew through the infrastructure and blew up the reactor directly.
So only the first Death Star had the flaw - the only problem with the second was that it wasn't finished yet.
Have you actually *watched* the first three films without the rosy glasses lately? Star Wars was a B-grade space opera flick (no doubt only justified by the then cutting edge FX and Alec Guiness) and the followups weren't much better. Sir Alec turned his nose up at the films ("that Force rubbage"). They're BAD man. I mean, "Star Wars?" How much cheesier of a title can you get? You only think they're wonderful because, like me, you saw them as a kid. There are NO adult themes or elements in ANY of the films, these are aimed at children, Lucas has said they always were and always will.
Now, I didn't expect much from Phantom Menace, and I actually got more than I expected. I saw kids leaving the theater with wide eyes and full of excitement. No doubt the same way I looked when I saw Star Wars in the theater more than 20 years ago.
Get over it, man. Star Wars is a children's franchise. It was never good to begin with, so why expect it to be the pinnacle of film now?
Derek
Have you actually *watched* the first three films without the rosy glasses lately?
Personally I'd love to, but LUCAS WON'T LET ME! I have to buy the stupid "Special Editions". Damn I wish I had bought them years ago before the painful-to-watch Han and Jabba scene in Episode IV.
Sure, I meant no disrespect to you, and I agree in substance with your points. My only bone of contention is that while Star Wars 4, 5 and the first half of 6 (pre re-master) are superficial, they don't necessarily become irritating with age. For me, at least, the magic is still there. It's remembered childhood magic, but it doesn't have Jar Jar screwing it up for me, like he'll do for the kiddies who squealed and giggled at him in Phantom Menace.
Incidentally, I didn't mean to imply that modern blockbusters are in any way worthy pieces of film making. Perish the thought. ;)
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
Star Wars Two: STAR HARDER
-----
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." - Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
All throughout the movie, I kept asking Lucas, silently, "was that really necessary?
On the whole, Episode I could have been a really fantastic film. Even now, with just a couple of edits, it could still be saved. Cut 1: take Threepio out of the film. He adds absolutely nothing to the advancement of the plot, and it stretches the suspension of disbelief to the breaking point that he was built (or rebuilt) by the dorky little kid that Anakin Skywalker is portrayed as. He's little more than a victim-bot throughout, and his lines are meaningless. Cut 2: most of Jar Jar's scenes could be removed. He could just be digitized out of about half of his scenes, and no one would notice. The actors don't really react to him anyway, since he doesn't exist on the soundstage while they're filming. He could be brought in only where he advances the plot, such as in the scene where he brings Amidala to the Gungans.
There's nothing to be done about the kid. His acting can't be improved by digitizing it, and I suspect any attempt to do so would just make it worse. But taking those two irritating elements out of the story would vastly improve its belivability. The rest of the plot is fair-to-middling, and I really didn't have any problems with it.
One day I feel I'm ahead of the wheel / the next it's rolling over me / I can get back on / I can get back on
But the "revenge" part was dropped because it wasn't very Jedi-like -- they're supposed to be all Zenned out and stuff and not prone to taking revenge, because that's a Dark Side trait. The name wouldn't have made sense.
J
Hrmmm, I find this viewpoint odd, I liked the Ewoks, I thought they were kickass, fuzzy little bears. They beat up stormtroopers and ATATs with rocks and logs, how much more badass can you get? JarJar on the otherhand has a voice that grates on my nerves the same why hearing any other human being completely mangle the english language does. His mannerisms are over exaggerated, his lines are blatantly supposed to be funny but they only come off as stupid. Han Solo and Chewbacca had some great interactions with Leia in the first trilogy, the were funny, they were subtle, they were usually moderately clever. Some of them were of course simply insult hurling, but come on! You gotta give props to 'Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder' as an insult over 'Weeza Gonna Die!!' as a rallying cry. Hell, 'I have a bad feeling about this' is just classic... There were so many more memorable lines from the original trilogy yet about all I remember from TPM is JarJars annoying ass going 'Weeza Gonna Die!' over and over again.
And for the record, I like Pokemon, Ewoks, Smurgfs, the Gummi Bears, and Koalas. I also like Cowboy Bebop, Fist of the North Star, Iguanas, and Spawn.
I think my tastes probably run closer to the average section of slashdot than your projection. I believe we're all pretty eclectic people...
Kintanon
Check out JoshJitsu.info for Brazilian Ji
Rejected titles for Episode 2:
Lucas hopes the 2nd film will make people forget the recent study alleging that the creator of Star Wars is a pedophile.
Well, It was probably something like this.
Microsoft Balmer dis'es linux! cool!, accept, next, "attack of the clones", wtf? reject, next...
1q2w3e4r5t6y7u8i9o0pqawsedrftgthyjukilo;p'azsxdcf
I've looked closely and the Bishop at the end bleeds red blood when tolchocked. Add to that his reaction to Ripley's impending suicide and the conclusion is pretty clear - he's a human working for the company.
--- Hot Shot City is particularly good.
That would tend to explain a lot. I had originally wondered how the Empire managed to recruit and train an army of 100% incompetent stormtroopers.
;-)
Then I was told they were all clones. "Who did they clone, Bozo the clown?", I replied.
I guess I wasn't that far off.
There is much cruelty in the universe, John.
Yeah, we seem to have the tour map.
all the arguments I hear go along the lines of:
"I saw episode IV-VI when I was a kid, and they were great! and now I went to see episode I, and I was shocked to find that it was made for kids!"
well... have you ever considered the fact that the first three were, too? and that you like them now because you saw them when you were kids?
I saw episode one on the premier night here in Sweden. never in my life have I witnessed such excitement. the one boo! I heard was when we saw that they had translated (!) the magical three paragraphs to Swedish!
then it was all cheers, every time a reference to the old movies were made, or a familiar character was presented.
most of my male friends thought it was great, with the exception of Jar-Jar. and I see the same consensus here. I have yet to find a single gyu that likes him, or even stands to watch him. and I would like to offer another view of that.
me and some of my female friends have discussed this phenomena. we all think he's cute. the one bone we have with him is that he's the only one in all the movies that succeeds not by doing his best, but by being chronically clumsy and equally lucky.
but he is a caricature of a lot of negative male characteristics. and maybe you guys don't like to be reminded of those.
it's the only way we could explain the extreme, one-sided hate we have witnessed. and maybe there is some truth in it...
now, flame all you like... I have mail filters, and I know how to use them.
The title really might be "Send in the Clones"?
Ratguy
Jar Jar and friends
Be nice to everyone, they out number you 6 billion to 1.
The Criterion edition has all (many?) of the cut/edited scenes. Plus directors commentary on why the MPAA said to cut it, and why he thinks it makes the movie worse (in many cases seeming more violent). It is one of the first DVDs I bought.
To eliminate the hope of these people is a crime against humanity.
I guess they need A New Hope.
Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.
When I was a kid, I thought they were saying "The Cologne Wars". I really assumed there was some sort of fracas over fragrances. I am just glad it turned out to be "clones".
-nd
Now, many people are ranting about how "Attack of the Clones" is a retarded movie title. I'd have to agree. Granted, I'm one of those 'saw it when I was young, fell in love with it, altered reality,' types. My parents, on the other hand, are not.
My parents recently saw Episode I. They were appauled at the horrid commericialization of the franchise and the apparent lack of effort that went into the actual film, the story, and the plot. Granted, Luca always triedmake money, but Star Wars was art when Lucas started making it. He said so himself - his opt-outs about how it's simply a childrens film and such are just that - opt outs. I mean, for crying out loud, Episode I didn't even have new music composed for it to fit the film - it simply had a compiled version done by someone else, so they could slap John William's name on it. They spent all their budget on special effects. Bastards.
~/ssh slashdot.org ssh: connect to host slashdot.org port 22: too many beers
Remember finding out about child abuse on Gont, and why wizards from Roke avoided girls, in Ursula Le Guin's Tehanu?
Remember when all the kids got killed, and Aslan turned into Jesus, in C.S. Lewis's The Last Battle?
Remember when Bilbo Baggins turned into an old, evil monster (if only for a moment) in J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings -- and then the "sequel" to that had no hobbits, only elf genealogy and linguistics?
If it's not what you expected -- that is, what you extrapolated from the first movie(s) or book(s) -- you're not going to like it. We build cosy little worlds from the "original" stories, then hate it when the author intrudes.
No, I don't think there's a solution. But the problem isn't unique to George Lucas. Sequels to creative works you unconditionally love will tend to suck.
Especially with speculative / escapist fiction -- part of the appeal of which is (I assume) that the "world" presented is self-contained, and the (usually young) reader can comprehend it in its totality. Unlike the all-too-confusing real world.
Did you see the movie, or just listen to it? The death star had huge chunks missing from it. Sure, it was habitable, and they could fire the laser and blow stuff up, but the thing was unfinished. That's how the rebel fleet was able to fly ships inside of it to get to the reactor - they flew through the part that wasn't completed yet.
Don't argue. Go watch the movie.
Mad max and its sequel, Mad Max: The Road Warrior. The first was a little low-budget rinky-dink effort. The second is the one everybody knows as wicked-cool.
I like it because it fully admits its nothing more than a B-movie. Granted a B-movie on an A-movie budget.
But seriously, and I know its been said, WHY NOT CLONE WARS
Power Corrupts,Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely, leaving one person(group)in charge is absolutely corrupt.
Interesting points, but I have to nit pick over a few of them.
Maybe Luke's midichlorian count is way over 20,000. (BTW, saying that makes me feel like a two bit whore. Thanks for raping my childhood memories, George).
And yet, strangely, we believe him. We feel it. Same for all the other cheesy dialogue, which fits the archetypes that you berate above so well that we can suspend our disbelief.
Uh, OK, wait a second. Have you been to see a Hollywood blockbuster recently? George showed us how to make a great films by just shooting scenes over and over and editing our the really bad bits, a tradition that's still going strong today.
Which is where we agree completely. All your points about episodes 4 through 6 are valid, but (apart from the latter parts of RotJ) the sheer verve makes up for the technical flaws. Episode 1 is just a cynical flashy quota piece, the cinematic equivelant of those 8 bit computer demos that were great technical showcases but ultimately uninvolving. In contrast, Episode 4 was Pong - only as good as it needed to be, but made with flair and gusto, and enjoyed as such.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
Hasn't that one been rumored for years? What's so bad about that title. Attack of the 50 kay clones. Great.
"Sometimes a woman is a kind of religion, she can save your soul & set you free from all your sins" - Bad Examples
Is Georgie boy going a wee bit nuts again? Anyone remember the Battlestar Galactica episode? Probably not. If you view ANH as it was intended, as a love letter to Akira Korosawa, (Watch the Hidden Fortress.) then you will see the many parallels between the two films, (and Willow too for that matter.)This includes characters and scenes. As to the naming thing, just rememeber that if you go by statements in ANH, (e.g., "General Kenobi, hero of the Clone Wars",) you will see the next two movies are the clone wars period. The second movie is the beginning, the third the end of the wars and the fall of the Jedi. Aside from that, who cares about the title when there are supposed to be scenes of up to 30-40 Jedi fighting? Fnord
Fnord!
This was done by my friend Kevin.
>
> Isn't it rich?
>We're a matched pair.
>Waving our lightsabers
>Around in the air.
>Attack of the clones.
>
>Lucas gone mad
>We've all been had
>After the first one was so
>Incredibly bad.
>Attack of the clones?
>Does he think that we're drones?
>
>Just when I'd stopped
>Trashing Jar-Jar
>Lucas is going
>Even further afar.
>Making a loser again
>With his usual flair
>Expecting big lines...
>They'll probably be there.
>
>Oh, what a farce.
>Our fault, we hear.
>We're supposed to like what he shows
>Year after year.
>And where are the clones?
>("Attack of the Clones"???)
>It's too late, they're here.
>
>Isn't it bad?
>Isn't it dull?
>And the worst part of all is that
>The theater'll be full.
>And so it's the clones...
>"Attack of the Clones"
>Will open next year.
><<<<
>
Do really dense people warp space more than others?
Mmm hmm, check. Those Mad Magazine guys were onto something, I tell you. The future of Star Wars is right there for anyone not too blind to see it.
Ok, I have to go buy some more tinfoil and rewrite my pamphlet debunking the Clone Gunman theory. More later, if Lucas' minions don't catch up to me first.
-rpl
...that they changed it from "Revenge of the Jedi" because the upcoming Star Trek movie had the working title "The Vengeance of Khan" (Trek 2 - one of the even #'s, yay!)... The Trek people changed it to the ever cheesy "Wrath of Khan" and the Star Wars folks decided at the last minute that "Revenge" wasn't a suitable business for a Jedi to be getting mixed up in.
Or at least that's what I read in one of Shatner's "memoir" books... god only knows why I voluntarily READ that trash, one never knows how much is true and how much is 110% "Billshit"...
--=Major
One useless man is called a disgrace; two are called a law firm; and three or more become a Congress. -John Adams, 1776
Well, Jedi was originally "Revenge of the Jedi"... movie posters with that name are now quite valuable. Then somebody realized how retarded that sounded and they changed the name before the big promos began.
That's a very good point. I had never thought of it that way, but you're right. Han is supposed to be a lying, cheating, stealing, arrogant braggart. But he starts to see the bigger picture, and he learns what is really important.
He should have been thinking of the people who'd been waiting almost 20 years for that film, not the 10 year olds the promotional tie-ins were designed for.
Big-budget thrillers like The Phantom Menace are made for kids, teens, and young adults, because those people spend a ridiculous amount of money on films and related products.
