Parrot: For Real

Thanks to Pudge of Slashteam for pointing out that very early version of Parrot has been released. You may recall Parrot from The April Fool's joke - but it's coming to life.

Comments

Parrot-Script

[ksb]

I can almost feel someone contemplating a sever side module for apache using this as an embedded web page script.

This is just so wrong that it's bound to succeed.

[plover]

A language with the readability of Perl and the maintainability of Python. I hope they threw in the "significant filename" convention from Java while they were at it.

Yikes. I think I just described C#.

John

Dead Parrot

[Root Down]

I am still not convinced that this Parrot would voom if you put 5000 volts through it.

The Dead Parrot

[Spootnik]

(A customer enters a pet shop.)
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closing for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! O
: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...
(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PINING for the FJORDS?!?!?!?What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian Blue preferskeeping on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when Igot it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILEDthere. (pause)
O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four millionvolts through it! 'E's bleeding demised!
O: No no! 'E's pining!
C: 'E's not pining! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He hasceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to theperch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e'sshuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!! (pause)
O: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug. (pause)
C: (sweet as sugar) Pray,does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to mybrother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.
C: Bolton, eh? Very well.
(The customer leaves. The customerenters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.)
C: This is Bolton, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it'sIpswitch.
C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
(The customer goes to the train station. He addresses a manstanding behind a desk marked "Complaints".)
C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
C: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.
C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Bolton.
C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!
A: Can't blame British Rail for that.
C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
(He does.)
C: I understand this IS Bolton.
O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
C: You told me it was Ipswitch!
O: ...It was a pun.
C: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
O: Yeah, that's it!
C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It doesn't work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owneralone on the set)

I wasn't expecting Parrot

[Ukab the Great]

Guido:I wasn't expecting Parrot...

Larry: Nobody expects Parrot! Our chief trait is laziness...laziness and impatience...impatience and laziness...Our two traits are laziness and impatience...and hubris...Our *three* main traits are laziness, impatience, and hubris...and a ridiculous habit of quoting JR Tolkien...Our *four*..no... *Amongst* our traits...are such elements as laziness, impatience...I'll come in again.

Re:Who is behind Parrot?

[jekk]

It's likely to be the result of mis-use of Guido's time machine.

100% compression

[tplayford]

When is someone going to implement that 100% data compression sysem I heard so much about around April time? I'm sure it would be very usefull! Just think about all the possibilities!

What's the world coming to?

[quartz]

As a long time Perl zealot, I'd like to take this opportunity to vigorously protest this move. Posts on both Perl and Python mailing lists suggest that there *is* going to be some compromise at language syntax level to accomodate the common runtime. From the Perl perspective it's like "well, Perl 6 was going to be fully OO anyway, so what difference are going to make a few concession in syntax"? Well, I strongly object! I mean, I spent so much time learning Perl so I could be different and write cool obfuscated "Japh" sigs, and NOW they're going to make Perl look and feel just like every other C# on the planet? I've had it! If THAT's gonna get implemented, I vow to completely abandon my Monk robe and to only code in Visual Basic! Brother Monks, I urge you to join me in my protest so that the despicable traitor Larry Wall will see the error of his ways and will hopefully change his mind about this Frankensteinian abomination! United we will succeed!

:-)

Someone didn't get the joke

[digital_freedom]

Parrot was an April Fools' gag.

This is what happens when jokes go bad. I hope the /. editors consider this carefully next April. Otherwise we might have a story about Bill Gates & Bill Joy collaborating to produce a new proprietary rock-solid server GUI.

Windows + Sun = Greenhouse

Sheesh... Then someone will implement it...

Visual Seasick

[jdfox]

In a related development, Microsoft has announced the immediate availability, in Q2 2002, of their new .Net hybrid of Visual C++ and Visual Basic, to be known as Visual Seasick.

Visual Seasick will offer all the elegance and ease-of-use of C++, fused with the raw power and scalability of Visual Basic.

Analyst Larry Bribewell of the respected IT Research firm Rentrag Group, predicts big things for this de facto industry-standard language: "the first release, version 3.1, looks rock solid. We predict [0.8] it will overtake Parrot in quarterly revenue by Q1 2002."
(c) 2001, ZDnot.