Slashdot Mirror
Star Wars II: Return of the Name
Mutant was among the onslaught of readers who submitted that the final name has been chosen for Star Wars Episode II. It is... Attack of the Clones. Let the sarcasm commence. I'll pass judgement after I see it.
I'll pass judgement after I see it.
This will be a first.
And now, a moment for America to shake its head and sob softly to itself... What the hell is wrong with the "clone wars"? Are the traditional starships we have grown accustomed to now to be replaced with flying saucers? When will George Lucas learn not to make important decisions when drunk?
-Ignatius Gunnarsson
The Phantom Menace
Attack of the Clones
???
A New Hope
The Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jedi
They're all silly unless you've been conditioned as a child to think they're all amazingly cool. Fortunately, I have. :-)
sig fault
"Star Wars" was MY childhood. My middle-school friends and I argued endlessly about "Empire." Vader, Luke's father? No way. Who was this Boba Fett anyway? Why was he masked the entire film. Somethin's gotta be goin' on there.
WE WAITED MORE THAN A DECADE FOR EPISODE 1! I grew up, I became an OLD MAN waiting for that bloody movie. When I heard it was coming, it was like the Return of Gandalf. The World would be OK. I dragged my wife to the theater, promising her it would be great, this would be epic, Strap In and Enjoy the Ride.
Ten minutes in, I wanted to shoot myself. Twenty minutes in, and my wife was openly wondering if this constituted the sort of spousal abuse that would get her more than 50% in the divorce.
To give you a contemporary example, I want you to go to your child and explain that in the next book, which we're all waiting for like it was Christmas, in the next book, Dumbledore turns out to be a child molester.
Watch the look on the face of your little Harry-or-Hermione-wannabe.
THAT's exactly how episode one made me feel.
He put his boots up on the table and made a face. "The sig," he smirked. "You can waste your life in search of the sig."
Read more Herbert - he was one of the most important minds in fiction all last century.
Parenthetically, Herbert followed this 20 years later with a trilogy: The Jesus Incident, The Lazarus Effect, and The Ascension Factor. It's really some of his best work, aside from the Dune books. Sadly, he died before he finished the last one, and his co-author for the series (Bill Ransom) finished it. Bill Ransom's a decent poet, but a lousy novelist, and The Ascension Factor was pretty weak. The first two are great though, and spend more time with the clone issue.
This isn't as much "normalization" as it is "don't take so many drugs when you're designing tables."
-jon
Remember Amalek.
Anakin: Quick, send in the clones
Obi-Wan: Don't bother, they're here
Lucas: Isn't it rich, isn't it queer, Losing my timing so late in my career
SW Fans: There ought to be clones
Lucas and Fox Studios:: Well maybe next year
----- One piece short of Legoland
Here's some of Fark.com's user suggestions:
Attack of the Killer Human Stem Cells.
Killer Klones from Outer Space
Episode II: Hype
Episode II: Luke's Dad Was a Whiner, Too
Episode II: Reporting is Pravda the Clone Attacking
Episode II: Bloodsucking Clones from Pittsburgh
Episode II: Plan Clone From Outer Space
Episode II: Clones Are EEEEEEVIL
Episode II: Lucas Must Die
Star Wars Episode 2: All your clone are belong to..
Send in the Clones!
Tears of a Clone
Jar-Jar's Big Adventure
Star Wars Episode II: The Second Episode
Star Wars II - Just like 83/84, only more missle based...
Star Wars II 1/2 - The smell of Lucas
Episode II, JarJar Binks, Return of The Kingfish
-= rei =-
*Kid Rock runs for Senate* Democrats: We must run Kid Scissors.
Anakin looks up to see Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan dressed like clones, holding miniature billboards advertising the clone college and dancing to clone music. "Amidala...?" asks Anakin slowly. "Yes, Anakin?" answers the clone Amidala, starting to hum clone music.
Anakin: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clone college! [leaves]
Obi-Wan: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.
Dolly the Jedi Slayer
what do you think IS under those stormtrooper helmets?
I was a big fan of Star Wars as a kid, because it was a science fiction movie with starships, lasers, and weird monsters. I still enjoy it for those reasons today.
Like many others, I was heavily influenced as a child by Star Wars, and Star Wars played a huge part, I think, in the shaping of my personality. To this day, I still enjoy movies with starships, lasers, and weird monsters. And I still enjoy Star Wars.
However, I never expected Episode I to magically return me to twelve years of age. I never expected it to erase my capacity for critical thought and open a world of childlike wonder in my head for one simple reason: I'm no longer a child. Neither did I expect the Messiah to come down and fellate me, as so many who were disappointed by Episode I seem to have expected.
So, while I wasn't all that crazy about Jar Jar, I had relatively few other complaints with the movie. It didn't blow me away, but then, I didn't really expect it to. Especially being an expository prequel such as it is. I feel its biggest weakness as a movie is that it's essentially all backstory. A computer-generated Gungan... not that big a deal.
To be honest, what's disenchanted me more than anything about Star Wars is all the Lucas-bashing and vitriol that seems to characterize the "fans".
I get tired of "Kill Jar Jar" humor that's neither clever nor funny. I get tired of seeing Lucas demonized and slandered by people who won't put their money where their mouth is and just refuse to see the movie they supposedly hate -- instead of demanding it be put on DVD immediately. I get tired of people pretending that someone's putting a gun to their head and forcing them to buy merchandise they don't want. I get tired of people attacking Lucas and his movies for not living up to their "mythical hype" when Lucas has said many times that it's just a Flash Gordon serial with a budget.
That, more than anything, has sapped my enjoyment of the Star Wars universe, far more than any annoying CGI character ever could. But I still enjoy the movies. I just wish others could do the same, or at least move on with their lives if they no longer find the movie enjoyable.
Hey man, watch it. Clones are people, two!
Star Wars: Dude, Where's My Clone?
This may seem like a flame--and it probably is, but why the reluctance to post this news bit?
"was among the onslaught of readers who submitted"
I know I submitted it nine hours ago, and it was almost immediately rejected. I figured someone else had already submitted it and that it would be up on the Frontpage almost immediately. Yet, hours go by, and still no news.
If anything would qualify as "news for nerds"--I figure this would. Why the delay?
-Julius X
remove "-whatkindofspamdoyoutakemefor-" from email to send
"Star Wars: Episode II: Worst Episode Ever"
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!