Producing a big-budget movie for us fossils who worshipped Star Wars as kids would be incredibly foolish. We can't be relied on to spend our money on pop-culture crap any more. Instead, we piss too much of it away on things like mortgages, SUVs, college funds, and children.
When I saw Phantom Menace, the saddest part was the disappointed reaction of 30-year-olds who expected to leave the theater with the same wide-eyed excitement they had at age 10. It's like going back to your childhood home and lamenting the fact that all the trees in your yard are a lot smaller than they used to be.
Face it -- the torch has been passed. If it's too dumb, you're too old.
Rogers Cadenhead (Web: http://www.cadenhead.org/workbench)
...if only to complain. So will I. So will almost everyone else in this forum. But that's OK. I don't think it makes anyone into a hypocrite if he or she wants to spend $7 for some cool CGI eye-candy.
Just repeat to yourself, it's just a movie, I should really just relax.
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
I have been reading Slashdot for several years. I created an account just to post this. And here is what I have to say:
This is getting silly. Half of the comments here seem to be lamenting the fact that the prequel trilogy appears to be geared towards children. Well, I've got news for you: the same applies to the original trilogy as well. You just don't realize it because you were so young when the movies first came out.
Do you know why almost everybody here hates the Ewoks in ROTJ? Because they make you feel insecure. You're afraid that people will laugh at you for watching a children's movie with talking teddy-bears in it. And they will. You should just shrug it off, but you can't because of your low self-esteem. And, for some reason, you can't realize that the average Joe sees all Star Wars movies as children's movies, regardless of whether they have Ewoks or Jar-Jar in them or not.
The Jargon File has a section called "A Portrait of J. Random Hacker". I'm sure most of you here have read it. The section has a list of "Things Hackers Detest and Avoid", and here is how it begins:
"Offensive cuteness" seems to rank very high on the list, right after Microsoft. Why is this? I believe that the reason is the same as stated above: you fear that being associated with any sort of "cuteness" (such as the Ewoks in ROTJ) will make you look ridiculous and childish in the eyes of others. And a lot of people seem to think that enjoying "dark" movies such as The Empire Strikes Back or The Matrix will somehow help you gain acceptance and credibility.
Sorry to rain on your parade, but it doesn't work that way. Nobody cares if you prefer The Empire Strikes Back to Return of the Jedi, or The Matrix to The Phantom Menace, or Babylon 5 to Star Trek. Again, to the proverbial average Joe, it's just "stupid sci-fi for geeks and nerds". That's what people think.
And here's another explanation: many of you are depressed and therefore can't stand the thought of "offensive cuteness" such as talking teddy bears or Jar Jar. You'd rather wear all black, watch splatter movies and listen to German industrial rock while fantasizing about killing your classmates or coworkers. Sorry about being a bit over the top, but this is how "regular people" see you. They don't see you as intelligent persons who appreciate a good sci-fi movie. Instead, they see you as sad computer geeks.
Somebody here wrote something along the lines of "well, Star Wars sucks, but fortunately we'll still have The Matrix and Lord of the Rings".
Huh? Are sci-fi and fantasy movies all you have? If you get mad because the title of the new Star Wars movie did not live up to your expectations, I think you should seriously re-examine the priorities in your life.
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
Yeah, but what villian would be stupid enough to clone Jar-Jars???
What villain would be stupid enough, after having destroyed an entire enemy invasion force by flying into the ship and blowing up the reactor, to build not one but TWO Death Stars with the same flaw?
Star Wars Episode II: A Darkened Heart.
Would be a good title given the primary story line in this edition (Anakin->Vader), and would be a good-natured poke at El Presidente.
Carl G. Jung
--
"With one breath, with one flow, You will know Synchronicity" -La Policia
500,000 Natalie Portmans, all naked and petrified?
I'm not a smorgasbord.
And Luke's starting out as a teenager, when even Anakin at 8 (or is it 10? I forget) is thought by Yoda to be too old to begin.
And Yoda was right, too.
Just look how Anakin turned out; and Luke was a second-rater who wouldn't have lasted 5 seconds against Darth Maul.
We're not allowed to hit rock bottom until Ep3 comes out, unfortunately.
Anyone know where one could get a copy of "Phantom Edit"? I was pleasantly shocked to find out that Amazon has "George Lucas In Love", so why not this too?
On the same note, will someone be ambitious enough to produce an "Edit of the Clones" in advance so we can skip seeing Lucas' take on the story? I think it would save us all a precious 2 hours from our lives...
DO NOT LEAVE IT IS NOT REAL
We need a support group. Come the advertising blitz, it's going to be damn hard to tough it out.
As a complete aside, there's an insanely slick British sitcom called "Spaced" in which the protagonist is sacked from a comic book store for refusing to sell a Jar Jar doll. Priceless.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
I can see it now...
Empiror asks his not so bright Sith to "Clone the the dolly" (referring to Natalie whom he secretly desires). Instead of lots Princess to play with, he gets a docking bay full of genetically malformed sheep with big sharp nasty teeth and nasty wool coats.
Enter Obiwan with his double edge light sheers to save the day while Anakin knits a sweater (no wonder the kid turned out bad). Amidst the carnage, sits the Emperor mumbling something about the stupid Sith and mint jelly.
From the IMDB
The [commentary] is theirs, not mine.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
It is lame to bash or even look down on other geeks because you think their tastes aren't hardcore enough-- isn't it enough that half the world already looks down on us? Do we need to add to the persecution?
-m
Nope, he doesn't do the voice of Ben. Ben is some 60 year old radio guy. He does, however, do the voice of the trucker. Emmett, his name is, if I recall correctly. The guy with the Imperial symbol tattoo.
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
I'm sure your wife would have said the same thing had you taken her to a re-showing of Star Wars: A New Hope. The acting was always horrible and hokey, and so was the plot. Get over it!
I have a website. It's about Macs.
Fall of the Jedi
Fall of the Republic
Return of the Sith
They all tie in nicely to "Return of the Jedi."
sig fault
> Harlan Ellison's was the sole, lonely critical voice to be raised against it, and even in his case his point wasn't so much that it sucked, but just that it wasn't quite as good as everyone else was saying.
I saw it at college age. I was disappointed because it was space opera rather than "hard" scifi of the 2001 variety. But at least it was fun. I've rented it several times, and I'll rent it again someday.
That Pathetic Movie wasn't fun, and I certainly won't be renting it.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
Beware all ye who would criticize the genius of Lucas, for is it not written in the revised, updated and George (dubya) Bush approved version of The Constitution of the United States of the Multinational Corporations (now available as an Adobe(R)(TM)(C)All Rights Reserved E-book for $19.99 per view, order today! Operators are standing by!) In article I section 1 that George Lucas is hereby declared the greatest storyteller of all time and all law abiding and Bill Gates fearing citizens are required to pay homage to him by seeing any and all movies with the name Star Wars multiple times and by further paying homage by standing in ridiculously long lines at the local Wal-Mart to purchase dozens of non-biodegradable plastic toys for the betterment of our young(isn't it grand of us to think of the children?).
Yea and those who dare not to venerate the name of Lucas and pay the required homage shall be stricken from the rolls of the nation. They will be outcasts in their own land of birth. Denied bland conversation with their fellow citizens about the masterworks of Lucas, they will wallow in their anguish. They shall be stricken from the lists of people to be protected in time of war and their names will be added to the lists of those who will not recieve the bounty of this great land in the form of Blue Light specials and the occasional Buy one Get one FREE sales at the local Piggly Wiggly. They shall be stricken from the rolls of every good and beneficient policy this great conglomerate bestows upon it's consumers. Moreover their name shall be dupliated in all databases related to taxation and if they ever contest this clause, they are subject to auditing by the BSA, RIAA, MPAA and Rectal-Probers-R-Us.
So let it be written(in tiny print behind an encryption scheme which may not be broken under article two of this constitution, formerly known as the DMCA) so let it be done.
Now if you missed this update to the supreme law of our land, that isn't my fault. I suggest you rush right out to your computer and fully enable all the update packages you can and register any and all software you have. I got this preview of our new constitution as a bonus when I downloaded the latest version of Minsweeper, the official game of the land. Baseball isn't bringing in enough money it seems.
Steven
-- I have marked myself unwilling to moderate-- I don't have other accounts to artificially inflate the karma of
I saw them as a kid so I can't say anything, but if you read some of the posts here on /. you'll notice that a lot of the people saw them when they were in their 20's in 1977 (remember, people stood in lines for days to watch the movie repeatedly back then, when you were 8 would your mom let you stand outside in the city for days to watch a movie?). My parents liked the movie when they saw it originally (as adults). There were plenty of 45+ year olds at the theatre both times I saw TPM (I went openning day by myself on vacation, then again with my friends, not because I actually liked the movie).
IANAL, but I play one on
Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
Cojones? Cojones? We doan need no steeking cojones!
Oh, wait. Nevermind.
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
Acting: You're forgetting Christopher Lee.
Do you maybe mean Peter Cushing? Christopher Lee wasn't in Star Wars, he was too busy in 1977 making quality films like "Dracula and Son" and "Meatcleaver Massacre". Although I notice with some interest that he is in SW episode 2 as the ludicrously named "Darth Tyranus".
Anyway, my wife dragged me along to see Phantom Menace despite my complete disinterest (how's that for a reversal of the usual Slashdot story?), and frankly, Christopher Lee or no Christopher Lee, if she wants to see episode 2 she's going by herself. Life's too short to watch two more hours of this kind of excrement.
This time, every thing to do with the second movie is denigrated. Rumors are treated with rolling of eyes. News is ridiculed. This movie is going to suck, we say...and then the movie will come out and...
________________
Private Essayist
> Do people who enjoyed George Lucas' original trilogy (well, minus the last half of RotJ) really care about the George Lucas' current focus on ten-year-olds?
Perhaps I overestimate the mental prowess of ten-year-olds, but don't you think TPM was targeted more at the six-year-old crowd?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
Or "Clones Gone Wild".
Star Wars: Episode 3: Your Childhood Memories are Raped For Two Solid Hours, then the Orchestral Score and Mood Lighting in the Last Thirty Seconds Tricks You into Thinking that this is a Worthy Prequel to Episode 4.
A little unwieldy, I grant you, but it's only a working title.
If you were blocking sigs, you wouldn't have to read this.
I mean, let's face it, the only way Star Wars will ever catch up to Flash Gordon is to show actual penetration (and not with lightsabers). This may make parents slightly less willing to drag their kids through Lucas's money-sucking machine (but what the hell do I know, I remember seeing parents with kids at Basic Instinct). Anyway, it would make for some... interesting... action figures.
Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
There's a petition. Hopefully it can get Lucas's attention.
End of lesson. You may press the button.
What the hell kind of name is that?! This has to be a joke. CowboyNeal, say it isn't so! I can't handle this. I want an explanation.
He might as well have called it "A New Hope 2", starring Christopher Walken as Obi Wan, and featuring the cast of American Pie.
Someone needs to shoot George Lucas before he does anything else...But wait...Maybe he's already dead...MAYBE He REALLY died in the mid eighties, but he was CLONED!!!!Thats it! His clone is now wrecking havoc on the world, tricking them into watching hour upon hour of JarJars and annoying little Anakin Skywalkers!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!Meanwhile, George Lucas writhes in his grave, awaiting the day when he will rise again, to save the world from His evil Clone!!!!! Sounds like a good movie to me.
YUB YUB!
...unless it has bad associations. Every time I head "Attack of the Clones", I think of "Killer Clowns from Outer Space." ;)
Ah well, Star Wars ran its course and is now on a gravy run. I'm looking forward to Lord of the Rings...
All about me
And don't even get me started on the sound.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
Dialog: It need not be about romance, but it would be nice if you could repeat any of the lines without wincing, or if there weren't so many situations where you knew what a character was going to say before he opened his mouth.
Acting: You're forgetting Christopher Lee. But you're also confusing star power with quality acting. A "star" might be a comptetent actor, but that need not be so if he or she has other appealing qualities. And there are plenty of extremely fine actors who will never be stars, relegated to "character" roles precisely because they're so good at portraying various types. I consider Mark Hamill the worst thing about Star Wars because, with the central role in the series, he had neither acting skill nor (ultimately) star quality. I remember when Hamill was the celebrity guest on the Muppet Show. He had absolutely no talent that could entertain in a variety show setting. They wound up making that the main point of most of the jokes in the episode. Hamill does a lot of voice work now, and that seems to be his niche. Luke Skywalker was more than he could handle.
I cut Lucas no slack for going where the money is. Surely he, if anyone, could afford art for art's sake. The movie was going to be hugely profitable with or without merchandizing. He might as well have made it a good one.
And the brethren went away edified.
Say it ain't so, George!
chewie's not in episode III. at least not yet.
for the record, Return of the Jedi is episode VI. Empire is V. and A New Hope is IV.
star wars was originally planned as a nine-movie trilogy of trilogies. the first trilogy is what is currently being released. the second trilogy was released first. and the third trilogy, Lucas has said he's not gonna make anymore.
my old sig used to be funny, but then slashcode ate it and now it's not funny anymore
Regardless of hitting preview or not, I still can't understand a word you're saying.
Star Wars : Clone Ranger
With Jar-Jar as Tonto???
I say we take off and nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure...
So would it be possible that these Wookies were independent contractors?
-- This and all my posts are in the public domain. I am a lawyer. I am not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice.
Peter Jackson! Ian McKellen! Christopher Lee! Hugo Weaving! Cate Blanchett! John Rhys-Davies! How could anyone not be waiting for this?
Assuming that Natalie Portman will be neither naked nor petrified, the only trump card that When Clones Attack has is Samuel L. Damn, they should have cast him in LotR, maybe as a badass orc or something. "Does Sauron look like a bitch?"
Or even us 13 year olds. But it wasn't just the kids who were taken in. Sober, serious, adult critics were almost uniform in their praise. Harlan Ellison's was the sole, lonely critical voice to be raised against it, and even in his case his point wasn't so much that it sucked, but just that it wasn't quite as good as everyone else was saying. I suspect that even Lucas was surprised at the critics' reaction, but he knew good luck when he saw it and ran with it. Can't blame him for that, but I can blame him for pretending to have made something profound.
And the brethren went away edified.
Just because you consider yourself to be a member of the S.W. cult, doesn't make you more qualified than Lucas to decide on a title. It's a movie - not an open source software project that is named through a democratic process.
Nevrar
That does sound better, but as someone else pointed out, the title would then become:
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
That sounds dumb.
Higher Logics: where programming meets science.
if the clones will all have Italian accents.
Donate background CPU time to fight cancer.
> How am I supposed to camp out for something with this lame of a title?!
I'll be extremely surprised if this really is the final title. It just doesn't have any "ring" to it. Expect it to morph into something like Attack of the $ADJECTIVE Clones, or maybe substitute some other noun for Attack. Or maybe throw this title out altogether; it is surely just a working title.
BTW, does anyone know what the working titles of the other episodes were?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
There's nary an original feature in the entire movie.
And the brethren went away edified.
Episode II: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Force
That has got to be the funniest Slashdot post EVER.
(To the tune of "Send In The Clowns")
Go back and watch the asteroid scenes in ESB. What was that? I'll tell you: it was every hackneyed car chase scene ever filmed, except this time with space ships. It didn't have to be deep, it just had to be incredibly cool. And it is.
Not to give anything away, but from what I've heard, we get to see Anakin learn the long-distance choke thing, which he spends the last fifteen minutes of the movie practising on Jar Jar...
--
THE GOOD HUMOR MAN CAN ONLY BE PUSHED SO FAR
Bart Simpson on chalkboard in episode 2F18
Well damnit, if murdering entire planetsfull of people, and enslaving an entire galaxy doesn't demand revenge, what does? Has everyone forgotten the outrage at ROTJ with the last-second "redemption" of this mass-murdering thug?
I am for the complete Trantorization of Earth.
I'll pass judgement after I see it.
This will be a first.
Like revenge of the jedi -> return of the jedi
omfg! 'a new hope' 'empire strikes back' and 'revenge of the jedi' are all dark and epic titles....
Lucas has lost it.
I was about to apply for a job at Lucasarts, now I just might be too embarrased!~
And now, a moment for America to shake its head and sob softly to itself... What the hell is wrong with the "clone wars"? Are the traditional starships we have grown accustomed to now to be replaced with flying saucers? When will George Lucas learn not to make important decisions when drunk?
-Ignatius Gunnarsson
...Millions of sheep named dolly attack tatooine. All is feared lost, until annakin decides to release his keeler blue heeler to save the day.
Send lawyers, guns, and money!
bring in, the clones!
Attack of the clones? Sounds like the Clone Wars mentioned in New Hope, but I think this title can be improved a bit. Sounds too much like a 50's B-grade title - Attack of the
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke
I was hoping for "Jar Jar's fiery death" or something similar. "Attack of the Clones" only makes me fear the creation of an entire army of Jar Jars.
Dancin Santa
Yaknow, if they just call it "Send in the Clones" they can fire John Williams and use pre-existing music...
-l
Not that I'm ragging on the choice of topic here, but I'm genuinely curious: Do adults (>=16 yrs) really care about the Star Wars franchise? I would think that Star Wars as it has become wouldn't be of any more interest than Pokemon here.
Do people who enjoyed George Lucas' original trilogy (well, minus the last half of RotJ) really care about the George Lucas' current focus on ten-year-olds?
Why are you letting these clowns ruin our country?
The clone wars are fought by thousands upon thousands of copies of Jar Jar. *shiver*
StrategyTalk.com, PC Game Forums
I have a feeling this is some kind of cross-promotion with Fox's reality television.
Can what is formed say to that who formed it, "Why have you made me thus?"
...that when this marketing-ploy-disguised-as-a-movie is revealed to suck, it will forever be remembered as Episode II: Send In The Clones??
You cannot apply a technological solution to a sociological problem. (Edwards' Law)
Star Wars Episode II : When Clones Go Bad
but Blue Harvest was already used....
These things have been getting progressively worse it seems. Ewoks, Jar Jar Binks, and now "Attack of the Clones"? Part of me thinks that Lucas has a bet with another Hollywood Millionaire that says "I can put out any crap I want, and I'll outsell any film you put out, as long as I put "Star Wars" in the title.
"Attack of the Clones." That's horrible. If it was anything else, people would never consider watching it while sober.
I've got a better idea. Why don't we have a discussion here on Slashdot where you throw up potential other titles, and hopefully Lucas will change it before the film is released.
Most importantly is that we all have to remember that the new movies will never live up to our ideas of the old movies. Most of us were 10 or under when we first saw and we didn't question the motivations in the movies or their titles. I'm sure that most kids are going to take "Attack of the Clones" in stride and not question it...
In one regard, I wish I could still think like that, and not have the need to think like an adult. The price we pay for growing up, I guess.
Now, after typing about this, I'm really starting to like the name...guess we'll just have to wait till May...
How many freaking "Send in the Clones" jokes do I have to read? IT'S BEEN DONE! READ THE THREAD BEFORE YOU POST! Gaaack!
Of course, someone else has probably already posted this sentiment by now...
Has anyone ever seen a Sci-Fi movie about cloning that did not portray them as evil or used for evil purposes? How much do you want to bet the clones in this movie are absolute evil and are fighting versus a cast of lovable, fluffy, obnoxious absolute good characters. Of course the bet is moot since I for one will not be watching this tripe nor giving Lucas one more cent.
The slashdot article from 1997 reacting to "The Phantom Menace" http://slashdot.org/articles/98/09/27/127231.shtml
Too bad /. wasn't around in 1979 or 1982, we would have flipped over Ep V and Ep VI too.
Can what is formed say to that who formed it, "Why have you made me thus?"
Well, just remember... you can never go home again...
The high will never be as good as the first time, no matter how much you do...
and it'll never be 1977 again, with your easily impressioned pre-teen brain being permanently changed by every laser blast... feeling pure joy at every slash of a light saber...
It's for your kids. Stop complaining and let them enjoy it.
Lucas will be sued by God with penalties of 10 years in jail, a $5,000,000 fine or both. However a plea bargain may be possible if Lucas agrees to please kill off Jar Jar.
Haven't you heard?
All the world loves a clone!
(You may now throw things in my genreal direction.)
The Phantom Menace
Attack of the Clones
???
A New Hope
The Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jedi
They're all silly unless you've been conditioned as a child to think they're all amazingly cool. Fortunately, I have. :-)
sig fault
- It [using chapter titles] harkens back to the sense of pure fun, imagination and excitement that characterized the classic movie serials and pulp space fantasy adventures that inspired the Star Wars saga.
Gag me. Worse than merely being cheesy, it's an evil blend of marketing and cheese.And in further news, Episode III will be named, "I Wipe my Ass With Your Money", and will consist entirely of 15 minutes of Hayden Christensen putting on the Darth Vader outfit, saying "This is heavy," and "Okay, I'm ready to be Evil now."
"Star Wars" was MY childhood. My middle-school friends and I argued endlessly about "Empire." Vader, Luke's father? No way. Who was this Boba Fett anyway? Why was he masked the entire film. Somethin's gotta be goin' on there.
WE WAITED MORE THAN A DECADE FOR EPISODE 1! I grew up, I became an OLD MAN waiting for that bloody movie. When I heard it was coming, it was like the Return of Gandalf. The World would be OK. I dragged my wife to the theater, promising her it would be great, this would be epic, Strap In and Enjoy the Ride.
Ten minutes in, I wanted to shoot myself. Twenty minutes in, and my wife was openly wondering if this constituted the sort of spousal abuse that would get her more than 50% in the divorce.
To give you a contemporary example, I want you to go to your child and explain that in the next book, which we're all waiting for like it was Christmas, in the next book, Dumbledore turns out to be a child molester.
Watch the look on the face of your little Harry-or-Hermione-wannabe.
THAT's exactly how episode one made me feel.
He put his boots up on the table and made a face. "The sig," he smirked. "You can waste your life in search of the sig."
By poisiong the debate with such senseless propaganda as "Attack of the Clones" he does injury not only to an honorable public servant with only the public's best interests in mind, but he also places in jeopardy the lives of people needing a cure. To eliminate the hope of these people is a crime against humanity.
For shame Lucas! For shame!
Read more Herbert - he was one of the most important minds in fiction all last century.
Parenthetically, Herbert followed this 20 years later with a trilogy: The Jesus Incident, The Lazarus Effect, and The Ascension Factor. It's really some of his best work, aside from the Dune books. Sadly, he died before he finished the last one, and his co-author for the series (Bill Ransom) finished it. Bill Ransom's a decent poet, but a lousy novelist, and The Ascension Factor was pretty weak. The first two are great though, and spend more time with the clone issue.
This isn't as much "normalization" as it is "don't take so many drugs when you're designing tables."
That sounds like something that Joel and the Bots would watch.
The first headlines of the clone wars are already in the news: Italy announces plans to clone hundreds.
Several iterations later: "US Nukes Italy: 'We did it for the children,' says righteous Bush, sipping a Margarita on day 1194 of his 'Permanent Vacation.'"
This isn't as much "normalization" as it is "don't take so many drugs when you're designing tables."
Anakin: Quick, send in the clones
Obi-Wan: Don't bother, they're here
Lucas: Isn't it rich, isn't it queer, Losing my timing so late in my career
SW Fans: There ought to be clones
Lucas and Fox Studios:: Well maybe next year
----- One piece short of Legoland
The script I've been reading.. there are no clones in the second movie. THey don't come about until the 3rd.. I must be missing something...
-Restil
Play with my webcams and lights here
We've secretly replaced George Lucas with Ed Wood. Let's see if anyone notices.
I, for one, can't wait to hear John Williams rendition of the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes theme.
Attack.....of the Killer Clo-oh-nes!
Attack.....of the Killer Clo-oh-nes!
They'll poke you, prod you,
Kill you, grill you,
Smash you up for Darth!
Then use what's left,
To paint their hearth!
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
"Night of the Living Clones"
"Clones in Spaaaaaace"
"The Clone Ranger Rides Again"
"Hey Buddy, can you clone me a dime?"
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
Anakin looks up to see Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan dressed like clones, holding miniature billboards advertising the clone college and dancing to clone music. "Amidala...?" asks Anakin slowly. "Yes, Anakin?" answers the clone Amidala, starting to hum clone music.
Anakin: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clone college! [leaves]
Obi-Wan: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
"The Phantom Menace" "The Attack of the Clones" "My Wookie and Me" "A New Hope" "The Empire Strikes Back" "Return of the Jedi"
The Phantom Menace
The Rise of the Empire
The Fall of the Jedi
Dolly the Jedi Slayer
what do you think IS under those stormtrooper helmets?
There were probably greater Star Wars fans than I, I never got dressed up or anything. But it came at a time in my childhood where I couldn't help but love it. What was different about Star Wars from so many other artifacts of my youth, is that my appreciation of it, most significantly The Empire Strikes Back, and Star Wars, grew. How rare it must be for something from ones youth to retain its luster upon further examination. Certainly Buck Rogers, and Battlestar Galactica, while they evoke a certain feeling of nostalgia, don't have the same staying power. Maybe looney toons, MASH, and Robotech have a similar quality, but I doubt anything had the impact Star Wars and its successors had. An amazing feat, truly remarkable, even incredible.
Which makes George Lucas' attempts to destroy and remove and in everyway obliterate all that was good and true so disturbing. Sure they're his creations, and he should be free to destroy them in anyway he sees fit, and even profit from it. But I'm not paying him or anyone anything to be insulted and assaulted by the insipid movies he feels compelled to make. For me the Star Wars saga will always be Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and sometimes Return of the Jedi. Everything else, including the rereleases, is just the evidence of a man trying to recapture the past glory of his greatest triumph. So the torch is passed to other series, perhaps The Matrix, or Lord of the Ring.
--Jimmy has fancy plans; and pants to match.
A New Hope is loosely (and admittedly) based on The Hidden Fortress. Given that Lucas was good friends with Joseph Campbell, the man who wrote The Hero With A Thousand Faces (and rumors I've seen around that Campbell actually consulted on the film), I certainly don't fault Lucas for using existing source material. Hell, Twelfth Night and Romeo and Juliet were both pre-existing stories when Shakespeare wrote his own versions...
People have been borrowing stories from each other for a long, long time--I don't think The Magnificent Seven is any less of a movie simply because it's Seven Samurai set in the old west. And I always laugh my ass off at Strange Brew despite it's ties to Hamlet.
In all honesty, anyone could apply a rehash of the Lancelot/Galahad tale (where a father falls and a son redeems) to practically any situation. It's all in the telling of it.
I can nary think of any piece of JMS dialogue that doesn't sound like it was written by a erudite speechwriter. The man has some plotting skills, but he can't compete with Joss Whedon, Kevin Smith, nor Quentin Tarantino (What's he been doing lately??) for realistic dialogue and character.
"My God...It's full of ads!" -Fry, about the Internet, Futurama
The books are, in fact, considered cannon. As such, perhaps after he croaks, we'll see something made from them. Not before however, if we are to believe what Lucas himself reportedly said during the making of Ep I, which was that he was stoping at 6 since he didn't want to do Star Wars for the rest of his life. He decided to make it a story about Vader from the time he was a boy until his death. Shrug They've all sucked ass after the second one, which is the only sequel ever to be as good and better than the first movie.
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Jed Babbin
Collect them all!
The next Slashdot story will be ready soon, but subscribers can beat the rush and slashdot the links early!
The problem is most of the people bitching, IMO, were children when they saw the movie. They saw with a child's eyes and a child's viewpoint on life. The people complaining have lost the ability to view the series through that childish viewpoint and have attached a sense of reverance towards it that will certainly get me modded down for saying this.
I think that the people who retain the ability (or a part of it) to view things as a child are probably the ones who loved ST:TPM as I did and yes, they will even like Jar Jar.
Vermifax
Logout
...is that George Lucas isn't fit to direct or be otherwise associated with any Star Wars film. Of the four that have been released, which one would most fans say had the best script, the best directing, the best overall tone, and the best all around story-telling? The Empire Strikes Back. Coincidentally, this is the film that Lucas had the least involvement with.
Who else was disappointed by the last two films, ROTJ and TPM? Hands up, I know you were. Ewoks? Jar Jar? With the three prequels ROTJ just doesn't hold up as the finisher. It took the novels (i.e., Zahn), to to that. Fire Lucas and put some Sci-Fi folks in charge, someone who hasn't tackled Star Wars. I fear George simply doesn't have it.
No statement is true, not even this one.
As if episode one wasn't ample evidence of the Big Guy's increasing inability to write a decent script, this title should leave no doubt.
---If you can't trust a nerd, who can you trust?
Oh well.
> what do you think IS under those stormtrooper helmets?
Daleks!
Star Wars: Dude, Where's My Clone?
Recap:
3PO: anthropomorphic robot, comical
Chewbacca: unintelligible, cool alien, badass cool character
Jar Jar: unintelligible, annoying as shit
This may seem like a flame--and it probably is, but why the reluctance to post this news bit?
"was among the onslaught of readers who submitted"
I know I submitted it nine hours ago, and it was almost immediately rejected. I figured someone else had already submitted it and that it would be up on the Frontpage almost immediately. Yet, hours go by, and still no news.
If anything would qualify as "news for nerds"--I figure this would. Why the delay?
-Julius X
remove "-whatkindofspamdoyoutakemefor-" from email to send
Lucas could try to remake the Star Wars Christmas Special and toss wookies into the fray. :)
Due to now being an uncle I saw the re-releases of the first 3 movies a few years ago, and they hold up pretty well, allowing for the shrinkage of theater screens and auditoriums in the interim. Then my nephew and I went to see Phantom Menace. He liked Jar-Jar just fine. I wanted to see Darth Maul grab his tongue and garrotte him with it. Slowly.
Jar-Jar aside, Phantom Menace was the quality I'd expect from a movie made by the same person that made the 1977 movie, but if he'd made it 25 years earlier, not 25 years later.
How old you were when you first saw any of the movies has nothing to do with the shortcomings of Phantom Menace.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
I think they are getting serious about redundant posts. This is the error I get: /. was storing articles for that long. They must have a machine that has the date wrong and has already hit the 1.0e9 seconnd since the epoch.
Easy does it! This comment has been submitted already, 276987 hours , 8 minutes ago. No need to try again.
By my reckoning, this is ~31 years ago. I had no idea
Enigma
Check out the results from this poll over on CNN. Yep, even non geeks think it sucks ass, but about 2/3rds.
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Jed Babbin
as Ridley Scott's "Blade Runner" is the defining "clones" (replicants) film, and it was both film noir and serious, with tech taken for granted. Lucas will have a hard time surpassing it with any space opera or FX tricks. And his film will be measured against it, and likely found very wanting. At the very best, he might get parity, but I don't think he's that good. He does fairy tales set in the far future with whizbang high tech. Even he know's he's not a serious auteur - his films are just so many not-so-cheap cheezy circuses.
I mean, I read the story on CNN today: here
And I thought Lucas was on the cutting edge. He's just talking about today's news. Not to mention my opinon of Slashdot. At least you could reference a more respectable institution, like CNN instead of George Lucas. At least CNN doesn't do reports by Jar Jar.
Weird Al is going to have a ball with this one.
Why is it so hot? Where am I going? What am I doing in this handbasket?
"Attack of the Clones" is probably meant to mislead merchandise counterfeiters, as "Revenge of the Jedi" (remember that one?) was before they changed it at the last minute to "Return of the Jedi". This way, all the fake merchandise will be easily recognizable because it'll have the wrong name.
My $.02.
so are we to believe that the new Star Wars movie will be subliminally trying to convince us that cloning humans is bad? if so, this is one movie i'm going to avoid! =D
I think, therefore, I'm smarter than our president.
It had to be done by someone...
Natalie Portman stars in "Attack of the Hot Grits"
(Rated R for nudity)
My bet is that they try to make an entire TdF team of Marco Patanis or mix 'n match with Mario Cippolinis (good sprinters, but tend to drop out too soon.)
Anyway, the Clone Wars will begin with a sereptitious scratching of Lance Armstrong by a mysterious french agent who will then attempt to build a team of TdF riders of their own. After that it's just a matter of time before Italy launches an attack on L'Alpe d'Huez, claiming some old boundary from Roman times and there you have it, Clones, War and a Star cyclists! (Yeah, I'm going though some serious TdF withdrawl here...)
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Right... society will accept that right after they accept that one identical twin has no rights and the other does. After all, one is just the clone of the other. I would hope they'd have the decency to at least let twin #1 be the master of slave twin #2. You'd hate to sepatate siblings. :)
A Gary Lewis and the Playboys reference on Slashdot. Now I have truly seen it all.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
Lucas was a devotee of Joseph Campbell, the late comparative mythologist, and he used Campbell's work as a paint-by-number set for generating the plot of the first movie, by his own admission even if not in so many words. (By "first movie" I mean the first one that was actually made, now called Episode 4 but originally called just "Star Wars".) It's filled with motifs we expect to see in great stories, so our minds naturally associate it with being a great story. Aided by the admittedly competent cinematography, we are presented with the semblence or illusion of a good movie. This blinds us to the plot holes, the shallow characterization, the cliched dialog, and the shoddy acting that it typical of the series.
Plot Holes: Try, for example, to reconcile the timeline of ANH with what is now known to be required for even the beginning of Jedi training. Luke can't have had time to learn much on Tattooine, and he only has the time during the trip to Aldaraan for serious instruction. How long does this take? There's nothing in the movie to suggest that more than a day or two passes in transit, possibly less. And Luke's starting out as a teenager, when even Anakin at 8 (or is it 10? I forget) is thought by Yoda to be too old to begin.
Shallow Characterization: All the characters are very close to their archetypes. There are many assumptions we therefore automatically make about them, and Lucas doesn't have to do very much work at all to make them "pass" for deep ones. And he doesn't.
Cliched Dialog:"I can't believe he's gone." (Luke about Obi-Wan. He'd known him, what, a week or less?) "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid." (Han about the Jedi. Substitute the appropriate weaponry and it could have come from a spaghetti western.) "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers." (Leia to Tarkin. How many times has the plucky revolutionary said something similar to the dictator in numerous other settings?) Et cetera.
Shoddy acting: Alec Guinness' opinions on this are well known, but even so he and the other few competent actors deliver even the most hideously bad lines in a credible manner. Unfortunately, they don't have enough screen time to make much of a difference. Seen Mark Hamill in anything lately? There's a reason for that. He was bad enough in ANH, but he really showed he didn't have it in RoJ. When he tries to sound mystical he sounds stoned. For serenity we get vacancy. Instead of firm resolve we get a sort of vague assurance. Man he was bad. Carrie Fisher wasn't much better in the first movie, but at least she improved in the craft after a few years. Harrison Ford might have been good enough, but he failed to rise to the level of genius it would have taken to break Han out of the "rogue with a good heart underneath it all" mold.
If after thinking about it all in these terms I had any doubt about the quality of the story, I simply have to think about TPM. If Lucas ever had it, he's lost it. There just isn't any enthusiasm left any more. He should have been thinking of the people who'd been waiting almost 20 years for that film, not the 10 year olds the promotional tie-ins were designed for.
Or maybe he was, and this was the best he could do. Oh well. It could have been a lot better.
And the brethren went away edified.
Attack of the Clones? How "B" movie is that? eh?
Movies that usually have a title containing "attack of..," "weekend at...," or "bikini.." are usually failr bad movies. I guess Attack of the clones is better then "Weekend Attack of the Bikini Clones," but it's still bad.
Why couldn't it just be called Episode II, The Clone Wars... or something to that degree. Ehh, who am I kiding, I'll still see it... I just hope Jar Jar doesn't get cloned... I'll walk out.
"Things are more moderner than before- bigger, and yet smaller- it's computers-- San Dimas High School football RULES!"
What I wouldn't give for the ability to have a separate threshold for comments marked as funny...
Tastes Like Chicken
"Star Wars: Episode II: Worst Episode Ever"
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
Attack of the Clones is.
See, what you said even works out of context.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
How about "The Death Of Jar Jar?" Or maybe "Jar Jar's Slow, Painful, Torturous Demise?" Or en espanol, "La Dia De La Muerta De Jar Jar?" Anything with Jar Jar dying, I'll pay $15 bucks to see. Maybe "Jar Jar Gets Flung Into A Blender and C3P0 Sets It To Puree?"
Blog Prophyts - Right On, Man
Well, I think of the first half as the part with the Jabba ship and the race through the forest on the bikes. After that, the Ewoks appear and I can't stop retching until the final credits. Yes, the lightsaber duel was cool.
I can never get (what I think was) the Mad Magazine version of the space battle. There was a big sign within the super Death Star that said, "Don't Shoot Here." Seems like Lucas had run out of ideas by that point and had to rely on the same plot element as the first movie. Any other redeeming value in the space battle was bludgeoned to death by the delivery of Billy Dee Williams' lines.
Why are you letting these clowns ruin our country?
If I ever got 5 minutes with George Lucas -- I would spend the first minute letting him read this comment and then say -- "George this is how we all feel..." -- But anybody who remembers the Ewoks smashing Stormtroopers in ROTJ had to see this coming....I mean hell even Jar Jar aint so bad when you figure the Ewoks paved the way for him.
(+1 Funny) only if I laugh out loud.
...is of course Lord of the Rings. It has such coooooool names : The Fellowship of the Rings, The Two Towers, The Return of the King (guess where Georgie ripped Jedi from...).
Attack of the Clones?! Bwahahahahahahah! Wait, that sounds like such a cool sig....
Mode (3) smart-aleck mode. Press * to return to main menu.
Oh yeah, and no more Anakin goin 'YIPPIE'!!!
Orgasmic.
Star Wars: Episode 2: The Secret of Clone Inish
No matter how much Ep1 sucked my ass, I'll still go see Ep2. The entire star wars brand has so much damn momentum now, it doesn't matter if the next one was just footage of a bear taking a shit in the woods; it would still break box office records, morons would still buy stupid plastic toys like there was no tomorrow, and Lucas would hemorage even more money.
You'll go see it, I'll go see it, we'll all try to get opening night tickets.
(Note: I read the "scriptment" (which was a generalization and organization of all the ep2 story rumors and leakages) on theforce.net before it was taken down. Sounded like a bunch of crap to me, aside from maybe Yoda getting into a lightsaber duel.)
python -c "x='python -c %sx=%s; print x%%(chr(34),repr(x),chr(34))%s'; print x%(chr(34),repr(x),chr(34))"
> But anybody who remembers the Ewoks smashing Stormtroopers in ROTJ had to see this coming
Yeah, I thought the scene where Leia came out of the Ewok's home wearing her nightgown would have made a much better meme for him to follow up on.
At least we would know where Wookies come from.
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
> How old you were when you first saw any of the movies has nothing to do with the shortcomings of Phantom Menace.
I second that, and everything else you said in your post. Star Wars wasn't a great movie, but it was a fun movie. And still is, if you rent it and watch it again. TPM, OTOH, is nothing but a pay-per-view commercial for kiddies' toys.
I usually get very absorbed in movies, to the extent that I feel somewhat disoriented when I leave the theater. Not so with TPM; it's one of the handful of movies I've ever seen that didn't make me suspend disbelief for a while. My critical mind was awake and alert the whole time, asking when the cheesy fun was going to start.
Unfortunately, the odor it let out wasn't from cutting the cheese. It was pure, unadulterated dogpoop.
TPM : "That Pathetic Movie"
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
10. Plan 9 From a Galaxy Far, Far Away
9. I Married a Dark Jedi
8. It Came from Tatooine
7. Die, Jedi, Die!
6. Will Success Spoil George Lucas?
5. Evil Sith 2: Army of Clones
4. Urotsukijedi
3. Pod Racer Summer
2. Midichlorians: the Awakening
And the number one rejected title for Star Wars Episode 2...
1. Surf Gungans Must Die
When I first heard the title would be "Attack of the Clones"
Well, let's hope that the new Star Wars doesn't suck as bad as it's name suggests.
healyourchurchwebsite.com - WWJB?
Get over it, man. Star Wars is a children's franchise. It was never good to begin with, so why expect it to be the pinnacle of film now?
Obviously flamebait. But you expect it to be better because Lucas should be better after 20 years of great filmmaking. Don't you think?
----- rL